So my partner and I have been together on and off for 6 years now. Married than divorced(crazy I know right). Have a 5 year old and now one due in June. We’ve been doing great until about 2 months ago when our bliss just suddenly stopped. Long story short we live with my mom, signed a lease to take over her house and he’s also apart of a business with my family (mom, grandma, and aunt) and the only one working right now. So stress level is pretty high. But recently he’s asked for an open relationship. Granted I know how bad it seems, but we have talked about a poly relationship that I have agreed to but living with my mom hasn’t been an option. Now he wants it so he can find someone (for the potential third person) but also have the barriers broken in a sense so he’s not trapped. Has anyone had a successful open relationship? I’ve seen shows and movies and I know it looks complicated. My goal isn’t to throw away our life, but also don’t want to be in denial about the situation. Obviously I love him and would rather just live out the life we’ve been re making, but I’m also bored with how it is too. I just don’t know if I can handle it all mentally with a newborn coming.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband asked me for an open relationship: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
So basically, he wants to bring his side chick into your relationship
Relationships like this usually never work out. You will probably end up in Divorce court. I say it’s probably already over because if a man loves you truly he isn’t looking for anyone else. Specially with kids involved. What are you teaching your kids ? Sooner or later they will be able to figure this out.
If he wants that third so he can not feel trapped then this relationship is done and you should move on.
Open relationships only work on trust and extreme honesty, respecting the other partners, being safe with everyones health…. And finally doing during a big upheaval in life like the new baby and helping the older kid adjust isn’t a good time. He should be focusing on helping the child and bonding with baby. Once you guys have moved through that phase then you can together start setting the hard boundaries for this next step.
Poly relationships can definitely work but there are certain times where adding someone new is not in the best interest of anyone involved. Pregnancy is one of those times. It would be different if you already had someone but to add a new person amidst all the crazy right now I don’t think is wise. Wait until after your hormones settle down and then both of you can talk and possibly open it up if the interest is there.
I don’t know anything about poly relationships. I mean I know what they are but I have no personal experience and I know I would never want that kind of relationship, especially while pregnant. I’m not an open relationship type of person, but I wish you well and congrats
Asking to open the relationship WHILE you are currently pregnant…is full on selfish! This is allllll about “HIM”. That’s not what poly relationships are about. It’s about respect for each other first and foremost. There’s also tons of conversations around this. Boundaries and what’s acceptable and what’s not. This does not sound like a solid grounded time to be opening the relationship. Sounds like he doesn’t want to fully commit to you and the relationship and this is his way of being ok with just fooling around with other people.
Could never do this all or nothing and your expecting what a time to be even thinking of this maybe i live a sheltered life but this just screams all wrong to me good luck x
Wtf did I just read 
he wants a third so he doesn’t have to feel trapped?! Lord Jesus
Why do it if he just want it? If that’s something you really want to do also talk about it? Do a third person mean man or woman? Also remember while you attending with the kids that third person can become his main partner. I say if the love is not there, divorce and move on.
Most important with this is communication, setting boundaries beforehand and having time for conversations about what’s going on while it’s going on. Clearly you guys have discussed this prior and it’s not some random thing. It doesn’t have to add to your stress level and make sure you talk about what kind of open you want to be. Some people have varying levels of what’s okay from both people in the relationship and the people on the outside possibly entering into the relationship. Regardless of which one of you it’s with it’s still someone coming into your personal relationship space. This person may help decrease some of the stress especially if you’re in a poly type relationship where you are friends with the other person as well.
Would he be willing to wait until after the baby is born and y’all have a routine down before seeking a third person? If you’re 100% okay with someone else entering the relationship, that’s perfectly fine but being pregnant and going through changes like that can be stressful and your hormones are all over the place. Go for it if y’all both want to, but I definitely think you should wait! Other than that, I have no advice to give. I’m not an open relationship type of person.
You agreed for multiple relationship to begin with. What did you expect?? Deal with it or move on alone.
None of this is a relationship. Ditch his cheating butt and get a good lawyrr.
he obviously does not love you, he just realised it is gona work better for him to give you a little love now an again than having a nother man love you the way you deserves to be loved. LEAVE THE ASSHOLE
I’m just going to leave this right here.
The third person doesn’t have to be a woman. Get a man to be the third person, would he like that? I want polly, but I would have to have a man as the third… because I don’t like women in a sexual way at all…
Look for me when I had an ope. Relation ship in my first marriage it ruined it I don’t recommend it I do t air my dirty laundry publicly so if you wanna Chatt p .m me ok I don’t mind talking one on one
Then say no. It’s not what I want right now
How about adding another man? If he’s so open to this Poly life style.
It would be a NO for me …
If your bliss siuddenly stopped a couple months ago he isnt happy and he is bored
He already has a side chick and wants to bring her in for the supposingly third…so it wont seem like he is cheating…
how fair is that to you because its only for him not you because i bet he doesnt ever want a guy for the third
You take a very big risk alot of married men like to cheat when the wife is pregnant
but with the same chick he will fall in love with her and eventually dump you
But since you think hey why not start saving for the break up because he isnt content with just you anymore
He has nothing to lose you are already divorced
Jesus just leave him already
Honey you all are human, there are enough true crime documentaries that say why this is a bad idea. Jealousy is not connected to religion, sexual orientation or race, it’s an emotion.
I know multiple people in polygamous relationships that are extremely successful with kids being in the picture as well. I would suggest waiting until you all are situated with the new baby. The only way polygamous works from what I’ve seen is having constant communication and boundaries that you both think are acceptable.
Not gonna be the easiest while your pregnant. Lots of hormones are going to take over.
Sounds like you already got a lot going on with your living situation and a new baby on the way. Do you really want that added stress?
Looking for a way to cheat without getting in trouble.
Y’all can’t even handle a monogamous relationship…
This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship to me and likely will end badly anyway, I would just leave now before baby comes so they don’t have to suffer through the inevitable. But that’s just my opinion, hope whatever you choose works out for you 
Have more self respect and more respect for your poor children. Dysfunctional for all involved.
Well ask him if he’s cool with you bringing another man in while he’s out with his other chick 
What you are saying doesn’t sound like a poly relationship. He wants to bring in a 3rd party but have the barriers broken so he isn’t trapped. Sounds like he wants to have a side piece and you be okay with that. If you want an open relationship, then you both get you something on the side but make sure you are not prepared for it. Also, consider your children.
You have a child one on the way you are not thinking of them
How this will effect them.
Never mind you.
Im sorry he doesn’t love you .
He loves himself only
Don’t make excuses sweety, if you don’t want that kind of relationship. Then don’t do it. He obviously needs something that has nothing to do with you and that’s okay. Let him do him and you do you.
This relationship sounds toxic!!! What wrong with people today. This is why our world is so screwed up. We’re not animals going from one to other.
This is mental with another baby on the way you should be his priority and his focus at the moment not looking for a 3rd person
Definitely not. If it’s only something he wants he’s being awfully selfish and not thinking about you or his children… He’s probably already cheating and putting you at risk for STDs or illnesses I’d get out now and move on.
Holy! Find ways to unbore eachother, do NOT bring in a 3rd person into your relationship or it will be doomed.
He’s wrong af for even putting this on you especially in the middle of everything going on around you .
If you don’t think you can handle it all mentally ,just go ahead and not even try it ,especially bringing a new baby into the world soon too you are going to go through so many emotions and most of them possibly not good already ,bringing another person or people into yalls relationship at especially such a vulnerable time may be the worst thing you could do ,best for him obviously bc he would be getting his rocks off either way . With even talking about being open and deciding against it if you do though be wary bc some men or women if they especially the ones who asked for it don’t get they want with you agreeing may just get it without you knowing if they aren’t already . I tried to do this for my fiancé when we were pregnant with our second and then her being born ,It didn’t work out and bc of it neither did our relationship. I hope you do whatever is best for you and your family ,good luck !
You need to find a man that loves you
Honey, your going to get negativey on here! I personally would never allow anyone with someone that I love. But honestly it’s your chose in the end not anybody’s business but yours. If you have to ask ppl then your unsure .
Maybe wait till your baby is born and settled into a routine. I hope you make the right decision for yourself not for him honey. Take care
This relationship sounds toxic!!!
It’s extremely hard to be in a poly relationship and all parties need to be in an agreement and communicate. Due to your past and you’re wavering I try don’t believe the life is for you and your partner. I feel like he’s being entirely selfish and untrustworthy. Everything that you can’t be in a poly relationship. I said what I said.
No no no!! You are worth more then that
Wow, you might as well just cut your losses and make him leave. He obviously has no respect for you if he wants to bring in another woman into his life. It’s like cheating but with you saying it’s ok!
I think that you should reconsider what you want. You are saying things that are contradictory and sound like you are stressed. If he’s going to be a partner and a person you want to make happy why isn’t he helping you out with stresses? If he can’t focus on your children why are you working so hard to make him happy? Is it because he will go ahead and do what he wants no matter what? I find the timing of this questionable. The focus is on the new baby and working through things but it’s sounding very one sided. Maybe you don’t need a third person but a different guy who’s going to be all in and focused on helping you and being a good partner. A relationship is going to have slow and stable parts that aren’t boring but ok. You n don’t need drama and new people-if you do why? Maybe marriage counseling is something to consider before you decide to dedicate yourself to someone who doesn’t seem as committed to the same life you want to have with them. Once you’re both settled and working and things are ok which may not be for awhile with a NEW baby then decide
I would research some safe places to ask Poly/open relationship questions…
Some folks here are being entirely was to “stuck up” and snobby about this.
From personal experience, open relationships work if you both communicate openly, listen to each other, support eachother, take accountability when it’s necessary, and hold them accountable when necessary. It’s mainly COMMUNICATION
Best of luck darlin!!!
Oh so he wants to do it with someone he just met. And once you start living your open relationship life he’s going be a jealous child. Bet
This is all so bloody sad to me. There is no way I would share my significant other with anyone and with you being pregnant shame on him. The kids come first and sounds like there’s a lot of growing up to do…
Asking for an open marriage while your pregnant. We would be done and filing for divorce.
Unfortunately he cheating. He wants to have his “home wrecker” involved in the relationship.
Even if an open relationship is okay with you, I don’t think now is the right time to test the waters with you being pregnant. Its hard to keep your emotions in check when you are in a monogamous relationship during pregnancy, I think you will end up feeling like he’s the only one benefitting since I doubt you are going to be out picking up guys while pregnant. Also, what if he catches a std and gives it to you while your pregnant and now your baby will be at risk. This is just not a good time to make such a change. He should be considerate of how you feel and if he isn’t than an open relationship will end with you being hurt.
Don’t do it. Tried it with my spouse. Soon to begin the process of divorce
To each his own, I can’t say what you should do. However, I do believe open relationships work for most
Just tell him that now is not the right time. And you can revisit it once your little one is a little older
I don’t think it’s going to end well.
All I can see is HIM HIM HIM. Life is fucking hard as fuck no matter if your working or not. If he wanted to he would find a way to be with just you. I don’t care if your in your mom’s house. Fuck that. That’s a lame ass excuse to keep what he’s got and fuck around with someone else.
If he wanted to, he would. 
No way if this is needed lost is on losing streak get counseling
Tell him that the baby and him can have bottle parties all night long. And hell no.
Read this as a person not in the situation… it’s crazy. I see a lot of drama. Not a peaceful life.
Let the man go … it’s not worth the bullshit
Your homones will be all over thr place i dont think that sleepless nights a newborn n extra housework will bode for a even " ok/mediocre’ open relationship right now n if hes askn for it maybe hes already cheated and using the new style relatiinship for cover or maybe he has some1 lined up already…i.m.o. he wants more signals youre not enuf for him…id be outta there…itll all end in tears i.m.o.but, i dont know you or him, your call no1 can make this decision for you. Think of the kids they hear n see more than u give them credit for n they grow up real fast…im sorry but i think yul be hurt in the end but i sincerely hope not the fact that youve askt for advice indicates you need persuading or are not sure/hesitant…think carefully these things av been knownto wreck marriages n if therz already a crack in yours it could get wider best of luck mama
Ok, I think you’re better off asking in a group that’s specifically for Poly relationships because the hate flowing through here for consensual non monogamous people is kind of gross, hurtful and probably made you feel worse.
Poly relationships work. They work when both people involved are open and honest but it takes trust, and it takes mutual understanding.
Wanting someone else so he doesn’t feel trapped isn’t something I have ever heard a successful person (I’ll say person cause it can be man, woman, etc.) give as a reason to introduce another into your lives. Poly relationships are usually not one sided. Good luck! Sounds to me y’all have a lot to work through and a stronger bond to build before you’ll be successful in love for all.
This is a giant bag of muddie buddies:expressionless:
Honestly it sounds like he has already had another person on the side that he wants to cheat with more openly. The fact that said it is so he doesn’t feel trapped just shows he really doesn’t want to be with you. With you in a committed relationship he is trapped? He is telling you right there you are not the one he wants. Being poly is to be happy in the relationship he has with you and you BOTH willingly accepting a third for the betterment of all involved. Since he wants to be poly ask his stance in you with another man since of course he wants another female. That will tell you.
My husband and I have been together for seven years and we have had an open relationship since the beginning. We had kids on year two and three of our relationship. So I was pregnant when we were open. It felt wonderful to me because that’s who I am inside naturally. There was a lot of good vibrations and sex obviously. The difference in here is why we were open. my catchphrases I’m a lesbian but my husband is my soulmate. So I still wanted the opportunity to experience women. I generally have a “free love” view of my relationship. It gives me actual joy when we/he have another girl around and they genuinely feel for one another and the vibes are peaceful. As we grew and evolved, we had a period of monogamy. And after 8 months we opened up after mutually agreeing. But we also don’t have bad blood with any of our exes or past partners. We both wanted it and enjoy our lifestyle this way. We always stay open about our feelings and who/how they were affected. As for the “trapped” part… it’s ugly wording but that is how I felt when I met my man. I felt for him more deeply than I had for anybody and I didn’t want to lose him. But I couldn’t fathom the idea of forcing myself into a hetero/monogamous box after finally coming out and enjoy the freedom of being me. If it makes you unhappy, tell him so. If you gonna always still fw each other, then do so. If you’re monogamous and capable of only loving one person, prone to understandable jealous, not turned on by him being with another woman, then communicate that as a simple fact. You can figure you out along the way. The world is yours, and there is a lot of love out there.
Only go into a open relationship if your both into it . If your not stay WELL AWAY from it. He sounds like a real selfish pig too be honest. If you do decide to have a open relationship you get out there every weekend and sleep with as many people as you want. Each time tell him. After afew weeks he will be begging you to stop. To be honest though I think he might be testing you so be careful what your answer is young lady
Advice…get a divorce attorney. A good one. Today.
lady, please have respect for yourself:)
There is nothing wrong with an open relationship, but I don’t see it working out for you at this time tbh. The reason being he wants to add another because he currently “feels trapped” with you. Anytime you try to use another person to fix the relationship you have, it will end badly. I would personally wait until after the baby comes and all the dust is settled, you have time to work on each other, and then once you guys are in a better place, to consider if you both still want it.
That would be a hard no from me, simply because you’re pregnant and if his messing with someone else and comes back to you. Idk I’d be concerned about getting stds while pregnant. Him going to someone else thrn back to you can also throw off your ph if his not clean. Lots of things to think about here.
I do know my friend and her husband got divorced bc of this. And neither of them are poly or in open relationships anymore. But they are happy, and good co-parents
You people need to focus that craziness into getting a job!!!
Sounds like a big ol mess waiting to happen
he wants an excuse to cheat. just leave now
Woman you trippin.
Throw the whole man away!
Kick him out, fire him from the family business and close that door completely.
No, no , no
You must have no respect to yourself, if you do such a thing.