Stop doing everything and see what happens. Leave for a while. See what happens. My ex was the same way. He did not care what i thought. How old are the kids? Old enough to know better?
My x made a comment…said his mom always filled his plate and brought it to him…lol I looked at him and said, "I’m not your mother. "
Ask for specific help, not generalized help. Sometimes our standards are higher than our spouse’s. He might not care that toys are on the floor from one day to the next. If you ask your kids to pick up the toys and they don’t ask him to enforce it, or do it… he may not care if the pillows are assembled on the couch, my husband doesn’t. I’ve realized that’s a me thing. Ask yourself if you’re taking on tasks that are essential or preference. Then ask yourself how much it matters to you every day. Maybe the house doesn’t need to look picture perfect at tuck in time…
As for your husband, sometimes spouses dig in their heels when they feel they are being unnecessarily nagged. Would you like to be reading a book and your husband decides to clean out the car and says “get up and help me?” I’m guessing that doesn’t go well. Now what if he said can you help me clean out the car Saturday morning? It rolls off the back easier, doesn’t it? Sometimes bartering works better:
Can you wash dishes tonight? I will make supper. Can you give baby a bath? I’m helping with homework, or would you rather help with homework and I will bathe baby…?
My family barters. I will clean bathroom everyday, if you do laundry. I will mop floors if you put stuff away. I recognize I care more about certain things that are my preference and I just manage that (organizing drawers). Much like he cares about certain things more and manages his area, (garage).
I hope life gets better for you.
This is normal for a marriage. A lot of it is a lack of perspective on the husband’s end. I used to talked my husband to death about it and list out what hebdoes vs. what i do and would got nowhere.
One night he was complaining about having to do one of like 3 things he is required to do around the house and complaining I was always to tired to do anything.
I had had enough and instead of getting mad or comparing lists, I said:
I come home from work, take our son to an appointment (he’s special needs and has one for different things each night of the week. Literally M-F. This does not include regular doctor appts or anything else), cook dinner, and do numerous things to get ready for the next day.
You come home and do whatever you want. You get to do things for yourself that you like doing everyday and spend maybe 20 minutes a night on something around the house.
I don’t know why but it really sank in. He still gets frustrated with me but not near as much. He also started doing little things around the house without being asked and has started helping cook sometimes. Granted I still do most of the things but it is an improvement and I’ll take it. Lol.
My aunt stopped doing things for everyone else she just took care of herself her house work piled up but eventually her husband and kids got the idea and they all started to pitch in she even went as far as to stop at drive through for only herself for dinner watching from the outside it was amazing that she was able to do it because she was always so helpful and great to her family but it definitely changed the way her whole household started to run
Definitely take a vacation by yourself. It probably won’t improve the situation but it helps
I’d quit your (home) job literally!
It’s a husband thing. I quit doing get yelled at for not doing anything. I told him if he wants it done do it himself. It Worked.
Stop doing it and stop asking for help. It’s not help you need it’s a partner who does their fair share of domestic chores. Cooking cleaning and raising kids isn’t just a woman’s job, you both work, so you both pay toward the bills, well you both had those kids and you both live in the house so he needs to do his share.
Stop working. Just take care of the kids. He’ll figure it out.