And my husband has been in each other’s lives for ten years; we will be married this Thursday for four years. We were great at the beginning, but for a while now, we’ve been going back and forth. We fight all the time as he calls me names, belittles me, and yells pretty bad or punches holes in the walls. Well, we’ll be good for a bit, and fall right back into a bad rut, never fails. Our son (4 years old) has seen as fight sometimes now, and just this past weekend saw his dad yell at me, and he went to crying, saying he didn’t want daddy yelling at me… We told each other that if we kept fighting, then it would be over, but we still stay, and I feel like he’s only staying because he wants us to be a family. I want us to be one too, but I’m torn on what to do. Just tonight we fought again, and he said he has doubts about our future and I told him I do too.
Your child deserves to know what happiness is like! Dont just stay together for him! It’s not fair to anyone!!
I think a separation needs to happen. You both shouldn’t being raising the baby in such a toxic environment
Sounds like you just need to give him a good fucking!
THERAPY… COUPLES COUNSELING
break the toxic cycle
If you can’t talk without fighting you could try writing down how each other feels and exchanging letters to read on your own then each write a reply and what you think you could each do to help make the relationship better for the family have to try all avenues
My ex-husband used to punch holes in walls. It only gets worse if he doesn’t get help now. You need to go to see a Christian counselor. Try going to an Apostolic Pentecostal church. If you two truly want to make it work, God will save your marriage if you seek him. Desperate times call for desperate measures
Have you tried taking a vacation just the two of you to see if why you fell in love to begin with is still there? Maybe a consistent date night is needed?My fiance and I have been together for 11 years and we don’t fight “constantly” but we sure fight, often enough. But we have found that having a consistent date night once a week, has helped tremendously.
Move on, no excuses he’s a bully.
You think he’s staying because he wants to be a family? I know tons of woman would love to have that! Deep down, what’s the fighting about? Important fights? Stupid fights? Can you fix what’s wrong? Only the 2 of you knows, good luck
Run! Your child/children should never see that!
COUPLES THERAPY!!!
It saved my marriage
The Love Dare Fireproof
Move on, you have a child who doesn’t need to grow up thinking it’s ok for men to act this way!! Save yourself and your child. You will one day when the time is right find a real man. They are out there!!!
Don’t give up on ur marriage not sayin what’s happening is ok but all marriages have bad times and good take a break from each other and give urself time to c if u miss each other and clear ur heads and think hard then try some couples counseling 10 years is a long time to give up on try everything u BOTH can that way y’all have no regrets! Best wishes
Couples need to respect one another. If you can’t restore respect you will resent each other and things will get worse. Your son is learning from watching how you interact and he will grow up to have difficult relationships. You can still have arguments but without the name calling. .
My son saw some things when he was younger and I can tell you this, it will always affect them! My son used to defend me and stand on something to make himself taller. Children shouldn’t be seeing their parents throwing tantrums!
Put him in his place and whoop his ass!! Lol
If he punches holes in the wall you gotta go. Bottom line
I think you both would benefit from therapy.
Your children don’t need to be raised in a home where their parents don’t love eachother…that being said…I don’t think you should leave just yet but I do think you need to seek help from an outside source like some of these ladies have stated…if he’s only putting holes in walls it’s only a matter of time before he will lay hands on you I went through that before…if he knows this is unacceptable behavior on his end and does seem like he wants to change give him a chance to…but even after given the chance and he still doesn’t change then you need to really think about the future of your son and yourself if you continue to stay and allow it just for the sake of keeping y’all together…All any child wants is to see their parents happy and it will take work but from what I’ve read y’all seem like you’re willing to put in the work…you can get past this for yourselves and your son…
Get out!it only gets worse
Could be just bad communication? Maybe try counseling?
An ethical therapist will NOT provide couples’ counseling if there is abuse in the relationship. That is HIS issue, not the relationship’s, and it would be against our (therapist’s) code of ethics to help in keeping a relationship together if one partner is abusive. This is a very toxic and unhealthy relationship that will negatively impact your little one. Not to mention, once kiddo starts school and mentions what’s going on at home or if you, yourself, seek therapy and mention it, it’s a mandatory CWS report because witnessed abuse is reportable. I would highly encourage leaving this relationship and seeking therapy for you and kiddo (play therapy for him). If you’re concerned for your or your son’s safety, feel free to pm me for resources to help you get out of the relationship safely.
Speaking from witnessing my father do the same thing to my
mother. I remember it was winter my dad got really angry with my mom over nothing. While my mom went to bed in her nightgown my dad threw my mom out the house by dragging her out. I had to dress my mom and we ended up sleeping in the attic with no heat between some old carpets. I was 10 years old to this day I’m 49 I’m traumatize from all the abuse from my dad to my mom. Always verbally arguing with my mom. The emotional, mental and psychological abuse my mom went thru I started to resent my mom for not leaving my dad. Their were 7 kids. I asked my mom why didn’t you leave and her response was I only stayed because of you and your siblings. Honestly you are better off leaving this abusive relationship. You are not doing your your son any favors. YOU ARE STRONGER THEN YOU REALIZE. Sending prayers and blessings because only you can decide what’s best for you and your son.
If you guys really want to make it work I would say try therapy.
The final straw in leaving my abusive marriage was when in the middle of a verbal argument my then husband slammed his hand down on the table and my middle daughter screamed “daddy! Don’t hit mommy!” I had no idea they’d seen him hit me in the past but that was it for me. I refused to raise 2 girls who might grow up thinking it’s ok if men treat you that way and a son who might grow up to be abusive to women. Absolutely no regrets. And just to reassure you, my daughters both say they wish I’d left sooner.
Name calling is verbal abuse and punching walls that’s intimidation. Leave now before he starts hitting you and your kid.
Gather the courage to break this abusive relationship
Get counciling
Need in Church if not already
This 4 yr old will grow up thinking yelling is Ok too
Child should not see you all fighting
If know how to pray
Ask God to help you both to turn things over to Him,and give you Peace and contentment in your Home
Jesus is the Answer to the problems of today
God Bless:heart:
You forgot to mention how you’re acting towards him when you fight…
If you can’t solve things quit and be better Co parents. Your child shouldn’t be caught in this abusive cycle just because you both want a family. I’m sure your child wants a happy home without holes in walls.
I dont deal with yelling, name calling, any aggression of any kind or hostility in my house. If he shows ANY sign of these and doesnt conduct himself like a responsible adult HE gets kicked out for the night or until be pull his big boy panties on and learns to have an adult conversation. Like if you cant carry on a simple conversation how immature and simple can you really be? It’s not that hard CHILDREN hold conversations all the time without name calling but yall dont even know how to conduct yourselves in front of your child? Give your head a shake. Your kid deserves better.
I’m my own personal experience I would save leave before things get worse. If its meant to be then he will change but you deserve to be happy and so does your son
Teaching your son that toxic behavior is acceptable is wrong. Teach your son abuse is acceptable is Wrong.
The Only way to end the cycle of abuse is stop teaching the next generation that this unacceptable behavior.
Is traumatized your son worth the you being comfortable? That what you describe- your use to life here.
Do not want a life you love 
?
Enjoyment and fulfillment at minimum just being valued for being a human.
Wishing you safety-
It free contact Domestic violence hotline. They can contact with local help.
Sounds like it will get worse. Take child leave, co parenting sounds better then living together. Good luck be safe.
Take Your Baby And Leave That Fool&Do Not Look Back Ever!!!
Leave. I’m sorry for saying it dont wait.
Try counseling. Y’all will need to learn how to have arguments in a productive, non violent way. People are so easy to throw a marriage and family away. Yall both need to keep your child in mind and compromise and change both of your toxic ways. If counseling and trying to compromise and change doesn’t work, at least you know you tried everything. That you didn’t take the easy way out.
You need to go to couples counseling and he may want to go to therapy for himself, too. Therapy is probably helpful for almost everyone but yelling at you and punching walls is not healthy. If he’s expressing anger in that way he doesn’t have appropriate control over himself. It’s scary for your child and should be for you, too. That can escalate and he needs to deal with his anger issues as well as your relationship troubles.
Idk. I left this same situation bc I didn’t want my daughter to think that this is how a relationship is supposed to be. It was hella hard not gonna lie, but raising her was the best experience of my life and seeing her living her best life has made everything worth it. You got this Mama:muscle:
Counseling if you both really want to work on it.
But first you stop fighting in front of those kids.
Your relationship teaches your kids what relationships are. If it’s not ok for your kids it shouldn’t be ok for you.
Verbal and emotional abuse is not ok. That can progress to physical and is a huge red flag against staying for both of you.
Punching holes in the walls?
Idc what anybody says, there is no relationship perfect and ALL kids overhear things they shouldn’t. Are there more good times then bad? If the answer is yes, then fight for your relationship. Just be sure you’re not the ONLY one fighting to make it work.
Covid restrictionists make everyone go crazy 