My husband doesn't care our kids get nothing for Christmas: Advice?

My husband is in the Navy and we share 3 kids…we struggle every holiday to get our kids anything and he doesn’t care…I am humiliatee because I end up making friends who cover our entire Christmas for our kids and my husband just doesnt have a care in the world…is there anyone I can contact in his chain of command that can help me out here? My husband just blows money and doesn’t care that our kids would wake up with nothing…idk what to do anymore

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I don’t know much about the military but I think it’s safe to assume that his higher-ups cannot do anything about what he does with his money that he earned. This is a marriage problem that needs to be solved within the marriage. Maybe you go to counseling with him because your values are not lining up and you guys need to work on that. 

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We need to hear the fathers side because for 1, I need to know what he is “blowing his money on”. Toys are not a necessity and if you all are struggling every year to buy it, it’s evident that there is other financial concerns that need to be addressed . 1 gift per child is good enough. Maybe it’s more about control and what YOU want vs what’s beneficial for the whole family. And i can’t believe yall are telling this woman to leave or divorce over some gifts. So nevermind if he is actually providing food , clothes, shelter , if the children are happy 364 other days . Smh

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This is a marital issue. Military has nothing to do with how he chooses to spend his paycheck. Contacting his job over marital issues can get him in trouble. You should never involve someone’s workplace over personal issues.

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That would be my EX husband. I am a single mom and I guarantee my son has a Christmas every year even though I don’t receive child support. In your case I’d divorce him, get my dues/child support/a job whatever and provide for my children the way they deserve.

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Google toy drives in your area and sign up for everything you can. When my husband couldn’t afford things I understood and signed the kids up for all kinds of stuff and made dinner and played Christmas music and they always had a good Christmas even if they didn’t get much. It’s not about just gifts it’s the experience. Things are what you make them so do your best to make it memorable. That’s all we can do. Play games and music and put up some Christmas lights and make something special for dinner. Hope this helps. :pray:t4::heart:

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Teach your children about giving, loving and compassion. Center Christmas around family, being together, and love. A lot of my children’s gifts are around family, learning, crafts, activities, family vacations.

With regards to your husband… marriages are hard. They take time, effort, communication, compromise. And (although I’m not) being a military wife can be challenging in that your husband can be away for long periods of time. Work on your marriage.

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It’s time to divorce him. It sounds like he just staying but doesn’t want the family honestly. Your kids come first not him anymore so you decide whether u should stay with him or not

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Christmas isn’t about going broke. I have 8 grandchildren, and if they all get 2 or 3 gifts from Grandma and Grandpa they’re thrilled. When I was a child at Christmas we were lucky to get 3 presents and we never thought a thing about it. That is part of the problem in the world these days, every child THINKS they have to have everything given to them. Buy what you can and they’ll be Happy!

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Congrats on making materialistic things a priority not only for you but for your children too! Maybe you and your kids should volunteer at a soup kitchen and see what its really like to go without.

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I’m curious as to why he has no care that his kids don’t have a Christmas. Sounds to me like a marriage problem and his up in command aren’t going to do anything cuz he don’t buy Christmas. I hate this for those kids but I would be curious as to why he doesn’t care. Has he always been like this? Did something happen? Etc

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Work and buy them yourself. Community church etc. He is already providing for the family’s needs. You know this is something not important to him but is to you. So strep up and cover it.

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I feel for you. But going to his superiors to snitch him out for blowing his own money on things other than holiday gifts? That wouldn’t solve anything at all right? It could make things worse actually, it seems, since the military cannot dictate how a person spends the money they pay. Nobody can, really. Your feelings seem valid. Your mention of the chain of command is ludicrous.

Why can’t you buy the toys? Get a part time job while your husband is home, or have family or friends watch your kids for a few hours a day so you can work. There are many organizations that help with Christmas too. There is no excuse here. Do what you need to do.

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I wouldn’t stay married to him. It’s different if a spouse does something to the other spouse but when it involves kids that’s totally different situation. Does he provide for them all the rest of the year?

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I know how you feel. Im so sorry. Good luck.

Uhm gifts are not everything , maybe teach them giving is better than recieving, volunteer at places that are less fortunate , teach them to be good human beings & give

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Holidays are about more than gifts. Don’t spend too much time worrying about gifts and try to celebrate his way. I married a religious man and had the same worry. We reward our kids through the year and don’t try to break bank and get them a bunch of gifts that they won’t care for. Hope you guys see eye too eye soon. Also if you know this will be a year problem try to shop for the deals. You can also sign up for angel tree, toys for tots and other toy give aways :slightly_smiling_face::christmas_tree:

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Well sweetie it’s time to get a job. As a ex military wife I can tell you that the base will help you. Contact the officer’s wives club they can help with gifts. Contact his first shirt, let him know the issues they will sort it out. And possibly donate to your family. He may get “suggestions” for financial councilor. Also the base has very affordable child care!! Get a job! It takes 2 and maybe pitch in. Sounds like you can’t afford to be a SAHM

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He puts his own wants over your kids. This is deeper than Christmas gifts. This is about him not caring about his kids. Why are you with him? LEAVE HIM!!! You’ll get money from the military, child support & the kids will keep their medical insurance.

As far as the gifts go aren’t there programs that help military families? I know I’ve donated before. Maybe they aren’t wide spread. Maybe sign up for toys for tots or look into holiday adoption. I was in a bad place 1 year. I was on a local free site. 1 of those that if you have something you need you ask if you have something you don’t want you offer it. Anyway my kids got adopted on that site & had the best Christmas ever. They were totally spoiled (thanks Lisa Kalinowski Brown I’ll never forget your generosity). If those aren’t options for you try thrift stores & market place. That’s how I shop for Christmas. My kids think I spend a lot of money. They don’t know how cheap I am :joy:

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There are tons of programs in every area but the sign ups have gotten insane since covid hit…most of the ones around us have closed already. I do know that if you contact an org and explain your situation I have seen exceptions made, especially by some of the really great orgs I work with bc they truly do care💖 Churches as well and your local jfs offices will hand into.
We are in recovery and we were so broke for so many years while building back up what we messed up all those years. Then I got pregnant with our 2nd while I was still pretty early on in my recovery so we had 2 to provide for. It was tough! Some years I started in june/July to do my shopping and most of their stuff was deals ot discount I found while doing my household shopping or deals I found while couponing. But that’s how it had to be then🤷‍♀️ We had small years, we had big ones, but the traditions we built are what the kids look the most forward to🥰 Baking and making treats all nov-dec, self on the shelf, holiday crafts, etc, whatever you want to do but make it your own.
Other advice I know worked for me…I shopped at target, got their red credit card, shopped the deals at the store and made sure it was saving us money but then they do these deals “buy 3 get a $5 gift card” or “spend $50 on cleaning products, get a $15 gift card.” My husband applied for the card for us and I would save the gift cards for holiday and stuff, all the extras that came up that we couldn’t really afford. You also earn points shopping on their app, I think anyone can do this with or without the card, and I save that each year towards holidays or a big purchase. It’s work but it sounds like you have other issues at hand here so I would say it’s worth it until you can get these things figured out more. Good luck

Sounds like a marriage problem or that he is just a crappy person. That should not involve his work. If you’re able to, go get a part time job around holiday so u can make sure u can buy gifts for your kids

Usually military does Christmas parties and they have a whole bunch of stuff the kids choose from. It’s mainly dollar tree stuff but they have boxes and boxes filled with toys books puzzles ect . Or take money out and put it to the side and get your kids a few gifts with it . The military might also have a giving tree to put your family on as well.

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I’m sorry but how are you going to stay with someone who doesn’t care about your babies happiness. If my husband pull that on me, id show him the door, file divorce and send him the monthly child support bill enforced by the state. If you really want government o be involve, that’s how you do it. Because not paying that child support bill will get him in big trouble with the law regardless of where he works. Dude, your kids happiness comes first. Dont let a guy like that make you and your kid feel less than anything. Family first, always

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Some dads really don’t care. My ex was given money from his father to buy our son a crib and he bought a BBQ grill. The kid got older and I asked for $20 to buy a electric toothbrush for our kid for Christmas and he said we can’t afford it and came home with a $1000 bucket of bullets. Needless to say that is my EX

Try local churches. They usually do things for Christmas!

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So not trying to be rude but honestly if he blows his money he still makes enough to support your family… so my question would honestly be what other family is he supporting??? He properly has a girlfriend and kids with her as well!!!

Maybe he doesn’t worry much about christmas cause he knows you’ll find other people to cover it. which is still messed up.
Some towns have different charities and churches that do christmas give aways to help parents give their kids christmas. I don’t know if all salvation armies do this or where all they are located in the US but the salvation army in my town does a thing called angel tree. Maybe also see if the military has a christmas programs you can enroll in to help you with christmas, since y’all are a military family. Also since he’s seems to be bad at saving money and likes to spend it, you could also see about getting some financial counseling to teach him and you how to create a budget and better manage the money. Maybe see if the navy offers that.
As far as telling on him to his chain of command, i don’t know if that would actually help you or cause more issues in your family, relationship and his job ( I also have no military background so idk) but maybe try talking to whoever is directly over him. They maybe atleast be able to tell y’all what benefits and programs they have to offer.
Another thing you could look into is see if your bank or credit union has a Christmas program.
The credit union i go to allows us to open a Christmas account ( they call it Christmas club) it allows you to put money into it and it also collects interests then in November the bank mails out a check.

Do y’all only struggle to get the kids stuff during the holidays or are y’all always financially struggling due to him over spending?

To my knowledge his higher ups can do squit (please create me if I’m wrong), and truthful I don’t know if they would care. It’s a relationship matter.

I’d suggest getting in touch with local charities, church’s ect…

Christmas happens every year at the same time. So why not buy things throughout the year so this doesn’t happen. Also what is he wasting money on? He would be an ex with that kind of carry on…

Go to his welfare department, explain the issues and they will and can talk to him. He is duty bound to ensure he provides for his family.

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Get in touch with Toys for TOTS in your area.

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This is a marriage problem , the military are not his mom and dad lol. Put some back each paycheck .

So the real problem is that he spends money wastefully. I’m pretty sure there is a procedure for this. I know that the military has consumer finance classes. The big question is what he’s spending his money on: booze? Drugs? Porn? Stuff for himself? You need to find out, then you two need to make a budget together. Most men have no idea how much children’s needs cost.

Start saving money. Go to the store pull out cash. Add it to the envelope for Christmas.

He won’t know.

His first shirts won’t do anything about him not buying Christmas gifts, it’s technically a marriage problem, however they can always advise that you go see a marriage counselor and things like that.

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Divorce him. Start working if you aren’t already.

You and your kids would be better off without him. He would be forced to pay child support an no longer be the narcissistic prick he sounds like. While serving your country is noble, your children and wife should NEVER rank at the bottom.

Couples coucilling and therapy, both need to be on the same page. Could he have a addiction of some sort like gambling ( could be totally wrong)
Feel like there is a lot more to this on both sides that’s not been said.
Wish you both the best

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Divorce him you’ll get that money then!!!

This sounds very similar to my ex husband. He was never in the military (too much of a coward). He would spend all the money on himself and what he wanted. When we got divorced, he followed the same pattern. He wouldn’t pay child support because he was always spending on himself. I’m teaching my children to be more compassionate and giving.

Leave the prick!

Sorry, but a man puts his family first, especially his kids.

Try a local church. Many times they do toy drives for kids at Christmas time.

Well yeah u can go to his chain of command but that’s not gonna turn out good for anyone! The military offers all kinds of resources specially at xmas time. Talk to your FRG (if that’s what they call it in the navy I’m an ex army wife). There are resources to help with gifts! If u need help finding them feel free to pm me. As far as the hubs and the financial issues go to finance they have classes and offer consultations with financial advisors who can go over all the money stuff and tell u both what’s what! Use the resources avaliable to you. They are not available in the civilian world gods knows they should be!

Who TF doesn’t struggle? If you want more, get off your ass and get out there and earn it like your navy man! IF what you’re saying is true, which I highly doubt, still, you’re no better and doesn’t really speak much about you. But def says a lot about him being in the Navy and you just sound like an ungrateful manipulator. Totally. Money cannot buy love NOR happiness. That can only come from within. Wtf is wrong with some of you females?!?!? If “paper” determines your happiness on one day, pretty fkn sad.

No, you cant contact his ‘‘chain of command’’ to complain that he wont buy christmas presents. tf go get a job

His boss isn’t gonna tell him how to spend his money

Try saving $30 a week all year long. By the time the holidays roll around, you’ll have over $1500 you can use towards Christmas. I have 3 kids as well and this works for me. I have savings accounts set up for each one with $10 automatically deposited each Friday all year long. Best of luck to you!

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Really
And why do you stay?

I have a few suggestions you may read it or not cuz it will be long lol but just my thoughts.

  1. See what toy drives or events are in your area, I already have a few saved in my phone bcuz this year will be a struggle.

  2. Also, Ive been where you are plenty of years but now I’m trying to not stress and be grateful myself on the things I have to teach my kids to also be grateful on what they have and that Christmas shouldnt be about what presents they gets, its about being with their family the people who love them. Hopefully they wont be so sad.

  3. The husband…if youve spoken to him on your feelings as well as the kids and he doesnt seem to care, it may just be time to part ways. I know that sounds extreme, and we dont know the full extent of this situation or your lives, but it doesnt seem he respects anyone but expects to receive respect, thats not how the world works and he wont get it until you start respecting yourself by not putting up with his bullshit.

  4. You are deserving and worthy of having your feelings vaildated. Your kids are worthy of respect and having their feelings validated. Its so much pressure on parents as to what big thing you can get your kids, it can be a competition. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are doing a great job! They are loved, clothed, sheltered have food and you are doing whatever you can to keep them happy. Im sure if they had to choose between you or presents, they would pick their awesome mama. :two_hearts:

Well if you get him kicked out of the navy they won’t have a roof over their heads either. Do you work? Why can’t you buy Christmas presents?

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Start putting money away during the year so you have some put away for emergencies or times like this.

She should be getting money for her and childern

How old are the kids? Do you have a job?

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If it bothers you that much, buy them gifts yourself!
You should have had a conversation about your beliefs, and how you would handle holidays prior to having children.
But it could be he doesn’t want to celebrate Santa. Not everyone likes the idea of lying to their children.

How do you make friends cover it ? I assume you ask them ? Clean a house or do something for a small side income each month and put it back if needed - watch places like Amazon for sales with coupons I got nice items for my kids less than 1/2 price ! Buy a little item each month

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Are Christmas gifts worth the possibility of your Children losing military benefits?

Christmas gifts aren’t something that he is required to provide, his command won’t care about that. He is required to provide a roof and food. As long as their basic needs are met then they won’t care. There are several organizations that provide free Christmas gifts to children. Speak with the chaplain and check the USO.

There are also ways that you can make money to provide gifts for them so that they won’t wake up without anything.

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Divorce him he will hav to pay maintenance

I know how you feel and that does make a mom sad. I had an aunt Ethel many years ago who started doing her Christmas shopping right after Christmas of the previous year. You don’t need a Christmas list from the children you know their likes and dislikes or things you would like them to have so little by little I will get these things in tact them away. Another option or maybe you could do it as well is get some kind of a job to help pay for these gifts. Of course it’s probably too late this year but you could keep those two things in mind for the following years. Also I do not know where you live but there are many many places and organizations that you can go to or call it will help you with the kids gifts. I live in Massachusetts and I know a lot of schools know which children are in need and they do get wonderful gifts for these kids. they usually give these gifts to the moms near Christmas and may ask sizes of clothes sneakers and some of the kids likes. The children are not tall so it is a secret that only the mom will know about in the school. Christmas is a time for giving and being a Mom of course we want to do whatever we can to make our children happy. Maybe for some people the gift of giving isn’t a priority on his list but that’s just the way some people especially men for some reason

Well considering what his pay grade is, debts, bills, etc. the money may not be there for Xmas. Where is the money going? And no one is his command is going yell at him that he’s not buying Xmas gifts. It’s not against the UCMJ to not have money for gifts. They will side eye the crap out of you and ask him if he’s ok.

Stop using people for their money. Find extra ways to bring in some money for yourself and the kids. Sell plasma, babysit, etc.