First sentence: NOPE
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Once he hits you heâll do it again. It never stops it only gets worse. Listen to your family is better to go home after a broken relationship than to go home in a casket
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See the pattern of comments? Doesnât last. No is the answer.
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Good guys donât hit women.
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Mine hit me too, in front of my daughter. My husband said heâd go to counseling and thatd hed stop and hes sorry. My divorce will be final in December and honestly, its not so bad. I deserve better and my daughter does too!
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The more chances you give someone the less respect theyâll start to have for you. Theyâll begin to ignore the standards youâve set because theyâll know another chance will always be given. Theyâre not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what you wonât walk away. They get comfortable disrespecting you.
Dont give in to his sweet talks or whatever he says to you. He wont change, tbh you and if you have children, yâall deserve way better and worth much more than him. Just stop giving him so much chances and leave him its better to be safe and alive than ending up dead! And having your family grieve over the death of their daughter.
Remember know your worth and donât let him take advantage of you. You are beautiful, you are worth it, you is important, you is smart and wise, you are enough, love yourself, make yourself happy and more importantly dont forget who you are.
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Well out of 140 comments 1 person has been with a man that " changed" & i cant even imagine the mental hell she went thru in that process.
Dont put YOU or YOUR babies thru that shit⌠Not worth it
He wonât change! Itâs all talk nothing else.
Im going through the same thing. Hugs and stay strong. I hope youre gonna be ok and id u ever need an ear pm me anytime.
âI want to forgive him so should theyâ Iâd never forgive the man that hurt my baby girl,Or vise versa for my son. Iâm sorry but Iâd feel like it was my fault if I forgave and something worse happened the next time, let alone if I encouraged them to get back together.
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I gave my husband three strikes after the third time I told him I would kill him if he ever did it again. I told him he wouldnât know when and he wouldnât no how but it would happen!!! And lucky for him he believed me!. Nip it in the box make no excuses for him and follow thru.
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If he loved you so much he would have NEVER hit you. Some abusive men just go to counseling to get you back not to get better. Donât fall for it.
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I would never forgive a man who beat one of my daughters. Your asking your parents to do something they canât. I hope heâs going through anger management also. But you have no right to ask youâre parents to forgive a man who hurt their daughter. What if they did then heaven forbid he killed you. Theyâd never be able to forgive themselves.
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If some hit my daughter I wouldnât forgive them and if she went back to them and he did it again Iâd kill him.
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If you can work it out, it is upto you. You are the one that chooses to live with him. If he treats you well then what buisnes of your family is? It is none of their buisnes!
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Donât waste your time. Itâs not worth it. Heâll never change. And always say those broken promises.
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Once they hit you and you forgive them they will eventually do it again no matter what promises they make or how sorry they are about their actions. You are worth more then that believe in that. Set a good example for your kids.
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And as soon as heâs mad again⌠heâll more than likely be abusive as usual. Your family isnât going to forgive him⌠Iâm sure they think you just keep going back when you shouldnât⌠which is probably true
Itâll never stop. He will never change. Donât do this to yourself or your family. Theyâll be worried sick. Why on earth would you want to put yourself through that again
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Youâre family isnât obligated to accept or like anyone you date or love much less an abuser like him
Wrong post. But anyways, abuse is abuse is abuse and doesnât change. A wolf is sheepâs clothing is still a wolf. Stay in therapy and stay out of the marriage. :x
Let it go you move on he is full of promises that he wonât keep âŚfor you own safety do it now
People can change and grow, but there is no way he has grown or changed enough in 5 months. If you go back now he will abuse you again. If you want to make it work then at least give it time for him to focus on unlearning his abusive ways, he needs to be in therapy and you two must attend couples counseling. Thatâs non negotiable.
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people can change and do change,but how do you trust him again??..and as for your family imagine if what he done to you,was done to a family member would you like him still?? they will most likely be polite but they wont like or trust him as he broke thatâŚ
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Since he is going to counseling and had good years prior this, go slow and continue therapy.
Go slow sweetie, wish you luck as far as your parents, I want to kill(not that I would) but they love you and to trust him would be harder than hard
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No i had enough. Didnt want to work. Ran me down alot cause i was working. Showed him door after i packed all his crap and left outside.
Counseling first not back togetherâŚ
If he canât control his anger that wont change you will by accepting it.
No donât go back it will happen again and your family is looking out for you
I honestly donât know if he can be trusted, but people can change. Itâs up to you if you want to take the risk to find out if heâs changed. Itâs a dangerous gamble, but heâs already come so far.
The most important is what you think of him not so much what your family thinks of him youâre the one that would be married to him not your family so they can either accept him or not accept him it is your choice not theirs
My ex after 8 yearsâŚstill threatens to kill me. So itâs a big no for me.
YeahâŚhe got physical. That means you know heâs capable and now that the boundary has been crossed, oh heâll do it again. Of course things have been great while youâre separated. Youâre not living together, youâre going to counselling and heâs on his BEST behaviour so he can win you back.
It will Happen again. Youâve got a few good months at best after you move back in with him before it all goes to hell in a hand basket, and next time, itâll be a lot harder for you to leave. Your family wonât believe youâre leaving him since you went back this time. They wonât be so quick to do all the work to move you home, because theyâd have already moved you home and back to him.
Move on. Thatâs my advice. I know this because Iâve been there and Iâve done this. Youâre unlikely to be the statistical miracle.
He stops until he doesnât âŚlet go move on DO NOT go back and your family will never be ok with him he hurt you hes done out no oneâs on his side you canât tell people how they should feel about him
Run as fast as you can. Youâre in love with the sweet honeymoon stage the Iâll be good I swear stage, where they treat like a goddess to keep control.
Itâs a game and a very good one. Men who hit are not men theyâre weak little pricks who have to hit women in order to maintain control. Get the hell away as far as you can. A man who hits only once will do it again when angry once is too much !
I say this from someone who has been there and knows⌠You are deluding yourself. Now, i can yell you all the answers, which are, he wonât change, it will progress, you ans your children are in danger, but you arenât in a place to hear me. I would encourage you to wait on reconciliation and take that time away from him to work on yourself. You are codependent and very sick as well. It doesnât make you a bad person and itâs not your fault, but you need to heal so you can set your standards higher than a man who dares lay his hands on you. You are worth soooo much more.
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As a former law enforcement officer, I can tell you that Iâve never responded to a domestic violence call only once. I repeatedly got sent to the same homes over and over.
My husband was abusive and I confess from time to time he wants to cross the line but we love each other and my family hated him but thatâs what he saw in his family so he is struggling too but prayer and him loving God has helped 95% and the 5% left I had to learn martial arts and when he gets aggressive he stops because he knows I can defend my self and I also learned to let him cool down and pray to release his feelings , also men donât like to have a lot of talking, they canât take it so I had to learn to tell God my sad problems and God is the one In charge of changing him or me. Iâm happy , we have been together for 23 years and its 8 dating and 15 married. Iâll pray 4 youâ:wink:
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It is unrealistic to expect your family to forgive someone who assaulted you in the past. If you truly loved yourself enough, you would not tolerate anyone that caused you pain like that. Do yourself a favor and use that same love your offering him and provide it to yourself. After youâve done that work, truly done it, youâll make the best decision for yourself.
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If you have children together, taking him back would give them the idea that the way he treated you is OK and they could end up in similar situations themselves⌠and how forgiving of your son-in-law would you be? Would you have sympathy for your daughter-in-law, but do nothing about it?
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That is why wisdom says you keep what goes on between you and your spouse. But be warned abusers need a lot of counseling and a way to learn to release frustrations and anger in a healthy way. Wait for God to tell you if this is his will or when itâs time to be reunited. Only God knows his heart.
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If I lived with you and you fed me washed my clothes and beat the crap out of you would you let. Me do it again? No. Why? Then why do you let him do it? No thereâs other men for that ,or because of the kids,so many reasons why thatâs no good.cause you love him? Why. You love the special way he hits you? And as far as the relatives go they will hate him forever
Speaking from personal experience⌠if heâs willing to go to counseling with you AND on his own, there is hope! My 2nd husband was an addict and EXTREMELY abusive! When I asked him to go to counseling he told me over and over again, YOU need help! Not me! I suffered physical and emotional abuse for far too long. Donât ever let a man say that everything is YOUR fault! Best of luck!
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Totally agree with Aleta Joy BrunoâŚONCE AN ABUSER, ALWAYS AN ABUSERâŚexperienced this personallyâŚ
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Great if yâall get counseling and can work it out, on the other hand speaking as a parent of a daughter who was abused, your family will never forgive him and will hold that against him until the end of time.
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Just because you forgive him, does not mean you take him back! Forgiveness is for your peace, not his
Iâll just say this. âOnce an abuser always and abuserâ is not 100% true. My husband was an addict and alcoholic and was abusive âŚonce he got off those and sought the true reasons behind his issues and worked on himself, he has been a completely different man. They CAN changeâŚanother suggestion is CHURCHâŚgo and pray and worship. 5 months is not long enoughâŚif you want to work things out and get back together, start slowâŚact like youâve just met and sit and talk and go on dates. If you take him back, make it clear that abuse of ANY form will NOT be toleratedâŚnot even once. Good luck to you and your family. Prayers for all involved.
You cannot make your family like him unfortunately. I hope your marriage works out but it going to be hard on the holidays and birthdays
Find a new husband, help doesnât help, it only gets worse, go another direction. Why do you need us if you have a therapist, follow their advice.
Its great that you forgive him but I would be very hesitant about a reconciliation. Also, itâs unrealistic to expect your family to forgive someone who abused you.
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You say how great life was âbefore all of this happenedâ as if the abuse was from an unseen force, not from a decision made by your husband. Maybe your family is wiser than you are.
They do change Iâm married to one we got help and so did he. He is a awesome husband father and Grandpa. We have been married for almost 26 years. Iâm not saying they all stop but some do with enough love help and God.
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They donât change. He will promise and things get better for a while, but he wonât change for good. I speak from personal experience.
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Physical abuse is more than a bad choice. And it sounds like she is still excusing him, so nothing will change. This is just a horrible scenario all around. Divorce and distance is the only solution.
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Please think about the fact that you walked away with your life but the next time you may not. They donât change and if they hit you once, theyâll do it again. Keep going to counseling for your own benefit but not for a reconciliation.
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Donât do anything. He had to prove himself to you! Remember why you left him. Heâs probably uncomfortable in his skin right now and WILL TELL YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT TO HEAR! If he wants you back heâll seek help, get counseling ect.
I see so many men say they love their wifeâs but WONâT get
help . Tell him you HAVE to see some change. Stay in your safe place.
They love you so are pretective glad counseling working take things slow love is powerful but donât let it give you Rose colored glasses
My thinking is this⌠is he getting help for himself or to win you back? If heâs only doing this to make you happy and to get back with you thatâs not good enough. He needs to get help for himself. Would he be getting help even if you wasnât in the picture or he thought yâall would get back together?
I would take some kind of defence course for you own piece of mind also might help your family if they knew your were taking themâŚ
Put god first and itwi work
Your parents will never like him again. I was in 2 abusive relationships. Belive me they only change for a little while then the abuse starts. Dont teach your kids its ok to live like that. No way to grow up.
Abusers rarely change. I tried everything for 14 years, now Iâm a domestic violence advocate
They will never change. Speaking from personal experience .
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Sorry but I would not go back if I were you
Once a hitterâŚalways a hitterâŚ
Pray and give it to God he will send you the right direction
You put your hands on me one and Iâm gone, forever! No second chance for people who commit domestic violence
Stop trying to convince yourself that this man has changed. He never should have ever raised a hand to you a woman. Forgive me if I just assume you are a female. My dad always taught my brothers never ever hit a lady. Nothing justifys it
Walk away i am sry but he will do.it again !! But thats up to you if u wanna be hurt again !! I cant say this enough i have been through it myself with my ex!! My ex beat me and talked bad on me !! I was a bitch and a cunt and always laughed at me when i was crying and made me feel so small about myself !! I have a good one now !! But please donât go thru this again !! U might wanna talk to the lord instead of asking us !! The lord can do miracles !! Much love !! I wish you the best and ur family liking him again no way he hurt u !! Ur family loves you !!
You guys are doing what you need to do for you and if he starts to abuse you again at least you know you tried . For me yes I was in a abusive relationship and it was mental not physical which is worse because bruises eventually fade mental stays. I left him and never looked back but you do you and forgiveness is earned not just given
No once an abuser always an abuser!
Why was he abusive? Substance abuse? Alcoholic? None of which is an excuse but if he seeked help and no longer is controlled by them then yes worth staying as long as it never becomes an issue again but if he hits u just cuz hes an asshole then no