to those who laugh…There is some research out there that suggests porn viewing can improve a couple’s sex life.3 For some couples, it might add a little “spice” to an already awesome experience. But for the majority, research says that porn does the exact opposite.4
In “An Open Letter on Porn,” world-renowned clinical psychologists and relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman write about how porn negatively affects relationships.5
Use of pornography by one partner leads the couple to have far less sex and ultimately reduces relationship satisfaction…We are led to unconditionally conclude that for many reasons, pornography poses a serious threat to couple intimacy and relationship harmony.
— DRS. JOHN AND JULIE GOTTMAN, FOUNDERS OF THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE
Obstructs Emotional Intimacy
Frequent porn use can also cause users to emotionally detach from their partners. Michael Taylor, a marriage and family therapist in Kentucky, agrees, saying “Pornography is a poor substitute for the bonding version of sex. The vulnerability is removed in pornography, and that makes it too simplistic to produce the security and bonding that are a significant part of the physical interaction of a couple.”
In the most extreme cases, porn can separate the user from their partner—both in terms of time and emotions. The resulting emotional detachment from sex is very dangerous to the viability of the marriage.
1 Like
When I was pregnant, my husband and I barely had sex. I felt the same way and felt bad about myself. He said it was weird for him to imagine something in my stomach that was going to be our child, and have sex. After I had the baby, it went back to normal. Maybe it’s just weird for him. And it’s hard becoming a dad even if it is the third baby. Stress of having other kids and bringing another one in.
12 Likes
I’d probably say it’s because he’s watching so much porn that his brain is wired to be satisfied by something that you can not. I’ve been there and it’s completely demoralising…it’s an addiction and I hope you can both pull through.
27 Likes
It’s possible he’s having anxiety related ED. His anxiety could be related to your relationship or the pregnancy. If he’s unwilling to calmly talk about it (he could be embarrassed) there isn’t much you can do to help him.
Unchanged it very likely will lead to the destruction of your relationship. But it’s important that you realize it’s not YOU physically. Even if he is repulsed by the sight of a pregnant belly or extra weight… that’s HIS issue. You are normal and beautiful as long as you are healthy and happy.
Could there be other changes in your relationship or the dynamic between you that contribute? If so perhaps that is something you could address.
16 Likes
Of course he doesn’t want to talk about it he’s a man. Try spicing things up a bit. If he’s drinking a lot or under stress that makes things not work. But if it is an attraction thing then will try or seek help or get divorced. You are too young for this shit.
15 Likes
Maybe he feels bad about not being able to get it up with you and that’s why he snaps? Sometimes the changes we go through being pregnant is a turn off to men, even when they still WANT to have sex with you. He could be cheating, but that isn’t always the case. My husband went through that a little with me a while back, he wasn’t cheating, it was just a phase, I guess is one way of putting it. Try your own detective work and see what you can find out. Best of luck!
4 Likes
Not your fault, but you need to communicate about it. He may see you as a mother and not a sexual being. Have you tried watching porn with him? When was the last time you guys had a date - time alone away from kids? At his age he may be cheating, but talk about it.
23 years together and we are brutally honest with each other.
3 Likes
Is he taking any new medications they can affect things and being a man he won’t admit it
2 Likes
My husband used to masturbate in the shower when he got up in the morning. Instead of having sex with me. I finally turned into a detective and found out he was cheating. And I I had just had a baby as well
2 Likes
Not your fault love, and don’t look at yourself as the problem EVER!!! But he is showing red flags big time!! I would suggest a visit to the dr if he can’t get it up, or a therapist.
3 Likes
My husband and I didn’t have sex much during my first pregnancy. He knew it was safe but he felt weird about it and was really worried he would hurt me or the baby. It’s very likely not you. Just fear or anxiety.
1 Like
You married a boy, I’m afraid. It might take him a few to several more years to mature, if he does at all. The condition is called Peter Pan Syndrome, and it’s quite common, unfortunately. Sorry to break it to you 
I hope he gets better soon 
3 Likes
Low T could be the culprit…if hes open to trying to fix things grtting his testerone checked could be the first step…dont just give up, fight for your marriage and the father of your baby, and your future! Also il be pming you if thats ok…
1 Like
THERAPY
if hes not willing to go to therapy with you or alone even, then you might have bigger issues
1 Like
Not your fault. Kind of a red flag
7 Likes
In my experience with men the more you talk about that kinda problem…the bigger that kinda problem gets.
Try just giving him head with no expectation of sex. Just smile, give him head, and keep smiling when you’re done. Take the anxiety out of being intimate with you. Don’t pressure him to perform.
Definitely a red flag reminds me of when they cheat!
20 Likes
He’s watching to much porn and jacking off to something not real . If he stops he’ll be ready to hit that
Its not you babe its him.
11 Likes
Maybe its because your pregnant, it can put them off having sex
Yes. My ex could only get off with his own hand, nothing of mine would get him off bc he watched so much porn. It’s a real thing and it makes you take it personally however, it has nothing to do with US. It’s an addiction and porn stars/porn are not reality and that’s the issue. Nothing we can do will help.
1 Like
I guess your hubby needs professional help
Tell him to stfu and take his clothes off and get in bed 
y’all have forgotten how to enjoy each other… you need to both spice it up. If you don’t, it’s going to take its toll until one or both of you find someone else that will. I’ve been there and I was your age. Needless to say I’m divorced now, but now I understand that working hard for it is worth it.
1 Like
Going through the same thing
1 Like
The porn has taken over him and your not the porn so it’s not you it’s him
Fyi some guys love pregnant women! Find a guy who loves you for you!!
95% of the time if men aren’t eating at home, they’re eating elsewhere.
5% of the time they have medical issues.
The other times its … See More
3 Likes
Seek third party help though I hate this it makes outsiders know your issues.His 25 you have been married for 3 years hmmmm.Chabipa , when his in a good mood talk to him and say what’s the problem.Pornography destroys marriages, it’s demonic and can be thr reason for this.You may wish to seek spiritual help for this.
Hmmm, reading your post and the comments reminds me of my own experience in life, I’d not blame the man but you; because, you’re the woman to please and satisfy your man in order that he look at you and get erected; but nothing has spoilt yet, as you guys can set things right; but mind you, divorce is not the solution because the man is not worrisome to you, so leaving the marriage is not the best option;
So all I can tell you is to learn some new things in romantic dimensions like, romancing his D**k early morning, resting on him in a sexy outfits; giving him more time and attentions no matter what; concentrate on your man and he will surely be yours; believe me, there’s nothing like red flag there; live your live and appreciate each other, since a living dog is better than a dead lion.
Be loyal.
5 Likes
That sounds so toxic and crappy. See the red flags for what they are and run now before it gets worse. He isn’t getting an erection Bc he doesn’t find you attractive while you are pregnant.
That is NOT your fault. That is 100% in his own shallow mind. Pregnancy and having children is a beautiful thing.
Yelling at you and having arguments over this? Not good.
25 Likes
Okay, first of all, MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR RED FLAG that he yelled at you.
Second, when I lost my sex drive, it was largely because my love language wasn’t being spoken to. I didn’t feel loved, heard, or valued in the relationship. I would recommend paying close attention that you’re speaking to his love language, not yours. At the time, my partner thought he was showing me love by trying to cuddle and be physical with me because his love language is physical touch, but I still felt unloved because mine was acts of service. I wanted him to fold the damn laundry, not rub my shoulders.
5 Likes
He’s unavailable emotionally and physically. He’s checked out and what you need to do is. Not let it bother you because he is going to do and say. What he feels regardless of your feelings. My suggestion love on yourself more at this time because he’s an empty vessel.
May e he doesn’t want sex when your baby is growing inside you. Maybe you need work yourself why you want is so much
Maybe he does this so you feel worthless like you make him
Maybe he watches porn so you feel like he feels when your tredding on his shells. I mean. Surely it’s not about sex.
Have say I was repulsed when I was pregnant I wudn’t let my man go near me .lol
Cheating!? Or he’s insecure about it. Either way you have to communicate better
2 Likes
Joe Kels shut up,!!! You are a moron.
Can you send me a private message
Porn definitely sets up a false reality/expectations. I ended my engagement because of it. We had a great sex life… I’d still wake up to him not in bed in the middle of the night and on the computer watching it. It got so bad that what he watched… is what he expected. And since he couldn’t get it that way… he ended up cheating.
3 Likes
A few things here…
First, yelling at you is probably out of embarrassment. Not that its ok exactly but humans tend to get snappy and defensive when they’re embarrassed or ashamed.
Second, Despite what media portrays, men aren’t just raging sex machines. Thier bodily functions when it comes to sex can be extremely similar to our own. They can be effected by medication, dehydration, and even thier own minds…being distracted, having too much anxiety/stress, being uneasy with the pregnancy, maybe theres some type of fantasy or something specific hes embarrassed to ask for…even if it’s not “that far out there” for some people discussing what they do/dont want causes anxiety and embarrassment.
My suggestion is sort of multi-step…
-Maybe try looking at what he’s watching. Try to get some “clues” there.
-If its pretty plain, then maybe try talking to him about what’s on his mind and how he’s feeling. Without bringing sex up.
Putting more pressure on him to preform will likely have the opposite results, think of it like test anxiety.
-if it’s a specific fantasy and one that’s not too crazy/offensive to you, maybe make the suggestion to give it a try.
-foreplay. Some men need foreplay every bit as much as women. That’s ok.
-Couples counseling may be another option. If theres some obscure or even very specific issue hes struggling with then maybe this will help.
1 Like
It’s possibly the thought of you getting pregnant repeatedly that’s getting him scared. He’s developed a belief that he needs porn to get in the mood. Why did you get married - maybe try to consider what the spark was?)
When this happened to me it was because I was pregnant and he wasn’t attracted to me at that time got better after I lost the baby weight
1 Like
My boyfriend used to have this fantasy of sex with a pregnant woman (he never had children of his own until me) until I actually got pregnant then we pretty much never had sex the whole nine months. He was afraid of hurting me and said it made him feel dirty (perverted dirty)
1 Like
Sprinkle some goat weed in his dinner and just wait
4 Likes
Have you ever considered watching with him? I know you’re pregnant. And you’re more than likely not interested lol. But some men actually enjoy and ‘get off’ when their chick watches with them. Might add some spice that you’re looking for! 
4 Likes
You have a lot on your plate. Not to mention hormones. Don’t blame yourself. Give it time till your hormones balance out. Having both you and him interested at the same time will prob help the situation also. Nothing is as big of a turn off as the women not being interested to begin with. Just give it time!!! Also, making time for each other. Forplay begins outside the bedroom. Goodluck!! 
Try using porn with having sex it helped my husband get back into it
Maybe see if he is willing to get his testosterone checked at the Drs. Men start producing less as they get in to their 30’s if not earlier. It can decrease even more if they have bipolar.
Tell him to pull the dick out of his ass. If he’d rather jerk it to porn than have the real thing especially with his wife then he has an issue and you deserve better.
Porn is poison, sex should be between a man and his wife.
5 Likes
Good grief! Let’s be real! He’s 25 and he technically has a family of 5! That’s way too much to deal with! He escapes reality by watching porn. You two need to have more than a talk about sex. You two need to talk about life, reality, and responsibilities! Right now sex should be the least of your worries!
1 Like
Porn is 100% the problem. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not. They are dead wrong. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Ask him to not watch the porn for a month and not to touch himself during that time either, he will see a change! I’m so sorry you’re going through this hun.
11 Likes
Seriously don’t understand why everyone wants to jump on the he has a porn addiction train and blame it. Coming from people who probably have never seen a true porn/sex addiction in real life. 99% of men watch porn lots of women watch it and don’t have the balls to admit it. Men are visual creatures and they get stressed out and in their head same as women. Most women won’t be satisfied during sex if they are too in their head and men are the same. He’s probably just overwhelmed that he now has a wife and three babies to care for that’s a ton of pressure and stress for a young guy not that he doesn’t love you or find you attractive but by himself he only thinks of distressing and his simple pleasure and with you he gets in his head that your going to have another baby. Give him time and when it’s right try communicating with No pressure for sex and see how he’s feeling. I’m sure after you have the baby and you settle into life with yet another newborn that things will start to go back to normal for you, we need to stop thinking that men don’t get stressed out too and that they are pure sexual on the demand creatures that people make them out to be. Lots of men don’t have very active sec life’s during pregnancy’s for lots of reasons, but I highly doubt it’s you. Focus on you and your baby growing and maybe get a babysitter for a couple afternoons that you can be by yourself to veggie out together with no pressure just quiet and see how it ends up.
I know she’s pregnant now. But maybe it’s because subconsciously, he associates sex with more kids. They’ve been married 3 years and the third one is on the way. That’s a lot.
