My husband and I aren’t doing well. I haven’t been happy for a while but when I try to talk about our issues he gets defensive and starts yelling and acts like a victim. How do I address my problems to someone that doesn’t recognize the problems as being “that bad”
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Marriage Counseling or file for divorce
You could have stopped the statement before the but. “My husband and I aren’t doing well, I haven’t been happy for a while”. That sentence is telling. If you aren’t happy, and he’s not listening, it’s time to move on. Counseling will only work if you both want it.
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Have you tried marriage counseling yet? If you’ve offered for you guys to go and he doesn’t want to then you need to decide whether to stay or leave.
You can’t fix the problem the problem if he doesn’t see a problem. But why stay if you’re not happy?
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Hang in there ! Get marriage counseling asap ! You may need individual and couple counseling. Don’t give up !
Do individual counseling and deal with yourself and see if you have any underlying issues that need to be worked on or resolved. When we see problems in others it’s likely a reflection of a problem within ourselves that need to be dealt with. Find yourself a therapist and you don’t need to discuss that with anyone just go. Happiness comes from within you create your own happiness you’re not going to always like your husband and don’t seek it outside yourself you’ll always be disappointed.
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You can’t. Living the same thing. Problem is … the issues are LITERALLY HUGE!!! BAD AND HUGE. I live in hell
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You go to couples counseling and if is unwilling to go you get a divorce and you find someone else you love and who will work with you not against you.
Sorry to say but nothing you do will change his mind. He’s probably already checked out. Do what’s right for you.
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So are the issues only on his side or do you have issues too ? … if your not listening to his side then that might be why he is saying he is a victim. He might have some things he wants you to change about yourself too. Men very rarely change so if he wasn’t an asshole when you married him there is something that is getting him like this.
If he isn’t willing to listen to how he’s hurting you then he either doesn’t care or it’s too overwhelming for him to process which can happen if something has happened recently and is causing a lot of stress. If he doesn’t care then there’s no fixing it. But if he’s acting this way due to issues he refuses to talk about, you might have to bug him till he finally gets it out. Men aren’t taught to talk about their feelings, they’re taught to shove it down and handle it. So ask yourself if there’s anything that could be causing this, or if it’s that he’s not emotionally in that relationship anymore and wants out. Most men will not leave, they’ll just start treating you like shit and cheat till you leave. So you have to decide for yourself if it’s worth fighting for, or if he’s not in it anymore. Don’t put yourself through hell just to say you tried. Do what’s best for you. 