My husband and his sister made a decision without my husband consulting with me. I’m insulted because she basically texted me telling me what she was going to do before my husband could even get home to tell me first. She was supposed to take my bonus daughter overnight last night and then meet us at the corn maze today around noon, we’ll see her husband, and she got into a fight because she didn’t consult with him before having someone stay over (not my business) so she called to reschedule we said okay we could reschedule. Now she wants her tonight, and I said no initially because we are leaving at 7 am tomorrow to go visit my parents for a couple of days. Am I wrong to tell her this sleepover isn’t happening tonight?
1 Like
You have plans for early next morning and it’s your child not hers
6 Likes
No, you’re not in the wrong.
1 Like
I think there is nothing wrong with u telling her no, your reason seems perfectly reasonable.
5 Likes
Nope. That’s YOUR CHILD. They didn’t consult with you when they made their decision so you shouldn’t feel bad about saying NO.
4 Likes
I’m gonna be the one to say it… yes you’re in the wrong. If her father says it’s okay to go have a sleepover with her aunt then so be it. He can call the shots, too. The sleepover will just get cut short so she can leave with the family at 7am.
13 Likes
No she can stay another night. Not when you have to get up and leave early the next day.
No your not wrong. Stand your ground, don’t be guilted, into giving in.
Never heard of the phrase
‘bonus daughter’? As in step daughter? & no considering you didn’t get enough notice having already made plans
Umm its your step daughter and her dad said yes??? Yes you are in the wrong. He gets final say.
16 Likes
What’s a bonus daughter😳
4 Likes
No youre not wrong…
1 Like
Just because he is the father doesn’t mean she is in the wrong. They had plans and he should have consulted with his wife. Lot of bitter moms on here geez.
25 Likes
No you aren’t wrong. Her drama doesn’t mean your plans need to change. Especially waking up early the next morning. But over all dad gets final call unfortunately
1 Like
It sounds like this is more about respect than anything and your husband didn’t respect you at all in this matter.
No she’s not your birth daughter, but if you guys have plans etc or it’s not right for the schedule it should still be talked over with you and discussed.
If this was with the bio mom then I would say sure, they could hear you out but they have final say.
I definitely feel like he completely disrespected you and what you had to say or at least your opinion.
Just sit down and talk with him.
2 Likes
I had stepchildren, they lived in our home, I cared for them 24/7 , visits were certainly not arranged without consulting with me same thing as my biological children. As we had a blended family not his and mine.
5 Likes
No your not in the wrong, you are a family unit, A team. you have just as much say as the dad and things should be discussed between you both before any decisions are made.
3 Likes
You absolutely are not in the wrong. You and your husband are married, you both should contribute to making decisions. When my husband and I first got together/married I had this issue, he would make decisions for my bonus daughter without even discussing it with me and he would just tell, after a few times of me expressing my feelings that this is not ok and we should discuss things first, he finally got the hint and now he will not make a decision without talking to me to make sure I have no plans in mind, etc. we do it nicely though. Most of the time I don’t care, as long as I’m not in hopes for plans, which usually we don’t make plans.
You sound like a lot of fun 
2 Likes
When you marry someone who already has children you are accepting those babies as your own. Why shouldn’t your say matter? It’s a marriage you come to a compromise. I do not think you are in the wrong for feeling that way.
2 Likes
Your bonus child… not your biological child(no offense). Her father said she can go with his sister, her aunt, so let it go. You really dont have any say
11 Likes
So what that your leaving at 7 to go some place. Pick her up on the way. Not sure this a big deal
3 Likes
No, Your right. You had plans. You where willing to reschedule, but not tomarrow! Have fun, safe travels!
So do you want the step parents to treat the child as her own or not? This is for all the bitter moms on this post. Like you don’t want her to be too much of a mom but still want her to do other things. Does she still help the girl with her homework or is that overstepping? Does she bathe the girl or is that overstepping? Does she make her dinner or is that over stepping? You can’t ask her to step back when she stepped up.
13 Likes
I would say let it go this time but I feel like you need to have a serious discussion with your husband about making decisions for the entire household. He may have no idea or understand how this has affected you. Yes she is your bonus child and when certain serious decisions are made he should have final say. But when it comes to household plans like this you should really be included. I’d be a little upset and feel a little disrespected. I think just having a conversation and an agreement about how you will handle these situations in the future would be best.
1 Like
You are not wrong for being upset just talk to your husband about it before she goes but if he says yes even after you talk to him let her go. It is his child and even though it may suck he has the final say so.
1 Like
Step daughter no rights grow up
4 Likes
Personally broke up with my man his daughter is a bonus daughter she wants nothing to do with him as he wants her. Am I going to force her hell no. Nope. And will he no.
1 Like
Nah, that’s a respect thing you need to hash out. Cause even then, my boyfriend and I have kids from other people but we consult with each other about plans when it comes to the kids just in case and having stuff planned and respecting what was said first.
And leaving early, nah too much struggle. Just keep her, establish communication though.
no offense, for all you ladies saying well it’s her real dads final say. then I’d remind him I’m not watching his child what’s so ever. When your married, most men immediately give their wives the task of the “motherly” duty without her permission. If she’s working, paying for his child, paying for the house, and this was already a preplanned thing with her parents then yes she has a say. Just because her daughter is a “bonus” daughter, doesn’t mean that her family wouldn’t like to see the daughter or spend time with her. They could have gifts or things planned. It’s a two way street with marriage. You don’t get to have the expectation that someone is to help raise a child that they didn’t even create but they also get absolutely no say in what happens. At that point then he needs to handle EVERYTHING for his daughter by HIMSELF. Two way street sis🤞🏻step parents get absolutely no slack and no one is ever in their corners. You don’t get to cry that step parents never treat their step kids the same as their real kids because when shit like this happens it proves you are just looking for something to complain about. Either you want her to be an active parent or not. Honestly you don’t get to decide when someone is allowed to have a say in their own home, and their own lives when it is something like this affecting their schedule. Just saying it’s rude🤷🏻♀️
I don’t think you are necessarily wrong but I do think you are overreacting. To me honestly the only thing you have to be upset about is that he didn’t ask if there were plans. Aside from that he can say yes to a sleepover without checking with you for permission. If my daughter is having a sleepover I will double check there aren’t any plans but as far as permission for her to go either one can make the call.
2 Likes
My husband and i make decisions about the kids going places without each others input all the time 
Unless it was actually stopping me from doing something I had set in stone,I couldn’t give a shit.
The fuck I have bonus kids, my husband doesn’t get the final say. We are a team and if we have plans that affects us both. You guys are nuts.
You and your husband should of talked about it first. You are his wife you should have talked first then it wouldn’t of been an issue. Just tell him what you think and how you feel. Hope yous sort something out that will work for you all
Dont realy think it’s a real big deal. It’s ok to be a little mad. But not full blown angry. Especially if its the first time. I would talk to both of them and let it be known that it was wrong. And not to do it again. If it becomes a habitat. Or if they do it again knowing how you feel about it. Then yes, you have every right to be angry and mad.
2 Likes
If you have plans already made them it’s a no and you husband should be coming to you with these things rather she is your bio child or not. Things with my step daughter and to go through me since I was the one that had to schedule everything for everyone in the house.
1 Like
Ok your husband has to consult you, before oking his daughter, your step daughter, to stay at his sister’s.
Ok a Step mom here, 4 boys, that we had full custody of,sure we didn’t check with eachother every time we said yes to something.Especially him, because he IS the father, and I’m just the step mom. We both were individually allowed to ok things without the others " permission" I also frankly respected the fact these are HIS kids and as their father and a grown adult, he didn’t need to check with me.
He has since passed, and I have my own birth son now. Frankly I wouldn’t ask my guys " permission" to make a call on such things
- because I am capable of making an executive call with my own child, even IF my son was biologically his
- My son is NOT biologically his, so it’s MY call.
Honestly,I wouldn’t think twice if he made such a decision as well myself, but he wouldn’t, as he is my son.
Sometimes it is hard to stay in your place when at.other times your expected to do so much, I understand that.
Although inconsiderate if he knew you had prior plans, no a parent does not have to ask a step parent for approval on what they do with THEIR children.
However if you have formally adopted the step child, it’s a bit different.
I suspect your more bothered that this reminds you your just a step mom, which can sting.
However again that said, he is guilty of being inconsiderate, but no, he doesn’t need to clear anything with you, sorry.
3 Likes
No she stayed one night I’m coming to get you!
Consulting with you? That sounds very high and mighty of you 
. Its not your kid.
1 Like
I wouldn’t expect his to ask me if his child can stay the night with her aunt. He didn’t change Yalls plans Youll Just have to pick her up in AM. Not sure what the big deal here is.
Honestly you’ve already made your decision why are you asking everybody on Facebook if that was the right decision? why does it matter now I mean you already made your decision the kids not having the sleepover it’s a done and said the old water under the bridge let’s move on right. honestly the way I see it I’m not trying to be rude but you already made your decision why do you need 500 strangers comments on Facebook to tell you whether you made the right decision or not. I mean like I said it’s a done deal you made your decision no ands ifs or buts water under the bridge let’s move on go with our plans tomorrow morning. Lol
Man so many saying it’s not her kid. Bet you’d be throwing a fit if she would be acting like the wicked step mom. She wasn’t trying to keep her step daughter from having fun she was saying no to a sleepover due to them having FAMILY plans early in the morning. At least she is putting in the effort to make her step daughter feel more like her own than reminding her she is a step child.
1 Like
I would not leave my baby with her.She seems unstable to me.
He never consulted with you so absolutely not wrong at all to say no.
No tell her to shove it.
Talk to your husband & reach a decision together
What’s a bonus daughter?
Yeah you’re wrong. It’s not your kid, not your buisness. Her dad is allowed to make decisions for his child without consulting you. You don’t get to come into your husband’s life to control his kid.
Wow, This page treats step mothers like s***! Yes some of the things some of the step moms get mad about or ask about are ridiculous but at the end of the day none of you have any idea what the situation is. I myself technically have two step children and three of my own with my husband but I call them ALL my own children because bio mom is no where in the picture and hasn’t been for almost ten years. But some of these things you women say about step mothers is just awful.
1 Like
Simply you all should get together and have a adult conversation about it and figure out the issue and how to solve it
Reschedule everything to where it works out so both side of the family had time with eatch other
Its takes alot to be a step parent
I’m young and have 2 bonus babys
And my man and I and his ex wife have to all coparent
It gets hard
But we got this and I’m lucky to have great step sons
Um no, you her mother step or not and she’s her aunt. Mother trumps aunt, if her plans changed multiple times that’s not your fault and your shouldn’t have to reschedule your weekend plans for hers. I can see working with her more if you didn’t have plans as well besides the sleep over but since you had additional plans you had every right to say no.
Of course I would have explained that reasoning too.