I’ll start by saying I work 35-40 hours min. a week. It’s myself, my husband and 2 children in the home. I do 90% of household chores. I feel like I have no help and I have expressed this countless times and nothing changes. I am not the bread winner but I do work and contribute. I also manage all of the kids appts, school events, school transportation, etc. I am SO tired. I don’t know what else to say or do to get help around the house. My children and husband are aware of how I feel and they just simply do not care. I’ve about had it. Idk what to do to get them on board to help me around the house.
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First sit him and your kids down and set rules every one helps out starting with chores for the kids even if its dusting picking up after themselves an. If you cook hubby cleans up who ever is last out of the bed makes it it’s your fault. For taking charge of everything because it use to be the womens place to stay home take care of the home now its everyone in the home to do stop being a maid to them … even when it’s getting snacks and such let them serve you a little no one should jump up to get others something god gave them arms legs . It’s hard but change things now or you’ll end up hating coming home I’ve been there done that and it causes resentment big time
It only gets worse is run and make the kids help or they will be like dad
Part of the problem is that you do everything. The second part of the problem is that even you use the term " help you" this indicates that these are your chores and that you own them. It’s strange but using different terms will actually make a difference. When you work outside the home , all other tasks have to be shared and everyone becomes equally responsible.
Sit down with your kids and your partner and list everything that needs to be done, daily, weekly and monthly. Assign someone to those tasks, that person is now solely responsible for that task…they own it.
Do not ask for help, tell them that they need to start pulling their weight and you just simply are not going to do it anymore.
This is what I say if you have a job. And you’re doing the house work and your husband’s working too. He should be helping with the housework. If he was the only one working, i would say he shouldn’t help. But if you are both working full time then household chores should be split. Only a man being sole provider gets the full sahm experience. If you’re also working, he’s got to help at home. My opinion.
Take off on a girl’s weekend
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STOP doing everything! Cut the cord! It seems your kids are school aged so they are capable of some things. Feed yourself and your kids do their laundry and let your husband figure life out without all you do.
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U yourself have to make you a priority……you have to make them care if you are to tired for something say it and stand on it….if they complain tell them they can do it or they can wait till u are ready……if they want something make them earn it by helping
Stop doing it. If they kids are over 10 and wont help stop coddling them ur mom not maid. I did this it worked . I didnt cook clean or do laundry except for my own stuff . It forced the rest to pull some weight after that everyone go assigned duties
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Put your foot down make a list for chores . For everyone to do including the husband. Let the husband know he follows through with his chores or he knows where the door is . Unfortunately sometimes this stuff goes on because they get comfortable because it’s been going on to long . And been allowed way too long long . Instead of putting your foot down in very beginning.
Go on strike. Then hopefully they will change.
Stop doing it. Tell him it’s not help, it’s his job also to raise the kids. You’re their mother, not his. If he wants a maid, he can pay for one.
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Welcome to marriage and woman’s rights 
All jokes aside, I feel like this is 80% of marriages, some days I really do wish I could turn back time and live in the era where a housewife was just a housewife! What I wouldn’t give to just wake up and take care of my home and Kids every day! 
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Give your kids chores and hold then accountable. Ask your husband what tasks he is willing to take on and let him have them. Most families function this way because you’ve allowed it from the start. It’s easier to just “get it done” trust me I know…but our kids learn nothing from it and husbands become blind to it until you make them see it again. It’s exhausting managing it all but until you get them in the routine of them handling things it won’t get any better, it’ll get harder before you see a change.
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I went on strike and stopped doing anything but the bare minimum for everyone else. I didn’t cook, I did my laundry and the kids but I only folded mine and put it away. I took care of pets but that’s pretty much it. I can’t remember the last time I went to the grocery store 
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I have school aged kids and often threaten I’ll get the garbage bag and throw out anything that doesn’t belong. You’d be surprised how well it works. And husband, well I’m still working on it
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Stop doing things for them in and around the house.
When asked tell them they can do it them selfs or another choire and When done you Will help with the thing they asked. Even cooking, laundry, just stop doing theres
Same boat girl … sometimes I just wanna pack a bag and take 2 days off and see how he does it by himself
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If nothing helps Stop doing things for them…. Only do your work and stuff for you, shopping? Cook just one portion, don’t do any washing of their clothes, they can’t do it? Well they going to stink…. Sometimes we pamper those we love but the best help is tough love.
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I’m going thru the same!
I’ve been on strike and nothing but blame on me for not doing anything… he can’t see where his faults are at either!
I’m at my whits end truthfully
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If ur kids are school aged they can help!! My kids have daily chores and then weekend chores!
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Not sure how old your kids are but if we didn’t do our chores or help , we lost all of our stuff. Phone, computer, curling iron, make up… we would have nothing. It got us kids off our butts and cleaning fast. If you’re working full time your husband should help with the house. I am a stay at home mom but my husband will help with laundry or mop or ask me what I need help with. If you guys have extra money I would suggest getting a maid to come once a week or every other week to help with housework. Just bc your husband makes more doesn’t mean you should be responsible for the entire house … especially when you’re also working full time!
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The children should be responsible for things they can do. If you can afford to hire someone to come in to clean once a week do so. Do what you can each day. Wash cloth each day so it’s not overwhelming. Kids cam keep there rooms neat. Tell your husband where you need him to step up
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I’m in the same boat. I do all appointments, hospital runs, groceries, household chores, school stuff, plan fun days or even just planning a night out for the two of us. I do it all. I’ve now said to the kids that if they aren’t going to help out around the house, then don’t expect me to buy you all the extra things you want…eating out, stuff for their video games, extra cash… So we shall see if things change. My hubby does help with cooking lol. He does most of it.
You both work. Household chores, and taking care of the kids, should be equally taken care of. Sounds like you have 3 kids. At this point, I’d give your husband an ultimatum.
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You are the default parent and if you do not set time for yourself, you will snap one way or another. Also, if a man won’t contribute to his home’s upkeep, feeding his family, or carry his own weight while home; you may as well be single.
Too many married women are single moms. They do just as much as them.
There ARE men who carry their own weight.
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That’s what -personal care weekends are for, young one. 
get your oldest to the age that they know how to do everything- youngest too if ya can - let them know in advance - all 3 - you are leaving Friday night - will be back Sunday Late - your phone will be off until you are coming home. AND DO IT. Of course the first couple times will be hard - but when you get home - if house is a mess and chores not done -NOBODY GOES TO BED -NOBODY- until house is ready for week. Now laundry ya might get it all done on the down low by Thursday - like I said it will be tough on you -But as you are doing it together - remind them it takes a Fricken Family TO BE a family - you wouldn’t have to leave to get a break if they all would step up and help - maybe the weekend instead of being yours might be theirs too - IF THEY AND YOU become a family not just a bunch of people living together.
I’ve never found a solution
I’m now to do it myself
So I’m not dealing with them and then still doing
That’s 3 full time jobs
Lol
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Stop doing housework. If they don’t want a mess they will clean up.
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I snapped, being sick of this myself!! I told him get up and help, or get out!! If I’m gonna act alone, when you’re here, there’s no need for you to be here. Help or get out!! It worked!!
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My kids help but bc I started them young…are they the best no. If they ignore my asking of them more than twice I have to be a psycho mom then they start moving I have also piled all their stuff up in the middle of a room and told them it’s all going in the trash if you don’t pick up…that always has worked…the man is the messiest one and he doesn’t do lots of things but when he does he does it better than me 
Agree with most of the comments. First and foremost, working 35-40 hours a week is called contributing equally regardless of pay rates, so get that thought into your mind first. Its a full time week straight up. Secondly, you doing the majority of everything else is a second, unpaid, full time job. So by my math, you’re currently doing 2 full time jobs, one paid and one unpaid. In my mind, it sounds like you work 2 jobs.
My advice is to stop doing 90 percent of the work. Call a family meeting. set up a chore chart for everyone, and if it doesn’t get done, it doesn’t get done and it is on those not pulling their weight. And use that time to make time for your own sake, and your own mental health.
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Is your husband autistic. If so he sees you as almost a 2nd mummy. You need to show him and explain what he needs to do but only in small bites.
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There are victims and there are volunteers. It is perfectly ok to set boundaries. Set them down and tell them that every evening between 7-8 they will clean up. Saving too much for the week end is overwhelming. I created a jailbox Anything left out (shoes, games, note books, etc.) went into the box. They had to pay $$ from their allowance or do an extra chore to get it back. Yep they went too school in their ugly shoes and got in trouble for not having their back pack, but they caught on. As far as hubby, he’s a grown ass adult, tell him to help. Do a chore chart and put hubbies name in big red letters.
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Start throwing everything away that is left out .till there is nothing left but clothes and a mattress
Divorce. If a man can’t see through his bullshit then he dosent deserve the treasure in front of him.
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Just because someone brings in more money, doesn’t mean they don’t have to contribute to cleanliness.
He can either pay for a house cleaner (and it not be you), or he can buck up and help - as he helps makes things dirty.
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Stop doing anything for a week. See how that works
Make a chore list and hold them accountable…
Hire a house cleaner and if he complains say you won’t help out so I had to hire someone
It’s pretty affordable especially if you find the right person
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Everyone has chores and they are updated with family meetings. This does not always work and when I get exhausted of it I go on strike.
If you can afford it tell them since I’m not getting any help im taking money from birthday/ Christmas and and putting it towards a cleaner once a fortnight. Its not fair that you work 30-40 hours a week and also have the full mental load of your family your husband is supposed to be on your team helping you raise your family. He’s not supposed to treat you like a maid…
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He’ll never change. I dealt with this for 13 years. Best thing I ever did was file for divorce. Now I am in an amazing relationship. He works 10 hour days, comes home and we fight about how he wants to cook, do the dishes, and then give me a massage after his long hard day lol. And he is a better father to my kid than his real father.
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I’m in the same boat in my household with 3 children, blended family with 2 of them being my step children and I am the bread winner. It’s just sad!!
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Start tossing everything they leave out in the trash, they’ll stop leaving messes when they have nothing left
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I finally said either help or I get a house keeper
I stopped taking care of everyone except the dogs. I will cook 3-4 times a week. They’re on their own for breakfast/lunch. I will buy food they want but they prepare it. They do their own laundry. If I’m doing a load and they have clothes in the hamper I will do them but overall they do their own clothes/sheets/towels. I was severely anemic for 20 years. I finally found a hematologist to help me. My iron was 3.1 and is now 11.9. I’m finally feeling energetic but I will break when I need it. My husband and daughter have been great at picking up the slack. I just needed to yell a few times or leave the house and go to a movie without telling them where I was going. I would come home to a cooked meal and clean house.
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Stop doing everything! They will see !
Stop doing housework and engage in obvious self care.
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Sounds like single married mother. 
If I was you I would book myself a weeks holiday and leave them to it x
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Some men don’t understand that taking care of a home is not something that you can just “clock out” from. Especially when you have kids. It’s a 24/7 situation with no breaks. When you work outside the home, you leave that stress at the place you left. What is this guy thinking? I’d MUCH rather work outside the home than be a home maker. You may as well do it all by yourself. Sounds like this guy is unappreciative of the value of what you do in the home. And him making more than you doesn’t mean squat. Let him take some of that money and hire a maid to help you since he seems to be so chauvinistic. A real man will do what needs doing no matter what the task.
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As someone who went through this for years, understand that he will do what you allow. You are not to ask him to help , it’s his job as well he has 2 hands and can do everything that you are doing. I don’t allow that behavior and when I say allow I mean it. Take care of your mental health, trust that. What I did was stopped doing the household chores I mean stopped everything. I don’t like an untidy house but I sacrificed and didn’t touch a thing for 3 whole days he saw it piling up and asked what was going on and I simply asked him the same. He said aren’t you going to clean up and again I asked him the same question. Do not let your husband to think he’s in charge he’s a man that works period that’s it. All I’m saying is you will resent him if you allow this behavior
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Just stop (age dependant for children)…stop cooking, stop doing the laundry, stop cleaning and stop being the taxi service. If you’ve begged, nagged and demanded without positive results, then you’ve got nothing to lose.
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Take a week vacation without any of them and see how they do. Usually they end up realizing what you do when you’re not there to do it.
I know exactly how you feel. We older folks, my life is not what I imagined it would be.
Sincerly,
Sick and tired.
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Mom burnout is a thing. I just finally stopped caring as much. Stayed more at work, just forced myself to take naps on the couch. Just forced myself to STOP. It wasn’t a big discussion but my partners saw and noticed. Now chores are done more equally and I have more time to spend quality time then just hurrying everything cause I have a to do list.
So my advice is to just STOP. I know its hard cause a messy house makes my head hectic but just STOP. Or you will hate them and hate ur home.
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Take a week off. Get the brake you desperately need and let him realize what he’s doing to you.
I think it gets to a point in a relationship where you have to sit your partner down and tell them, if this doesn’t get acknowledged and changed I’m done because this is slowly destroying any love, trust and respect I have for you anyway. Set your boundaries and be willing to take the necessary steps because if you don’t you’ll just get more of the same.
With the kids…they need to be held accountable too. If you ask them to do xyz and they don’t, stop being their taxi, remove privileges, ground them, what ever you need to do. Whilst they may still refuse to do those things and refuse to show you more respect, they aren’t free of the consequences from that. They need to see what healthy boundaries, relationships and expectations are or they’ll continue to have these attitudes.
In the mean time, go book yourself a retreat weekend. You need to recharge a little to tackle all this before you are totally and utterly burnt out.
Go on a stay-cation and leave them to their own… can’t miss you unless you’re not there to do for them
Give yourself a holiday in the weekend book a hotel and spa day. He can cope with the kids etc.
Ugh can we just hug each other right about now 
I feel the exhaustion & the what feels like no help 
an I swear it’s 10 times worse when you express it time an time an nothing changes ! Like others are saying cut the cord , do nothing , well sometimes just this needs to be done to bring realization back to those who don’t see even the smallest things being done to make there life , there days better & more efficient & not saying all the time but most of the time that being MOM carrying that extra weight to make the world go around ! Keep your head up don’t give up just yet but the worst thing is a husband who puts a woman/ mother in this place & I know first hand because this was what drained an killed my relationship sadly 
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Take a action, turn off your phone. Seriously, take a vacation for 5 days. Anywhere. Stay in town, next town over…just go. Don’t prepare anything. Don’t leave a schedule.
When you get back, of nothing changes, it’s time to either so therapy or leave.
Stop doing things. They will pile up. Not sure how old kids are but they can also do their own laundry if older. Stop cooking or cleaning and they will see how much only you do.
You don’t say how old your kids are but personly I’d go on strike.
well take a staycation. tell them you are not home this week. no taxi service, meals , laundry. sit in a chair on the lawn and a drink when you come home. get delivery - for 1. do your laundry. do your dishes or disposable. take out your own garbage. read a book cover to cover. you didnt abandon them - you come home- but you are not maid service for them. be strong they can be willful and tough!!! can your husband take them to activities? or a friend? hugs!!! then you can show them all they did not do ! and its not your mess it is theirs!
I’m glad I’m not alone with these same feelings.
Take away their electronics . Phones PlayStation computer etc . Put them in the trunk of your car . They have to earn them back . Divide up the chores. They each get to pick a chore one at a time until the chores are even Tell them you expect the chores they chose themselves. To be done before you get home from work. If they are done give them one thing at a time back . If they slack take them back again . It works .
Go on strike I’m not kidding stop doing everything for them and they will notice I promise.
Sounds like you’re paddling a canoe by yourself. I had the same problem. Then I kicked him out two years ago and I have never been happier. Men think we’re MAIDS even if we work unfortunately.
Honestly, it’s your fault. You’ve allowed it for this long. Stop being their doormat and stand up for yourself. Start charging everyone a fee for your services or stop
Doing it altogether. You’re a full grown adult. No one can make you do anything. Tell your husband either he’s a part of the family and does what he needs to or gtfo.
Tell them exactly what you need them to take over and do. And then DO NOT DO IT. You need husband to make dinner Monday and Wednesday, tell him. Have something easy for you to eat when he doesn’t make dinner. You eat your cereal or take out. He can figure out what to feed the kids. You need the bathroom cleaned or the dishes done? Assign to someone and DO NOT DO THEM. They pile up in the sink? 
get yourself your own plate, bowl, cup, fork, spoon and knife and wash and put away your stuff when you use it (under lock and key if you must for a bit). You need to prove you aren’t going to give in and do stuff. Hubby and kids know they can just wait it out and Mom will do it… do YOUR laundry only. They can figure it out.
Do what you can to reduce your load. Have groceries delivered, hire a house cleaner for every other week, start putting the kids clean unfolded clothes in their rooms for them to fold and put away, do a 15 minute clean up before everyone leaves in the morning and another after dinner. Ask your husband to do the Saturday morning sports so you can get a pedicure, run to target, browse goodwill or walk in the woods. I used to pretend I was going to work and then take a personal day to do what I wanted when I felt I was going to lose my mind.
I have had to go on a strike and do absolutely nothing just to show and prove how much I do for my family and after about a week of me not cleaning, cooking or doing laundry I got more help from my husband and kids
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There is a woman on TikTok named Paige who talks about this stuff all the time! She is wonderful to follow! She really helps to understand how to communicate the division of labor in a household. Also, I’m petty… so I would stop doing the things for the people who are old enough to help and don’t. Maybe they will get the picture when their laundry isn’t clean or they run out of shampoo or their favorite snack. Every time one of your household members says something about it say “welp mom is doing her share, not everyone else’s”
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That’s the problem- you do it ALL!!! Stop and depending on kids age (you didn’t specify) if they are old enough they have CHORES!! Kids whose mother does everything for them become useless adults!!! I’ve seen it WAY TOOOO MANY TIMES ALREADY!!! I’m not that old but I’ve seen young adults in their 20s who can’t do anything for themselves. Can’t cook, clean, do laundry, plan weekly activities, or even medical dr visits. Because mom did it all for them!!! I love my kids and grandchildren and I help if really needed or asked but I’m not responsible for daily lives or their homes. We aren’t going to be here forever and than what?? Your family is going to implode because they can’t do for themselves!!!
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Just stop. That’s what I’d do. Do your own laundry, sit at the mirror doing your makeup and let him dress them, etc.
not sound advice but just totally what I’d do 
Quit your job today. That should get his attention . Wen he ask why , because I’m tired and no one would help me. Suggest he find a second job to cover the extra cash you were bringing in and enjoy your family 
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Run him off! , he’s no good.
Put a note on the refrigerator stating this is our chore day. If you don’t pick up your things they go into a donation box and the only way you will get them back is to start picking them up yourself other wise at end of month if your not willing to keep your stuff picked up another parent will have the same issue the first of next month. My mom use to have a slob box it was a very large barrel there was 6 of us kids and we actually had to pay to get our property returned. We learned fast to pick out stuff every day.!
Chores for kids. Especially picking up toys. When toys aren’t picked up. Start throwing them away.
They can put their own clothes away. If they don’t 
‘throw them away too’. Or just leave them there. Kids can go to school smelly. Wrinkled. Whatever. It’s not your problem.
Trash can be taken out by kids also. If it’s not taken out you can leave the bags in their room. Eventually. They will take them out.
Emptying the dishwasher. Kids jobs. If it’s not emptied. Nobody eats.
If no chores are being done. No school activities will be done. And you will not be driving anyone anywhere for them.
to bad. If they want to cry about it. Let them cry. Don’t lose your mental health over ignorant family members.
Crazy how women say this and yet don’t ever vent like this about work. Quit giving work the best of you and make life at home easier. An assistant like Google for calendar events, roomba for cleaning, chores for kids and other parent. Most importantly, it doesn’t have to be perfect or to your liking.
I have simply stopped doing their shit. I won’t do their laundry, I won’t pick up their trash. I will however pick up after MYSELF and myself only. Your husband is a grown ass adult, he should act like it.
Go on strike if the kids activity is sports don’t take if they can’t help you then they can forfeit the sport or dad can do it feed the kids but nothing else
Hire help! That still leaves you laundry, grocery shopping and cooking… send him the cleaning bill.
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Call a family meeting—-state your reasons, set chores for everyone,explain you are only 1 person and 1 part of the family unit,you work and do what you can……they have to do their part as they are ALL part of the family……then stick to it! Do your chores and if they don’t do theirs,go on strike and do nothing….if they don’t have supper or clean clothes or goodies to pack for,their lunch or someone to take them to a friends, maybe they will
step up and do what’s expected……the “big” kid included! I raised 2 kids with a husband that drove truck and had odd hours and sometimes wasn’t home……I worked full time and they learned I meant business……Everyone has to do their part! Good luck!
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Just stop doing everything. Let it build up.
I would open a separate checking account and every paycheck deposit the amount it would cost for a nanny that does household chores, and save that money just for yourself
If ANYONE complains tell them if you have to work 2 full-time jobs you’re going to get paid for 2 full-time jobs and once the household starts chipping in you’ll start chipping that money into the household
How about hiring a cleaning service?
Don’t let your kids treat you like your husband does. Teach them to be better.
Stop doing what you’re doing.
I’m not even joking.
Stop washing their laundry. Stop washing dishes. Stop taking the trash out. Stop sweeping. Stop mopping.
When someone says there are no clean forks, you respond with “Well someone should do the dishes”
When someone says they don’t have any clean socks, you respond with “Well someone should wash laundry”
My husband would look at me, visibly frustrated doing a sink full of dishes and be like “you don’t have to do that” to which I would respond with “who else is going to”.
Then I stopped doing it and everyone was confused about why the cleaning fairy stopped showing up.
I get a good bit more help around the house now.
Go on strike. Do your own laundry but leave theirs. Tidy up after yourself but not them. They’ll get the message soon enough.
Change the wifi password and only let people have it when work is done.
Stop doing his clothes,making his meals etc
Leave… not permanently lol
Take a week or 2 if you can swing it and go out of town or to a friends house. Do not stop in to help. Make sure at least one of the kids has a dr appt. Or something, don’t make any freezer meals, and don’t call to remind them of anything (still call to say good night lol). Make your husband understand and appreciate what you do and how much he needs you. If shit doesn’t start changing then we need to talk about the lack of respect.
If this doesn’t work for you talk about being a SAHM/W because it’s not a partnership if you’re doing literally everything you’re only human and this isn’t sustainable you will burn out and all will suffer.
Honestly, set-up chores for the children with a chart, and if they don’t get done, there are consequences. Depending on how old your children are, if they are capable to male something to eat, have them do it, stop making all the meals, stop doing your husband’s laundry. When he asks why he has no clean clothes- shrug your shoulders and sau he didn’t wash them. As for appts and anything extra curricula- make a schedule, a visual one. Put dads name on it, make him accountable.
Be honest about how you are feeling, and stop doing everything. When shit goes south quickly, bc it will, then he and the children will see how much you do everyday.
Your children don’t help because your husband has set a terrible example. You and your husband BOTH WORK FULL TIME. Income is irrelevant. That means that he needs to pick up 50% of the load. Your kids need age appropriate chores. Flat out hand your husband a list. Tell him that you work full time, and take care of the kids basically alone, and you can do that without being married to someone who doesn’t care about your wellbeing. If all he contributes is some money, you can get a divorce and child support does the same thing. Don’t give him an option not to help. You’re his wife, not his mother. If he wants a trad wife at home to do everything for everyone, he can make more money, give you an allowance for a separate bank account and he can fully support the family.
PS: I’m a stay at home Mom. My husband does cooking, part of the cleaning, and part of the child care on the weekend. Your husband fucking sucks.
I feel this 100% I work and do everything for the children and pets. My children help out with chores but otherwise i 100% do it all on my own including the outside task too. Voiced my option for not to be ignored because he works and he’s tired. Well im sorry so am I. It’s mentally draining, I feel your pain.
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I worked 60 hours, but I still helped my wife,many times I washed the dishes swept the floors went shopping with my wife or sometimes alone ,and I can go on, but I am just trying to say,men have an obligation to help!!!
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It’s exhausting! I hit my limit and we separated. One person is not supposed to do it all. Dad’s do take their kids to Dr/dentist/school functions. Husbands do their part around the house. If not, you don’t have a partner.