Send him a bill for childcare…
Well maybe it’s time for a part time job after you have this last one. I could never solely depend on anyone. As it usually comes with some kind of mental manipulation. If you had your own money, he could never say these things. Be alert about the negative talk he does to you. That’s usually red flags we choose to ignore. Your intuition is trying to tell you something, listen to it.
Resentment festers.
Tell him how much you’re saving the family $$$$ in daycare costs.
Tell him it invalidates your job, and it IS a job.
Suggest he prices daycare for three kids. See if he thinks you’re not saving the family money.
Suggest he handle them for 8 hours a day by himself to see if he thinks you’re not working .
And have a candid talk about whether or not he’s resentful, bc this, left unaddressed, will be the granule which festers in your marriage & leads to much larger issues.
Sorry you’re going through that. It’s such a rotten way to treat someone you purport to love.
Start charging him for caring for HIS CHILDREN, and maintaining the household…or are you cleaning, cooking, laundry…if not…tell him you’ll go to work and hire a nanny.
Was it something expensive that you were discussing? Is he feeling overworked? Look at the bigger picture. Being the sole financial provider can be emotionally and mentally draining.
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He gets money when he claims you and kids. Tell him to shut up. Id find a job parttime and make him pay childcare!!
You can also sit down and do a family budget to help allocate expenditure & make you both feel more in control of the finances. It is both your money- considering he can’t birth any children, remind him that you both decided to have children so this is your job at the moment, as well as raising the ones you already have. It’s not an easy job at all, we know that but they very don’t!
Get a job so u go out as he comes in then he can have the kids
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No he’s full of resentment for some stupid reason. The family money is your money too.
Honestly, start saving up a secret stash for yourself, because situations like that almost always divolve into financial abuse.
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I was a stay at home and not once did my partner throw the money thing in my face. He’s been stressed at times about money and been grouchy and apologised for the moods but it was just as important to him as it was me to raise our children when they were small at home. I think you need to have an honest conversation with him and tell him apologies don’t undo the hurt or the uncertainty that it brings up and he’s has to get real and tell you what’s going on, or he needs to find ways to deal with his stress. As a partner of course you’d be happy to support his emotional needs, but not when it’s being aimed at you and making you worry about the security of your family. Those kinds of comments rock foundations and he needs to know that. If he deep down is just resenting things then he needs to tell you the truth. If after all conversations it keeps happening, honey there’s your answer. He isn’t happy and he isn’t doing a darn thing to rectify that because…he doesn’t want to.
People always speak the truth when they are angry or drunk!
It’s because it pretty much takes 2 incomes if your husband does not have a good job and you both know you cannot keep having kids .
Does he get off on putting you down? Sounds a real gem. Time to be self reliant and kick his ass to the curb. Put him on child support!!! We’ll see what a big spender he is.
Tell him to get a better job then so he can afford things and support his family. If he says things like that, I would be a smart ass back 
That’s financial abuse divorce him it wont get better .
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Say this to him, do you really believe I would rather be at home pregnant chasing 2 kids around? fcuk no I’d rather be at work making $$ but hey it is what it is cos that’s how it works men can’t get pregnant Lol
Start babysitting to have your own money then
I’d talk to him and say it bothers you what he said and your thinking about going back to work after the baby( tell him let’s wY the pros and cons of me working) , call around and find out how much daycare would cost for two toddlers and a baby, plus he would have to help with house work and the kids ( daycare pick up and drop off) my guess is he will see how beneficial it is for you to stay at home.
he’s playing too much back n forth. question him what he wants- to pay the difference in what being a sahm saves him or to pay for it all.
Show him how much daycare for 3 kiddos costs…he wants you to work then you can split the cost of daycare. Then since you’re working like him, you will also need to split all household work evenly, it’s only fair. It’s hard enough and lonely enough bring a sahm, you don’t need who is supposed to be your biggest support system, who you are sacrificing your own financial independence for, so you can raise children you have together, ever throwing it in your face.
I’m sure deep down he’s a little resentful. He has all the responsibility of providing and making sure all bills are paid and that you can afford to feed three kids plus yourselves. It’s not easy being the one going to work everyday and missing out on your kids lives and stressing about income.
It’s ridiculous to think he owes something for her sitting home. You can’t pay bills off a SAHM “salary” so let’s not act like he can’t be bothered by the lack of income.
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Next time he said it I’d be done. Sorry is meaningless without change 
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Discuss a budget for the whole house bills, groceries, clothing, extras for the whole family, extras for you, extras for him, have a dedicated amount you get to spend at your leisure without anyone else worrying about it. And have a separate account that is only yours… I’m all for people having separate accounts even as a SAHM (before my husband died) I would get a set amount in my account when needed for groceries etc and extra if I needed and he had his accounts
Also have a living will, power of attorney etc in place because that gets complicated when something unexpected and terrible happens
Start sticking up for yourself, he’s able to work because YOU give him the opportunity. He has the PRIVILEGE of being able to provide while you SACRIFICE not only your body, sanity and goals. We as woman pause our lives meanwhile these men have the nerve to always hang something over our heads, it won’t get any better but I will say it’s better to be alone and not hear anyone in your ear about any kind of money… money will always be an issue but someone has to stay home and care for those kids, even if you did work, the kids get sick and MOM has to leave work, or even quit. Men will never get it but id say run, if you can… if he doesn’t work that out
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A. He’s resentful that your a sahm or B. He knows it hurts your feelings either way he’s being a dick!!!
All these people telling her to get a job you realize that she is 23 weeks pregnant with two toddlers at home that’s not the easiest thing to do. And with only one income daycare for two children not to mention the one she’s pregnant with they’ll never be able to afford that.
I would request some house laws. Wife can make special requests but must try to save money in some area of the budget or make some money to help for those extras, even if it’s having a yard sale, lemonade and bake sale, small jobs here but no major commitment that will take away from household needs. Husband will no longer make remarks but instead offer support or alternatives that will fit the budget.
The world is harsh enough. Be nice. Don’t be impulsive. It’s all part of being a family and coming together for the greater good of the family as a whole.
Nah, being a sahm has monetary value. I bet if you get a job and have to pay for childcare he would still complain.
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Get quotes from daycares … let him know your getting a job & you will both need to work on drop off & pick up . Also , ask which chores he likes most & dislikes so yall can divide up that responsibility. Oh, lunches & dinner …gotta meal plan so you need to know what he wants to cook or can ??
Getting the babies diaper bag , bottles etc ready each night for the next day … and for the other 2 …
I’d get a couple house cleaner quotes just in case he doesn’t think he can do it …
I bet at the end of the conversation he will feel like an ass for belittling you. Cause those remarks are just that !!! It’s controlling behavior & he feels above you. So mama pop that ego of his in a nice southern mama way with the above . You deserve to be appreciated …
Do you want to be a stay at home mom
I mean. I think you need to give him some grace here. And he needs to give you some grace.
Obviously he’s stressing out financially with expecting the new addition to the family. That does not give him permission to behave that way and he knows that that’s why he apologizes later. He is probably happy you get to be home. Can you imagine the cost of childcare if you weren’t? You’re looking at probably 500 per week at least.
I would say have a discussion tell him this is bothering you and would he want you to look into getting a part time job that you can work when he’s home. If he says no then drop it and ignore him when he’s worrying about money just start looking into ways to cut costs where you can so you lessen the stress. I bet he’s just super stressed with the impending new addition and knowing the financial burden falls directly on him.
You could find a work from home job that way you could bring in money and watch the kiddos. 
Stop doing everything around the house and see how he feels about that when he comes home from work and there’s no dinner made, no laundry was done and you let the kids play willy-nilly and make a mess all over the place and don’t pick any of it up. Trust me when I tell you he will stop making those comments! Being a stay at home mother and I have only done it for 10 months of my life is a huge job. People don’t think it’s a job because you’re at home but all you do all day is pick up after people, cook, clean, do laundry, run errands go to doctors appointments run kids to activities, it’s constant. Your children are small, so they are with you every waking moment. You can’t even go to the bathroom alone. I am older and my children are grown up now, but still in the house. They are highschoolers. I work from home so while I’m doing my full-time job, I’m still cooking and cleaning and doing laundry, and then my kids come home and I’m still running them to activities after I’m done working- it never ends!
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OR…trust your husband that is just venting and stress. Don’t read too much in to the little things people say when they get overwhelmed. I’m so grateful my every single word said isn’t being held against me or I’d be all by myself forever.
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It’s past time for you to get yourself gainfully employed and fend for yourself and your kids.
Sounds like he’s gearing up to leave.
Guess what honey? His money is also your money, there’s no mine and yours in a marriage. Once married , everything IS OURS. Maybe you should start charging 5 or 10 dollars for every dinner you make, load of laundry you do, each time you clean up , ect…tell him that you also contribute to the household by doing all these things and more. He will learn to appreciate you if you start slacking off a little bit and keep from talking down to you
That’s just mean and hurtful!
Husband? Your finances are shared. He needs to support his kids. Maybe remind him that if you went to work, he would he paying more than your salary to cover everything you do at-home on the daily
That is a form of mental and emotional abuse 
Ahh that sucks! He needs to get help for his toxic behavior. He is belittling you which is or soon will be verbal abuse. Get help.
Tell him you will watch the kids for half price a daycare would cost him
Write up an “invoice” for all the jobs you do at home at the professional rates- childcare, housekeeping, cooking, managing the household. Maybe he needs to see the value of the work you do to keep your family running smoothly.
Look up financial abuse.
Just because he is stressed, does not give him the right to lash out or make you feel less-of. You do not and should not have to take anyone talking to you in such a way.
Also, when I was married, I got a job where I could take my kids with me for free so I could have my own money. I also got to talk to other adults and the kids got to play with other children. It helped with never being able to buy my own things.
Set a household budget and talk about it. Another mouth to feed probably has him stressed to the max. Are you saving anything for emergencies or retirement or for when you need another car? What happens if he loses his job? What happens if you can’t afford the rent/mortgage? Strategize ways to save and earn more money. And commit to your 3 kids and don’t have more unless you have a lot more money available in the future.
You shouldnt be having another baby
Offer to get a job and him be sahd
He already has underlying resentment towards you it seems. So prepare yourself.
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Hes what ud call a plonker…c how he would like to be a sahd
Well he should’ve worn a condemn and now he CAN pay
Find out what it would cost you for daycare for 3 kids and ask him to pY you that amount, or even his half of said amount
Plus include spouse support
. He might change his mind.
Get a job and tell him you’re tired of hearing him complain and use it against you when he’s upset. He will have to pick up 50% of the housework/childrens needs but it’ll make him appreciate what you’ve been doing up to this point. I got 4 kids and work 2 full time jobs cause I will never let someone tell me I’m not contributing that’s fighting words for me lol
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Get a job and distance yourself a bit hell feel the difference whether he means it or not protect yourself
Sometimes they hate to admit they need help with finances
Start giving him invoices for your services
Nanny $54,000 per yr
Day care $39,000 per yr for three children
Cleaner $37,000 per yr
Personal assistant $35,000 per yr
Personal chef $40,000 per yr
All wage averages can be found on Google. These are the basics of the costs you save the household by staying home.
Know your worth.
You should remind him how much daycare is and it would basically be your pay from said job
My complained when I stayed at home but complained even more when I worked.
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Either get a job and stick him with the bill for childcare, or tell him what daycare will cost while you’re not home. Plus a nanny too, to take the kids to extracurriculars, doctor appointments, etc since you can’t take off work, or he must take off to do it just as often as you do. Then also roll up with the cost of a bi-weekly house cleaner since you won’t be home to do that either. And obviously he’ll need to either help meal prep for the entire week on his day off, or pony up the money for an in home cook to account for you not being home home to do that either.
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Get you some income honey…baking, making & selling something cause ain’t no way
Hold on here, He’s keeping you pregnant and making comments Mad or NOT that you’re not contributing financially? I would put the kids in daycare hand HIM the bill for it, Get the CRAPPIEST MINIMUM wage job and tell him, Now that I’m WORKING and Pregnant, You’re gonna need to start doing your own Laundry, supervise bed and bath routine 3 nights a week, Cook dinner 3 nights a week, clean the kitchen on the nights I cook because I’m contributing financially NOW.
He’s the damn reason you have no money. You’re the main reason HE CAN go and make money. You’re doing the toughest job, the longest job, 24/7 no sick days job… so he can go work.
You are the one who is allowing him to make the money by caring for his kids. Next time he says it, tell him you’re going to get a job so he will now have to pay for child care.
Sometimes it’s stressful when you work and work to try to get ahead and your spouse wants to spend money on something not needed or frivolous
Get a job and make him pay for child care.
So explain to him that once the little one is old enough, you’ll be getting a job. He’s going to pay for half the child care expenses, half the house bills and his own vehicle expenses. He’s also going to do pick ups/drop offs 3 days a week for school/daycare and he’s also going to be responsible for half of the house chores and to make dinner 4 days a week. He also needs to split the grocery bill with you each time it’s time to re stalk the house. And if he’s not okay with any of that, he can shut up and be thankful and do his part, which is currently paying for everything you, the kids or the house needs.
Show him the cost of daycare if you go get a job and ask if he would like to use that line in you again. Be snippy back while proving a point. You bring alot to the house hold just not in the firm of a paycheck
Tell him he can pay you daycare wages then. See how he likes paying for daycare for 3 children. 2400-3000 a month …that will shut him up
Sounds like something deeper. He is either upset you get more time with the kids or he needs help financially so he can take a mental and emotional rest.
Get a job and split the household responsibilities. He’ll regret he ever made those comments to you. It sucks because I’m sure most SAHM love being there with their kids and being the one to take care of them but don’t lose your independence and don’t let him treat you like you have no value. Part of the reason why I couldn’t be a SAHM. I admire the moms that can definitely do it and I know I would love it too but I’ve always feared relying on someone else. I’ve gone through it before and promised myself to NEVER rely on someone so much that I feel trapped. That leads to resentment and a miserable life of insecurities. It works if both are supportive of each other and understands the importance of both roles and has the respect for it too. Clearly, he’s lacking in a lot of that just with the comments. Sorry means nothing if it’s not followed up with action. Be strong and hang in there.
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A male who say things like that is not a man he is a Shovenist Pig,I can’t see myself living with that kind
Tell him to be the stay at home dad and u work bringing in the money and see how much he thinks u do then
He needs to shut up with abusive and unkind comments or he can help pay for daycare. Or find a way to be a single parent with his dumb comments. Tell him he needs to stop it .
Or maybe quit having babies. Your man is stressed out. Financial responsibility for a household plus 3 babies.
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I have nothing to say advice wise that hasn’t already been mentioned here. But I just want to say that I’m sorry you even have to deal with those kind of remarks. I know how hard it is and how helpless it makes you feel. I’m sorry your husband can’t see that and doesn’t see all the you do. Doesn’t see your worth. But trust that other people do. Whether it be a total stranger like me… I see you. And if nobody else told you today…you’re doing s great job. What you do in a day is 100x harder. And I hope it gets better for you.
Not cool of him. It will keep happening.
That’s a form of control an mental abuse. I hate that you have to hear those things. SAHM’s are worth everything. You are what’s holding things together at home. He needs to recognize that. I wish more men understood that.
I tried the sahm thing before, when my kids was younger, I lasted 2 months. After that 2 months I was so overwhelmed an depressed I started working again. I can honestly say I can’t do what you do.
If he wants to keep that crap up, get written quotes on how much daycare would cost for both your current children and a newborn, and that is at a dead minimum what you contribute to the household.  That is extremely disrespectful. Maybe it’s time to go to couples therapy.
That’s financial abuse. Get yourself your own income, even part time, and put it in a separate savings account or even stash it somewhere so you have a safety net. Sorry you’re dealing with that
Start a day-time baby sitting service. Very FIRST Check, open your own Checking account - YOUR NAME ONLY !!!
Next time he says that, ask the a-hole how much he thinks it would cost HIM for the following every month:
Babysitter for 2 toddlers, Cook, maid, chauffeur, Accountant and someone to buy groceries, laundry
And ALL other SERVICES YOU PROVIDE FREE of charge!!!
Then kick his ass back to his Momma and tell her he’s being returned until he grows up because obviously HE HASN’T!!!
I don’t know what to tell you. 2 toddlers and your pregnant? Any money you make would go to pay for daycare. Unless you have a family member who would sit for free. Daycare is disgustingly expensive.
Absolutely the fuck not. I’ve been a stay at home mom for the better part of 13 years and my husband better run to his mamas house if he tries some shit like that. I get making the mistake once or twice in anger but correcting it and not saying it again, but if this is repetitive he is not sorry and really means it. That man couldn’t go out and provide without a wife at home holding down the fort. If he wants to walk around with an S on his chest for being a provider he also needs to recognize the woman who makes it possible for him to just go to work and come home. I used to work 2 jobs and I will be the first to say I’ve never been so busy in my whole life as I am with kids.
After the baby pops out make him pay for day care get yourself a job and see how much he’ll appreciate you then and won’t ever say stupid things again
God this pisses me off to my core. Being a SAHM is far more work than whatever ur shitty husband is doing. I say shitty because that is inconsiderate and rude ass comment to say to the mother of his children. Flip roles, and let’s see if he can handle it.
Make a spreadsheet.
Add in the average cost of divorce lawyers for 2, use a child support calculator to determine child support for 3 kids (probably 30% to 40% of his income), add in half the cost for childcare for toddlers and a newborn (probably $2k/mo minimum), your local average for a 2br apartment he would inevitably have to get when he moves out if you separate, etc. Make sure the total is clear. Ask him if he would rather shut up and pay for expenses with you as a SAHM or if he would rather you leave and he pay for a divorce because you’re not playing that shit anymore.
Leave his ass with the kids and get a job. Or just divorce his ass cuz he’s sound like a total asshole and u and the kids deserve better. Ditch that loser
Yeh well I just quit my job my man treats me like shit too what happened to men being the breadwinner they want sugar mums that’s for sure fck em all
Me if my hubby did that to me I’d say we’ll I got half of yours so sucks to be you. Lol I hate when men like to say dumb crap like that.
Get the job and tell him the schedule and he can help with it or shut the fuck up… if he is sorry each time are you going to forgive him each time?? Don’t let anyone financially belittle you. He can stay home with the kids and u get mad at him and say the same things and see how he likes it. If he don’t tell him to suck it up. Or sorry like he does you. Get mad at him and teach him it’s not okay.
I think he is struggling with jealousy and doesn’t know how to handle it. You guys should have a sit down and talk about what’s going on. My husband struggled with me being home all day for awhile but we eventually got through it.
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Wow . What a great husband . Keeping you pregnant and you’re taking care of the kids and everything else household wise .and he’s complaining that you don’t bring in any money .
What an AH.
Find out how much day care would be for an infant and 2 toddlers, then find out the current rate for a cleaner. Check into going pay rate for whatever job you’re qualified for.
I am stay at home mom wife business owner over 30 years done all from home u can do it job never ends until they adults
Thats very cruel… and unappreciative. Let him know the next time he says it…he can stay at home.
Or you go away for a weekend and let him care for kids !
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Sounds like a “jerk” to me! Not sorry
Tell him to switch roles with ya. They say truth comes out in anger . Keep your chin up
Tell him its his responsibility to support you. Pay the lady
Ask him how he thinks you should bring money home with 2 kids and being pregnant, ask him how are you supposed to do it all pregnant!
Price daycare- pay 2 weeks of daycare- he’ll learn a fast lesson.
Send him a bill for your services
Get a part time job and let him watch the kids. Don’t ever let anyone treat you that way. There is no need to talk to someone like that.
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