My husband doesn't seem to want to be married or have a family

My husband and I have been together for 13 years. 2 kids. He is stay home parent and I work 3-4 days a week (12 hr shifts). Last several years I've openly told him that I feel hes on his phone too much. Then hed play video games every night before wanting to hang out. That's some better but now after kids in bed and I go to bed he goes out all night to a friends house. Sometimes not coming home until time to take oldest child to school. Yes there are some females there but he mostly plays cards and hangs out with his friends. That's not my problem. Problem is after being out, hes too exhausted to help with the kids the next day. I only have 3-4 nights off a week and it seems hed rather be with his friends than doing something with me. Like I've sent date ideas to him and stuff. Never comments on it. Never suggests different things to do. I just honestly feel like he doesn't care if hes with me or not anymore. I pretty much go to bed every night by myself. Weve talked about this on and off for last couple years. I feel like he always thinks everything is my fault. No matter what. I'm just trying to figure out of it's time to actually make change for me and the kids. I love him but I feel so tired, hurt, and almost hopeless. He never sees my point of view and further says it's crazy and stupid. But I don't see what business a married man with children has being out all night long. Especially with the night before he had to go to bed bc he was was my first night off in 4 days....

So please tell me if I’m overreacting or if any significant other would be upset by lack of change, effort, and continuing to do things that clearly upset you then place the blame on your feelings?

Girl you can’t possibly think he’s being loyal…he’s definitely seeing somebody else. End it immediately, he obviously doesn’t love you

He may not be cheating but it does seem like he has checked out of the relationship. If he isn’t wanting to do anything with you or for you he’s definitely using you and going along for the free ride. Don’t give him any money… and tell he he needs to go to work since he is ding zero around the house or for the kids. You obviously don’t need him if you are already doing it yourself.

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he’s cheating honey. kick him out, maybe you can get help from a friend or relative, but that’s over, been over for years from what it seems

I feel like I see this a lot. Men reversing roles to stay home. Then becoming depressed and straying. I think staying home and not providing for the family affects their manhood. Or at least the way they perceive their wife. This is not to say women don’t feel the same when they stay home but we have a greater built in need to nurture and care for the babies we carried for 9 months.
That being said he is s grown man. He chose the role and understood what it would be. You have allowed him to run wild. Pull him to the side and let him know that the current environment is not gonna work. Compromise about hanging with friends as long as he makes time with you. Umm sleep overs are not an option… not sure how this happened… me and the kids would have been at that house causing a scene.
If that doesn’t work. He needs to get a job.
Also SAD is a job. Maybe y’all need to outline the duties to more then just running kids and keeping them alive. He has too much time to get in trouble.
Good luck!

I hate to say it but if he is out all night, there is a chance that he is cheating on u. You need to leave him, if he truly loves, he will realise what he has lost, but for the sake of u and the kids you need to make some hard decisions.

Sounds to me, as though he know longer considers himself married and committed to you.
You already know that it’s time for him to go ahead and move out. He can still see the children but you need to stop being treated like just a meal ticket and move on. He isn’t in a relationship with you now. He hasn’t been for awhile. As long as you are willing to let this emotional abuse continue it will. Show the oldest child you’re raising the door. Get a nanny or childcare instead and move forward with your life. Time for him to moveout and move on because he is not being a husband to you.