My husband and I only have sex if I initiate it: Advice?

Hi! I have a question. My husband and I have been together for five years now and married for 2. We have a three-year-old, and life is hectic (as it is for everyone). The last year or so, we have barely had sex, and every time we did, I am the one who initiates it. I feel like he’s not attracted to me anymore. We have both put on weight and are not comfortable and are trying to lose, but I feel like it has affected him a lot more than me. I know there are times in a marriage/relationship when this happens, but we haven’t been together for so long that we’re bored with each other. I have tried to talk to him about it and even tried to have a set weekly “date,” but it’s been three weeks and he still hasn’t even tried. He’s always tired, or his back hurts. I just don’t know what to do anymore! Any suggestions??

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Do yourself, screw him.

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Maybe get some massage oils and start out with back massages, Then work your way into sexy time. from someone with chronic pain, it does make a huge impact on our sex life. or maybe you take him out for a date night. why does he have to ask you? you know what you want, go get it

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Following for the advice :no_mouth:

His testosterone levels could be off. Or could be stress and depression.

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Maybe hes got some other stuff going on. Stress anxiety and depression can mess up a persons sex drive. It may have nothing to do with you at all. Dig a little deeper than the weight issue

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Definitely don’t make plans for scheduled sex, then it’s more of like a chore or something. Spontaneity is good and with the weight issue, I’d say do something that will make him comfortable or like show him you still find him attractive? Bring that intimacy back, light some candles and make out like you’re 16 again, it kinda helps lighten the mood :wink::blush: good luck!

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Sit him down and ask him! Just tell him how its affecting you and be open without judgment. Its definitely something that needs to be addressed especially if your relationship is suffering. I do know since I put weight on after my first child and school stress weight i stop initiating anything with my husband and he came to me and talked it out. You wont know until you have a heart to heart.

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Oh man. This was my exact situation. In the end, I fell out of love for many reasons including the sex. Moved on and sex has never been better. Sometimes it’s just not there anymore I hate to say it. I’m glad I moved on I am much happier :woman_shrugging:t2:

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He may be depressed or his testosterone is low.
I would start with a check up with the doctor.

Well sweetheart, I understand how this makes you feel. All marriages hit that What now in the bedroom phase. And I think you’re right that its effected him more than you. But here’s the thing sis, He LOVES YOU AND STILL WANTS YOU BC You ARE having sex! As you stated ,you have been together along time, you get comfortable, and settled into routine, Now it time to REMEMBER spontaneity! My advice is to explore Adam and Eve .com, when you are together tonight in bed take the laptop, Let him see you do this, nothing makes a sore back feel better than a massage, and ask his opinion of what sent! Then mosey on over to the clearance, Explore Games oils, nighties, toys, ! Free shipping brown packaging and always free gifts. And make him Wait until the package arrives and he will be ready for bed Early! Our husbands NEED support too baby. Have FUN!

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Talk to him first bluntly give him a chance to speak men wasn’t sex, you want sex with him talk talk talk again hear his response then make your decision xx :kissing_heart:

Age, stress, hormone levels all play a factor. Open dialog and maybe a doc apt is your best bet. God knows my hormones dropped having my second child and I didnt want sex at all- and it had absolutely NOTHING to do with my SO. But there are ways to fix that. U dint just up and leave like some of these comments say.

Open communication is KEY

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Talk about it again. Get some clear answers about how he is feeling & talk about how you are feeling, don’t sugar coat anything. Say it like you said it now.

Talk to your husband. Sit down and make it a light conversation. Don’t embarrass him, just talk to him.

Maybe he’s low T and doesn’t even know it.

Dress up get toys experiment it might get him more excited

Feed him foods good for lebito :slight_smile:

Shoot sleep is better

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Honestly it might not even be that he’s not attracted to you. You said you both put on weight so maybe he’s insecure about himself.

Build him up! Tell him daily things you appreciate about him. Seriously loose weight and make yourself the best you can be.

Following…going through same thing except 36 weeks prego and hadn’t has sex in almost 2 months…he also has an excuse

Suggest him see a doctor. Not for his sex drive. It sounds like he has underlying mental health issues. My fiance has no sex drive and it’s linked to his depression. Try exercising together, going on walks. Don’t push him to talk to you, but assure him every day you love him and that you are there for him for the good and the bad. Believe me, it’s hard. I HATE my body and I had a hard time believing it wasn’t me. It’ll be hard for both of you if he takes the steps to address and accept what is mentally going on with him. I will not be one of those to jump to cheating. I do highly recommend him talking to a doctor about where he’s at mentally and go from there.

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I hate to say this but has he seen the Dr lately? It may be a good idea. My husband and I just getting ready to celebrate our 5th anniversary and he was…distant very little sex, made sure I was asleep before he came to bed. The distancing himself things. We talked about but he poo pooed my concerns away. Turns out he was sick and I lost him just a month after our 5th anniversary. I am not trying to scare you but you may want him to have a check up.

Stress anxiety something on his mind to much going on hard to cope with my bf was like that he stressed out to the to the point we didn’t even touch each other but he had intermittent explosive disorder were everything was always running his mind never stopped to think and see wat he was doing just recently he got help and everything is starting to improve better than it was

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My husband is the same but he also had low T. He’s finally getting better. Low T can cause a man to be emotional, stressed, tired and exhausted.

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Sounds like depression… also men get body conscious too!! If he’s put on weight he simply may be embarrassed :woman_shrugging:t2: I’ve literally lived that, it definitely happens… and can easily lead to depression.
He needs to see a doctor, not about lack of sex, but to figure out where he’s at mentally! Then the rest will fall in place but sadly if he has lost interest or has interest somewhere else you can’t fix that.

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Download the lover app! It has different things to try. You can link your profiles together and it has “matches” that you pick what you would and wouldn’t do and it you both pick them it shows up. It’s pretty good at getting things spiced back up!

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Could he be suffering from depression or he could be self conscious about his body? Let him know how you feel, it’s difficult but important.

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To get the spark, get some lingerie a lacy g-string. Guys just love sexy lingerie?

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He might have issues at work or something bothering him and hes not telling you. He could also have a medical reason as well. Thats a tough situation. I hope yall can work through it

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My husband has never had issues with his drive, but I know that when depression gets me down, my libido lowers a lot. My guess is that it does the same to men. Just talk to him when you guys have alone time and ask him if he’s ok. He might have a lot on his mind that he doesn’t want to bother you with so he keeps it to himself. Good luck!!

Maybe he has low testosterone and something like cialis will help? But he may just be super self conscious, try eating healthier and maybe some exercise. Its known to boost serotonin and could give him some confidence back? Worth a try

I would say don’t schedule it. The pressure of it being scheduled might be taking away from actually wanting to have sex. Instead spice it up, light some candles, music and give him a massage. Bring back the intimacy, not just sex. Men can feel not so sexy too so I think it’s a nice reminder than no matter the weight gain, you still love and are attracted to him. Hopefully that massage gets him going and he’s ready to either give one to you or give you what you really want lol

Just take a bath and get into bed naked or sexy lingerie. You’re body is not the problem …

This is going to be easier said then done I know but talk to him. They even have games for couples - amazon has tons to choose from to get to really know each other. They also have love language questionnaires and it tell how to communicate with each other and what the other person needs / wants in the relationship. We’ve done some and it really helped . It’s good to have those talks ever so often to check in . Maybe y’all can workout together and bond while you work your butt off. You can do this!

Have you both tried working on your bodies? Get back fit together? Guys suffer from body issues too so maybe he isn’t feeling confident? Or hopefully not, but maybe he isn’t attracted to you anymore… Let him know how you’re feeling and see what he says. Good luck.

I am widowed but had a great sex life with my husband…you need to show genuine appreciation to each other, kind words, compliments, say I love you and vasaline rub down helps Lol, oh plus we started praying our father together in the mornings, really bonding…

Does he watch porn? If so porn desensitizes your ability to get aroused and decreases interest in real women

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Yes he is cheating it sounds like it will only get worse not better.what guy ain’t intrested in sex . he has to be getting it somewhere else’

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