My husband and I are growing apart: Advice?

I’m lost in what to do at the moment. In the past three weeks, I feel a gap forming between my husband and me. We have three lovely kids together who can be a handful and are quite in demand of my time. I know things are getting better with the kids getting a bit older now. But now work is all he thinks about. He never wants to do things as a family. Even on his days off, he 75% of the time has to do something for work from phone calls which can last an hour or even phone calls after his shift emails meetings on his days off. I have tried to talk to him, but it falls on death’s ears. I feel abandoned unimportant used, and I am at the point where I am starting to feel angry at him for the way things are going. Not sure what else to do, the thought to call the end has crossed my mind, but then I think of the kids, and I feel like I’m going to make life hard for them. I’m not sure what I’m feeling anymore now. I feel lost in myself.

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What do you think would improve by leaving still be by self and if found someone else would be same way in a few years just work on the marriage you got

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That’s sad as.His job sounds demanding and really time consuming.Perhaps he doesn’t want to fall behind and end up stressed out due to backlog of work.He may need to do this to keep the family financially stable.I recommend talking to him and just letting him know you appreciate what he does do.

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Normal. Why divorce seems to happen at the 5-7 year marks. You will grow apart and if you work at it, you will also grow back together. Been married 44 years this June. We accept the distances and enjoy the closenesses. Just don’t let yourselves drift too far apart.

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You dont just “leave” your marriage because your husband works all the time. I’m assuming he works to provide for YOU and your children. Try a marriage counsler maybe

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You guys need to get back to communicating with each other,my first husband was like that we didn’t communicate and one day he told me to leave,and I did I wish I had someone to give me advise all them years ago

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Giving up is easy and the grass isnt always green on the other side. Try some marriage counseling.

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Work on ur friendships take the kids spend time with ur friends

Honestly, I’d seek counseling first, but also have a major convo with him. If he’s not the owner of the business, he needs to re-evaluate his priorities. Family should ALWAYS come first.
This is coming from a reformed workaholic. :joy: My husband supported me, and I didn’t even have my weekends with my family, at the end of the year - I missed out on so much. So I walked away and found a job that required less hours for more pay. My old job was taking advantage of me, please make sure the same is it happening to him.

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How many years have you been together?

Show him this or write or say your own version of this to him. If he doesn’t respond empathetically then you have your answer. Start focusing on you and your happiness because if he doesn’t care you should and in the end he’ll be the one on the outside looking in wondering where his family went

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Reason i ask is first 10 years could be tough. But don’t give up. Marriage is a work in progress. Reinvent yourself your marriage. You can do it. Church marriage counseling are great places to gain support. Bring it to his attention on how serious it is. Im sure he would want to know to try and fix it.

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Im married 15 years and i fall in love with my husband everyday. Thats not to say its perfect. Heck no. We argue but we know we love each other and we would never disrespect our vows. Good luck. Don’t quit. Quitting is the easy way out.

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He’s not a freaking mind reader. You need to sit down and have a conversation! Tell him how you feel and that its making you resentful. And ask him what he can do to help fix it. He will, but you can’t expect him to just know. That’s not fair to ask of anyone.

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Maybe you and him go out to eat and let him know how you feel see what he has to say

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What the heck- all relationships go through ups and downs. He may feel things are fine but currently is overwhelmed and stressed. Sometimes you have to work on weekends and I bet he wouldn’t if he didn’t have to. There’s a better or worse thing and if this is your worse breaking point then I truly hope no one ever has a serious disease or any issues that require time or effort. Relationships are work not all fun and family trips and you need to decide if you can deal with what his job provides and maybe try counseling if you can’t. Three kids and your ready to throw in the towel after 3 weeks…

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It’s tough for sure, I’m here for you! You need to try and get thru to him. He might just be trying to makes ends meet and provide if he is the head of the household. If you work then is different but if you don’t then break the ice by saying you gonna work. Men don’t see what u do till they stuck with all 3 children all on their own.

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A 3 week rough spot and you are ready to walk??

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My husband leaves the house most days at 6am and is back at 9pm. He works two jobs and even on his days “off” he works. He works hard for our family and yes it gets lonely, yes I get frustrated. We have 3 kids also and I have them with me 99% of the time. At nights we put the kids to bed and just talk. Throughout the day we call each other, when he does have a full day off we enjoy it. We try as best we can to have some alone time which isn’t easy but when we do get it, it sparks the flame that has always been there.

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Such is the price of a hard working grown man!!! But you still need some time for just the 2 of you. So your going to need to get creative. Pick a day and time and say honey for 2-3 hours no woek calls! Plan it like a date. Yeah time alone or just with kids isnt a lot of fun. But your blessed he is working so hard to provide!! Jobs now a days drain the life out of you. Nonstop work, you have a great guy

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Remember your husband! Stop and think he might feel like all he is just a money machine! Get a sitter, you were a wife first! Just saying

Do you work??? Because it sounds like you have no clue. The man is trying to support his family. He is not out at bars or with friends. It’s a very scary time people are worried for their jobs. You’re being ridiculous. Send the kids to grandmas Make the man a nice meal and tell him you appreciate him.

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I’ve noticed among a lot of my friends and family are feeling very down, distant, loss of interest. Basically feeling symptoms of depression and I feel thats it’s due to shit downs still ongoing, while spring has arrived and it’s a time where people want to get out and get away from the winter funk and the cabin fever. Since you’ve noticed this change with your husband over the last few weeks, I wouldn’t take it as him personally growing apart but more of a lack of life interest or unhealthy emotional coping mechanisms due to the current times in his life, especially if he’s so busy with work as it seems. Sadly a lot of men struggle to speak about these feelings which doesn’t help in this case. They tend to feel that they can just muster through and manage on their own without realizing the actual impact it’s making on those around them because they are preoccupied with maintaining their own feelings. I would try therapy, either for couples or just for yourself so that you can get mediation or an outside persons insight on your situation and help you sort through these struggles and emotions that you are currently feeling. Sometimes we go through rough patches like this, sometimes it’s a sign of the end of times. It can be really hard to decipher and figure it out alone.

I would sit down and have a heart to heart conversation with him about it and your feelings/thoughts. If he blows it off and doesn’t even attempt to think of ways to meet you in the middle, then that is where you need to decide on. Maybe take the initiative, plan a date where he can put work aside, find a sitter for the kiddos, get all dolled up, and go out or stay in + make him a special meal. Have some adult alone time.
Every relationship has its ups and downs… which I’m sure you already know that. You just need to figure out how to get through it together.

I read some comments that said if you walk away, you are taking the “easy way out”. Well my parents were married for 10+ years when they called it quits and got divorced. I was 10 almost 11. Had my parents stayed together, that would’ve done more damage to my sisters and I growing up in a household where our parents weren’t happy and that wasn’t a healthy relationship. So walking away isn’t necessarily the “easy way out”. Also, take the negative comments with a grain of salt. You are allowed to feel any particular way that you do. Yes, he is providing for your family by working but he can still offer some time to his wife and the family that you guys made. That isn’t fair to you, him, nor the kids.

IF you are thinking about staying with him strictly for the kids… you are going to cause more harm than good for them. You don’t want your children to grow up in a household where one or both of their parents are unhappy and only stay together so the kids still live in a household where their mom and dad are married. Stay with him because YOU want to be with him- you don’t want to be without him- you love each other- etc.

Hugs to you, mama!! Hang in there! :heart::heart:

I say marriage counselling.
There is an ebb and flow in relationships, your not always gonna be in love, hell sometimes you might Even hate them a bit.
There is only a few things that are unforgettable in my marriage.
Cheating , or
abuse of any kind, to me or our children,
Other than that almost anything is fixable As long as both parties are willing to put in the work to make a happy healthy relationship.

3 weeks, that’s not very long for you to say your marriage is in trouble! Maybe he is overwhelmed at work and needs some quiet time too!

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Three weeks? Seriously? :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

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Find some mom friends that there hubby work as hard as yours! Take vacations with them and your children. That has help me so much I enjoy spending the money and having a great time! Went to Vegas with the kids and great friends. Find others things to do and not wait foe the hubby.

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Tell him. He’s not a mind reader or might not know he’s doing it

Start fixing lunch for him every day you can and if he drinks coffee, make his coffee or premake it every day. That’s actually what saved my marriage, it showed him I cared about him and it made me feel a little closer to him. Our relationship improved from there. Almost 20yrs strong.

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Start doing things for yourself or catch up with some friends to occupy your time. He should start to notice your distance and less focus on him.

Wow ppl just give up to quick on marriage now a days smh it takes work u have good days and bad its not always rosey but u don’t throw in the towel after a cpl of weeks glad ur vows meant anything to u :woman_facepalming:

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Three weeks and nothing going on between you two? No talking or what? That’s a long time. It would be strange to me too. Don’t give up, find out what’s going on.

A couple things, plan a date night at least twice a month, if not 4 times. Do little things for him that you know he appreciates. Leave love notes for him to find. Start thinking about what you love about him. Focus on that. Maybe marriage counseling.

Well. I think what you’re feeling is completely normal. Talk to him, maybe he is completely oblivious. Sometimes men feel connected to us with very little conversation. Many women need conversation and deep feelings being shared back and forth to feel close with their husband. Speak up and tell him you feel neglected and want more purposeful time together. Don’t call it quits over a rough patch of growing apart. I say go back to the basics and date each other again. Be very clear with your husband what you want.

Omg. Stop complaining and dick him down…

Suck his dick, he’ll feel better

Job security I would guess. He works very hard to retain that. I know I did being a single Mom. I am sure he loves you but financially responsible for the family. Maybe if you can find a sitter get a part time job for yourself? Get out with adults in the working atmosphere. Make friends and have adult conversations. He is home that is more than what I got. My husband didn’t come home but he had someone on the side. Be thankful your husband is home with you. Don’t give up you have a good man there.