My husband constantly makes comments about me not having money...advice?

He’s stressed because he feels like he’s not providing well enough from a dad and husband’s standpoint but that doesn’t justify that it’s right. It’s wrong, slightly manipulative, and just mean to undervalue your role in the household nonetheless

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The older you get, the more that’s going to piss you off because YOU work 1000 times harder than he EVER will so tell him where he can stick his money comment next time. :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:
P.S. make a hole somewhere in your floors, wall or cabinet and start keeping ANY change you get. That adds up if you stay out of it. I used to average $600 from New Years Day to Christmas.

What is the “it” that you are talking about. The world is soo very expensive. Please talk to him, it could be frustration because there’s not enough to go around but he’s trying. Maybe whatever you’re asking for he doesn’t think it nessacary. There’s 2 sides to every story and I don’t think there’s enough information to really have a side, but I hope you guys can figure out the underlying issue.

It sounds like he’s under a lot of financial stress. Working people don’t understand the work of SAHP or that 1 partner staying home saves them money. They feel they bring in the money. The other spends it. We hear this kind of stuff about child support all the time. He says “my money” without even considering how much money she spends on their children or how much sacrifice & work she puts in.

Sounds like anxiety. I asked my bf to start taking a natural anxiety remedy and it helped a lot. He never knew those “mad” moments were anxiety until we sat down and discussed some issues.

Go move in with your parents and put him on child support!!!

Mine does the same. I’m home w my toddler too bc it’s cheaper than daycare expenses but he throws it in my face. I hate it

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That’s verbal abuse. And saying he’s sorry, but still continues to do it? He’s not sorry. Tell him you’ll find a full time job outside the home, but when the kids are sick, he has to take off work. And he has to drop them off and pick them up from daycare, and pay for it.

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That was Judge Judy’s comment to woman, always make sure you have some type of talent or training so you are never financially dependable on someone else if ever something were to go wrong in your relationship.

Many years ago , my insurance agent told my ex husband what he’d have to pay to replace me ( wife and sahm to two kids ) . After he found out how much money I was worth , he never said another word about it and thanked me and continues to thank me for the job I did and our kids are in there thirties

I’d do counseling with him. The sooner the better or it’s not going to get easier. If he’s not willing to go to counseling with you then I’d really consider separating. Maybe go to a family members house temporarily to see if he changes his tune when his family isn’t home anymore.

I learned 15years ago to never depend on anyone. I don’t trust anyone. I have 5 kids. I’ve had 1 “child’s father” , 1 husband (ex husband), and 1 current kids father I’m still with long term. I have been with my current partner for 5 years with 1 kid together and I promise I’ve worked at home for 13 years now. I have 5 kids, I pay the majority of bills because my 5 kids and I consume a lot so I make it my priority. My partner works but he can’t say nothing except I don’t work outside in the heat :woman_facepalming:t4:. I vowed never ever to rely on a man to put me or my kids up. I’m now kinda successful, I work in IT making over $20hr. I work from 6am to 6pm I have one 3yrs old at home with me and have had all my kids at one point at home with me.

Point in all that find a job, cash hobby that you can do from home. Opportunities are they just have to look hard. Don’t let someone mentally destroy you over making money in your household.

It doesn’t matter that he apologized. He said it, so he’s been thinking it. You’re raising 2 kids. Next time I would say “I’m going back to work, we’re going to start looking into childcare options and I expect your help with everything that comes with that”. Start also asking for more help at home. He doesn’t see everything that comes with being a SAHM. He may think that he’s actually working but you’re not. Start going out more. More errands to run on his off days so he gets to experience it because no amount of talking is going to change that.

He’s being unappreciative and it’s a slap in the face for you.

Gross. Leave him. There are so many better people out there.

Calculate the $ it would take to have all 3 in daycare (after #3 comes) monthly… that should shut him up

You tell him that he has made you feel like you’re not contributing so you have decided to put the kids in daycare while you find a full time job. Then you get some quotes for the daycare and present those to him.

Stop cleaning and feeding him. Tell him… since you aren’t the one cleaning …

If he didn’t mean it he wouldn’t continue to say it in my opinion!

Nah. Not cool. Start getting $20 back at Walmart every chance you can. He doesn’t appreciate you. Every single woman alive should have a nest egg for in case they need to leave. At your 30 year anniversary go on a trip if you still have it.

I lived through this. It continually got worse until I hated him for it. We divorced and I gave him split custody and went to work. Within 6 months he was overwhelmed by being a single parent and begging for my help because he couldn’t find a reliable sitter for the kids when he had to work. He had all his bills to pay and had to pay for a sitter too. It was a good lesson for him.

I’d tell him if you’d get paid for the work you do then you’d probably more then him cuz you have to be available day and night your always on call over night if the littles wake up and all the house work you do you don’t get paid for but you do it for free for him cuz he works for money for himself you and the children, so if you did get paid for the work you do you would make money but he’s not paying so he need to except that and stop saying it even when he’s mad it’s not cool

Girl, seek a job immediately!! You don’t want to depend on someone like that, much less expect someone like that to stick around. Get a job stat

I’d keep the cookie jar closed and tell him your planning to start bringing money in the home and you can’t do that on your back

I feel you same boat but I’m disabled. All my money goes on bills but I still.get th3 comments and I do all the house cleaning and yard.

That’s definitely financial abuse. When you’re married it should always be called “our money” regardless of who’s paycheck it is. I would definitely look into getting at least a part time remote job so that you have your own income. Whether he says it when he’s mad or not he means it at least on some level and chances are it’ll only get worse. Look on LinkedIn and indeed they both have tons of legitimate remote jobs. Best wishes :heart:

Call around and get quotes for child care in your area, then present him with a bill for your services. He may change his tune after that.

Tell him to fuk right off :joy::joy: your only out here raising his future legacy. You spend that money and when he says those comments say " lucky me" :rofl::rofl: my partner done it to me once so for a whole week I done literally nothing imagine my house with 7 boys and 1girl he learnt awfully quickly that he might bring something to the table but I’m the actual table buddy

Sounds like a narcissist, my x would say this shit to me.

You need to get a job that will help you financially. Find a day care use his card ope gotta pay someone and now you’re making money.

This is where buy nothing and trade groups come in. Swap what is needed. I’ve done before. And there’s plenty of freelance work online for typing and audio books needed. Get yourself a cash app and they have a card to for direct deposit hun.

What you do is go get you a job and put kids in daycare for a few weeks and I guarantee he will see the bigger picture and want to crap anymore when he’s paying those high daycare bills…Smh I hate when people throw stuff like that up in your face…

If I were you I would call around see what daycare costs per child find out what it cost to hire a home cleaning service what it cost for a cab and the next time he comments you don’t have any money say yeah but look at all the money I’m saving you and tell him you want an allowance if not then he can pay daycare and you go back to work he might change his tune then

I feel u girl but tbh,get a job…only way to get him to respect u…u need a job u gotta get independent.Sounds like its taking a toll on him.Be in his shoes a lil.its bills,kids and u.a little help would go a long way and make u feel good in the process

Sad just leave and child support his azz

Yeah people say what they mean. If you have toddlers and are pregnant childcare would be outrageous for you to work. You would most likely pay for daycare with your check. While
he may be stressed about money he has no clue how exhausting it is to be pregnant and to be the mom. You never get a break and when you are sick you still have to be a mom. I’m very sorry that happened.

This is a form of financial abuse

Get a job, put the children in daycare or hire a nanny/babysitter. And if he complains about you buying things, tell him “well, it’s my money.”

Again with these woman who don’t know how men work and think the worst. “He says it cause he means it” “he does feel that way” don’t listen to this bullshit. He says it cause y’all are fighting and he knows it will fuck with you. That’s it. Let it go. People say fucked up shit during fights just to get under the other persons skin. Cmon people.

He needs to shut up. How can you work when you are baring his kids? Besides, you guys are supposed to be a team, not against one another.

Girl do urself the favor n find a way to make ur own money. Even if it’s DYI crafts etc u sell a pt job etc he sounds stressed n u sound reliant. Which married or not I don’t recommend for anyone

This only works if the current breadwinner is willing to put in equal work on the homefront when the SAHP goes back to work. I