My husband and I have been together for 13 years. 2 kids. He is stay home parent and I work 3-4 days a week (12 hr shifts). Last several years I’ve openly told him that I feel hes on his phone too much. Then hed play video games every night before wanting to hang out. That’s some better but now after kids in bed and I go to bed he goes out all night to a friends house. Sometimes not coming home until time to take oldest child to school. Yes there are some females there but he mostly plays cards and hangs out with his friends. That’s not my problem. Problem is after being out, hes too exhausted to help with the kids the next day. I only have 3-4 nights off a week and it seems hed rather be with his friends than doing something with me. Like I’ve sent date ideas to him and stuff. Never comments on it. Never suggests different things to do. I just honestly feel like he doesn’t care if hes with me or not anymore. I pretty much go to bed every night by myself. Weve talked about this on and off for last couple years. I feel like he always thinks everything is my fault. No matter what. I’m just trying to figure out of it’s time to actually make change for me and the kids. I love him but I feel so tired, hurt, and almost hopeless. He never sees my point of view and further says it’s crazy and stupid. But I don’t see what business a married man with children has being out all night long. Especially with the night before he had to go to bed bc he was tired…it was my first night off in 4 days…
So please tell me if I’m overreacting or if any significant other would be upset by lack of change, effort, and continuing to do things that clearly upset you then place the blame on your feelings?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband doesn't seem to want to be married or have a family - Mamas Uncut
Madam, you are a woman, not a doormat. Even better, you are a woman who works and earns her own money. He doesn’t have anything. Stand up for yourself, and talk to him about this. You need to tell him his behaviour is unacceptable, and that you’re setting an ultimatum; get his ass back in line, or he leaves. He needs you and your money more than you need him; what is he really giving you? Not money, attention or love. Nothing. You deserve better than this clown.
He needs an outlet. How old are the kids? Perhaps a part time job and the kids go to daycare part time? He needs some outside of home time and the only time it seems he can do that is when you’re home to watch the kids. My husband stayed home for 2 years and it really drained him being a working man all his life. We both decided we should work part time and trade days or put the baby in daycare allowing him a different flow in his day. Sit down and talk to him about his feelings as a sahp. With openess and no blame.
Being a SAHP is taxing. Sounds like he needs a different outlet like a job (if he’s able to work) or join a hobby club. Something to do where he can be himself as an individual instead of dad/hubby.