My husband and I have been together ten years and married for five. He has worked at his current job for five years. His ex girlfriend( the one he was dating before we started dating and the one who tried to break us up twice in the first year) started working at the same place he works at. She is the planner for the installation crew and he is the head of the installation crew- so they definitely have to communicate. He failed to tell me she starting working there three months ago. I just found out on my own. When I asked why he didn’t tell me he said “I didn’t want you to be mad. I communicate with her when I have to and that’s it. I don’t care about her and I wish she wasn’t working there.” I’m pissed. I feel like out of respect he should have told me. Am I overreacting?
If he’s the head of the installation crew did he play a role in hiring her or was he involved in her interview?! I don’t know, their relationship was so long ago, I don’t think I’d be mad he didn’t tell me, but I’d think it was kinda weird that he didn’t, if that makes any sense at all
No, he probably had no control over her being hired and seriously if she tried breaking you guys up before and was unsuccessful why borrow trouble? You need to learn to trust your husband.
I’d be upset too but honestly what can he do? Quit his job?
They always say I didnt tell you cause I thought you would get mad…
By saying “I didnt want you to be mad” he admits to an unethical violation of healthy relationship ethics, omission of information to control outcome is manipulation
Nah I would be pissed lol not about insecurity but who wants that drama anyways! What if you wouldn’t have found out and she tried being sneaky again trying to cause problems in the relationship “Ha your man works with me and he didn’t tell you what does that say!” But I will say, now that you know you do have to trust him that he’ll be honest letting you know if anything escalates
You found out on your own, sounds like your the one that can’t be trusted, sooooooo, how did you “find out on your own”, do tell.
I’d be annoyed it didn’t come from him, but if you trust your husband, then let it go. Would you go as far as making him leave the job? You have him, you won. You shouldn’t have to feel like you’re still competing for him and if you are than that’s on you guys to have that reassure with each other.
Out of respect, trust him…
I can see both sides to this. It is entirely possible he is telling the truth too. Did your gut believe him? If yes move on what’s dwelling going to do ?
You are in this case overreacting. She tried to break you up and it didn’t work, chill out, I can see why he didn’t tell you, how did you “find out on your own”… sounds like he’s a decent guy, she’s a snake, and your insecure.
He should have told you, period. I don’t know why people think you are overreacting. Your husband kept something from you, that’s definitely something to be upset about. I hate when people don’t tell you something because they don’t want you to be mad. All that does is create trust issues. It makes you wonder if that’s really the reason or if they have something to hide. Had he told you I’m the beginning then you would feel confident that your husband isn’t keeping anything from you.
I’d be mad too, he should have told you day 1. You’re not overreacting. Its these types of situations that create long lasting trust issues. The issue isn’t that she’s working there (although that’s a bit uncomfortable) the issue is he kept it a secret from you.
He should have told you, but also be honest with yourself and try to see it from his perspective. If he did tell you, would you have handled it reasonably? If yes, perhaps explore what made him think you wouldn’t have. If no, work on yourself so he’s comfortable telling you things like this in the future.
Unless he hired her, I really don’t think it’s fair to be upset about it.I doubt that’s the case.
Moreover, if she tried (unsuccessfully) to break the two of you up before I wouldn’t worry. You’re going to have to trust your husband.
We all have to do things we don’t like. This is one of those things that you both don’t like. I can assure you that the owner(s) won’t care if they used to date. They would expect both parties to act like the adults that they are.
He probably had no control over her being hired of course…but all these people acting like they wouldn’t care if their husband didn’t tell them this after the fact she has actually caused drama and issues between you two…are lying. It’s been a long time and people Move on etc. so it could probably be absolutely nothing but he still should’ve been open with you as his spouse. ￼
Of course you’re over reacting. It’s a job unfortunately you have no control as to who gets hired in that company unless you own it. If he does the hiring and was told by his superiors she was qualified you still would not have control over that decision neither does he. Your way of acting towards that would be his reason of not mentioning anything.
He should have never kept something like from you. I’d be upset too. My bf ex wife when he worked somewhere. They hired his ex wife in the same place as he worked. He even told me. Luckily he moved to a different job. But if nobody can tell each other things then there no relationship. You have to trust him, it’s easier said then done. If he ever gave you a reason not to trust him then I’d say time to move on.
Your reaction is why he didn’t tell you.
Did he track her down and hire her? If not, then chill out. If you don’t trust him to be able to work/communicate with her, then you’ve got other problems.
What would you have done about it ? If he hired her, yeah that would be an issue but if he didn’t there’s nothing he or you can do about it.
If he is in charge typically his input on who they hire for that position is needed that’s messy good luck
You already answered your own question he didn’t tell you because he has no control over who the company hires and he didn’t want to hear your nagging over it.
tbh I wouldn’t be upset Over that Not Unless you have Worries he is doing something with her… It’s been 10years. She didn’t Break you up She tired but didn’t.
Yes you are, trust him. He don’t sound like a dick, he sounds like he knew you’d be upset and he doesn’t like it either, sometimes you can’t help situations happen, don’t be upset, he’s clearly made boundaries and doesn’t give a crap about his ex from over a decade ago, you ended up with him, you, remember that. I’m not telling you dump him, leave him, ooh he’s cheating, nope none of the fears and worries, be happy don’t allow your prior feelings to create a fear mongering in your mind.
I feel like this was a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation. It would have been upsetting either way. Just trust him. Her prior antics didn’t appear to work, twice.
Sounds like she applied there on purpose but anyway he should hv told you just out of respect for you. I would be upset too. I would tell him that communication, honesty and trust is important and he needs to let you know anything and everything that would be important to know such as this. Especially bc of the drama she has already created, trying to break u up, she is an ex, etc. Just be open and honest with him. Ur feelings are valid don’t let anyone tell you differently. Let him know that if he told you beforehand and without u just finding out you probably wouldn’t be as upset but its the fact he has been hiding it for months thats why ur upset. Nothing u can do about it now. But trust is definitely important and doubt is a relationship killer. So definitely talk to him.
He should have told you. Regardless if you’d be mad/upset it seems like he was trying to hide it for a reason.
I can see both sides. Yes I would be upset he didn’t tell me but he also should have been comfortable to come to you as your partner to let you know without you blowing up or getting mad at him for something he had no control over. If he couldn’t come to you to tell you his ex was hired at his job because he was afraid did your reaction you BOTH have bigger issues at hand. You should both be mature adults to be able to discuss ANYTHING with each other.
He should have been able to come to you and tell you she was hired and was working there and you should have been mature enough to not get mad at him or his employer. She obviously was hired because she was qualified to do the job. Sounds like you both need to go to marriage counseling to work on communication and trust.
The fact that she works there is out of his control. However, the fact that he intentionally withheld the information is a different story. You have every right to feel mad, upset, betrayed, etc. Had he told you, it would have been a different story. I hate that “I didn’t want to upset you” line when somebody withholds information/lies. I am likely to be more upset when I find out than I would have been had you just told me!
You’re over reacting. Why be upset. He obviously chose you. Get over it.
Sounds like he hired her, idk .
A job is a job did he cheat on his ex with you if so then you do got something to worry about if not carry on
The best revenge is happiness…tell him to take a few weeks off for a lovers vacation…showing her your relationship is unstable is the worst thing you can do.
Not telling you… ya that’s a reason to be mad. Him being too scared to tell you is another thing. You guys need help.
If you trust your husband it doesn’t matter who he works with. If you don’t trust him the problem runs much deeper than his working with an ex.
Yup you are get over yourself