My husband constantly texts me when I am not home...advice?

Im not even sure why im making this post maybe to vent maybe to get opinions, idk but here goes nothing! I’ve been with my husband for almost 7 years 2 of those years we have been married. We have 4 kids total, the oldest is his, the second is mine, and the last two are ours. Our relationship has always been rocky we have broke up 6-7 times since we have been together, I’ve lost who I was. I go to work and come home; be a mom and wife that’s it. When I do ask about going out it’s always well let’s find a sitter so we can both go out or it starts a fight so I end up not going. I work 6:30-9:30am and 2-6pm Monday-Friday at a daycare; in between my shifts I come home and do housework. After I get off I figure out supper, cook supper, feed the kids, give showers/do homework, and head to bed. Saturdays and Sundays I deep clean the house plus do breakfast, lunch, supper, naptime, bedtime, and take care of our 4 animals. I don’t think I’m asking a lot to go out once a month to destress. I can’t even go to my mom’s house or not be home with in 20 mins after being off work before he is blowing my phone up asking what’s up.


Sweetheart you need to set boundaries with your Husband. You deserve to have time by yourself! And especially at your parents home no. Sit him down and explain to him how you are feeling.


You allow it you must like it

Maybe he needs a break to? I will say putting your relationship first sometimes and going out together is still something that should happen when me and my ex were separating it was to late but I had figured out we needed time together without kids yes time alone is needed as well but we only know one side maybe he’s stressy and needs a break to

Maybe he likes being around you and misses you since you have a busy work schedule. Does he work too? It’s okay to want to go out every now and then. Definitely sit and communicate righ your husband so you guys can sort out the issues.


To be honest, it sounds like HE IS BORED. Mine gets that way sometimes. How about you help him find a hobby he likes. Or yall have a date night once or twice a month and then you guys have your own time to go out and do thing.


It sounds like he doesn’t want to be home with the kids longer than he has to.
Plan ahead for a solo weekend staycation, let him know, and when the time arrives, go.
Make it clear you’re only to be contacted in case of emergency. Take a book, journal, swim suit, whatever you enjoy. Give yourself 48 hours. He’ll have plenty of time to figure out how to be Mr. mom for 2 days.
We all need to take a breath of fresh air. If he wants to join you next time, that can be a discussion. But not now

Maybe he’s feeling just as lost as you are? Does he ever get to go out alone or with friends? Perhaps that’s why he wants to go with you? My husband and I text eachother throughout the day, even if it’s just to say I love you. You should want to spend time with your spouse. Tell him to take some time for himself. You take time for yourself. But, don’t forget to take time for eachother.

You need and must have a break ! You are doing soooo much ! It’s no wonder your marriage is rocky - you need rest ! I think date nights are a must for y’all ! Schedule them and insist on them - also marriage counseling can be a godsend when you get the right counselor !


My bf and I message a lot during the day when we’re at work, just when we’re apart in general we message constantly. I miss him when he’s not around so the constant texting is nice. And anytime he goes out I always want to go and same with him if I wanna go out. Maybe he just misses you since you work so much.

Communicate with him. Express your feelings to him.
Relationships/marriages are hard especially with kids. But taking the time to send a text like hey I love u during the day or thinking of u. Or getting his input.
I believe both parties should do housework and feedings and Bathing the kids and homework etc.


Sounds to me you need a break and he needs to loose his phone

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Sounds like he’s insecure and have trust issues. Sit h down and tell him what you’ve just told us. Good luck.

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Sounds like he has trust issues, I think everyone needs a little time to their self, maybe he could do something with the kids while you go and spend time with your mom or with friends!


Sounds controlling to me. I’d set boundaries and just let him know you will be going out without him or the children at least once a month and if he doesn’t like it. He can beat feet. Sounds like he does nothing around the house and wants to control you. If that was what you wanted you would be happy. It clearly not and if he isn’t willing to give you what you need. Then Bye!!! Sorry! Life is so short to be miserable!

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I talk to my husband at least once an hour all day everyday when we are at work. Sometimes 100 texts a day because I miss him or vs versa. We just truly love each others company. Life is so hard so spend it with someone you can’t live without.


It sounds like there’s a lot of insecurity and it’s probably because your relationship is so Rocky that causes that maybe you can try some couples counseling together and figure out why y’all break up so much and why the relationship is so Rocky and what’s causing his insecurities. Now for me when I go out I always invite my husband he’s more of a homebody so a lot of times he prefers to stay home with the kids but I always have a rule that I’m not going to go out somewhere he’s not invited to if he chooses to go that’s great if he chooses not to that’s fine with me too. But there’s no reason that I have for him to not go out because sometimes we need away from the house we need away from the kids and responsibility but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we need to not have any fun time and date night with our partner. I know a lot of wives wish their husbands would call and check on them or text just to see what they’re doing and how their day is. My husband does this a lot to you he calls multiple times a day he text me even if I am just at my mom’s or even at my grandma’s house :person_shrugging: it makes him feel better so I always make sure to respond a spouse should come first. I understand sometimes it can get a little annoying that’s why I think you should talk to him calmly and find out how he’s feeling about you going out and what the actual problem is. It could be he’s bored it could be he misses you or maybe he feels left out. These are all normal feelings to have so maybe sit down and talk to him and try to figure it out with him. :heart:

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Runnin the ship with 4 kids while working a split shift (doing daycare no less) is a helluva load, handholding your supposed “partner” during it is a lot more weight you shouldnt have to carry, co-dependence in relationships eventually takes the oxygen out of the room


Set boundaries, if it bugs you. I text my hubby a lot but he doesn’t mind. And he does the same lol but let’s say I go get my hair done or a pedi, I warn him before going I don’t want to be on my phone, so just call if it’s an emergency. :woman_shrugging: maybe he’s just checking on you! I always worry about car accidents. Just communicate how you feel and what you want.


Break up 6 to 7 times, and you go back… :thinking:

It’s sounds controlling, but I don’t know the whole story. Commit to doing your girl night, and let him know you will text him on your way home and leave it at that- in other words: commit and keep your word. If that’s not ok, then that’s def control. Give it a chance and don’t back down if he makes you feel bad. Good luck!


Insecurity or Control. And neither is tolerable. Perhaps some honesty from you about how that makes you feel.


If u spend as much time as u wrote cleaning your house, you should take time in between shifts and go to the beach, take a walk, go shopping, have lunch…take care of you. You can clean your house when your kids a re grown. You are you but if you don’t take care of you, you can’t take care of anyone else.


Sounds to me that the end of the marriage is about to come. I think you want to be single again, but then you will have to pay a babysitter to go out. Take some time to think about your options. Maybe get a housekeeper once a month to do the big stuff. Maybe have a girls night at your house and invite your friends so he can get a taste of what you guys do. Get your friends to annoy him so that he will not want to be around soon your night with friends.

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My husband and teenagers text me when I’m not home all the time lol…I don’t know it isn’t in a controlling way, just in a normal family way. Him saying he wants to take you out without the kids is not bad either unless it’s in a weird way again

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Just be glad he’s still around to text you. Some people don’t have that anymore.

One day the only thing you will crave is a text from your husband be grateful that he is alive and there with you not all of us are that lucky


Blowing up your phone for what reason? You need to stop taking everything on and share the load. As women we tend to just do it and complain about it but if you’re not forcing some of the load back on him he’s not going to willfully take it. MAKE him help you. You are not his caretaker, nanny or petsitter. Speak up for yourself.


Why can’t yall go out together? Maybe he wants to go out as well?

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Your relationship is rocky and you’ve lost who you are. Of course, he’s preventing you from going out without him and doesn’t like you going to your mum’s or leaving the house. He’s insecure, which has turned into control by the sounds of it. Stand your ground and have your girls night, if he has an issue with it then that is coercive control


Nope. Thats controlling. Not healthy.

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Set boundaries that are healthy for you. This would drive me insane. My husband and I both respect each other in the fact that we both have jobs and responsibilities and we can’t be up each others asses all day long.

Just leave for an hour and turn off your phone. If it leads to an argument later, just say you needed time to decompress. You guys definitely need to make time to talk. Don’t raise voices, don’t blame each other, specify needs/requirements, communicate. Try to come up with some kind of compromise. If you guys can’t do that, then maybe separate for a while and maybe you guys will work better as co parents.

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Just leave for a while and tell him you’re gonna turn the phone off.

That’s not normal that’s controlling and abusive. What exactly does he bring to the table in the relationship because by the sounds of it not much. And I think you need to hear this, loving the right person is easy, it should not be a fight to be together.


In what ways does he contribute?

You said you lost who you were. I think you’re blaming him for that. You also said that your relationship is rocky, I have a feeling that you might be the one to blame for that. He probably misses you, probably wants to see his wife. If you wanna be single, just say it. I guess everyone is different but I wouldn’t even wanna go out without my husband lol.

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Sounds like he suffers from expiration anxiety :joy: my husband and I both love eachothers presence so much and when were apart, we can’t go long without texting each other or calling and we’ve be married a decade. It’s sweet. I don’t think he is suspicious of anything, he’s not excessively questioning you like he thinks you’re cheating, from what I gather. He just misses you. Sometimes when my husband is gone and I’m sitting on the couch, I’ll think of something and go to look over and tell him and remember he’s not home and get sad :pensive: it’s cute and sweet and shows he misses u when you’re away. I’d embrace and enjoy the attention. Even if u got to take a break from something to give him that validation. Getting frustrated or tell him he’s doing too much, will make it all stop and maybe even get distant. Yall. Ladies. Please. When men show yall this much love and admiration. Eat it up. As a wife to a loving emotionally doting, husband. It really is truly winning in life, to have that.

Honestly, you sound depressed or like you feel like you’re in a rut.
I don’t know the entire story but I know there’s a lot more to it.

You can easily tell him that you don’t feel like talking on the phone.
My husband and I talk nonstop, all the time, literally. If we’re not around each other, he will call or text, or I will text (I don’t call as much as he does lol) and then repeat every day forever. Lol. 10 years. I don’t mind it, however when I do want some peace and quiet I tell him I don’t wanna talk RN and he’s like ohhhkay and that’s it. So do that.

Maybe he just misses you? You sounds busy…I wouldn’t take it as a bad thing???

Tell him you’ll be turning off your phone now and do it.


If he works as well I’m sure he would love a break too

I’m sorry but you have a set routine and he’s showing concern when you are late or missing?
How is this controlling?
Do you let him know you’ll be late or that you’re going to your mom’s?

Sounds like you have 5 kids. Stop doing as much as you do let him see what you do and tell him he needs to start helping


Some info is missing! Does he just want to talk or is he mad? Do u let him go out? So far it looks like the problem is U!

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Why are you doing everything around the house with no help from him? He doesn’t ever cook, clean, help with the kids? That’s why you’re so burnt out and need a break.

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First problem is you asking to do something. You are a grown woman and a mother. You should have to ask to do anything.

He’s either insecure :worried: trust issues thinking you’re gonna do something wrong . Can’t handle being at home with the kids alone . he’s trying to control you . Either way it’s a him issue something he needs to fix . And grow up be a man . Set boundaries with him put your foot down let him know he doesn’t need to be blowing your phone up . I can understand him texting every once in awhile to check on you . Depending how long you’re gonna be gone for . If you leave house and he sends text to see if you made it to your destination safe .but if he’s blowing it up that’s not healthy. I would communicate with him let him know . About his self . Arrange to have date nights with each other also . than he can arrange days he goes out also by himself and than you do your time by yourself. Maybe that will help . Maybe he just needs time with you as a couple. Than time for himself to .

When my husband worked or I did, we did not contact each other during work. We knew how to reach other in an Emergency. We trusted each was busy and working to make money for our family.
I see now there are times when it would have been good to receive one short, sweet text or meme a day or few times in a week if just to agree on a plan for the night.

By not contacting each other that becomes a bad habit, too, almost like one of too much texting.

The good thing we did do was take the time every Saturday night to go on a date.

We continued this for years. Our young daughters enjoyed the sitters and seeing us dressed to go out. Having that time together was good. With an empty nest, we didn’t really need to go out, but it was great to still do it.

Our daughters married and try to date night when they can or when we could babysit, so they could comfortably trust someone and go. As a nest is empty, date night goes away as you are together in the home always and breakfast, lunch or dinner is often caught while out before coming home.
Trust your spouse, have your own fun little secrets, admire and respect each other esp. in front of others. Everyone wants to feel special. Go on dates regularly.

If you think one’s behavior as changed talk to each other. This could very well warn off any issues or further concerns. Sometimes the distraction is not the opposite gender as a problem, but could be an addiction; alcohol, drugs, and illness being kept secret. Insecurities regarding work or feelings quilty about their feelings regarding something you are doing.

He knows your not happy and is scared of losing you. Yes he is insecure but doesn’t know how to fix it. Depending on why your relationship has always been rocky you both need to go to counseling or you won’t last, something g has to give

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That’s why I’m glad I’m single!


Maybe He’s having an affair. It seems that the cheater will be afraid the partner is cheating. Or… he became very insecure.

Please do make time for yourself to go out. With him or without him. Turn off your phone, or just leave it at home so you can relax. Back when we didn’t have cell phones the spouses couldn’t call us when we went out and our world didn’t fall apart. You definitely need an avenue to destress, be it just time alone or some sort of hobby. I volunteer for and we have many great referrals to sites that deal with the issues you posted about. Good luck.

Why not go out together? That way you both get out of the house and get time together away from the kids.

I think me and my husband were like that we when out we went out together I liked it that way the only me time I needed was time with him no kids when either of us were out of the house we called each other all the time he was my go too for everything and I was his my husband has been gone a year know a d what I wouldn’t do to have that all back

I can’t stand a needy man. If he ain’t got a man card, or if he can’t do things for himself, your his mom not his wife.


1x a month by yourself should be ok. But youre not telling all the details. Maybe he misses you??

Maybe you BOTH need a break!? set up a sitter and you have your girls night & he has his guys night. And also make time outside the home for date night at least once a month. Planning your girls and guys night for the same night will save you money on babysitter cost as well. 

Not to sound harsh or rude, but thats life with a family :person_shrugging:
Thats what you’ve built so, its yours, & his to take care of. & no, full time parents dont “get” days off & nights out to “destress”.
IF the opportunity arises & you can do it, great, but if not, owell, its not a “right” to parents of multiple children households usually.

Dont like him blowing up your phone, take the kids to your moms. Wanna do something & he dont, take the kids or pay a sitter & go.

Its not right but it is what it is & you are responsible for the responsibility you helped create, even when the other doesn’t step up. You are a single mom in a relationship. Change it or be a single mom. :wink:

Sounds like a trust issue to me plain and simple yes my husband text me often through the day and he will text extra if he knows I’m going out of town to drs or something but not when I am just generally gone if I go get nails or take the girls shopping I don’t get called unless he needs something I’m going out with my BFF for her birthday Thursday staying an hour away out of town she just lost her husband right before fathers day this past year and was left with 4 kids one who isn’t her bio child but still raises her we are staying in a motel 4 of us 3 girls 1 guy and he said have fun babe she has never gotten to celebrate her birthday as an adult she is turning 34 so we are doing all the things he gave me money and said have a ball just be safe and the girls and I will be here when you get home I see this is being a trust issue the op said there’s been a chikd outside the relationship they have had a toxic relationship for years it sounds like there’s no trust here so op definitely needs to sit him down and talk to him and not at him ask him why he does it and go from there if he feels like he can’t trust you then you both have some serious relationship rebuilding to do I can’t imagine living like that for years with someone who felt they couldn’t trust me been married 20 years now on our 2cnd set of kids to raise it can be fixed but you both have to want to fix it

Ok so yeah alot of texts r annoying my teens text me the most random crap and do the one word per bubble thing my husband hates cell phones im surprised he has one so I rarely get texts from him. Controlling would be no you can’t go out no you can’t see your mom or your only allowed to go if I go. I’d talk to him explain you don’t really need a text every min.

Sounds like slavery. You committed to a selfish, controlling jerk. Youre not a piece of property that needs his permission to go to lunch or on a hike without him.
See a marriage counselor. If he wont go, you go. You need support for whats coming bc this is not sustainable.


My husband was like that, he is now my ex-husband but it wasn’t easy because I felt like I needed him I felt like I was trapped. He would always tell me I was welcome to go out with my friends and every once in a great while I would go to a get together at my friends but most of the time he would go with me and I always allowed him to do what he wanted but he always chose not to do stuff, but anytime I went anywhere even to the grocery store he would start texting me about when I’m going to be home, I literally couldn’t go anywhere without him constantly texting me and it wasn’t sweet text like telling me he missed me and stuff like that it was just when are you going to be home, why are you taking so long, etc

He dont wanna deal with boaring house duties andthe kids on his own,control freak too Run

You guys are lacking communication. You’ve said it yourself, you’ve had a rocky relationship. Talk to each other. Maybe instead of just wanting to go out by yourself, include your husband and go on a damn date together.

You do not sound happy…

Just text back ’ made it to Mom’s house, ttyl ’ and then ignore if he continues to txt.

Get out. Don’t listen to bullshit. Fo live , enjoy life with kids. You not a little washer, cook, cleaner, day job worker . You need space girl. Take the blinkers off, it’s nit going g to change and putting it on social media alone tells me you k ow this is a problem. You have the answer , do something now. Not critising just advice like you asked

So you do all the work and he can’t be bothered to do anything with the kids, ever. You are already doing it all alone and getting tracked constantly by him. Please call 988 and talk to someone. This sounds like abuse. Has he been cheated on before and now is hyper-vigilant? That’s a him problem and he should get counseling.

At least if you divorced he would have to take the kids sometime so you could get a break. If I were you, I’d just tell him I’m going out and turning off my phone and you will text him when you arrive and when you’re leaving, then go.

Does he isolate you from friends and family? Is he amenable to a date night without the kids?

Sounds like ur a single parent who’s married


lol no matter how wonderful your marriage is you need alone time to you alone be it hair nails or just a walk we all need time to yourself… when I leave the house it’s my time dont call text or show up … I dont look at my phone until I’m finished doing what I am if asked when will you be home I’d say when you see me walk threw the door… alot about marriage is trust if your checking on them all the time you have a problem … but I say to each their own but I think its rude to be with friends or family and your checking your phone stay home then… it’s good to know they care but damn I dont want to be bothered when out… also my ex use to hunt what would he do if I blew up his phone. Just as he was to shoot come on people leave the phone off when out if important the message will be there sad you have to be so attached all the time

It depends on what he’s texting. Is it love texts? Or controlling “where tf are you” texts?
Because my guy and I talk pretty much all the time, I love it. But if every time I left he was sending me angry texts or always asking shit he should already know about the kids, I’d be mad.

There is so much to unpack here and it isn’t just about “going out” or you both would be going out together and enjoying that time together. I disagree on this being a “boundaries” issue because strong relationships with good communication, trust, and a mutual respect and love don’t really label going out as a boundary. If you are truly interested in fixing everything you have mentioned (feeling overwhelmed, possibly division of household/child responsibilities, your friendship/relationship… I do agree that counseling would help you both to communicate better on what your feelings are, what your relationship goals are, what your personal needs are. If you aren’t able to do that now and you are starting to resent him for “all of the things” you listed, AND you also want to save your relationship… so much needs to be said in a space where you both feel comfortable discussing it. You should also be prepared for hard conversations about how he is feeling too. I imagine if you are feeling this kind of strain, he is also feeling that in his own way. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

He seems like a very involved family man! I see so many other moms begging for time with their SO. I get that you want YOU time, maybe try explaining that to him… believe it or not, your winning in life :heart: communication is key !!! Hopefully you get your time away and he respects it!

I think its fine to text alot but it should also be fine that if you’re busy, he shouldn’t be blowing your phone up. You should not have to explain every move you make or account for every minute when you’re not in his sight. That is not normal.

Show him exacly this post. Communicate how you feel. Your feelings are valid❤️

That’s not a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t even have to ask if you can go out. I’m curious, does he ask you if he can do stuff?

My ex husband was like that. I had to talk to him on my lunch breaks so he knew I wasn’t having lunch with anyone else. Turns out he was cheating.

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Sounds like to me that he’s very unsecure

Ask him yo help out around the house you shouldn’t have to do all of it and talk to him about this issue of blowing up your phone you’re an adult