I’m 24. Currently pregnant, && have two other children. My husband of almost three years is 25. Recently our sex life has been awful!! He can’t get an erection with me… but he’s able to do so by watching porn or by himself… I’ve tried talking to him about it, and I’m just yelled at over it. It’s taken a big toll on how I look at myself… has anyone else gone through this? What helped? If anything… && any ideas what the problem maybe?? I’m so lost!!!
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When this happened to me, he was cheating.
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Watch the Ted Talk about it.
Don’t let someone else’s behavior dictate your self worth 
maybe grab a therapist for yourself or the two of you to work through this.
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It sounds like a possible porn addiction. I would seek counseling.
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Could be a number of things. I have the same issue in reverse, I am the one who can’t get to that place anymore. But honestly, it’s because my husband is a jerk of a person, who has hurt me one too many times. Hopefully that’s not the problem for you, but if there’s a chance it could be, I don’t think there’s really anything you can do, but I really wouldn’t know because he hasn’t even bothered to try.
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This sounds like lost of interest. It sucks and its no ones fault it happens.
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In these tough covid times and my not getting my unemployment this far. I’m for hire!
Rent a husband 
I accept payment via cashapp only
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Why is it always cheating girls! Dont wanna scare her right away. Guys can cheat and still fuck their wives. If hes still gettin an erection by himself it may be psychological. He may be scared of hurting baby or he just doesnt see u sexually while pregnant. Id see a therapist together may feel like a safe place to explore his feelings
Maybe try something new in the bedroom. A lot of people have a bland sex life and it might only take a bit of excitement or surprise in the bedroom
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Look up Intimacy Anorexia, Sex and Porn Addiction, Betrayal Trauma, and start looking at his behavior and mannerisms and recognizing the correlation of all of it. Then, before you even consider the remote idea that ‘there’s nothing wrong with porn’ I would like you to go research the correlation between porn and sex trafficking, the statistics of women who are drugged and coerced and beaten and pimped out to be raped off-camera once they are tricked into signing that contract. Because once you’re in that business, the only ways out are to do the absolute raunchiest stuff possible to make enough money to buy your way into early retirement, get kicked out (nearly impossible) or commit suicide. Don’t believe me? Feel free to have a look at the research and see how far down that awful rabbit hole goes.
My husband is a recovering porn addict and he himself is still trying to heal his body from developing early-onset ED from the porn, and yes, that is a legit medical side effect.
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Sounds like cheating if hes yelling
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Ask him if he would be willing to try couples counseling maybe even a sex therapist especially if it’s a porn addiction. It’s not always worst case scenario. Wish you the best of luck 
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Is it because you are pregnant? A lot of men are afraid or turned off by pregnancy. In some cases there isn’t much you can do and once the baby is born things will go back to normal hopefully. Google it. It’s seriously a thing.
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My husband said sounds like a porn addiction.
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He shouldn’t be yelling at you about it, but maybe he’s embarrassed? Sounds like there’s a lot going on in your family with two children and another on the way. Maybe counseling could help you guys communicate what is happening better, and help find ways outside of yelling to react to those kind of questions? Don’t let it impact how you look at yourself though, it is very unlikely to be related to you.
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try to communicate better with him or tell him how you feel…if he dosnt listen then leave. you shouldn’t have to feel that way.
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My husband didn’t want to have sex when I was pregnant, I was around 6 months maybe. He didn’t like the idea of her head being near his dick. Some guys just aren’t comfortable with sex know their kid is in there 
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Yep, he has become desensitized to the real thing. A very common issue with porn. The fix is not good, because from experience (6 past boyfriends in fact) guys perfer not to deal with the issue( some will leave you as soon as you find out it doesn’t work, whuch he totally lied about), pills often dont work and it can be both physical and psychological. Porn addictiin is real and is bloody degrading…In the end they dont give a crap and you feel horrible about yourself. Sounds like you may well be stuck with him, since you have children. Good luck, long road ahead. You wont win, U should just leave now while you have your sanity.
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Spice things up and make it fun and exciting for both of you 
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This was a problem with 2 ex’s towards the end and I made excuses like they’re stressed or tired, yada yada. Total bullshit! Something is going on. He’s either cheating, is gay, or is an asexual. Check his phone. I guarantee the evidence is there.
Sounds like porn addiction for sure. I’m sorry. It’s very hard to beat, he will need professional help. 
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Masturbate. Learn your body 
I mean do you really need a man to Stimulate your body and needs? I say nope. I wouldn’t take it personal tbh
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That’s common with porn, they only get excited watching it.
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Go to marriage counseling. You cant compete with porn. He needs help otherwise you will have to leave him for your own sanity.
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Try some new freak stuff… hey it works for some. Dont let the fire burn out
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Sometimes people lose interest in each other physically, especially after three kids. It has nothing to do with you and it doesnt mean he is cheating. Dont let it make you feel bad about yourself.
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This is what happens when someone has a problem addiction unfortunately 
its so so damaging. Definitely have a research on the damages of Porn to the brain.
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I think asking everyone’s opinion on here is not going to help you. How far along are you? He might be grossed out by the thought of having sex while his kid is in there. He could be having an affair. It happens when women get preggo and even when they don’t. I think you need to not make a big deal out of it and keep your eyes and ears open. Worry about your baby and kids and hopefully once you have the baby things will go back to normal.
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Mine wouldn’t touch me for weeks until i told him i felt like he wasn’t attracted to me anymore, turns out he was afraid to hurt me. Im honestly not sure what to think or say about hime
yelling at you.
I know the feeling going on about 3 years of no sex with my boyfriend it really hurts to not be wanted I’m sorry u have to go through this
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Hunni straight up real facts i know u don’t wanna hear it and it will sound mean and alot of u will hate on me…but hes not sexually attracted to you anymore…doesn’t mean u can’t re speak it…
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Sometimes men just get nervous. Esp when they’re worried about not being able to perform well. He is aware that you are probably nervous and it makes it worse. Not that you’re doing anything wrong. But we tend to internalize these things and then out men see how upset we are because their penis isn’t working right
Masterbation is just an easy out. No worries about getting an Erection or wondering if your partner is satisfied… Know what I mean? Try not to say anything and relax. Just let go.
We have to learn not to take it personally.
Like honestly you get stuck in this circle of anxiety. The more you mention it to him the worse he feels about himself.
Have him watch Don Jon. Porn addiction from a man point of view
If men are masterbating all the time it’s harder for them when they are with an actual person they like desensitize themselves. Try not to bring it up for a while because if and when you all try to do it again it’s going to be in the back of his head and he’s going to be like oh shit I better get an erection. 
also are your kids screaming crying in the background lol? Make sure u try when ur alone at night or something.
Just know the porn addiction is the issue not you or your body . And if on top of a porn addiction you and he are neurologically diverse then there is a whole new dimension of challenges to navigate. Porn addictions are known to cause performance issues for men in real life relations.
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Girllllll… PUT A THONG ON AND SHAKE THAT ASS AROUND THE THE HOUSE. DONT FORGET WHAT YAH MOMMA GAVE YAH!!! On a real note, this really did work for me. It’s reverse psychology with men basically. Hope things get better love 
My hubby was worried he was gonna hurt me or the baby…but the thought of a baby effects plenty of men…some men can’t get turned on by pregnant women.
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Porn = death of genuine and honest love in any relationship.
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I am and have been going through this myself. If he has a drink that affects it. I want to feel wanted and desired. You know…? So I get it.
Performance anxiety.
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Nothing will ever improve unless porn is removed from the equation. He has to decide if he wants that or if he can be happy with ONE REAL woman of his own.
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And when men yell they’re angry and that’s usually sadness. They’re supposed to be these beasts in bed and that really messes with someone ego
Have you asked if he’s afraid to hurt you because you’re pregnant?
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Same happened with my ex husband well he turned out to be Gay 
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My husband didn’t touch me for almost a month while I was pregnant with our second, it wasn’t even that he wasn’t attracted to me, he was just afraid of hurting me or the baby, then right after I had our son he could barely wait the 6 weeks
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Watch it with him I guarantee he’ll change his mind straight away. My husband found me so attractive while I was pregnant I feel for you girls that are going through this. I hope it all works out in the end
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It could be because you are pregnant, a loss of interest, or sometimes when men masturbate a lot it makes it hard to have sex because they need constant fast motion. I would say 1) counseling is needed 2) may need to spice it up, try new things.
How was it before the pregnancy? Some guys aren’t comfortable having sex while their significant other is pregnant
Some men feel like they cant be sexual with the mother of their children. Best advice is seek therapy.
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Spike his drink with Viagra should do the trick 
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Some guys are afraid they will hurt you or the baby my husband was the same way but he told me why try to different ways if he once to get intimate with you he can go down on you and you can him as well
Maybe he is not attracted to pregnant women? My husband wasnt really attracted to me physically when I was pregnant. I dont blame him, its just not his thing. He was also afraid he was going to hurt the baby or me. If the type of sex he wants from you isnt what you can give right now, that could also be a reason. It might not have anything to do with you as a partner.
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Going the no porn route isn’t gonna go well. If anything he’s just going to hide it and resent you. Lol I myself have been at points where life’s hectic with the kids. Romance is hard to create. And I’d rather relieve stress by watching some porn and masterbating. Maybe he doesn’t like having sex with you while your pregnant but don’t take that personally. There’s tons of men who only can get hard for pregnant women. And your only going to be like that for a short while anyways. My man uses toys on me sometimes when I’m having troubles in the bedroom. I suggest my man watches porn sometimes when I give him head. So it doesn’t take as long. Lol porn, toys, & masterbation do desensitize a person to vanilla sex. But those things will never replace true intimacy with another human. That’s where you need to start. Having a busy life and kids will completely destroy that. Work on little steps of intimacy. Doesn’t even need to be sexual intamacy. Start small. Build it back up. When you get a stress free moment together. And work on yourself. If your into it. get yourself off. Maybe he will start to feel that left out feeling. Treat yourself. Self care. If he’s having performance issues. That’s embarrassing for a man. Soooo embarrassing. If that’s what’s wrong and your putting extra stress on him or making him feel worse about it. It’s only going to get worse. He wouldn’t have married you if you weren’t gorgeous to him and no porn star in his phone is going to replace the real damn thing. Most likely it’s a psychological problem. I hope you both get that spark back in the bedroom.
Check out the podcast called Sex with Emily. She gives sex advice and such. She also has a website with the same name.
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Maybe he has a problem with having sex while you’re pregnant.
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Eeeh he could have a hard time cause of the pregnancy…and kids don’t help…can be really tired after a long day
I will ask … if yelling is involved how are you two approaching the subject?
Maybe write him a letter and have him read it and reply in letter form incase he’s that embarrassed and doesn’t feel like he can talk with you. I know my husband and I have been bickering over our sex life but we’re each blaming the other when neither will just say we both need to put in a little more effort. Good luck
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My ex was like that… i finally told him to stop watching porn before he came over. He had alot of time to himself, and i knew thats what he was doing do i finally told him that… and he finally was like i think your right. But he never wanted to talk about it. Same shit. Dick would’nt be hard or stay hard. And … it wasnt boring… he was definitely already worn out physically and mentally. He also always needed to fuck 10 girls at a time. Living a active part in all the lives of the women… always needing something different and more. It was disgusting to find that part out. Goodluck. Id say life is to short. Divorce and find someone who respects you. Dont stay together for the kids. You are not stuck with him if this behavior continues. 
My ex was like that he turned out to be a cheater… not saying yours will be like that. Was he like that while you were pregnant with the other 2 kids? He may just not be attracted to pregnant women. I know the feeling of being not wanted while being pregnant and going through so much already. I hope things start to get better for you. If he didn’t want to talk about it try some counseling. Communication is a big part of being married. If he won’t go with you go by yourself.
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Just told worry about right now things well be good soon love your family
Watch porn with him ?? Lol as a species a makes main objective is to procreate and if for any reason he can’t perform it is extremely embarrassing for a man, and if he has it in his head he can’t concentrate and will fail over and over again and it will get worse. Try a few different things and see if he gets hard just by teasing. But don’t put any pressure on him. Just my thoughts hope all works out
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Don’t blame yourself, this is a him issue and it is related to his porn usage. There is a boat load of evidence out there that shows how porn rewires men’s brains so that they cannot get aroused by a real woman and have to seek more and more sexual fantasy to get aroused. It’s sad and scary. I have warned both of my 20 something daughters to watch out for it, it’s an epidemic that no one is talking about. https://fightthenewdrug.org/media/video-tedx-talk-the-great-porn-experiment/
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Been there, we aren’t together anymore
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My baby dad did that and I woke up one night in the middle of the night and he was watching gay stuff on Netflix’s 
he ended up leaving when I was 6 ms prego and going back to Mexico 
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his ass is cheating
My suggestion, go to marriage counseling and see if that helps. If not, walk away. Yelling at you instead of talking to you is incredibly toxic. The porn is making the situation worse because it’s giving him unreal expectations. It won’t get better unless he is willing to work to make it better and even then, it still may not get better.
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Porn is the problem. Trust me, it is NOT you. Porn portrays unrealistic expectations and unrealistic experiences. Sure, one could be more adventurous in the bedroom, but porn creates an illusion that becomes impossible to surpass. I guarantee that once he completely stops watching porn, (and it might not happen overnight) his libido AND yours will increase drastically. You see this happen a lot with people with porn addictions. So again, don’t beat yourself up over it because HE is the one with the problem, not you.
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Iv been married for 9yrs we have a 13yr gap since iv met him he has all ways had a hard time waking it up and somtime when it is and we r ready it dies we haven’t had sex in about a month thats the longest i act like its ok so he doesn’t feel bad but im 31 and he is 45 i need and want it i dnt know whats wrong or why this happens???
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Maybe he’s not to interested because you’re pregnant maybe? Some men find that a bit of a turn off! Watch some porn with him and get creative/kinky haha! Sorry I’m not much help😬
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Stress and anxiety can cause this problem he maybe embarrassed as most blokes are, off load the kids if possible and have a relaxing night just you two
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Bend over and slap the iPad on your back lmfao.
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You said you are currently pregnant. My partner felt very uncomfortable with sex when I was pregnant, he was scared he would hurt me or baby 
so whole pregnancy there was pretty much no sex. Could this be the issue? Or did problems exist before pregnancy?
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I have a few thoughts here:
- It’s the pregnancy - he doesn’t want it near the baby.
- The porn has desensitised him to real sex (porn addiction)
- He’s cheating.
I think it’s less likely to be the latter though. If it were me, I’d tell him we ARE talking about it whether he likes it or not and if he’s not willing to work on it, it’s an open relationship (if that’s your thing) or he leaves.
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Porn kills intimacy! Be kind to him, build him up, and have date nights that are fun. No talking about bills, kids, etc. Pray for him and with him. But he needs to stop the porn immediately!
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Call Dr. Laura @ 1-800-375-2872.
I’m a listener to her daily show and she answers and analyzes these questions all the time.
Def no pornography!
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Went through it when my husband lost his job the first year we were together. He was feeling low & less of a man. I encouraged him & made him feel good about himself. Tried new things. Ooh wee we’re good now!!! 
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Probably has a porn addiction or is getting there. Don’t depend on him. Get yourself toys, dress up sexy when you can again to go out with the girls, act like you don’t need him for that at all. I’m not saying cheat, just be confident, secure, and self-sustaining. Will probably drive him nuts.
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- Porn is not the only reason he isn’t intimate.
- Just like we have issues at times so don’t men.
- Sometimes talking about it can stress them out and make them feel less of a man.
- Try new things in the bedroom. It may help
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You don’t need him hes immature your not what he sees as a seductive beautiful woman…those other things are just sex objects
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Go to a sex therapist. Seriously! They have lots of ways to fix such things.
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here is my thousands of dollars in couple therapy savings for you he attraction to porn is hurting the sex life. yes porn can have good aspects but over time it dulls the real life aspect. there needs to be a withdrawal from the porn. try your own role playing. good luck with everything I hope it gets better. But this has nothing to do with you. please dont allow it to effect your self image. it did mine.
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ever think it’s easier to sometimes shake one off then deal with all the BS…
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Okay im gonna be a bad guy here and say its not the porn. You guys probably need a night out by your selves without kids.
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3yrs, 3 kids. Stress causes problems too
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He could have thyroid problems. Go have them checked.
Try putting your phone down
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Porn is the same as cheating, especially if he watches it in secret.
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Its the porn! Men that watch lots of it can’t have sex normally anymore. It causes them to have an unhealthy outlook about it. Experienced this and I know its hurtful and can damage you greatly. It did me. Watch a movie called fireproof. Its a wonderful movie and helped me a lot.
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The answer to this question is not as cut and dry and you may think. There can be many different things that could cause this problem.
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24 with 3 kids already smh
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Maybe because your carrying your beautiful bundle my husband really didnt feel comfortable doing the deed when inwas pregnant but we were still affectionate in other ways
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High blood pressure causes impotence
Put a film on you guys can mutually enjoy
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he dont want uno more girl move on
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I can honestly say I just think it’s cool how Rick and Ray are on this page and comment. Cheers to you guys.
There are a lot of reasons he could be avoiding sex. Generally, from what I’ve seen, its stress of some kind that leads to it. Hard to really judge the situation from what little was provided. He could have internal fears about the stability of the pregnancy, feel he isnt able to perform well enough or keep up with the sometimes unmanageable sex drive pregnancy can cause women, he could be overly stressed from the burden of responsibility having a job, kids and a pregnant wife entail…you can list all day seemingly tiny motivations that lead to lack of sexual intimacy. As a guy though mostly porn is just a way for us to get a rush of sexual release without the need to perform for anyone else, its just us doing what feels good without expectations, self-concived or otherwise. Most men need the audio or visual stimulation from it simply to get themselves off, we aren’t blind or deft (Generally speaking) so visual or audio feedback is tied to the chain of stimulus that turns us on. Sometimes its deeper, an attempt to separate the actions of self pleasure from the act of sexual intimacy, to put it crudely, separate the whore from the wife…though that isn’t something I like saying because its too simple.
Really it could be a lot of things in the end, the only thing anyone can really do in these situations is the opportunity of communication is open on your side, without judgment, and possibly trying to help him feel less stressed or judged.
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I recommend reading this book. Get on your knees and prayer over your husband!!
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Men who watch a lot of porn have this problem.
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It’s the porn…porn addiction can do this to a couple’s sex life.
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Watch porn with him
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Honestly this is what happens. You scolded him for watching porn Im guessing. Then he didnt get hard. Then you scoulded him for that. Then you had 10 talks about it. Now its in his head if he doesnt get an erection youll be mad. Its fear di**. Porn is NOT CHEATING. I watch porn when my husbands at work it never feels like cheating and is a form of slef care. Telling someoen they cant watch porn is to control them sexually. Is there financial issues? Is he working harder than usual? 99.9% of the time its not about anything between the two of you.
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