My husband doesn’t seem happy about me being pregnant. Okay, so my husband and I decided to try for another baby after our son turned 2. We expected it to take a little longer for me to get pregnant than what it actually did. It only took about two months. Well, flash forward, he has not seemed excited at all. I’m only four months, and we find out in 2 weeks what we’re having, but I’m so depressed. Like I love that we’re bringing our second baby into this world, but I wish he seemed happy. Our son was not planned at all, but he was thrilled about everything during my pregnancy even tho he didn’t get to physically be there most the time (We lived apart for the first seven months). I honestly thought he would be happier this time since he gets to experience everything with me, but Nope. Our family is super happy, and as I said, so am I. every time I talk to him about it, he says he’s content, but then when I bring the baby up in conversation, he just changes the subject or gets short and acts like he doesn’t care. It’s really making me sad, and honestly, I just don’t want to talk to him about anything. Does anyone have some advice?
That’s got to be hard I’m sorry. My only advice is try talking to him, see what’s going on in his head!!
Sounds like hes on a long lasting period…sounds like a tool!!!
At this point don’t play games. Sit him down, and say I want to know exactly how you feel. Don’t lead with your own feelings. Make the conversation about HIS emotions even though your going crazy. Maybe he really just needs to know you WANT to know how he feels.
You need to talk to him. Men can get PPD too. My husband suffered while I was pregnant with our 3rd. My entire pregnancy was depressing and sucky. I wont get into details, but the day I went into labor my husband was super excited and has been in love with our son ever since
It’s possible he’s stressed out about the finances of a second child coming into the world. My advice is to have a heart to heart with him and find out what’s going through his mind. There could be so many reasons he’s not excited about it. I wish you luck and hope that you are able to find out.
Hmmm I understand both sides of it. Myself and hubs lost our first baby, when I got pregnant for the second time he didnt seem excited at all and wasnt too involved but I understood it was hard to connect with fear of losing another one. I did most of the shopping and appointments etc. He was thrilled with our first baby but was so hesitant with our son. But when he was born man he was an amazing dad! Sending hugs, I know it is hard
Mine was that way with both of my pregnancies. When the time came for them to come into the world he was the happiest person alive.
Ask him. And explain that his demeanor surrounding it seems off to you, and that’s why you’re asking. Don’t just continue taking it personally without talking to him.
My ex-husband was the opposite. He was excited during the pregnancy, then wanted nothing to do with her after she was born. Wouldn’t even take care of her so I could work. I took her to my grandma’s and he ran the streets all night. My grandma ended up taking her from me
So my husband was just about the same. Super excited about the first pregnancy and then with the second he seemed very indifferent. Like wasn’t interested in feeling the baby move or knowing what stage the baby was at ( like oh the baby is as big as whatever now). I asked him about it because it was really getting to me. Like how could you be so super involved and excited about the first but now with our second you don’t seem as thrilled and he responded with: well we’ve already done this so I know what’s going to happen. It wasn’t that he wasn’t excited for our baby but just that it was a been there done that kinda thing for him. He’s a very involved father and loves his children with everything in his being. I definitely wanna add that, but during the pregnancy he was just like yeah… I know what it feels like when the baby moves etc. hang in there mama! It might not be that he’s not excited for your baby, but just that in his mind, it’s something he’s already gone through and the thrill is gone. I hope this makes sense lol
I would sit down and have an honest conversation. Voice all of your concerns and listen to what he has to say. Communication is key. Good luck!
Most men aren’t. It’s not “real” for them until they can hold their child in their hands. Don’t take it personally.
Does he work a lot? My hubby works a lot. He would feel the baby when she moved around. He is constantly working now since she has been born but he stayed at the hospital during the day and my mom at night, so he could take our 5 yo to school in the mornings. She is 7 months old now. He still works a lot and holds her when he is home and watching tv, but I am the primary care giver in our home. He pays all the bills, and I make sure everyone is fed, bathed, and where they need to be, when they need to be there. He took off work both time to be with each baby.
Definitely sit down with him. Let him know that you want to know how feels, regardless of what the answer is. Congratulations on the pregnancy tho, mama! He’ll get there!
Ask him what’s wrong
Men are weird my husband was the same way. Like I told him. What do you think happens when you have unprotected sex??.
Mines the opposite. He’s so happy I’m with #3 and I don’t know how I feel, and I rather not offend moms who can’t have children or are struggling on this forum. Plus I didn’t say I don’t want it, I’m just not feeling the same as I felt about 1&2. So there’s that. I just landed a great job, my kids are all 5& up and my relationship isn’t where I would like it to be but, it is what it is
Its not uncommon for moms to get guilt when they are pregnant after already have a young child. You start to think that maybe they didnt get enough time of your full attention. I felt so guilty I was depressed even though I wanted my second child dearly.
Its possible he’s feeling that way.
Hell, my kids are 7 and 9 now and if I let myself I can feel guilty about being pregnant right now bc I know baby will take time and attention away from them.
Just ask him. But dont get upset when he tells you what it is. Hes allowed to feel how he feels.
I’ve been experiencing the same. This will be our second together. He is not as involved with this one as he was the first one. I’ve had others tell me that it could just he because it is the second so he is more calm with this one. I do know, after having a talk with him and him breaking down, that he has been concerned with finances and worried we wont have everything we need for him. His fear was unrealistic since we already had all the basic necessities and more prepared then we were with the first one. It was just his anxiety and fear getting in the way. I just talked to him and explained to him that we have all this stuff and that babies do not need as much as people assume
He may just be shared and not know how to process it all. That’s how mine was and I felt like you did. But he is an amazing father. Tell him how you feel. I was 7 months when I said something.
So are you happy or sad and depressed? Cause you say you’re both
Guys are weird. I say talk to him. It might not be that hes not excited. Hes just a dude.
Maybe he’s going through depression as well.
Mine was the exact same when we got pregnant… he’s much better now that she’s here.
This may sound harsh, but was it really both of yours decision to have a second child? Like mutual agreement completely?
Men dont react the same as women. He may be but he may also be concerned about finances and whatnot. You cant expect people to be the same as you.
That being said have you talked about it with him? Cause you need to talk it out.
Have you talked about what’s going on? He may have other things on his mind right now. Sit him down and talk to him about the pregnancy and see how he actually feels about it and go from there
My husband and I have 2 kids, our first wasnt planned and I was devastated. I loved my husband (he was my boyfriend at the time) and I always wanted to be a mom, but I was only 19 so it wasnt my plan YET. But my husband was ecstatic and he was so happy and wanted to know everything, then the second time around, he wanted one more so I agreed, and when i found out o was pregnant (first try after we decided to try again) he wasnt so giddy until about 6 months, which was when he could feel baby on the outside. Our son would spend alllllll night kicking him in the back when we were asleep, and after that he was so excited. Sometimes the second time around it isnt as exciting for men until they can bond too, whether its feeling baby kick or holding them when they are born. They arent growing the human, they dont get the little reminders all day long like we do.
I just had my son 2 months ago. Its mine and my husband’s first together, he has a 19 year old son and I have a 15 year old daughter from previous relationships. When I found out I was pregnant it was a good shock we weren’t trying and we had fertility issues plus I had a eating disorder so he is my miracle baby straight from God but i noticed my husband pulled away and didn’t act happy so i asked and he said he was very excited but worried that he wouldn’t be able to give us everything we want and was worried about my health. So just talk to him and see.
This time around He knows its not all rainbows and loolypops. Another baby ,he worries if he can afford it. He worries about your health and safety. Oh now you need baby clothes and diapers ,and its Christmas time .and it doesnt feel real , its not moving in him.He wonders if he can love another baby. It will be real as time goes on . He is holding it ,and cant take his eyes off it. It will be ok . You be as happy as you want ,and time will come …God bless Your Family ,good luck little momma.
He could be feeling the financial pressure and added responsibility that comes with having another child.
Do you bring up the pregnancy alot? Like ever day, and many times a day? (I’m just using this as an example) If that was the case. He just might be tired of talking about it. It’s not real to him yet.
And like some have said he’s a man. They work differently,. Or he could be stressing about money ect…
I’d have a heart to heart with him and see what he says.
Men generally don’t “get excited” it’s not fully real until that baby makes its appearance in the world. They don’t get all of the symptoms and feelings women do. Women are often emotional thinkers. Men are more logical thinkers.
He could be feeling the stress of the new baby in the house and more money etc.
He’s not going to be over the moon like you cuz u have a surge of hormones that help with that. He says he is content take it for what it is. Dads aren’t dads until babies are born. And since they aren’t pregnant it’s not that exciting for them while he maybe happy it’s just not going to be the same as you. Also if it was faster than expected he might be dealing with that aspect too. Maybe he said y’all can try and expected it to take 6 months to a year and he had plans this might of interrupted. He won’t tell you as he loves you and would like to keep you excited. Be happy he wanted to plan one with you. Also he might not be comfortable talking about it
He might not feel a connection or he wasn’t really ready and wanted to keep his agreement with you. Maybe something is going on at work for him. Just have a heart to heart with him if hes still being off maybe ask him to see a counselor with you or by himself. Pregnancy and babys are big changes so it might be stressful for him.
Speak to him. Sometimes it could be other stuff. Maybe hes thinking abt how hes gonna financially care for you all with a new baby on the way. My first was planned and my second was not and that was stressful for my husband for so many different reasons including finances. Talk to him and try not to get too upset. Sometimes we’ve got ro leave room for the men to have and express their feelings without us holding resentment and getting angry
Women think about all the love and cuteness and men seem to think more about finances and logical planning such as childcare
I hate to admit openly but honestly I was not excited when my husband told me the results of our pregnancy test for our second baby. Even when we found out what we were having I still sadly wasn’t super excited. We had a lot of problems after I gave birth to our first son and it brought back a lot of memories. When we had our second son I fell in love instantly and I cannot imagine our life without him. I love him so much it hurts. Sometimes it just takes time and I’m sure when baby gets here he will be just as in love as he was the first baby. Maybe it’s the responsibility of raising another human? Daddy’s can get depressed too. He could also be worrying about less time for you and him. Just give it time and try your best to enjoy this time for you!! Good luck momma
You really need to talk to him . My ex husband at one point said he hadn’t given me permission to get pregnant. But he is now my ex husband for a reason
Talk to him. Maybe he is worried about something and is to afraid to admit it. Like worried he can’t love them both equally, (my uncle felt this way) worried about money or extra bills that come with a second child. You never know what. He may just need to hear you say it’s okay. Men can go through a lot of emotions when your pregnant too.
It can be hard on men during pregnancies, that dint get the little daily reminders and bonding and they dint get the hormones mins get from day one till nearly birth. So they get all the fear…the responsibility and the worry about resource for like 6 months after women start bonding. It can be very daunting raising a child…he just might be scared a little
Women become mothers when she finds out she’s pregnant men become fathers when they first hold they babu
He may be feeling the overwhelming feeling of having to feed another mouth and such. Doesnt mean he isnt excited he’s just concerned or is waiting for the day it arrives. Men are different.
He wasn’t around for the first 7 months for the first, you don’t know what moods he may have gone through then. You aren’t showing probably so still not real to him. I didn’t show as my son was mostly in the back area and I didn’t even know I was pregnant until 5 months. My husband was not excited at all until our son started to move to my front area where he could see the kicks and movement. Don’t worry he will be fine especially when he holds his newborn! After you find out gender get him involved in names. It will become more real then too.
Mommy connects as soon as your pregnant. Daddy connects as soon as baby arrives messed up but how it works
Life lesson: you will never find happiness through someone else, not even your husband. We find it within ourselves. Still working on it myself!
Maybe it’s surreal and he’s stressed about being a good father to both children? Finances? Space in the home? Scheduling? Usually with men it’s the practical things they analyze and stress about. They feel like it’s solely their job to support and make everything work out.
before you get sick with all the worries try this: write him a letter in the name of your baby. ask him to understand that he (the big one) needs to talk to you because you are sad if he does not and at the same time he (the little one) is feeling your faster heartbeat and it makes you sad too.
I am sure you still have baby stuff from your first one, start washing it, mend it if needed.
Give him time (or let the “little one” say it) daddy I know I happened too fast but I could not wait for some more years.
I think your will find the right words. And believe me when I say some men block voices out when it’s not easy for them. Don’t push him.
And to make the letter a bit funny: hey dad I don’t know what I am and it will be a surprise for you.
My best wishes for you 3 and the little one. Let him/her grow in peace and joy
Tell him how he is making you feel
Keep an open line of communication, talk about how you feel and try to get him to do the same. Stay positive & take care of yourself. What you feel the baby feels. Much Luck to the whole family!
He could be going through an emotional change as well- my husband has shared in all my symptoms etc— now that his bloating and backache has subsided he’s very excited but I pray he gets past whatever the may be feeling and begin to experience the JOY you all feel
Probably just a lot more responsibility to think about. Have you just ask him about how “you” see thing.
Could he be worrying about finances and how a second child will change things maybe hire a sitter go and do something fun and relaxing and ask him if he is having concern about things maybe include him a little bit more about baby things but something could be bothering him if nothing is then he will probably get more excited as time goes by
I just flat out say you knew we was trying and I didn’t get pregnant alone ! So either get over it and support me or we can separate and your checks can go for child support. Also I suggest you all go to counseling too. Congratulations !
Honestly, talk to him. Tell him what youve told us.
Men generally dont like to share their feelings. It is quite possible he is just searching within himself about everything going on. He may have thought it would take a little bit longer than expected and caught him by surprised.
This baby was planned just didn’t go by your plans.