My husband doesn’t take me out or plan anything. In the 5 years we’ve been together, I’ve always had to plan things whether that be date nights, birthdays etc. I always have to be the one who says “we should go out to dinner” or anything like that, and he will agree, but if i don’t take action it will never happen. I threw him a big expensive 30th birthday party and got nothing two years in a row for my birthday. I’m not expecting him to spend all this money on me or throw me a massive party but for once i would love for him to plan just one night out for us. It’s not about material things, it’s about the thought and him wanting to take me out. It genuinely hurts my feelings that he can’t do something so simple for me/us. I’ve expressed this to him multiple times even in tears over the course of our relationship. I feel like every year that goes by nothing changes. I’m tired of having this conversation with him and feeling like I’m not worthy enough when i go above and beyond for him. Why do I have to plan everything? When i bring it up he just says “i’m not good at planning things you know this”, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I feel unheard, bored and lonely in our relationship. I just want to feel wanted and for him to show me off like the prize he says i am. What gives?
My husband doesn’t take me out either unless u consider Walmart as a date
What did he do before you were married
Make him a list of what you want and when you want it(birthdays etc)…sometimes some men just need that.
Stop planning for him then.
Match energy for a bit if words aren’t working
My dude isn’t good at planning things either (classic dude line) but after expressing that even if he thinks he’s not good at it I would enjoy it so he started taking more initiative.
Well… I can kind of relate but I don’t feel the same and I’m sure it’s for different reasons we have a large family for kids our age we’re 26&29 with our 4th on the way and sometimes money is just to tight to go out and do things or splurge on each other. I always was the one to be sure of spoiling but the past year or 2 I haven’t financially been able to spoil my baby and I’ve felt horrible. In our 10 years the passed 3-4 my man has gotten much better at birthdays and stuff he wasn’t the greatest at first but money was tight for us. I never made him feel shitty for it…. But I know how you feel. The going out thing I can not really relate because going out is not our thing and neither are parties we just spend time with our kids and literally our lives revolve around one another he is my everything and that’s enough.
Good vibes girl I hope you find a way to make it through and make it work for the both of you 
If you are not happy with him why can’t you leave him ? I’m very happy with my wife she stays upstairs and I stay in basement
When I was married for 35 1/2 years mine never bought me gifts for any thing never took me out to eat because he didn’t want his girls friends to see us togther I found this in later years .I lived that way till our kids were married .Watch an listen you will learn a lot
Don’t settle for weaponized incompetence. https://youtu.be/-JShZtBp1J4
The Fair Play deck is a tool to help address emotional labor disparities in the relationship. The Fair Play Deck by Eve Rodsky: 9780593231661 | PenguinRandomHouse.com: Books
Stop feeling that way. He’s a dude. Some dudes just dont think that way. If you want to be happy, plan the stuff yourself. As long as you’re still spending time together. Someday he’ll get the idea, keep bringing it up if it really bothers you. My husband doesn’t do stuff for me either but I literally dont care, I dont like doing stuff.
You know you may have to plan it but at least he goes. Some guys just suck at it. For your birthday give him a list of a few things you want and Tell him to pick one thing off that list and make dinner plans. He just sound very submissive. Try spicing things up in the bedroom even. However if your not happy then u gotta do u.
Learn each other’s love languages
He’s a man, most are like that. I had someone who did take me out and guess what he also took everyone else out. I prefer a reliable guy who I had to nudge to take me some where.
Tell him, that dates don’t have to be planned.
Give him the idea to randomly wake up and go out for breakfast in your pjs and go see a movie.
This is one of the best dates my husband and I have gone on.
Been with my husband for 10 years and I knew he was like that since the beginning . Even tough he doesn’t plan it he never complains about having to take me out , will get time off work , get out early and his attention is all on me when we’re out. And I plan better dates 
so win for me . Hard for me to feel bored or lonely cause he will literally do anything I plan or ask
All these ans is why i m still single i love my life being single
Give him ideas. Be like “hey plan a date for us, you know what I like surprise me!”
Sounds like a case of not unde eachothers love languages
If he was planning things or going out with others then you would have a problem, but unless he was more “planny” when you first got together and he bait and switched you its simple, you married a bowl of oatmeal and now you wish he was spicy gumbo, and it seems doubtful you’ll ever get too far with the gentle reminders but keep at it and maybe someday the rice cake might become cheesecake
He’s not speaking your love language, quite simply.
I do the dinner and outing planning. Been doing it for over 30 years. Just because my husband doesn’t make dinner reservations doesn’t mean I’m not wanted nor is it weaponized incompetence.
If a partner in a relationship is feeling that hurt and unwanted because the other partner doesn’t plan stuff, in my opinion the relationship has some other problems.
You can’t force someone to do what you want them to. I would definitely stop going overboard on your part. You can either decide that you can do without the grand gestures and live accordingly or try counseling (if he’s receptive). I guess third choice would be find someone who will do those things but no relationship is without problems.
Stop going above and beyond for him. For your birthday, throw yourself a big birthday party!
Is he a good husband my husband never plan anything but I do & he like it an willing to go or he will say see my wife happy wife make a happy live so if all is well 
just suck it up & have a blast my hubby had my gf take me out to pick three pieces of jewelry at what I like and then he gave her the money to get back and buy it to give to me but you know what I love that angel diamond necklace and I’ll cherish it forever some men just don’t know how
Speak to him again and take on board what he is saying… when he said … he is rubbish at organising stuff… maybe he thinks he will totally fuff it up or not plan anything good enough or just doesn’t know where to start…
Give him a list of things that u enjoy doing or u enjoy going…
A list of date nights… with the numbers etc…
Then he will have a menu so to speak … and can then plan a date night for you… u know men are very easily overwhelmed with stuff like that…
Maybe then he will get used to organising and then it will become easier for him…
U do sound very organised and great at sorting out places to go … maybe he feels he is no where near good enough to organise anything as awesome as u do…
Give him a little menu of ideas … he may surprise u…gd luck
He has told you. If you want a party, plan it & give him your plans ( on paper. Etc) or talk to him in detail what you want. Train him. Teach him.
Screw that stop throwing parties or involving him take urself out for a spa day… I get how u feel trust me I just stop putting effort into a relationship and in the end that’s when they make effort right when you are ready enough to walk away.
If he’s been like this from since you first met him what makes you think he’s going to suddenly start? Just a thought. Also I find most men are like this.
Do what a wife did on an old sitcom, December Bride, that was popular in the 50s. The wife of the next door neighbor came over ine day wearing a necklace and earring set that was new. When ask about it she saud it was a gift for her birthday from her husband. She was ask about when he gave it to her and she said,""Oh, he didn’t, I bought it. But when he realizes he forgot my birthday, again I will thank him for it. Smart lady.
He probably shows his love in other ways. Maybe he puts gas in your car or rescues you from the chatty neighbor, brings you coffee in the morning or always drives when you go somewhere. Start noticing.
I feel like what has worked for me in the past is " oh babe theses this really cool place I want to check out, or restaurant I’d like to try out called “…”. If that fails stop asking and take yourself out, he will soon notice that there are alot of things you enjoy and will hopefully start to make an effort to plan some of these things with you… stop giving more than he is and then he will see how it feels.
Gosh girl fix it…I’m taking myself to a dinner and a movie, leave it alone and walk out… it won’t be long before he gets the picture
Going through the same. Been together 13+ years and he’s never taken me out to dinner. He’s offered to take other women out for lunch though.
So he’s always been like this why is it a problem now?!.
Stop making your life about others and start living for yourself! Go out with girlfriends, go out by yourself, etc. Stop inviting him period! Stop doing for someone who doesn’t do for you! He will either catch on that your on a new level OR you will realize your happiness doesn’t need him! 
I used to have a wife like you… glad she’s now an ex and someone else’s problem!
Get use to it or get out. 13 years and counting. Tears don’t help, anger doesn’t help, resentment doesn’t help. If he wanted to he would. That’s it! Sorry! 
Mine is like this, I’m getting kinda old to be doing all the work lol so I just do my own thing now 
Live for yourself, go out with your friends and do stuff you enjoy, it’s ok to do it alone!
“I want you to want to do the dishes”. Your situation reminds me of the movie “the breakup”, with Jenifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn.
I say take yourself out for your birthday, and buy yourself something that you like. When his birthday comes along, he can do the same for himself, if he chooses. Maybe if you stop doing for him, he’ll realize how it feels … and maybe he won’t even care … but just maybe he’ll get the message and start being more attentive.
Either way, do something nice for yourself on your birthday … you deserve it!
He doesn’t need to show you off … he is just happy with his life with you. You really want him to be “that guy “ take you out just to show you off to people ? Your not a trophy … you are his wife and some guys don’t need flashy stuff to make them feel loved just the person they chose to be with just my opinion
Do shit for yourself rather than wanting him to. If he don’t then then don’t and you can’t change that because he doesn’t want to
Stop doing things for him and start doing for yourself. He will eventually figure it out. Plan dates with friends or family. Live your life
You are with a narcissist. It will NEVER change…
Girl stop bitching 
if you don’t like that he doesn’t plan things and it’s such a bother to you, find another partner. Or stop going overboard. You’re setting expectations on him because of what YOU do for him and it’s messed up. You can’t force him to share your love language and if he treats you well otherwise then literally stop complaining.
Look into your husbands love language. Honestly I only read the first couple lines of the post but my partner is the same way. He doesn’t like going out. He gets anxious in social settings and we usually have to leave pretty quickly. He still tries to go out with me but he doesn’t like it so I have to plan things and be considerate about his feelings on the outtings as well. But he cooks for me he cleans the house he watches the kids so I can sleep he rubs my back when I get home from work if he can tell ive had a long day when it’s my turn to cook he doesn’t say anything he’ll just go get us food.
If your only problem is that he doesn’t take you out maybe try to look at the stuff he DOES do an be grateful for that.
Read the book The 5 love languages. You give your love by planning. You are expecting his love to be shown the same way. He probably does show his love in other capacities and you may not recognize it because it’s a different style.
Focus on the positive aspects of your husband. Definitely read about love languages—yours are different than his. Don’t depend on him for all your enjoy in life either, happiness mostly comes from within yourself first—Positive, healthy relationships are just a bonus. Go to couples therapy if this becoming a deal breaker for you. 
I have been with my husband for 12 years. Every year i throw him a huge birthday party. His birthday is in the summer so it is a huge backyard party. My birthday is in the winter, that man has never thrown me a birthday party in the 12 years we have been together. But ya know what, he does dishes, laundry, takes care of kids, drives kids to and from school. Helps with dinners. He is a very good man! He plays with the kids, barbies with our daughter, basketball with one kid, football with another, and works on cars with another. Personally i would rather ALL of that than a few hour party. That man doesnt plan anything! He never has and never will. Thats OK to me. Men are not planners they are not into that.
It makes me so mad the people that are saying she just want to be shown off… thats not even what i got from this post… coming from someone who can relate , that feeling has nothing to do with wanting to be shown off it’s wanting the same effort as they put in… like come on
We know who people are when we date them. Stop expecting something from someone who has proved time and time again that they don’t care about those things. Personally I’d leave him. He doesn’t think about you or respect you.
Men just aren’t wired like we are .
My SO and I have been together for 17 years. He used to take me out on my birthday, but then covid hit and we stopped going out to eat. But now he asks me what I want for dinner and cooks for me. Then we have movie night as soon as our girls go to bed (14/12). I honestly prefer it this way. Cause I get to be in my PJs and get spoiled by his cooking. Just write down a few ideas and tell him to pick and surprise you. Some people just don’t have the surprise ability. As long as you are his only and goes willingly that’s all that really matters. We have had financial issues in the beginning and I was happy just cuddling with him and watching movies. Things could be a lot worse.
you get better at things by doing them maybe try to explain to him that even if things don’t go according to plan The fact that he took time to plan something for you means everything besides when plans change unexpectedly always makes good stories😊 (never stop chasing her )
I have a husband like this but I’m the planner and I like to control everything. He is the easy going “do whatever she wants” type. He isn’t romantic in the traditional way and plans nothing. He’s a great dad and husband tho and he shows he shows me his love in a million other ways.
Your husband just sounds like most of the guys I know. They aren’t good at planning but that doesn’t mean they love you less.
Ok , I get where everyone else is coming from … buuuuuuut I totally get you!!! My husband literally is the same way. After 11 years together , he shows his love in diffrent ways. Cleans , helps out with absolutely everything and then some. I wanted to paint the house. This man made it happen immediately. The way they show love is just diffrent lol. I quit getting butt hurt. And started to enjoy how he showers me with affection .
Just realize, that he does always agree with you about going out. He doesn’t belittle you. Or say no. He doesn’t seem un interested in you at all. Alot of dudes are home bodies.
Was this something that happened in his childhood?? My husband had never exchanged gifts growing up, like not even received anything wrapped up, until he was with me. And now every year he’s always asking me when are we going Christmas shopping or if it’s the kids birthdays what are we going to get them. He even helps me pick out the gifts for my mom.
Read the 5 languages of love.
Girl, I literally texted my husband last week and told him my favorite flowers were on sale (with a picture), to stop and get them on his way home.
Unfortunately people love differently. Maybe take a step back and look at the other ways he is telling you he loves you? I would also look into 5 languages of love.
I don’t think, he will change. My boyfriend is the same thing but we have been together for 3 years.
However, he always from beggining is like that and enjoys more country walks, city escapes and doesn’t enjoy party’s being around people at all. For extrovert people is very difficult to accept and understand this. However, if he said that he is not good planning things, probably it is because he is not.
Try to do things by explaining him. For example, if he doesn’t value a birthday party don’t plan one. Just buy a cake and celebrate together. People are wired differently than others, however if he neglects or ignores you. That is an all different issue.
Some men are just not people who celebrate much. If you’re so worried about the materialistic crap, be with someone who is as materialistic as you.
And yes, it is about the material things. Don’t lie about that. 
You should look into love languages. I love doing things for people (parties, surprises) and buying gifts, etc it’s how I show people they are important to me and that I love them. My husband always feels bad that he’s not wired the same as me, but he shows me he loves me in many other ways. He is a great dad and husband. I’d much rather him help around the house then buy me flowers. Acts of Service is how I want him to show me he loves me. Also I always plan our dates or make the suggestion of going out, but that’s also because he’s content just staying home with me. I know it’s hard but instead of looking at what he doesn’t do, try to appreciate the things he does. If you start looking over the fence, you’re going to find problems. And trust me, the grass isn’t always greener.
That being said, my husband always does buy me a gift for Christmas or my Birthday etc. I would be a little upset if he just didn’t include me in anything.
Sincerely,
Celebrating 12 years in December
I feel hurt lonely in my marriage also and I’m about to walk out of marriage for the same reasons plus my kids are not his kids (he’s not bio dad but one) they don’t get Christmas gifts only his. Some people don’t mind not being acknowledged but I do.
It’s ok. Trust me. 7 years no celebration for my birthdays or holidays (this includes Valentine’s day and st. Patty and everyother holiday) except for Christmas and Thanksgiving. I don’t expect anything from him. When he does give me something for one of those special days I’m over joyed with happiness and he knows how much I appreciate him doing everything else. I’d say stop planning anything and see what he says when years go by. He may not say anything about it but leave it at y’all spending time together as a couple at home watching tv or eating take out from somewhere or a home cooked meal.
Im single and have no problem taking myself out!
My husband was the same way, you either have to just live with it, Its the way he was brought up. He doesn’t get it and he never will.so you have to say to yourself is it really worth all of this.Do you love him enough to stick with him?
Do you get along other than this
Either learn his love language or walk. Don’t be with someone who you need to change to be happy.
I used to think like this, like I wasn’t worth it. Took me a few years to get past it. But the more I got to know him, the more I got realize that this is just how he is and that’s that. So now, I plan everything. He just tags along for the ride! I don’t leave my happiness in his hands, I don’t give him that much power over my life. I chose my own happy and include him because I am happier with him than with anyone else! 16 years and counting.
Show him this post that you wrote. If nothing changes get a new husband. Don’t beg for someone to love you properly. He might not have the same love language as you but he should love you enough to put in the effort and show you! Especially when you’ve told him how you feel. If he’s not meeting your needs he’s not the one. Don’t waste years and years trying to convince him. Someone else will gladly do those things.
It sounds like you need to read the 5 languages of love.
Once you learn about the different love languages, you’ll see how it is he expresses his love and what makes him feel loved. Read it together so he can learn about your love language too 
He was the same when you married him, why would you expect him to change?
Take yourself out. The plans and money you spend on him, spend on you. Learn and love yourself. He’ll either step up or you step out. Focus on you and learn your self worth. 
Id give husband a list of date night ideas. Have him use the list to plan 1 date night a month. That way he doesn’t necessarily feel overwhelmed with coming up with an idea he just has to choose randomly every month.