My husband doesn't seem to want to be married or have a family

Heโ€™s cheating, kick him to the curb

Are you serious. Pack your bags.

He needs to grow the F up

Time to walk away, or send him offโ€ฆ

Those kids are gonna be like โ€ฆ

Leave himโ€ฆselfish man! Whatโ€™s a Big Assโ€ฆ

Totally not over reacting

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Hes a gold digger. You will never be good enough and hes probably cheating on you

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๐‘ฎ๐’๐’๐’… ๐’Š๐’๐’—๐’†๐’”๐’•๐’Ž๐’†๐’๐’• ๐’‰๐’‚๐’” ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’†๐’ ๐’Ž๐’š ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’Š๐’ ๐’”๐’๐’–๐’“๐’„๐’† ๐’๐’‡ ๐’Š๐’๐’„๐’๐’Ž๐’†. ๐’€๐’๐’– ๐’…๐’ ๐’๐’๐’• ๐’๐’†๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’ ๐’๐’—๐’†๐’“ ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’Œ ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“๐’”๐’†๐’๐’‡ ๐’•๐’ ๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’ ๐’Ž๐’๐’๐’†๐’š. ๐‘จ๐’๐’ ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’๐’†๐’†๐’… ๐’Š๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’• ๐’Š๐’๐’‡๐’๐’“๐’Ž๐’‚๐’•๐’Š๐’๐’ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’†๐’™๐’‘๐’†๐’“๐’• ๐‘ป๐’“๐’‚๐’…๐’†๐’“ ๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’ ๐’š๐’๐’– ๐’„๐’‚๐’ ๐’ƒ๐’–๐’Š๐’๐’… ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’˜๐’†๐’‚๐’๐’•๐’‰ ๐’‡๐’“๐’๐’Ž ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’„๐’๐’Ž๐’‡๐’๐’“๐’• ๐’๐’‡ ๐’š๐’๐’–๐’“ ๐’‰๐’๐’Ž๐’† 100% ๐’๐’†๐’ˆ๐’Š๐’• ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’
๐‘ถ๐’๐’๐’š ๐’”๐’†๐’“๐’Š๐’๐’–๐’” ๐’Š๐’๐’…๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’…๐’–๐’‚๐’๐’” ๐’”๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’๐’… ๐’‹๐’๐’Š๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’Š๐’” ๐’‘๐’๐’‚๐’•๐’‡๐’๐’“๐’Ž ๐’„๐’๐’Š๐’„๐’Œ ๐’๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’๐’Š๐’๐’Œ ๐’ƒ๐’†๐’๐’๐’˜ ๐’•๐’ ๐’„๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’˜๐’Š๐’•๐’‰ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’Ž๐’‚๐’๐’‚๐’ˆ๐’†๐’“
:point_down::point_down::point_down::point_down:
Hoyet Anatasia

Sounds like your single already

I would show up there one night

What the hell are you wanting for!!! Kick his lazy ass out , today !

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Psychologically abusive.

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Girl,dump his sorry assโ€ฆperiodโ€ฆ

He sounds totally useless. It sounds like youโ€™re doing everything (work, child care, comprising, trying to work on relationship), and it seems like he couldnโ€™t care less. Hell, he could be saying heโ€™s at a friendโ€™s house but might actually be cheating. It seems like he doesnโ€™t even want to try. Is there anyone else you trust who could care for the kids while youโ€™re at work? He needs to get off his ass and get a job.

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He free loading. Cya later

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You are being Played!!!
Sorry!
Sad!!!

Kick him to the curb he sounds like a bludger!

Lose him u deserve so much bettet

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Somethingโ€™s rotten in Denmark.

Wow. So much here is wrong.

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Doesnโ€™t come home? Problem!

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Let him go and move on.

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You already know itโ€™s time

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Feel sorry for ya pray things get better

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It takes 2 to get it they way you want it. If he doesnโ€™t give the effort itโ€™s not worth staying in a relationship even if you have kids. Do you want them to grow up and just exist with their parents? Even though my marriage was really bad in the end. I wasnโ€™t sure I did the right thing until my daughter said after the divorce. Mommy Iโ€™ve never see you laugh before. I cried and thatโ€™ was the moment I knew I did the right thing. Kids see everything. You deserve someone that makes you feel precious, want to be with you every day. That canโ€™t wait to see you and visa versa. Iโ€™ve got it now but it took time to find him.

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He is taking advantage of you. You have allowed him to check out from being the man of the house. You feed him, clothe him, support his habits. Sounds like one of the kids to me. I might be old fashioned but that man needs to be working every week.

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Sounds like my situation with my ex husband. I stayed way too long waiting for him to change and never did. If youโ€™ve given him the chance to change and he hasnโ€™t then he doesnโ€™t want to. Heโ€™s narcissistic if he thinks nothing is wrong with it and heโ€™s calling you crazy for feeling that way.

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Reality check: you are still in love(or co-dependent)โ€ฆand he is not. Is this what you really want to settle for?..in addition to supporting everyone?
The next question is: what are you waiting for? He has clearly made his choice, and itโ€™s not you, nor the kids. No one, but you, can make the choice to end the relationship from your side. He wonโ€™t, because he is too comfortable. If a person is in a loving relationship, they would want to ease the burden on their partner,โ€ฆand from what you have saidโ€ฆhe doesnโ€™t care.
I think you know what you need to do, but you are wanting someone to tell you what to doโ€ฆand that itโ€™s OK to leaveโ€ฆbut that has to come from you, not a Facebook group. Perhaps you might get the courage by talking this over with counselorโ€ฆ
Heโ€™s probably sleeping with someoneโ€ฆbut at this point, heโ€™s not in a relationship with you anymore, so whether heโ€™s getting laid or not is really irrelevant. The kids are seeing his lack of responsibility to them and to you as normalโ€ฆThey will repeat this toxic behavior as adults unless you do something.

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Bless your heart!!! You are absolutely being taken for granted. Severely. I can relate but this is even worse. You are right go with gut. I wouldnโ€™t be able to stand that treatment. Bless your heart!!!

If you do decide to leave him talk to lawyer first bc you could be on the hook for alimony and possible lawyer fees. Second make sure to open up a different bank account with your name on it only and have your checks go in there from now on but make sure to keep paying the bills. And when you got your ducks in a row and only when you hand your ducks in a row pack his things put them on the porch change the locks and tell him when heโ€™s ready to be a husband as well as a father he can come back otherwise youโ€™ll work things out in court. The only other suggest I have is to move A LONG way away from where youโ€™re at now and basically make it nearly impossible to travel to his friendโ€™s house like he is.

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Men just check out after family love and sex become routine.He will look at greener pastures. I have been through this after 18 years of raising 2 kids, taking care of the elderly Momsโ€ฆmen are so weak. Itโ€™s all about them while we live thinking about everyone else. I was 50 before I started looking after my self. He gave me a true gift by abandoning meโ€ฆ

You may love him but he doesnโ€™t love you or he would be home with you.In order to have a good marriage you both need to love your spouse more then yourself. He doesnโ€™t

Run as fast as you can ! I did and I canโ€™t tell you how successful I was in building a whole new career in my 40โ€™s , realized I was much stronger than he made me believe I was. My kids who ranged from late teens to early 20โ€™s, backed me whole heartedly. They never stopped over the years. I eventually met and married a wonderful man and and we had 20 beautiful years together until he passed a few years ago.

Iโ€™m not super into โ€œtraditional rolesโ€ in partnerships, but a religious man once told me, โ€œWhen a man stops providing for and protectingโ€ his family he โ€œpreysโ€ on them. It was true in my case. I was in a very similar situation to yours. 10 years of loving a man-child.

Bye bye.
Ainโ€™t no one for time for that! Sounds like he is still living his teenager years. I say, let the man be freeโ€ฆ his loss, you canโ€™t make someone be someone they donโ€™t wanna be. Unfortunately, I think like itโ€™s time to move on.

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Thereโ€™s definitely another woman. He may be at his โ€œfriendsโ€ but thereโ€™s some hanky panky going on!!

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My question why he ainโ€™tworking if the kids are in school?
Plus honey u making enough money for your family to live off on . Where is he getting his money to play cards?
I would be very careful believing he ainโ€™t messing around cause this sounds like a man who has 2 families!

He doesnโ€™t appreciate you and he taking you for granted, Time to leave I be in your shoes it doesnโ€™t get any better next he might start to abuse you So what you need him for, He nothing with out you, Love your self first

Iโ€™m wondering what state she is in and the possibility if she leaves him, will he have to get a job or will he be able to get alimony. Regardless she needs to leave. This guy does nothing, disrespects the family and her, and is lying. What multiple friends donโ€™t have jobs or families that they can stay out all night playing cards- all my friends work or have responsibilities that we can barely get together for dinner at times.

Sit down with no distractions and speak to each other.

He may want out, or he may be struggling and not asking for help. Itโ€™s hard being the stay at home parent but heโ€™s not going about it the right way.
Relationships need both parties putting effort in, instead of sending him ideas book something tell him youโ€™ve got a sitter and are going out on xx night together, try bring the fun back that you used to have, this is the side many relationships fall on when children and life get in the way.
Communication is paramount.

Idk, maybe i see things differentlyโ€ฆ sometimes men are depressed. I have a friend whose husband was stay at home and she thought it was cool but in reality he was severely depressed. But only you know your situation. Sit him down and ask him point blank. Dont be second guessing. Remember we cant force anyone to stay with us. Everyine evolves the older they get and some people find it difficult to love the new version of us or of themselvesโ€ฆ

Sounds to me that he equates his โ€œstay at homeโ€ gig to being on vacationโ€”free to do do whatever, whenever.

No married man with children has any business hanging out all night.

This man-child needs a job with strict bankerโ€™s hours. At least one of your children is in school. Your hubbyโ€™s new job can subsidize the cost of childcare for the other.

Put your foot down. How it got to this point is beyond me.

I would quit my job and let him worry about being the breadwinner! Can you possibly take some time off from work to see if the situation changes. He has too much freedom and acts as though hโ€™s 'single!

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Sorry to say this but he may be cheating and I am sooo sorry youโ€™re going through this no woman wants to sleep alone every nightโ€ฆ get down to the bottom of it and make whatever moves you need to or you will never be heard and always be sad. A relationship takes two people trying NOT one. So he needs to step up or step out!

There is a lot of support for going your own way etcโ€ฆhowever โ€ฆI suggest that perhaps he is burnt out being a stay at home parent with kids and little elseโ€ฆthose whom who have had done that understandโ€ฆand I definetly get where you are coming from with the 3 to 4 -12 hr shifts โ€ฆit takes a full shift plus half to feel refreshedโ€ฆmaybe suggesting its time to get a childcare for a straight shift & he going back to work will help .

If he needs interaction with people he can get an outside job. Otherwise, he can join a gym or go to the park and take the kids. There is no way any spouse should tolerate their partner going out all night. The man is up to no good! Who has overnights at their buddyโ€™s house? That is so wrong. I hope you leave for your own sake and sanity to find a more fulfilling life. First, I would tell him to get a job so if you do divorce eventually he doesnโ€™t say he needs alimony. That goes for child support tooโ€ฆ insist he get a job if he has all of this energy to burn and he can stay out all night. He sounds perfect for a 3rd shift job!

It sounds like you believe he is out playing cards all night. Iโ€™m sure there is some playing going on but there probably arenโ€™t any cards involved. If my husband behaved like that and showed no interest in me or our relationship, I would be sending him on his way. I would suggest he get a job and help support his family or get out and pay child support. Either way he needs to be working and quit โ€œplaying.โ€

I would not tolerate this. He needs a job even if part time. When you are married with kids family comes 1st, and if he cant see that get out. He tells you they play cards all night I dont believe it. Do these friends also stay home and not work to allow him to stay out all night? Get out while you can.

It is hard definitely, though you do need to make a decision at least to separate and that may wake him up as to how he is acting. If not, then divorce is the only answer. You deserve a true relationship, one where you are respected and loved. It can happen. I am in my second marriage and it is all that I ever wanted. You work too hard to not have someone waiting at home who you know has missed you. I wish you all the strength you need to deal with this. No one deserves how he is treating you. Definitely staying out all night and no phone call would be a no-go for me.

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Have you asked him why he would rather go be with his friends than you? Why doesnโ€™t he work? Do you help him feel like the man of he house or have you assumed that roll. You guys need an outside opinion. I would try couple therapy. The situation may not be nearly as bad as you think.

Needs to pull his weight. He does not sound like a compatible partner any longer. If you really want this, seek professional help., if not get your ducks in a row and start anew

Many people have experienced this loneliness while being married. My Mom always said thereโ€™s a difference between being alone and being lonely. I feel cell phones and electronics are divisive and alienating. When everything is on their we lose subjects to share. You can decide whether to stay or go. Only you know. Good luck.

Heโ€™s BORED and depressed if I had to guess. He needs a job or other work to engage in. Otherwise these activities are unhealthy distractions from fulfilling his true needs.

Marriage counseling first. He needs to realize heโ€™s not being a partner in the fullest capacity to you regarding work and taking care of the house and kids. But even if he did do all that, thereโ€™s the love that is no longer there to consider as well.

My advice is to sit him down and tell him something has to change. Tell him he needs to change his ways and you want to do couples counseling. If he refuses, then at least youโ€™ve tried.

Maybe he is tired of being a stay home parent. You all need to make different arrangements. He needs to get a job and you need to get a baby sitter. He has lost his self esteem. This is not all about you. He needs to be a man. Stop this all night out before it too late. Maybe be too late. Make it so nice he would rather be home.

How old are the kids? Maybe he needs a job to simply feel more worthy? Or simply emotionally divorcing you before he leaves, going through a type of grief before he walks they say. Itโ€™s complicated you need professional counseling to see how to help yourself or each other. One thing prepare yourself, your the breadwinner and in most cases you will have to pay him. Check out legal counsel for if it doesnโ€™t work out. You need to know your rights and where you stand. Donโ€™t make rash decisions, think things through carefully, never sign anything without your attorney. Start paying off credit card debt especially in your name first when asked why if he notices simply say trying to reduce your debt. Friends and family I wonโ€™t start saying anything yet. But give yourself time to think ahead. Divorce isnโ€™t easy, and will be an emotional rollercoaster. Never drag the kids in the middle of arguing. Life is hard enough for them to. The choice is what you think or need not all of us in the comments

Never admits wrong
Avoids accountability
Rages against challenge
Childish if not getting own way
Instills doubt of your worth
Stonewalls in conflict
Smears and slanders you
In denial and gaslights you
Subjects you to silence
Triangulates you, tears you down

If this behavior sounds like him, youโ€™re with a narcissist. And you should have the whole plan laid out of how youโ€™ll get out before you tell him.

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So youโ€™re working and he donโ€™t help with the kids and you say thereโ€™s females where he goes and you donโ€™t think nothing going on then why isnโ€™t he coming home I would not be working and heโ€™s out having fun divorce court here I come than he can have all the fun wants just not not my house and my time

He doesnโ€™t sound like a partner, he sounds like another child youโ€™re taking care of. Leave, youโ€™re already doing it on your own anyway.

I know that men like to work outside of the home, gives them a sense of accomplishment, most stay at home dadโ€™s is not there first choice, he is bored

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I would be concerned there is someone else and something else. My ex husband did the same thing when our daughter was first born. He was rarely around at night and on the weekends. Turns out he would rather drink than be home and had started a relationship with someone else.

He never wanted to be married or have kids. It is strange because it never came up in convos over the years (together nearly 10 years). I often felt that he chose his friends over me every time. Alcohol was also an issue. But your husband and situation is very similar to mineโ€ฆ

If youโ€™re feelings are hurt you are not overreacting. You are being honest with yourself. Youโ€™re both in a difficult situation. See a marriage counselor.

Iโ€™d rather have my husband stay out all than smear me on a social media platform

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I would be past upset. And would not tolerate that. (Learned from harsh experience) sounds like he has checked out. Maybe take the kids on a hotel weekend. Telling him you need to make some hard decisions. And if things donโ€™t change when you come back it will confirm what you feel.

Something is going on with hi. And someone or hedbe home with you.2 years to long.He either wants to be with you or not simple.Well get a sitter for kids and you take an all nighter.See the reaction then.

I doesnโ€™t matter what anyone else thinks about your situation. What matters is what You want. You and only you can make the move When and only when You are ready. If you are done then get your ducks in a row to go it alone. If not, do what you feel you need to do to save your marriage. Only you can decide when enough is enough. Good luck and know you are not the first and wonโ€™t be the last.

People always jump to conclusions about stay at home parents, and ya know what? You wouldnt understand what its like unless you try it. So I think it sounds to me like he just needs some space. Why not talk to him about getting a job and yโ€™all hiring a sitter? Or honestly just talk to him in general. Advice is only gonna get ya so far, you have to learn more about him, he may not even know he is doing anything to hurt you.

Personally wouldโ€™ve dipped already and been in contact with a lawyer about divorce. Youโ€™ve voiced your opinions, tried to give a way or rather, multiple ways to fix the situation and he continues to do it. It does sound like heโ€™s checked out. If heโ€™s fine not sleeping next to you or helping raise his children, heโ€™ll continue to be fine not doing either after you leave or make him leave. :woman_shrugging:

Does he work? Sounds like he has lots of free time on his hand for a married man with kids. Staying out all night in a marriage is a no no so like everyone else has said a decision needs to be madeโ€ฆstay or go

Heโ€™s no longer invested in the relationship and is likely having an affair. Donโ€™t be naive. His behavior is suspect and youโ€™ve allowed him to gaslight you into believing YOU are crazy and the problem, when HE is.

I have a funny feeling the kids arenโ€™t even young enough to even need a stay at home parent anymore, and certainly not him. Heโ€™s probably on his phone the entire time then as well. He needs to GET A JOB. The only reason he is staying is because he is a lazy pos and loves being taken care of by his wife and not work, then goes out every night and see his girlfriend. Thatโ€™s the real story right there. Denial ainโ€™t just a river in Egypt! You need a serious wakeup call!

I think you already know the answer to your question and are afraid to act on it โ€ฆ this is not a question for us to answer โ€ฆ youโ€™re in a dead end marriage โ€ฆ try a marriage counselor first โ€ฆ he also needs a job โ€ฆ

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Time say good bye. Seems like his friend more important them you and kids. I don,t know you but he is using you and him playing cards that joke too. You can do alot better think of your kids. Anybody tell you love they love you but where is the action. He lives rent friendandhas money play cards .get out now

You have 3 children. Your husband is a child. He needs to man up and be a father and a husband to you.

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Itโ€™s clear to me that he doesnโ€™t care about you or the children, he wants to do what he wants, the guy seems to be a total waste of time, get shut before he drives you into a depression

Sad that you allow him to behave that way just for the few crumbs he throws your ways. You are worth much more than the crumbs he throws your way. You have the power to stop his behavior. You allowing him means you have power over him. If you keep allowing him your life will never change. It will always be the same. It is your choice.

No relationship is perfect its give and take sometimes you give more and sometimes they give more its hardly ever even. Try not to spend your time together fighting go away together for a few days if you can do a family night once a month and a date night once a month

Iโ€™d honestly leave him. Heโ€™s not doing any positives for your or the kids. Thatโ€™s terrible.

Sounds like heโ€™s already checked out long agoโ€ฆ you know what to do, itโ€™s always hard to let go. Would you 2 rather be together and unhappy or separated and happy?

Tell him to get a job if he doesnโ€™t do anything around the house and gone all night. Honey he is definitely using you and time to sit him down and tell him how it is going to be. Go talk to a lawyer first but if you are making the living and doing everything else, why do you need him.

Sorry youโ€™re feeling so hurt, if he isnโ€™t there for you after 13 years, you should make that choice for him.
Now itโ€™s your choice to make what you want to do. You can discuss separating and how your children would be in his care while you work and vice versa, or you can give another option to stay and give one last opportunity to tell him what you expect in your relationship. Ultimately itโ€™s your choice alone to make.

Been thru this. He feels useless and nothing in the current situation will change that. Tell him to go t work and get day care or leave him, get day care and live your life. You can โ€œstewโ€ about this for more months or years, but nothing is going to change. You will be a single parent in the end anyway. But your life and happiness will eventually be MUCH better. He will definitely turn to other women to assuage his feelings of inadequacy if he hasnโ€™t already.

Ig the real question you have to ask yourself is, are you happy ? Is this marriage worth salvaging (Marriage counseling) ? Is what your receiving, what you deserve ? (No one deserves to be pushed aside, imo)

If all those questions are a no, then I believe you would have your answer. Everyone deserves happiness in their lifetimeโ€ฆ Donโ€™t spend it on someone who only cares about self & their happiness. (Donโ€™t get me wrong self care is important but consideration is also important & goes a long way in relationships/marriages/companionships) & it sounds like he doesnโ€™t consider you at all even after you have discussed how you feltโ€ฆ I say get a lawyer & find your happiness my dear :raised_hands:t3:

Im sure is not just hanging out with friends it sounds to me that there โ€˜s someone else keeping his attention

Idkโ€ฆI think he is counting on spousal and child support when you leave. You sound pretty stressed. I would take a stress leave from work. Tell him the exhaustion has now made you physically sick tell him he needs to get a job and take over some of the financial responsibilities because you are not sure you will be able to return to work fulltime or at all. While you are off work, talk with an attorney and explore your options. Take over the care of the kids, and have him do as little as possible. The threat of you no longer being able to work, and you cutting him out of the home picture, might shake him up. If he see all avenues of his security being taken, he might change his tune. I would also not allow him to be a loafer and disrespect you and the kids. Iโ€™m also wondering if there is a drug or alcohol problem that he is hiding from you.

Sounds like he needs you more than you need him. If you arenโ€™t ready to leave though you should go out all night before he gets a chance to leave even if you just get a hotel. Let his mind wander.

Wow that is wild. Going out all night after everyone is asleep. I have put up with a lot of shit in my relationship but I would never tolerate that.

He would have been gone the first night he stayed out all night

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You allow him to do these things. Put your foot down. You deserve to be happy too.

I was in that relationship for 11 and a half years. Leave. It gets better. I promise.

Get out of the relationship thereโ€™s a billion signs that he probably is cheating we never want to believe it take it from someone who knows you deserve better and so do your children

He kinda sounds like a prick. He seems to have been wanting a change for time.
Do what you feel is best for you and your kid regardless of how it might make him feel. itโ€™ll hurt for a while if you end things but youโ€™ll recover stronger.

Tell him marriage counseling and to get a job. If he says no, tell him to kick rocks. You deserve a partner who wants to be with you. Sounds like he is using you to do what he wants.

How old our your kids ? Heโ€™s going to get you for spousal support and full custody

I absolutely would not be ok with my husband being out all night until dawn almost every night. Iโ€™m not putting up with that sh*t. Iโ€™d probably change the locks and put his stuff on the porch!!!

He is telling you exactly what you need to do. You already know this answer. Accept your reality. Acceptance will set you free. If youโ€™ve already given him numerous chances and he still wonโ€™t change he is showing you what he would rather do. Do not let no man use you. There are people who have been together longer than 13 years and they split. Do not let this go any further. Children need to see their mothers happy not miserable trust me. Accept the reality of the situation and let it go. IT WILL NOT be easy . Many tears will be shed, you will be tempted to take him back but when that happens just remember all the times he made you feel shitty and desperate you are to be happy again. And trust that time heals all. In time heโ€™ll be nothing but just the father of your kids. Do not be afraid of this readjustment and a new life. Something new and better is knocking at your door but you canโ€™t receive that blessing until the trash is removed! You got this !

He needs to go! Get yourself an attorney, alimony and child support and move onโ€“

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Ask yourself why you are tolerating this?? You know this is not acceptable! Find solutions that I know might be hard to do, but what you have going on, is only going to continue, because you are accepting it. Asking what we think is a great step to take, because you KNOW what needs to happen.