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QUESTION:
"My husband and I have been married for 3 years together 5. We have 4 children from different relationships. When I first met him he was on workers compensation for almost two years. Once he got off of workers' compensation he had multiple jobs which last no more than 6 months. He then went on workers compensation again for a different company for a year and half. He gained employment within a few weeks after getting off of workers compensation which again lasted 6 months. I have maintained the same job for more than 5 years. It’s a high paying job with good benefits. It is not an easy job but I tough through it. I take care of the child primarily. We have a massive amount of debt due to building a house. I’ve gotten to the point where I find him unattractive and I’m getting insanely frustrated with all the inconsistencies with employment. How do I approach him with my concerns without causing a huge fight? What would you do in my position?"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I would sit down with him & tell him your concerns. It doesn’t have to turn into a fight, but I’m sure he will be upset or defensive but I think communication is important. Especially now because it’s affecting how you see him. He’s a father and a husband, he needs to help you, or else what’s really the point of him being there…"
"Find out why he’s not staying employed. Is he lazy, easily bored, or relying on your good paying job to get through? Both People, whether employed, or not, should carry an equal load."
"Is he home with the kids while you work? That in itself saves on child care. If he does stuff around the house that also helps. My husband became disabled at a young age with back problems. I was a nurse and the main breadwinner. But our youngest never had a babysitter as husband was home with him. He alo cooked and did laundry. Even if he was able to work what he made would have all went to child care."
"Sounds like he gets a job long enough to try to have something happen to go on workman’s comp. I’d just talk to him, but upfront and honest without being confrontational or mean. Let him know how you feel."
"Speaking as someone who had a bio dad like this… he won’t change. You’re going to keep getting the short end of the stick."
"You're just gonna have to come right out and say how/what you feel. Does he have a skill that he’s good at???"
"I’d say talk to him first and then both of you talk to the counselor if you’re wanting to stay married. If you’re not, you’re the one carrying the entire load anyway… Move on. Seems he likes to live off of other people and not necessarily even his own wife."
"He’s not going to change. He’s too comfortable in his lifestyle. He found someone to take care of him and hold up the fort while he drifts. Either get used to it or leave."
"This is what I call a frequent flyer ( in Workers Comp for 15 years) he will always be a claimant. Get out now"
"Some people are just like that. Maybe he should get his mental health checked out and make sure there’s nothing going on there. You need to understand though that some people just can’t hold jobs for whatever reason. If your attraction to him can be lost over money why tf are you married?"
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