Needing advice on a situation with my mom. My mom and I are very close. We see each other once or twice a week and talk on the phone almost every day. I love her dearly, but my husband and I are struggling with being able to discipline our children in front of her. I do not spank my boys, my husband swats in the bottoms once or twice, but most of the time, our discipline actions are putting them in the corner. Our boys are 3 and 8. An example of what I mean is last night she was over for dinner, and she asked our eight-year-old not to be so rough on the three-year-old and not to play fight with him. The eight-year-old began to backtalk her and tell her he does it all the time, and it doesn’t really hurt him. (He has been doing this a lot more frequently lately) so my husband told him to go to the corner for 2 minutes. She proceeded to get upset and say that all we do is punish our kids the whole time she is visiting. (2-minute punishment mind you, and she was staying for dinner that I was just starting to cook.) I told her this was our house, so she could not tell us not to punish our kids when we see fit. She got upset as she always does. We already have an issue with the boys not listening to us when she is around. I’m at my wit’s end right now, but Idk what to do. I feel if she continues to correct us in front of our kids, they will continue not to take us seriously. When I confront her, we always end up in an argument. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please, and thanks.
Stick to your guns. Your kids your rules.
Don’t have your mother over your 8 year old needs 8 minutes in time out not 2 minutes per his age group
You’re absolutely right. I’d have a private conversation with her and tell her they act that way when she’s around because of this. Tell her she won’t be welcome again if she doesn’t stop.
my mom when my kids where younger did this to me and I put up with it until one day I said to her you remember when titi janet told you to stop punishing me??? she said no and then I said exactly no one told you how to raise me or how to discipline me so respect me as a mom and remember you raised me without interference do the same…seriously she should not say stuff like that in front of them because they will use it and they already testing you both when she’s there…
Your house, your kids. She will just have to get over herself. You and hubby have to be parents to your kids 24/7 and that includes disciplining them even if it’s while grandma is over.
Dnt let her undermine u be stern with her pull her aside n talk…if she isnt playing along tell her she wont be welcome. Your kids will end up not respecting or listening to ur rules and discipline if shes there saying infront of them not to do it
Don’t allow her over do much until they understand the way you need them to
Tell her that you and your husband will punish your children whenever they deserve it. If she’s going to keep undermining you in front of your children then unfortunately she won’t be able to come around as often.
Don’t let her undermine you.
And if he’s 8 give him an 8 minute time out
Yell he politely you appreciate the advice and raise them the way you see fit
Keep doing what your doing…have a talk to your mum tell this is the way in your house and she needs to respect it and if she doesn’t like it tell her then she doesn’t need to come around… the 8 year of def needs longer in time out… my mum did the same thing till I told her she had to cut it out and if she didn’t like it don’t come round…gd luck 
Maybe she needs to see them less for awhile until you get control. BTW two mins in the corner for an 8 yr old child is ineffective. Try taking something that he he really likes away. Start for 24 hours and if he keeps mouthing off add a day to the punishment. Been there and done this!!
She fussed at your kid & then got mad when you did it? 
Your kids your rules. Plain and simple. Explain either she doesnt say a word when it comes to discipline or she doesnt come over…
Send them to her house and let them act crazy over there. She will not stop. It’s a grandma thing. They can do no wrong in her eyes.
First off, you guys are doing great!! Parenting is hard and there is no handbook. What I think is::
You need to have a talk with her then and express your concerns. You’re their parents and you’ll discipline as you see fit. She is absolutely undermining you in front of your children and that shit is wrong, I would be so mad! I have an 8 year old son, too and at this age, they’re trying to see how far they can push it. She needs to butt-out. If she has concerns, she can bring it to you all in private, like an adult. I’d absolutely let her know that if she cannot abide by this, then she doesn’t need to come over.
I am a grandmother. We hate to see our grandkids upset. We raised our own kids with discipline but we are soft with our grandkids.
Talk to your mother. Tell her nicely it is your turn to raise your children and she has to respect your rules.
Cut the cord already!!
If and when I did that in front of my son, he just holds up his hand and says: “I got this mom”! Shuts me right up!
Privately explain to her that the reason it seems as though the boys are being punished so much when she is around is because she encourages bad behavior and sass talking…she may not mind it now but when they are 12 and 17 it sure won’t be cute any more. If she doesn’t want life for all of you to be more difficult in the future she must allow you to correct your kids now. If you explain gently and not during a moment of frustration, perhaps it won’t end in an argument and hurt feelings.
Remind her how she was with you as a child. That ita different from grandmas point of view yea, but, you’re not raising backtalking assholes. You’re raising gentlemen, and gentlemen sometimes need a timeout.
Have a talk with her about it when the kids aren’t present. Let her know that she is disrespecting you and your husband’s authority and it is not good for your children. If she cannot respect you as the parent then you will have to limit her visits.
She needs to get over herself! If your kids are acting out and they need disciplined while she’s there it needs to be taken care of right then and there. Not let go just because she’s around. My mom would have whooped their butts or sent them to time out herself. She looks at it as their loss of a fun time with her not the other way around. Good luck! Best advice for if she doesn’t get it after a sit down one on one chat about the situation is to have her over less.
Tell mom to mind her biz my kidz not your not gonna tell you again
Tell her that you are following her example of good parenting by setting rules early so that you won’t have unruly children. Just as she did with you by setting rules and boundaries. Be gentle grandmas put up with a lot. Because we love our grand babies so much. We don’t mean any harm.
Bitch you go stand next to him until you remember your place
Your mom should have your back … Plain and simple. Mom or dad says no or don’t do that, grandma should hush her mouth.
Have u sat n had a serious talk with her? Tell her to knock it off or she won’t be invited over anymore 
She needs to respect your parenting n bottom line I don’t see anything wrong with it or few minute time out n I swatted both mine so it’s needed somedays !!
Im really close to my mom too and have the same problems… I tell her to let me parent my kids. Yeah her feelings get hurt and she doesnt talk to me for a day, but in the end she gets it and we go right back to being super close
Im pretty sure that kids genuinely, will act up with grandparents, and grandparents usually say " Oh thats ok" and but if they spend more time with them they would probably get better, and I think grandparents forget what it like with tiny little people, just need to remind them that as much as you love them but YOUS are the the parents, and you don’t want YOUR children to act up when ever other people are over or when they are out, coz if YOUS don’t then they are going to grow up as the Teenagers who think that they can do what ever they want and be thoughs ,rude , disrespectful people that the HOLE WORLD has to deal with
Tell her if she wants to visit, she has to support you. No support, no grandkids. It really is that simple.
Julz Julz I agree with you 
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2 minutes and he is 8!!! Time out for a 8 year old is 8 minutes!!! Not 2. I’m from the South by 2 yrs OLD, child completely understand YES SIR/MA’AM and by 8 would DEF never ever have the NERVE to back talk any adult. ever!!! I’m cringing right now. I was in the store the other day and this lil boy nout 3 was hitting and kicking his dad. Another lady and I were talking and she just assumed the child was SPECIAL NEEDS. when u dont DISCIPLINE your CHILD people think they ARE SPECIAL NEEDS !!! 
its hilarious ppl laugh at you. So YES u should discipline so ppl dont think your child is SPECIAL!!! IM so glad mine where DISCIPLINED.
Your kids your rules no matter where you are
Grandparents (me) wish we had the patience with our children when they were young that we have being older, we wish we had enjoyed our children the way we have patience with our grandchildren! There is no love compared to love for your child … until you have a grandchild! You don’t love them more than your children…it’s a different, magical love, one where you laugh, have more patience, ( ENJOY) wish you had it with your own children!!! Grandparents mean no disrespect to the parents!! It’s just Something you won’t understand until you have grandchildren.
Put her in time out for a couple weeks
Kids need continuity. If you change your rules depending on who’s around it confuses the kids. Stick to what you think is best. If she doesn’t like it she knows where the door is.
Alok Kumar our issue
Simple. Tell that old bitty to mind her own damn business. She raised her kids how she wanted & you will do the same!
My Time out was a switch or belt on my butt. Some times they need more than a time out
You need to not let your mum come to your house for dinner and I no it is your mum but it is your kids you bring them up your way .and see my husband uses to do that to my grandchildren so you bring the up your way a d if you want your mum to see the kid go out somewhere else to have dinner
I’m not sure where the confusion issue? Not wanting to cause waves with your mom doesnt get the job done.
You are the mother do it your way.
your house, your kids …if she doesn’t like it then stop inviting her over. She’ll either not see the kids (problem solved) or she will shut up (problem solved). Since she is the issue, it’s her choice…nothing in between either.
Tell her to sit down and know her place. Those are YOUR KIDS. Punish them as you see fit.
Your house your rules
Your kids your rules. She has to mind her own business.
Sounds like you need to have a conversation with your mother about her behavior towards you in front of your children.
The kids know they get by with more when shes around. Id punish stricter when shes over
Sit down with her and tell you to please not say anything when you are doing punishment.
Stand your ground momma. If she as a mother can’t respect your parenting decisions that’s on her.
Tell her she already had her chance to raise children, now it’s your turn. She doesn’t like it? She doesn’t have to be there to witness it.
I agree your house your rules. She shouldn’t undermind you in front of them. But I’m sure grandma means well. She just doesn’t like to see them punished. Grandparents are different with there grandbabies than they were us growing up.
She’s Grandma it’s what they do…you’re MUM so be mum and tell her to stay out of it, she had her chance at motherhood.
You’re doing a good job on telling her that those are your kids and it’s your house so keep doing that don’t stop It’s totally OK for her to get upset that’s none of your problem as long as you’re correcting your kids that’s what matters
Grandparents need to be reminded that boundaries exist for a reason and that you are going to parent/discipline your child(ren) the way you and your spouse see fit. If she can’t respect that, then she can leave.
OKAY! So my husband and I had this same problem with my mother in law and grandmother in law. We are adopting my oldest son who is biologically my husbands nephew, and they have always babied him since he was born. He is almost 2, which is quite young, and I have a daughter that just turned 1. So as my boy has grown, we have always used age appropriate punishment, like timeout and such. My in-laws would always tel us not to and baby him. So fast forward to now.
I had surgery on my unborn baby and have been in strict bed rest. They asked us to move in so they could help as I’d be on bed rest the rest of my pregnancy and after birth my baby will have some special needs so I’d need the help. We came. And I let them care for them and they finally saw the truth. My mother in law saw it for herself now, my son acts TERRIBLE when my grandmother in law is around. He’s so bad because he knows he can get a way with it. She is now on our side but it was a long battle. Obviously you have your own home and your mother has hers. My suggestion would be to explain to her again, away from the children, that when she says things like that in front of them, it makes them not listen to you and undermines your authority over them as their parents. You appreciate her input and know she wants to spend time with them, but if you don’t correct the behaviors they will think it’s okay and run all over all of you.
My advice is harsh. She’s overstepping boundaries and if she won’t respect them when you spell them out for her, to the point that it’s negatively impacting your children (which it is), then perhaps she needs to stay away until she decides to respect boundaries. family doesn’t get a free pass to walk all over you. They aren’t her kids to raise
Stick to your guns. You can love her and not agree with her. My mother may not like how I handle things but if my kids talk back in her presence she says “You need to listen to your mother.” Never let anyone correct you in front of your kids. If your kids see that, they WON’T listen. Regardless if it ends up as an argument. Don’t back down.
All she is doing is teaching your children not to trust you… it can be very damaging for her to question your parenting in front of them
She should not even say anything in front of the kids , she should air her concerns in private with you and hubby and you should consider her input then make a decision/plan after that it’s your kids your rules .
Ask her if her parents or in laws ever commented on how you were punished for bad behavior, and if yes, how’d she feel about that… And then say if we don’t stop it now it will only get worse… It’s only the corner not an ass beating the way most of us would have gotten!
I always heard time out should last one minute for each year the child is old . So , eight minutes would be best . He is not learning anything by being put in time out for only 2 minutes . If this behavior continues , I would say he needs a stronger punishment. As for your mom , she can accept it or leave . She should not ever undermine you or your husband .
Tell her she raised her kids the way she wanted and you’ll raise yours the way you want, end of discussion.
Explain to her that you have a harder time getting them to listen to you when she is around because they feel that she is always going to defend them. She needs to stop interfering and understand that you are the parents and it is your job to discipline them whenever and however you see fit. If she would stop defending them in front of them then they would not feel as though they are going to get away with more when she is around and therefore it will be less often
Next time she wants to do dinner explain to her that you are having a hard time with that because of these incidences. She will probably become defensive and explain her side. Listen to her, then tell her you understand her side but then tell her from now on that your parenting decisions are not negotiable and that you won’t be discussing them with anyone in the future. Do not attempt to explain why you make the choices you make because that would signal to her that it is up for debate. Don’t debate what you know is the right thing for your kids. If she’s hostile after that then don’t invite her over for a while and see if nature takes care of it.
my mother can pull me up on my parenting after all i am her child if its selfish and not offered as guidance then approach her life doesn’t stop because ganny wants to be the favourite sooo talk to her discipline is important and ill tell you grannys are always the favourite but if she is not being respectful of your parenting you are not a child regardless of being her child and is your right to offer her guidance over her role in your childs life if you have a good relationship this shouldn’t be difficult but be careful as feelings can get hurt
Don’t have her around as much, because if all she’s gonna do is judge y’all disciplinary skills you don’t need her around, alls that will do is stress you and your husband out, as for the back talking just keep doing what your doing with your kids if it works. 
Talk to her away from the kids about questioning your discipline.
“You had your turn to be a parent. IT IS MY TURN NOW WITH MY KIDS! understand that when you are with my boys and I, I am not just your child, I am THIER MOTHER. You will start treating as such or changes will have to be made. I love you, you know that. But what you are doing is very disrespectful and it is cussing issues in my home and in my marriage.” If that doesn’t fix it then put her in visitation time out for a few weeks
You have to tell her that she has to have your back, even if she doesn’t agree. She can talk privately about it, but not in front of the kids.
They are YOUR children. Not hers. Tell her that.
argue and tell her her your rules and stand by them. I had the same problem with my mother and daughters. My mother kept saying, “Their my babies” making me made when they came out of me. I finally put my foot down with how she questioned my parenting ways and told her that if she couldn’t respected me and my family and how we do things, she won’t be around. She hasn’t been here in weeks and only to drop off food my grandpa brings us. that’s the only time I’ll let her see them, if she comes with my grandpa. I won’t let her take them alone anymore. even if I get stressed with them. My mother spoiled them roten and they’re bratty. So thats why I hardly talk to my mother, she doesn’t treat me like I’m grown so I have little to no interactions from her and happier that way.
She needs to stop undermining your authority as their parent. Set clear boundaries for her within your home, tell her not to undermine you or correct you in front of your children, or her visiting time will be limited.
Your child your rules.
Hun just have a conversation with your mother, no need to be rude or disrespectful just let her know how you feel.
Explain they are your kids and u punish as u see fit. Had the same problem with my mother (who lives with us) however after explaining to her they aren’t her kids, but mine and my husbands she backed off. She tries and i just cut her straight off…
I had this issue with my own mother. I get grandparents are super loving and want to spoil the grandkids but I told my mother straight up if you undermine my authority as a parent to MY child, I won’t be coming over so much. She stopped it very quick because she knew I was serious. I told her she raised her kids, now step back and let me raise mine.
Stand your ground, tell mom she can be on time out too
Tell her to get over it and if she can’t then to stay away. my mom and I are like this but I tell her to stay out of it. IDGAF you got to parent your way, let me do it my way. My mom is overly sensitive and I take after my dad. Just something they gotta get used to and deal with. I told my mom what my therapist told me, you can’t take everything personally. And that’s how my mom feels in these situations: personally attacked
I’d talk to her one on one privately, put your foot down. If she continues, I’d just slowly break away a little bit. Talk less but still visit during the week. Helped me when I was going through this anyway!
Maybe u need to talk to her when thier just u and her maybe she doesnt realize what shes doing.
You have to put a distance from her a while. You don’t have to have her over. You can prove your point together with your husband by being firm in visit times. You aren’t obligated to have her over. When you set a punishment you can look dead in her eyes and say it loud so she hears you lol. Damn I am not very kind to anyone that interferes with my parenting. All bets are off once you cross that line and it means not a damn thing if my blood runs through those veins. I find it easier to set boundaries because I know I have to deal with my kids regardless so I chop it ASAP. You have tolerated enough now get fed up and set the rules. Nothing wrong with that.
As a great grandmother, I commend you for taking care of the problem right away. I also would be very upset if my grands backtalked me like that and the parents didn’t do anything. A child needs to be tought at an early age what will be tolerated and what won’t. It sounds like y’all are doing a good job to get them ready for the world outside. Your mom will get through it or not. Either way children need disipline.
Tell her you parented me now I’m parenting my kids and do what you need to do in timeout in the corner for an eight-year-old is not an appropriate time out he’s be sent to his room with the last name no TV nothing
No more visits unless she wants to allow you to parent your kids. Simple. That’s immaturity at it’s finest.
Put her in a time out too aka don’t invite her over if she can’t respect you, let her get upset
Remind her if her “mother in law” did that when you was younger, how did she feel!!! And she should of at least corrected the 8yr old and said don’t speak to grandma like that. If she can’t help shape the boys into you g men then step aside so you the parents can.
I don’t speak with my in laws because I wouldn’t “obey” them. More the mother in law but still. She always tried to act like mom and I refused to except/allow her to disrespect me. I’m the mom, you had your time. Mind you, she allowed my husbands step dad(who raised him) to beat him, he was a drunk their whole childhood. I feel parents try to redo their parenting with grandkids and it always causes issues.
But it’s your home, your rules and you can’t worry about her getting upset and the kids being corrected. And back talking has to be nipped in the butt ASAP or the child will only get worse, then it’s to late.
Who gives a shit if she wants to start an argument. Your kids your fucking rules. End of story
While I can see were you are coming from and everyones comments. I have a questio? I’m my daughter’s baby sitter, my grandkids after school, they have their own room in my house I will and do all and more. If I get told that I can’t discipline them I will flip. Because I’m her backup for everything meals homework pretty much all. I will only get into it if I see abuse. If the kiddos are under my responsibility you better believe I’m going to be involved. That being said all I really want is to be the spoiling grandma that sees them often. She is the mom it’s her kids it’s her problem. I raised my kids I’m done.
Put grandma in time out. 
But being serious, your children… your rules.
Mom definitely needs to take a step back!
You are going to have to put your foot down with that because they will stop listening to you guys completely
Tell her she isn’t welcome in your home until she can abide by your rules
She’ll get her shit together real fast then
Rules don’t stop the minute grandma walks in the door. If she can’t understand that then maybe you’ll have to limit visits with her.
Sounds like she needs to go in the corner too! No way you should allow your boys to sass their grandmother! Tell her that!
Wait until she leaves or ask the kids to another room it is your spot for redirecting the child
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You’re the parents of those children, discipline them as you wish. Ignore your mom.