Out all night?! No way will I ever tolerate that. You need to have a serious sit down n tell him to knock it off or you want him to be an adult n put the shoe on the other foot!
Sounds like it’s time for some therapy for couples and if he says no, he must go.
If he stays out all night why doesn’t he get a night job? Why are you supporting him? You get divorced and you end up paying him alimony
Aside from all of the other issues that would provide legitimate reasons to end your marriage, you are kidding yourself if you actually believe that he is out at a friends house all night every night. That is indicative of cheating, substance abuse, or both. No one’s spouse spends the night out at a friend’s house. Not even for 1 night, let alone every night of the week. Adults don’t hang out like that. People have personal responsibilities and your husband’s friend probably has a spouse who would tell her husband you’re way too comfortable there and to cut you off the nightly visitor list. You should call the friend’s spouse and ask about your husband’s visits. Check in with the friend’s spouse to make sure your husband is not being a bother. It might be interesting what you learn. The friend’s spouse will likely not know what you’re talking about. That’s when you know your husband is cheating. More specifically, your husband is lying to you. Lying erodes the trust that is necessary for a marriage to survive. Without trust there is no marriage. Marriage should not create stress or unhappiness. Marriage should relieve stress and provide stability and happiness across your life. Your marriage ended long ago. Accept that now and start the divorce process. You will be so much better for it in about 1 year.
I tell prospective clients that the fact that they are in an attorney’s office discussing their possible divorce means that they are getting divorced. At that point the marriage is beyond repair. They can try to salvage it, but it isn’t salvageable after one spouse or both check out of the relationship. Take steps to protect your assets and your money and shield what you can from your husband. Take out some emergency cash and stash it somewhere outside of your home (like your parents’ or a siblings’ home). Good luck and do not hesitate. You can take small steps now to put yourself in an advantageous position in your divorce. And divorce is all about money—do not listen to any of the BS. Fight for your money—all of it, even if it is your spouse’s. You had to tolerate his behavior and your marriage entitles you to some portion of his assets and income. Take what you’re due.
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Change the locks and when he gets home after a night of drinking and cards and who knows what else. He will get the point
You are little more than a meal ticket to him. Dump him and pay a sitter what he costs you now. The crazy stupid one is someone who thinks anyone would put up with him for long.
Maybe make him get a job? Sounds like he’s got way too much time on his hands
When my ex wanted to stay home and not work, I ended it. Make a decision, cause the most irritating thing is to ask for advice and not take it.
Turn the table…you go out without him…see how he likes it.worked in my marriage that was a game changer
No you are not alone in similar situations and best thing is to fix into your budget to get a older grandma figure to care for your children and sent him out to get a real job to help out with all expenses because he not a child any more tell him him needs to assume responsibility for your children and be a man
If does not work out you need to get all your bills in order to set a contract up to be responsible
Look for a option that you can work for you place children frist then try to meet your needs place every thing on paper then work out a mutual plan that will work for all parties involved life is not meant to be a vacation from reality
He needs to get a job. Work out something else for the kids.
Regardless of what you think he is doing all night it’s pretty likely he’s cheating. Guys don’t tend to hang out and “play cards/games” ALL night several nights a week.
Personal experience obviously, but certainly seems that with this guy, and how he’s become distant and not bothered about you or the kids.
He’s throwing a temper tantrum. End of story. Get him to talk. Sounds like he’s resenting his role in the family.
I would check into these coed hang outs. Sounds to me like he is pulling the wool over your eyes
Sounds like he’s using you, then throwing you away to do what he wants. Time to hit the road.
you have kids and a part-time babysitter, is this what you are satisfied with.
He’s not playing cards with the guys
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Sorry but you need to tell him to get off his ass and work. He is a lazy guy that ““goes to Friends house to play cards””" NOT!!! I would run as far as you can because it won’t change…he has been allowed to do this for so long and feels he is entitled to it…
He just doesn’t want to be with you. Maybe counseling will help, probably not
You are not wanting to believe he is doing wrong but sure sounds like an affair to me.
What are you waiting for? He lost interest in you and family life long time ago…he has to get out and find a way to help you with the kids…
Time for a very serious chat with hubby. In man speak fish or cut bait.
I’d say to him “pack and go your friend’s”. He is not a husband or a father.
There are Red Flags flying all over this. Sadly, I do not for one minute believe that this is what’s going on. What kind of “jobs” do these “friends” have that enable them to stay up all hours of the night to play card games, not one time but several every week. Even third shifters sleep some on their nights off. He’s unfortunately skipped town long ago on this marriage, now sadly it’s up to you to decide the next steps. Just please from me, don’t be a martyr to this game any longer…
Obviously he is not really married to you. Find another babysitter and cut him loose. Is he the same way with your children?
Think you & the kids would be way better off with him gone.
Wow. People really do go far to justify their partners cheating. He’s cheating. No man stays over his guy friend’s house that long into the rising of the next sun. Drunk, partying, gaming or whatever else. If you do you’re still too young or need to check your priorities in life. You have kids. Partying until 4 am is no longer an option.
Sounds like he’s got himself a girlfriend. He’s not out with the guys. He’s cheating!
Oh boy!
Narcissistic personality is what I picked up right away.
Please research this and slowly and safely get out of that situation.
It seems a very mild version if you can be speaking of this the way you are.
That is good.
Or he is a covert narcissist. Even if he is not a narcissistic personality, he should never be saying crazy or stupid to his best friend and lover, wife and most awesome person in the whole world who would do anything to keep the relationship balanced and be on the same page and show affection and care, special things and take time to be with you.
Make your plans and decide what you feel you need from the home, vehicles, belongings in the house, other property, money and kids and write down all the things you have done over the years and also what he has contributed as well to the family…
if it feels right give him the paperwork for divorce and say, this is what I see is fair, if you agree, let’s sign and be on our way.
Peacefully letting him go.
If he doesn’t want to agree with divorce and to upgrading his behaviors towards you and create a better family environment that is healthy for you and the children, then tell him you want to set new boundaries and agreements and tell him exactly what you need him to be doing in a relationship if he wants to stay and work on the relationship.
Home by ? pm, he does x, y, and z to show you that he loves you and wants to be in this family. What do the children say about him, do they feel he is lacking in being there for them at home or in general, with school activities, homework, making meals…?
Otherwise, you need to be emotionally and physically cared for, even if that is done all by yourself. Sometimes we look outside ourselves for that fulfillment, it’s not a mistake, we are creatures who love and are kind and wish to be treated very well and loved too… some people take advantage of that and expect us to keep giving without end and letting them do whatever and have no accountability or responsibility or obligation to keep up with the relationship. They think they are entitled to keep draining us of our energy, time, care, abilities in every way while they have no rules applied to their lives, no regrets or consequences for talking smack to our face, as if we deserve lack of a loving spouse, lack of time spent together, no apologies for leaving us alone and wondering.
All of this is about the break of the connection, and if he is calling your ideas stupid and requests for date night togetherness crazy, then he doesn’t want to show or put in the time and deep heart felt care that a relationship needs.
Being in a marriage is about being there in life together, as a family, even if you don’t have kids. Through thick and thin we are there, together, working it out, knowing our love and faith will help everything.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I’ve been writing to so many people on FB lately about this very topic.
The pattern is strong and I think it is ultimately about having or developing discernment about what is of God and what is NOT of God. I’m not a religiously oriented person, I learned about Jesus Christ’s loving power going through hell literally with my husband who passed away 3 years ago from being excessively ostracized, purposefully spoken down to, treated so differently that he thought he was an adopted child. Full details are horrific. Narcissistic parents are unhealthy and cause great damage to innocent babes.
The theme seems to carry a lesson about people realizing their self worth, self respect, and self love and standing up for themselves and saying NO, NO more will I be treated as insignificant or unworthy of respectful interactions and affectionate love.
When we have that in ourselves, we share it and hope the other person has self worth, self respect and self love to share back. If they don’t, and don’t want to, or don’t love themselves, they are hiding from the fears and insecurities they have endured through some kind of trauma, usually stemming from something that happened in childhood that convinced them they are not worthy of love or attention or affection. Or simply that all people will leave them eventually. So they don’t respect live because they don’t know anything about it and push it away, so they stay safe.
Thus, the narcissistic personality takes over as part of protecting themselves. They take, but seem unable to truly give love, affection, not giving their significant partner what they can’t give themself.
If they give, it is to ensure that they keep a supply of people giving them attention and validation constantly.
They drain others in every way until that person has nothing left to give. Meanwhile, they have secured a decent amount of their supply line of people who they have tricked into thinking of this person as an awesome, unique, amazing, great member of society, kind, trustworthy, generous… it’s a mental illness and imbalance and it’s hard to get them to see themselves as the one who is behaving poorly.
They turn everything back onto their partner/friend. Of course, they can do no wrong.
I’m hoping this is not the case with your man. But, if what I’m saying resonates with what’s going on, then definitely watch some videos and read some articles about covert narcissism, narcissistic personalities, and the terms gas lighting, love bombing, breadcrumbing, displaced anger, victim mentality and see if that helps you understand your situation better.
Sending you strength and hugs to get you through this process, wishing the best outcome for you and your children!!!
Blessings be made to you and your family in the name, light, and ever lasting love of Jesus Christ; May you all be healthy, safe, joyous and free!
This guy is not a father or husband.
Why doesn’t he work? Maybe he’s bored or a bit depressed at being at home & going to his mate is his way of escaping but then saying that he shouldn’t be neglecting you & your relationship but also staying out all night is a piss take too! Have you spoken to him about it? Xx
Really he is out all night & you don’t think he is cheating wake up
Sounds to me like a one sided view of a situation. While I believe we could all use guidance and advice sometimes this is a very one side view of the situation.
My ex thought I was cheating because Iwas working long hours and had a medical issue that was causing me issues in the sex dept. No matter how much I tried to explain she just couldn’t get the thought out of her head that I was cheating. Then I caught up with an old friend and we had a few conversations on the phone (that I never hid from her) and that just made it worse.
I know others in similar situations, one party has one perception and expresses it certain way abs the other a different one.
If it’s truly what she says it is there’s really only 2 choices. Fix it together or leave it alone. No need to stay in a situation where one does nothing but play games… unless that’s the actual situation of course, I’d love a girl that’s shit a party video games/ cards but that’s not the topic lol.
Anyway this is one of those one sided views and all advice should be taken with a grain of salt.
Wow sorry but he’s obviously using you. Why can’t he work the 3 or 4 nights a week that you are off?
My guys the same exact way something with guys in this gen they don’t seem to care anymore
Red flags all over…first one, he isn’t working
If you have a daughter or had a daughter is this the type of relationship you would want them in?
Run don’t walk… You have invested too much time already
It’s been over for years. He is using you. He’s also cheating, guaranteed. Just like mine was. Same b.s
Sweetie, he’s depressed. Instead of bitching and complaining, give the man a hug.
Why is he staying home? Is he disabled?
He made his bed…
Do what’s best for you and your children!
Plan. Find a safe shèlter. Enact. Get out of there. Stay with friends or family.
Counseling. Mid life crisis. Sounds like you’re both suffering.
Why don’t you insist that he get a job?
Trust me man cheating get out now you and the kids deserve better x
Honestly, sounds like your husband isnt being faithful. 
Oh boy! What a sad but all too typical story. One can only hope this poor lady finds someone willing to truly help her.
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Wake up girlfriend ur enabling him give him an alternative man up or get out
I don’t know the whole story.
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Sounds like he needs to get a job and step up to his responsibilities.
Trust your gut feelings their always right
Kick the bum out if he won’t be a man & get a job plus clean up his behavior.
You are very responsible he is a natural born couch potato
Adios buddy. It seems like he has no desire to be with you or the kids.
You are not overreacting, you are underreacting. He is a man-child.
So he’s not working, barely taking care of the kids, and staying out all night with other women? Sweetheart, this relationship is already over. Get a divorce immediately and stop supporting his 
.
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Don’t waste anymore of your time with him! You’re doing it all anyway.
He needs a job. End of story. Adults need to work.
Time to move on, you deserve to be happy
Run run run
There’s so much better out there !
Your " honestly feel the doesn’t care for you " is the right feeling coz he doesn’t care
2-3 years of marriage it’s understandable that it’s hard for both to adjust.but 13 years and doesn’t adjust means he doesn’t care. You are just an income,a maid,a cook and it will forever go on
One his lazy ass needs a job, 2 find other arrangements for you and the kids. He is just freeloading off you
I can’t believe my eyes 
! Am I really seeing this?!
He should get a job Th e slacker!
With all that free time, get him to take on some part time work.
I would directly ask him if he is finished with your relationship, because it sounds like he made a decision a while back. I would NOT count on his explanation of how his time is spent away from home. When people cheat, they often have a “friend” covering their ass,just in case.
No adult “let’s” or “allows” another adult to do anything. You express your feelings, and they choose to respect them or not. Then you choose what you do when you feel an issue it too important if they don’t respect your feelings. He’s not being honest with you. And it’s a huge sign that he places everything about the relationship as you’re the problem. It’s time to move on. Staying out all night every night is not something that is going to help your family at all. It’s time to go. For everyone’s sake.
Hes having too much fun…leave him…
Pull the same stunt on him or kick his buttt to the curb
I’d like to think this is a joke, but sadly…
hes gaslighting you big time and you’re falling for it…GET OUT NOW !
Pack. His. Shit. You deserve a partner not a teenager to deal with.
he is cheating on you big time
That’s a lot. The first time my husband comes home from work late without a solid explanation he’s toast let alone going out. Who TF just dips all night? How do you even go to bed?? I’d be up on the cloud tracking his iPhone and seeing where he’s at 
Doesn’t sound like he’s there any longer emotionally…So sorry but do what will make you all happy.
He’d be gone, i don’t waste time on that mind of man…
.
He is definitely up to something if you have a older sister have her watch the kids at your house and go follow him and see where’s is he going. Look at the phone bills see what name or number that he’s on the phone all the time. Look up that number on the computer and it should tell you what address he’s at. It will tell you the name it’s under and go knock on the door to let him know ,you know what’s going on. Trust me it works, I’ve done it myself.
You are not over reacting and he will never change. The more you do the less he will do. You don’t need a third child, I’d be telling him the next time he heads out to stay in his friend’s house, then lock all the doors from the inside and go to bed…
Id seek couples therapy and be blunt with him. Make him go for at least 90 days and if still wants to act like an asshole ya let him go. He will sink in the real world but at least he wont bring you down with him. Find your flaws and work on them too. Two way street after all. But tell him everything on your mind
From description he sounds more like a roommate
I’ld put mini recording device on him and hear what’s going on . I think your being nieve a bit
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This isnt a therapy session
Make his behind get a job. That’s ridiculous. At this point, sounds like your better off by yourself.
People do as YOU allow them to.
Consult an attorney, and go from there.
You grow together or you grow aparr
Sorry to say that you are married to a boy…
What took you so long to figure this out dump his ass he is using you
Fuck that guy, you need a man. Sounds like he could be another one of your kids.
Sounds to me like there’s another woman in the mix he may be playing cards with his friends but do-his friends all stay home and look after the kids every day . I think not they probably all have jobs that they go to he needs to get a job and grow up and get the hell out of the house Kick his ass to the curb . Then you and you children can start having a life . It’s not going to get any better .
As hard as it is, it’s time to move on!
I suggest “Maury”. This is gonna be a good one.
I’m. Not giving advice but I’d kick him to the curb!
You just described my EX 
Kicking someone out on their butt
Its crazy how supporting everyone is but when the genders swap position. The man is the ignorant one with trust issues and being controlling.
You’ve gotta be kidding. Kick him to the curb.
Spoil jerk you are raising him and kids getot. I would not put up with his shit one more day staying out all night that is crap. Don,tlet
He has Someone on the Side!! Living a Double Life while you’re Allowing it!! Please Open Your Eyes and Throw His Ass Out!!
Trust your instincts! Ridiculous that a married father stays out all night. Something is definitely off. Good luck
Hey , what a deal…a part time babysitter…and someone to pay the bills…and he can party the rest of the time with his buddies…I can remember when we were first married…Husband used to go next door and play penny anti- poker and I did not like it…and complained about it…so he stopped going…Then we moved…Later after we had two children and they were in bed and he was home from work the woman next door would invite me over to have some wine with her and a couple of the neighbor ladies…and he did not like it…and reminded me about when I did not like his poker playing…etc…I agreed…He was right…The drinking and complaining and hanging with those ladies did nothing positive for me…at all…I was far better off being with my husband in the evenings…He is making a choice in your marriage too…of being absent…that he is only babysitting…and then partying…when you are home…It is time to get some professional help…or your marriage is in trouble…and do it NOW…if he is not willing…then there is something more going on…or could be…