Has anyone stayed with there husband after he was physically abusive? My husband was physically abusive to me, and we have been separated for five months, and we have talked about getting back together. We are going to counseling, together and separately. We love each other so much and talk about how great life was before all of this happened, and we both want it back. My family hates him for what he has done, and they don’t want anything to do with him, but I think if I’m willing to forgive him then so should they. We are taking the right steps on getting help and getting advice, but I want my family to like him again. He’s a good guy just made bad decisions.
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Nope once an abuser always an abuser I lived with it for 18 yrs
Leave! Run! Do not look back! He will NEVER change.
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I got out and woukd never ever go back
I wouldn’t go back no matter how good he is.
I wouldn’t do that. He will eventually do the same thing again. It may take days. Weeks. Months. Maybe even years. But it will happen again
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Don’t expect your family to fall into his trap just because you’re that naive.
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RUN LADY RUN!!! Been there RUN!!!
I’m gna say no from my own experience of being told ILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN… only to go back & have him do it again… they call it a cycle for a reason… if u r out… don’t put yourself back in to something tht u r now free of
Nope he just feeding you all those lies then it’s gonna start back up again i would just stay separate
Please leave him and don’t look back. I knew someone who was in a similar situation and it cost her her life.
Would you forgive your daughters husband if he hurt her physically?? Nope, you wouldn’t.
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Nope he’s gonna do it again and again.
They will never go back to liking him because he will never change and you will keep getting abused (if you stay).
He’s just changing his words but his actions won’t change. If ANY “man” ever lays their hands on you, he has never loved you like you think. A man who TRULY loves you will NEVER lay his hands on you!
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Hell no. He put his hands on you… It will never change and it will never be the same.
Let him go .Trust me I’ve been there was kicked in my face got 25 stiches …left and never looked BK …married. Now 35 yrs …
I forgave… Let him back… Did all the counseling… 6 weeks later, he broke my leg in 4 places… Please please don’t !
I wouldn’t and I completely understand your family not liking him. But if you really want to try I would take it slow, like really slow. A lot longer than 5 months. And he would have to continually be going to counseling and therapy even after you eventually get back together. And any hint of going back to the way he was would be the end of things for good.
Run girl don’t look back
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No don’t do it. He will sweet talk you into being back together then depending on the day it will happen again.
He does it once he will do it again. I dont blame ur family 1 bit. Wake up and smell the coffee honey unless u like being abuse 
Just stay away. The next time it will be worse…or even fatal. Trust me.
Nope they dont change, counseling or not and the violence only gets worse. I forgave over and over til the 18th time he nearly killed me. Now serving 10 years in prison
I would never go back. If he was abussive once it will happen again no matter how much he says it wont. Ive been in this situation trust me it only gets worse. It took him trying to kill me, hitting me in the head with a baseball bat and 17 stitches in my head for me to get away from him.
Sorry you need to get away from him
If a man hits you he doesnt love you. Sorry to say it. Why would you subject your children to a man like that? Would you be okay with your children staying with an abusive spouse?
I say 5 months is really not that long. Keep up the counceling and all that. Make your decision in the future. I always have the decision made for me. Like fate. Something will happen to very clearly make you feel confident about making a decision.
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Your family isn’t going to ever like someone the same again when they’re hitting their daughter!
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Would you forgive someone who got physical with your kids? It’s not likely they’ll ever like him again. I would also suggest doing some time apart with zero contact if you haven’t otherwise you’re still solidly in that abuse cycle and you’ll both get sucked right back in.
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Leopard never changes his spots .
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No! Do not get back with him. Something triggered him inside for him to do it the first time, next time he gets triggered you might end up worse. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT GIVE HIM THAT CHANCE
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He will do it again. Throw the whole man away
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Also ew at you expecting your family to just forget the horrible things he did. Youre blinded by trauma bonding. You need a different therapist if yours is telling you working things out with the guy is okay.
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I’ve never been in that situation and I’m sorry you were. If you two are both seeking the appropriate counseling and want to make a go of it then that’s absolutely your choice. Just because you two get back together I wouldn’t necessarily move back in just yet. It’s very scary.
As far as your family, well…good luck at them liking him. Sorry to say but that’s going to take them their own time to heal over the situation and they deserve that time. The most you can hope for is basic respect for your decision.
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I have forgiven my own past abusers, again and again and again, until I got away from them. I would never forgive my daughters boyfriend if he abused her, he would never be accepted into my house or my life, no matter how many times she forgave him.
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if my daughter came to me and asked me to forgive her husband for putting his hands on her i’d tell her she was insane. also, i’d probably burn his friggin house down. you can’t cause physical harm to someone you love. people who love each other protect each other…but i wish you the best of luck and i hope he changed
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No, never. He will do it again.
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I am a family member of someone who has been physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. He’s also has a drinking problem. From the very first time we found out he physically put his hands on her in an unloving way, we have disliked him… even deeper than dislike. Your family wants what’s best for you. We will never forgive him or like him. Here’s the thing, just what if he decides to put his hands on you again and you hit your head as you fall to the floor and either have TBI or die? Or he shoves you and you trip and fall down the stairs and break your back or neck and become paralyzed? Or die? You see why you might as well move on? Do you understand why your loved ones probably won’t like or accept your relationship? It’s too much of a risk. I hope at least in your situation there aren’t any children. Your family loves you and wants what’s best for you. All that being said, you can still choose the abuser… it’s your choice. There’s a consequence to every choice we make. I hope you choose what’s best for you.
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Leave it will never change 
Don’t do it he want change.
I have a family member who was abused by her significant other and has chosen to stay with him. I will never see him as anything more than a piece of garbage from here on out. There’s no coming back from that.
I think when some one has anger issues and has been abusive - it will take a lot to change but if you are both willing to put in the work ,I think it’s hard but can be done
When somebody abuses you it does not stop I wouldn’t have him back it will not stop it will happen again it’s just a matter of time
It sounds like you are taking the right steps to me. As far as your family… I wouldn’t expect them to get over this or forgive him any time soon.
He is going to anger management? I think not depends on his attitude towards his actions. Is he holding himself accountable. What type of help is he seeking separately. And I agree with everyone’s posts. Be very cautious. I would not move him back in. Has he ever done anything to your children?
Don’t take him back once they hit you or what ever he did to you it will happen again sooner or later
You love a man that hits you? Life is great with a man who hits you? WOW!!! If you get back together, you get what you deserve…and it’ll be another beating…and another and another.
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If he is getting the help he needs including anger management then yes I say fix it slowly go on dates, dont dive in. Stand firm on the anger mang. still happens even after y’all are still together. My hubby and I went through somethings and I stayed he changed and now people see our relationship and say they want what we have. What they didnt see is the ugly we worked through to get it. Sometimes marriages cant be fixed and just sometimes they can and can be better then before
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You are so ridiculous. Would you want your daughter to go back to a man if he beat her???
Nope! It only gets worse! May take a while, but it will!!!
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If he was abusive in any way then no, it’s not worth it at all
Nope…it’s not worth it. I’ve experienced abusive men since I was a child and they don’t change.
My sister lived with an abusive husband. Don’t go back. Most men will do anything to get their spouse back and then they revert back to the same behavior, which is what happened to her. Her son who was precious has the same abusive behavior. Our children simulate the environment that they live in whether a daughter or son.
Once they abuse you they will do it again !
Wow… I sure hope you don’t have children. He is saying and doing all of the rights things because he wants you back…until it happens again…and it WILL. It’s a CYCLE. Only YOU can break it, by walking away.
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He will never change it will only get worse. He will always blame u. And it will only get worse. Please don’t go back. To many women are dying at the hands of an abusive husband or boyfriend. I’m a survivor myself and it took almost dying to leave the relationship for good. Please save yourself while u can. U will find a man in time that would never even raise his voice at u let alone a hand. Your worth so much more than u think and u deserve better. Your family is right and they only want the best for u they are the ones that truly love u.
Nope. If they are mean enough to hit you, then they don’t give a fuck about you
It’s a cycle. Don’t fall for it. He will butter you up as much as possible but he will never change. Do yourself a favor and do not get back with him
Honestly it’s up to you and not what your family thinks. This is why you never run and tell your family what happens between you and your other , you can forgive but they can’t. I’m sorry for what your going through and IF you guy’s get back together and i hope he doesn’t do it again BUT if he does please leave for good this time. Sending you lots of luck 
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It won’t change. No matter what b.s. he is feeding you it will not change. Next could be your children. Do NOT go back. It’s a bad decision and will not end well.
A good person doesn’t beat their spouse. 
On average 3 people die everyday from abuse from their spouse/boyfriend please don’t become a part of a statistic just because he’s convinced you he loves you when you’re not with him.
My hubby and I had issues, separated last summer because of it. Physical and emotional abuse. BUT we let so many other people into our relationship (family and friends) and that caused major issues. We failed to communicate with each other and our tempers got explosive on both sides. He grew up with abuse, watching his dad abuse and belittle his mom about everything, abusing him and his brothers. Never any happiness or love or positive emotion in his childhood. This took a huge toll on our marriage. We got back together because we love each other and our kids. We’ve kept everyone else at a distance and out of our marriage. He sees a therapist every week and we talk things out so much better now. It can work, things can get better if you put the work into it. Not talk about getting help and support, but ACTUALLY doing it.
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People can change and a 2nd chance can work and be better then the first time. That being said, just because you choose to forgive him and take him back, doesn’t mean your family has to forgive him and accept him. Me personally, that’s a nope from me. Especially if I have kids.
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It will take time for them to accept him again and he is going to have to prove that he has changed for the better for good before that will ever happen. If you do give him a second chance then make sure it’s also his last chance cause if he does it again then it will only get worse. I do believe in second chances but it can’t go further than that.
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Good luck any many prayers for u:pray:
People can change, but both parties have to WANT it
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I only had to read the first sentence, I did not read the rest of it. This man will not change! I am speaking from experience, I’ve lived it. They will change for a little bit, then it will repeat, will make it seem is your fault, and repeat over and over…except the abuse will get worse and worse. RUN.
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I am going though the same thing at the present moment. Its a tough decision and you are the only one that can make that decision. As for your family they are only trying to protect you but with that being said they don’t live your life you have to do whats best for you.
One reason I always say, don’t share your marital problems with family or friends unless you absolutely have to!
This is your life and your decision, not theirs… but I whole heartedly understand that you want your family to love and expect your husband. I love my husband dearly, but a few years ago we both went through a very trying and hard time and lost each other in the mix. We fought non stop and one day we both lost it and out hands on each other. It was the worst feeling in the world to go through that… I don’t know your situation, I don’t know if it was once, or a hundred times! But if you are both talking through it, if he’s getting help and you fully trust that he will not do it again, then try working it out with him. Once y’all have worked on things, then start working in the family. Offer for them to speak to a counselor as well? Again, it’s your life honey and you do what’s best for you, not your family.
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I would just leave. It will keep happening even if they say they won’t do it again. Ik. I been through it. I had to walk away
Basically they will eventually go back to their bad habit. Been there, done that
being a male, having observed abusive relationships, my opinion is dont think for a second he has changed, abuse be it of any nature is abuse and only gets worse, as to love, once more, sorry, but he says it and then abuse becomes ok, its excuses that will never stop, i wish you the best in your future, a future without abuse
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I would never be able to support a family member that went back to someone that abused them.
If you are prepared for a life of physical abuse, then definitely stay.
All these people saying he can’t change are wrong!!! I went through it, left and went back. Almost 20 years later here we are still going strong! If he is serious about changing, he will…my husband did. My family was slow to come around (as I totally expected them to be) but in their own time they did come around. It takes true love, wanting to change and hard work…but it can be done.
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Zebra’s don’t change their stripes. Once an abuser, always an abuser and it always gets worse, not better. Been there, tried that and it only escalated. He can be as honest as sincere sounding and he, himself, probably believes his lie until his anger overrides him.
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Yes. I am still with mine and they CAN change. It took one incident where I finally reported him and he turned around. Went to jail for a night. Now hes not like a black eye type abuser but hes still been one.
Hes in therapy. We all are. He was only abusive towards me but that affects the entire family.
People CAN change. He was a product of his environment but finally turned it around. We have been together for 14 plus years.
For the people who say that people who abuse dont love you. . I personally disagree. Anyone can fall into bad habits but it’s up to them to make the change. We are happy now and the environment is not toxic anymore.
Good luck.
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From personal experience I advise staying away… It will indeed happen again! Narcissistic behavior, you cannot fix him. Be free of this abuse as difficult as things may get. Stay strong for yourself and all those who truly love you♥️
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Although I have very little hope that this man will change, you seem to think he will. That being said, the decision is yours & only yours! As for your family liking him, it takes a long time to forgive & we usually never forget. So, if you decide to forgive him, don’t expect a warm & fuzzy response from your family. It takes a very long time to earn trust!
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Get the hell out they don’t change once they start abusive acts it just gets worse
Ya so i thought that, counselling all that, a few months after we got back together he almost killed my oldest child. I wouldn’t take him back at all. Co parent.
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I was with an abusive man and he never did change only got worse.
I would never expect my family to forgive ANYONE I was with for assaulting me, even if I forgave them. My mother still holds a grudge after my highschool sweetheart broke my heart in like 2004 but we got back together in 2007 and remained together for 7 years after that. And they wouldn’t ever forgive my sons biological father for the abuse he inflicted upon me, and I don’t either for that matter.
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That’s basically asking if it’s worth risking your life and the wellbeing of your children so no it’s not…even if theres a .00001% that he could change it’s still not worth the risk
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It gets worse and what’s sad about it is the abuser may really want to change but they can’t. Once they’ve hit a certain woman they are gonna hit that certain woman again if they stay together. The man may not hit another woman but they will hit the one they’ve already hit.
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Once a man is abusive I’m sorry but there ain’t no changing that… I’ve been with a abuser it will stop for a little while till things r going to good then back to the abusive all over again
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More likely your family will never like him again
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Its your face if you want to be a punching bag again go ahead
Those kinds of men dont change
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MEN DO NOT CHANGE. it only gets worse until he kills you!
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If he hit you, he will hit the kids. My ex hit me well beat the ever living f*** out of me and my oldest, molested her, and abused all of the animals we had. I didn’t know about the “touching” until I left him and took my oldest to see her doc the next day. He stayed home while I worked and went to school. Don’t be stupid like I was and stick around with false hope that he’ll change because HE WONT. HE WILL ONLY GET WORSE TO THE POINT THAT IF HE GETS A CHANCE TO, HE WILL KILL YOU. Why risk it? Is the sex that good? Does he happen to say all the right things? He gets what he wants but what about you? He doesn’t care about you if he hits you. He’s not worth it.
Mean? Yeah. I’ve been there tho. It’s not worth it.
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My ex told me this so many times and he never changed they lie to get what they want then they do it all again have some god damn self respect for yourself woman and no your family should not give this man another chance
Not worth. Da price of loosing ur family
Have you got evidence hes going for separate counselling?
How can you be sure hes not " jumping thru hoops" just to get you back? I.m.o. n from past abusive relationships if you go back it’s just a signal that says you weakened to their pressure n pestering…its a go ahead you’ve done it b4 so do it again signal to their narrow minded n totally disrespectful brains what I’m meaning is…how can u b sure…you cant…only way u can b sure is t b wiv sum1 who respects u from the word go n isnt afraid to show his respect either…I’ve had 3 abusive relationships bern in 3 refuges with 4 kids n abused every way u can think of…no way would I consider going back…its what they call the honeymoon period you’ve both had a break n missed each other…how much counselling have you had together what type n where from? Not all counsellors are good n only by having a few can u really tell who’s good n who isnt at the end of the day it’s your choice if he ain’t prepared to change his thoughts behaviour n attitude towards you n women in general then I wouldnt go back…up to you but a leopard very rarely changes his spots…I wish you luck n happiness…
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Dear, I’m on a fence, abuser seldom quit abuse!!The honey moon phase doesn’t always last!!
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If you take him back you are mad!!!
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I was in a terribly abusive marriage when I was in my early twenties. I left after 6 years. I had never seen or been in an abusive. It started very subtle and grew into him beating me with his fist and while I was pregnant. After I left him he stalked me came to my job and beat me up. I ended up having to move out of the state to stop the abuse. I filed on him and he would pay the 300 dollars and laugh. When my daughter got married 30 years later he prior to the wedding threatened me. I wouldn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to ruin her special day. Instead I got mad at myself for flinching. Anyway they never change. He was married several times and in a long relationship with a woman. And he beat everyone of them. He’s dead now. It’s a learned behavior. Usually they a children of abusers. It a cycle and the thing you can do for yourself is get out of that relationship. I have a wonderful husband and we have been together 15 years now. And believe me we have had some pretty loud discussion. He would never hit a woman. Any woman. It’s about power and control. He will not change. Stay safe my friend.
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Your family will not be so forgiving, only because they love and care. They don’t want to see you hurt like that when you could have a much happier, healthier life. Good luck to you.
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If you forgive him that is your choice. Just make sure you aren’t putting your children at risk(which you don’t know that he will never harm them). However, that being said, if a man ever puts his hands on my daughter, there will be no forgiveness. Nobody and I do mean nobody would ever be able to stop me from what I would do to him.
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My best friend was in the same situation as you are. They were separated for 1.5 year. She went back to him for the sake of her kids and believing that he had changed. It was good for awhile. She was loved and felt loved. Then he hit her again. This time her oldest son saw and called the police. They are still together. Her family/friends is polite about him but nobody like him. She said as soon as the kids hit 18 she is gone. She has 5 years left to go and she is counting that date. It’s really sad.