I listened to my mom with my first born, She would always tell me not to do this or that or this or that… but that was the biggest mistake… ten years later she thinks she has complete control over me and my son. My son also thinks she has more authority over me. It has made me feel miserable at times and she now thinks its okay to belittle me in front of my son… we no longer go see her. Its gotten too far. Confront her and make her understand asap. Dont listen to her on how to raise your kids just because she is your mother… You are now your kids parents and it is now your time to raise them. Not your mother. Idk if this helps… I hope you put an end to this soon.
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Next time you’re with her. Have a conversation with her that disciplining your children part of being a parent. You want your boy’s to grow up to be well mannered and respectful children. If they misbehave when she is present you or your spouse will step in and discipline them. You may want to discuss the punishments with her. She may see something you dont. Sometimes one punishment works on one child but not on another. Each child is different.
**a 2 minute time out for an 8 year old isn’t much. Usually its 1 minute per year, so 8 minutes.
When I had to discipline ours, the guide was 1 minute in the corner for every year the child is old. So an 8 year old would have to sit for 8 minutes & a 3 year old for 3 minutes. Good luck.
yes you must discipline your children or they will tell you what to do; the bible say spare the rod or paddle you spoil the child; have nice talk with your mom, take the child off to another room
Woah? Time to beat that kids ass. Obviously times out don’t work with the children and they end up embarrassing you in front of your own mother
Take her to lunch (public place) just you and her and talk to her, really talk to her. She had her time to be a parent to teach her children it is your turn. Ask her not to say anything in front of your children when she disagrees with your parenting, instead invite her to talk to you in the other room out of child ear shots. She should be backing up your rules not setting them.
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You just do what is needed for disciplining the kids. But put the time out according to their age.
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My mom and I always butt heads on parenting at times. It upsets my husband more then anything. But I do a good job of telling her how we run our home and then she says “fine do what ya want” I actually have a bigger problem with my MIL butting in because I can tell or say anything to my mom but my MIL it’s more cautionary.
Talk to your mom in private and it might also help to take the child to a different room to discipline him, privately.
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Stop letting her see them if she cant respect you
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Your kids, your rules. Grandma don’t like it? Too bad.
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Serious question… are the kids not allowed to respond?
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Following because i need advice im n the exact same situation and I really don’t know how to handle it im so fed up
These are your and your husbands kids. Not hers. She has no right to tell you how you should discipline the kids. If she doesnt like it then she doesnt have to stay.
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I am wondering if my daughter wrote this …you see your grand children for a short time when your older you don’t want to see them in time out every time you visit like when you don’t argue in front of kids don’t tell the grand kids off in front of nan wait till she leaves
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I don’t have that problem with my mom but did have it with my MIL. I told her point blank they are MY kids not hers. And by the looks of her kids she ain’t got any room to try and teach me how to parent. Don’t matter if you are at your house or not, your kids your rules.
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I’ve had to deal with that but u need to talk to ur mom and just be straight forward and put her in her place so to speak.
But mom…i learned this by watching you. She can interpret.
There should be zero explanation on you. Simply say, Mom you raised your children, let US raise ours. We will take care of the discipline. I do a minute for the age of the child. 2 minutes for an 8 year old is REALLY GOOD!! My 8 year old kids actually do 2 minute planks. I do it with them.
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Put water bottle in a spray bottle and everytime she says some shit spray her ass. Shell stop. Or she won’t come around. Either way, it’s a win win.
I’m still trying to understand what exactly the 8 year old did to get a time out? I don’t believe that’s back talking but again I wasn’t there
Oh no , no. You need to tell her , mom I love you but we have to seat and have a little talk . With lots of love and respect tell her that these are your children and you need to tell your children right and wrong and for her not to say a word. Not to argue just talk .
I would continue how you are raising them. It is your home . I live with my daughter and her husband and children. I may bite my tongue at times but they are usually right
So this might seem a bit harsh but I would quit letting them have dinner together. You have two issues here 1) your kids and 2) your mom. I would invite mom over for dinner at say 6pm. But feed the kids at the table at 5:30pm. Explain to them BEFORE dinner it is THEIR responsibility to get along - more the 8 year old than the 3 year old obviously- and IF they behave they can have dessert with Gma. If not. After dinner in rooms and bedtime. During dinner with Gma at 6pm kids are not at the table and not together. Explain to Gma that this is your house your rules and if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t stay for dessert with the kids. End of story.
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My understanding of this is your mother asked the child to stop doing something he responds with his defence and your husband jumped in…your mother and your child need to establish their own personal line of respect between each other …She was not given an opportunity to respond or discipline herself. Your husband took that away from her.
Best to do it now, it will only get harder. Especially if their behavior changes around different people. They can play on emotions and even try to manipulate you o.o lol my 3 year old is a damn Houdini. Keep it going otherwise two mouthy teenagers, that would be a lot of corner time. XD
Mr 8 year old is a little too good at “responding” in front of grandma. First, have a word of prayer with him about not upsetting grandma for ANY reason whatsoever. All dialog about any adult request will be discussed in private, with dad, later. If he pushed the issue we would have that discussion in the bedroom, immediately, and he might learn the difference between a couple of swats and a serious spanking. I would tell grandma that the next few dinners would be carried in at her house, where 8yo could be removed to go home while mommy and 3yo stayed behind with granny to socialize. 8 yo needs to give up being manipulative.
My grandchildren no I don’t put up with any off there shit I don’t count to 3 .They no better I am old school I will pull them up if they talk back to there parents .
I mean, spanking and time-outs are ineffective as is, and 8 is developmentally too old even if it did work, so this is a bit of a blessing in disguise. Has she offered other methods of discipline? I feel like if you continue doing what you’re doing now is just going to turn into two separate power struggles… one with the children and one with her.
In general, natural consequences are a good learning tool since that’s how the real world works. For backtalking in particular, you have to meet the need first. How is he being talked to? A lot of times as parents we sound bossy without meaning to. Is he getting enough attention, or quality one-on-one time? A lot of time attitude comes from having a sense of loss of control. He’s at the age where he’s seeking more independence. Give him more say in things… like plan a family fun day, or decide what’s for dinner, etc.
As for your mom undermining you, kids know how to play off people so it’s not that they won’t take you seriously, they’ll just know they can get away with things more when grandma is around. If after telling her that this is how you choose to parent, and she still won’t respect that, the only thing left to do is cut off her access to the children when you are around.
I’d be having a private sit down with my mom if I had this issue. My mil like to undermine me but my mom has always backed me up. If I say no and they keep carrying on because my mom is there, she speaks up and tells them to knock it off. When my mil was alive and did this I had to do a lot of reminding that I said (blah blah blah) and would say it loud enough to get her attention that I wasn’t joking, & I never backed down. Also depending on how bad the day had gone (because we were usually at her house for something when this would happen) I might follow up with a punishment when there was no one there and tell them why. Early bed time or taking away certain toys.
Your family is your husband and two kids everyone else doesn’t really matter. So if she is being a hindrance on your parenting would simply tell her if she can’t respect your rules and the way you parent your children then you will have to keep the visits short and far in between
You have to speak to your mum privately… There is no other way. You need to explain to her how you want to raise YOUR kids and she needs to respect that. Simple 🤷
Tell her to mind her own damn business. They’re not her kids and she has absolutely no say as to how or when they’re disciplined. It’s not like you’re abusing them. Standing in the corner and a couple of swats on the butt won’t hurt them. If she doesn’t like that you discipline your kids in front of her, tell her to stay her ass at home. 
My parents have both passed away, but when they were still here, they never tried to overstep their boundaries as a grandparent and tell me how to parent my kids. My mother-in-law on the other hand tried to step in once when my oldest son was about 4 1/2. We were staying the weekend at their house because we lived out of state at the time. I can’t remember now what my son did to get in trouble, but my husband took him into what used to be his bedroom and spanked him and put him to bed. She was in the kitchen when this happened and didn’t really know what was going on. She heard my son crying in the bedroom and busted up in the room yelling “what the hell is going on in here?!” at my husband. That’s when my father-in-law stepped in and told her to mind her damn business. I was super pissed because it was literally none of her business what happened, even if it happened in her house. Do NOT tell me how to discipline my child. And the funny thing is, he wasn’t even crying over the spanking, he was mad because my husband made him go to bed.
What about a softer approach? Mom, we are backing up your request. You had a valid point about the older one picking on the younger one so we totally enforced it. When we don’t work together the kids catch on fast. We want our boys to be respectful of you and others. So let us support your request without interference from you. If you don’t respect our discipline then address it to me out of the boys’ earshot.
You call that punishment 
sorry but it’s not. My sister had the same problem with my parents. She told them to stop and when they wouldn’t she loaded up her boys got in the car and left. Didnt talk to them until they called her (we are a close knit family too) and they promised they’d not over step again.
Ask Mom to talk to you in private and not in front of the boys. If she continues don’t invite for dinner for a while.