My husband disrespected me on Mother's Day: Advice?

Relationships
1
I'm sleeping alone. Again. Tonight our fight ended with my husband in the basement. We have a three-year-old and a 7-month-old. Yesterday I felt incredibly unappreciated (Mother's Day). My husband is sarcastic and always has been. He is exposed to a 'rough' crowd at work as he owns a business in the inner city. There are many transients and homeless at his business, and he keeps people in check. So I'm kind of used to him being an arse around others, but I do expect him to reign it in for me. When he asked me what I wanted to do for dinner for Mother's Day, I suggested we order dinner from a local Italian restaurant. The cost would be $75 and would serve four people. Since our children are so young obviously some of this food would be wasted. My thought was that pasta would store in the refrigerator, and we can eat it again the next day. He initially made a big deal about it costing $75. We can very easily afford this. So I got my back up a bit and said, never mind, I will figure something else out. The next day which was Mother's Day, he came to me and said he had reconsidered and it wasn't a bad price for what we would get. Apparently, he checked the restaurant's website. He told me to go ahead and order it. By then, I had come up with a Plan B. I would like to order movie theatre popcorn from the local theatre and rent a movie in the evening. This would be around $30. Anyway, the day went on as it typically would. He got up in the morning to take his car out to the car wash and brought me home a coffee. The kids are rambunctious, and one of our children is dealing with a cold. I spent the day basically doing my usual stuff and also cleaning two of our bathrooms. By the end of the evening, my husband and I had a quick drink outside with a neighbor. The neighbor asked what we were doing to celebrate Mother's Day, and my husband launched into this whole explanation about how I wanted movie theatre popcorn at a price of $30 and how outrageous that would be. My neighbor looked at me and said, "what do you want," and my husband responded with "a brain. "And then laughed about it. I was incredibly hurt, and when I brought it up to him that night, it just sparked a huge fight between us. Eventually, he said that he was upset that I didn't fold the laundry that he left in the dryer a few days prior. In the past, I would do the laundry for everybody in the house. The only stipulation for my husband was that he sort his laundry into the baskets in our closet so that dark colors were together and light colors together. That's it! There were several times when I had to remind him about this and eventually just told him to do his own laundry, and I would take care of the rest. So now he is telling me that he feels disrespected as my husband when I am not folding the laundry that he leaves behind in the dryer. This is the laundry that I find when I am trying to do my own laundry, my son's laundry, my daughter's laundry, and our household linens. On top of this, I also work. We both have part-time jobs and work similar hours. The next day I was still feeling very upset about the situation. But that evening, my husband asked for sex. When I explained to him that I was not in the mood, it re-triggered our argument again. So I asked him to sleep in the basement, and I told him that we needed to talk this through. Has anyone been in a situation like this, and what advice do you have? I feel like I am at the end of my rope, and if I was single, I would've left years ago.
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2

He completely disrespected you and it is not okay. You are his partner and the mother of his children. Even if he meant what he said as a ā€œjokeā€, the minute you expressed that it hurt you he should have changed his coarse. The point of Motherā€™s Day is to appreciate everything you do for the entire household. Taking care of kids (and working an outside job on top of that) is extremely exhausting. He needs to be kinder to you. And you to yourself. Ask for an open and honest conversation with him. Where you sit down and talk about why you feel the way you do. Remind him that youā€™re doing the best you can. And suggest him taking some of the load. If he refuses, then you both know itā€™s because what you do is hard! And he needs to be more empathetic of what youā€™re going through. Good luck!

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My second husband used to enjoy making me feel the same way. After 18 years, I walked

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4

Either counselling or leave

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5

Fuck him
Heā€™s rude as hell

6

He sounds like a ass and imagine how the neighbor felt when he said it about you to him in front of you sounds like he owes you an apology and needs to be reminded you are not the maid and if he wants his landury folded he should do it like he said he would heā€™s very childish qnd acts like it too but if I where you Iā€™d have a very serious conversation with him about respecting you in private and in public and itā€™s not ok to say the things he did or laugh about it and his treatment of you too

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11 years of being under appreciated I donā€™t know your husband personally but seems he has narrasist traits sounds like he gaslights you in situations and heā€™s all about himself narrasist world evolve around them and around them only I was with one for 11 years Nd going through therapy because of it x

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8

Umm counseling or leaving sounds about right. His outburst infront of the neighbor would have set me off !he was extremely rude. The fact he also bitched about spending money on you is ridiculous especially to celebrate you as a mother. His excuse ā€œthe laundryā€ is absolutely asinine. I donā€™t blame you for turning down sex his behavior is toxic and demanding. I think you should really start focusing on you and your children. Let him fend for himself especially if you decide to seek couples counseling.

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Someday you will have had enoughā€¦Cause I doubt heā€™s gonna change

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Mine to then I had to be rushed to the hospital by ambulance just got out of hospital today and he started in on me again had to get gullbladder out

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11

He doesnā€™t appreciate you. Me personally I would plan a night away and leave him with the kids. Say you made a stink over $75.00 now you have a hotel bill and dinner. See you tomorrow!

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12

Why is it so hard for some of you women to just give back what you get? Stand your ground? The sarcasm, the disrespect, the rudeness, all of it. If that donā€™t work seek counseling. If he refuses, then move on if you feel the need too. Stop being doormats and use those hurt feelings to make a point. He either get it or he wonā€™t. When he said ā€˜a brainā€™, Iā€™d have said, yep you do. :person_shrugging:

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13

You said if you were single you would leave, so obviously you are unhappy. Having children is not a reason to stay in a relationship. They will see that tension as they grow up. You definitely need to have a conversation, which canā€™t happen if heā€™s in the basement. Tell him how you feel. Suggest counseling. Do not be afraid to leave if you have to. You deserve better.

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14

Men just do this. It is so familiar. Who knows why? You can talk til you are blue in the face and they just donā€™t get it.:smiling_face_with_tear:

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15

You answered your own question.
If you were single, you wouldā€™ve left.
You can still leave.
Is this the kind of relationship you want your kids to see or aspire to have?
Since the answer is No, your know what to do.

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16

Marriage is all about compromise and picking and choosing your battles. Maybe you guys can help each with the laundry and fold them together. Having two children on top of working and house work is a lot for just one person so it has to be teamwork. Sometimes the house might not be in order and sometimes things can be left for the next day. I would say just communicate and tell him how you feel. Let it set in and let him think about. Good luck. Donā€™t give up so easily. If it continues I would seek counseling

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17

He wont last with me.The son of a bitch is gone

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Youā€™re his wife not his maid. And the mother to his children. He could have made one day all about you. Sorry but he is a dick. I bet he will want his undies folded and a nice meal for fathers day though right?! Sounds like my ex husband. Not one mothers day was celebrated for me, no birthdays and no Christmas, yet he would complain about getting basic presents or not enough time to himself etc. Seriously he isnā€™t worth the tears.

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19

Sounds like itā€™s more about movies and popcorn. Talk about the real issues

20

You need to get out. Do you really think your children wonā€™t pick up emotional damage from this? Why are you taking this verbal abuse? Will he also dump this on the kids as well? Are you trying to change him, because thatā€™s not going to happen. Best of luck to you.

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21

Only you can know when you are done. Remember you are modeling marriage for your children. You know you donā€™t deserve to be treated like that. Prayers

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22

I barely read this and got narcissist. Get out sis. Like now.

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23

I would flat out tell him he needs to respect you or he needs to get out. Stop making excuses for his behavior and stick up for yourself, he basically called you a moron multiple times with the motherā€™s day plans and in front of someone else. Thatā€™s not okay, you deserve more than a belittling jerk.

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24

Sounds like your both being petty. Maybe counseling would help. Sounds like maybe another set of ears and someone to explain things in a different way would help.

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25

Your husband needs to keep his at work personality at work and treat you like a lady and you need just a flat let him know that Jimbo

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