My husband doesn't want our daughter going to homecoming because her date has a car...advice?

How did he get there at that age? He needs to get a life…lol

I didn’t go thru all comments and someone probably stated already; does he really think that if she went with friends or a boy you did know that the risks would be any different?
This is about your confidence, respect, trust and faith in your daughter to make thoughtful decisions and lastly, the pain and embarrassment you cause the daughter may have a long reaching effect.
We ALL worry and stress as parents, it comes with the territory but high school activities and milestones are your practice runs as well as hers.
Let’s face it, no matter how well we parent these kids they have minds and attitudes of their own and make choices for better and worse. I’m sure we all know those parents who were “good/great” parents and their kids still went wrong. We can positive parent til sun goes down but ultimately the kids make their choices.
Don’t squeeze so tight that you squeeze her into sneaking around or that you embarrass her among her peers and make her un-datable because of over protective fathering.
If dad is that worried follow them to the dance discreetly or hire a limo for them. But if caught following he will send a clear message that he not only doesn’t trust the boy but his daughter’s abilities either.
Also, he should get off his butt and go meet the boy and/or his parents. At least his parenting would be semi informed.

Your husbands right he may need being a bit strict but being you have not ever meet this date I’d be worried too.

Ask to meet the parents the guy,set a curfew and tell them to have fun

Sounds like he may be using the car as an excuse to not let her go. The more he/you hold her back the more likely she’ll rebel and do it anyway or worse. Let her enjoy her high school and trust her, trust yourselves that you did right by raising her.
Meet the kid to get to know him and let her have fun. Set rules and let her be.

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Dad needs to realize his daughter isn’t a child or a baby and accept she is growing up. Tell her you want to meet him and his parents and see where everyone stands. I went to dances and my bf drove and I had extremely over the top strict parents. Don’t ruin her highschool years

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Dad, she’s gonna do things that would make your stomach churn. It’s the circle of life. Raise your daughters to know the difference in right and wrong and teach her how a man should treat her and you shouldn’t have a worry!

I wasn’t allowed to do anything when I was a teenager. So I had to make all of my mistakes when I was an adult, away from my parents and knowing nothing about the world. It’s good to let your kids try and fail and make mistakes now while you are there to guide them. It’s scary but it’s necessary.

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Meet the kid and his psrents. She’s a big girl now, headed into adulthood, and out of her parent’s house soon.

Your daughter is old enough to go to homecoming. You guys are showing her that you don’t trust her. I understand wanting to protect her but she is growing up. How about you meet him and give some healthy boundaries instead of sheltering her too much?

Kinda with Dad on this one, Boys drive so crazy ( not that girls don’t) but even more crazy when they have a car to “show off” , I don’t know. This is a tough one. I don’t want her missing out, but even with proof of insurance and license. That doesn’t matter when it comes to her safety. Even people you know and trust could do this. It’s a big COULD but it’s still something to ponder on
Tell him to sit in the parking lot :joy::joy::joy:

Yikes tbh, I don’t trust people with super nice car, especially teens. They show off, they speed, and people die. Both my teens know students who’ve died in wrecked and I knew several in school too. Not worth the risk, hire a driver.

Strike parents create sneaky kids.

I understand being afraid. When is homecoming. Make an effort to meet the boy before homecoming. You have to trust your daughter. Don’t make her miss a night she will always remember because dad is scared.
My daughter knows that it doesn’t matter is she is driving or some one is. She has to always let me know when she arrives to her destination. And when she’s leaving… don’t make her miss this . Is she then going to miss prom because of his fears?. She will be bitter is she misses these events.

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We use Life360. Once, a boy was bringing my daughter home. He was driving erratically and she asked him to stop. He pulled over and then tried to put moves on her. My daughter said something like “Look…my mom knows EXACTLY when we left the house and exactly how long it takes to get home. I suggest you get back on the road and take me home. My mom is either going to get in the car and come here, or she’s going to be standing outside when we get to my house. And, I don’t think you want to deal with her either way…just take me home. Now.”

And he did….

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You are only going to create someone who goes buck wild the moment they are away from you. Dad needs to explain why to his daughter personally, ridiculous.

It is difficult when your children grow up and go off in their own. Life goes on. 16 is driving age and most have cars. Talk to your daughter tell her to call you anytime.

Maybe ask to meet him before hand.

Install a tracking app on her phone :sweat_smile::sweat_smile::sweat_smile:

Don’t deny your child experiences due to your own fear. That’s just sad.

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I’d personally consider this and DEFINITLEY require meeting the kid before I let them drive MY kid around. I can 100% understand the Dad, as kids tend to be much higher risk drivers. BUT you need to try and give people the benefit of the doubt before making judgement calls. Shutting it down completely would be baaaad. A teen would likely rebel if you take all that freedom away and is a bit much, unless they’re grounded or something. You want to protect them but you can’t just keep them from real life scenarios to avoid danger and expect good results. That isn’t healthy. But I certainly would want to meet the person and hopefully catch them driving. If I hear that engine revving like a racecar and see wreckless driving, that would be enough for me not to allow my kid in their car. And would be good to know. But on the other hand if the person drives carefully and is polite/respectful, I’d maybe put my parental anxiety aside and let them go.

I would be like that too. My kid is not going anywhere with someone I don’t know especially if they had a car because most teenagers are reckless when it comes to driving

Cut the strings before she starts doing what she wants behind his back. Unless he has a reason not to, he needs to show her trust.

The father is right if he’s unsure of her safety he’s doing what he believes is best instead of running to the internet to prove your child’s father is wrong maybe respect his judgement even the slightest amount

Tell her that you both need to meet him and lay the law down as to what you expect from both of them but , make it a calm, direct , honest conversation . So there is no question as to what you expect. Also that you want to meet his parents BEFORE homecoming.
There is an app where you can know where she is at all times, if she has her phone with her and it is on.
It is hard to let them go even a little but, you have to trust her.

Put life 360 on her phone and make her carry it for precaution and keep it charged. Have him come over to the house to meet yall…maybe bring his parents. I understand dad being worried, but she going to resent him if she doesn’t get a little freedom.

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I’d probably be a bit reluctant to let her anywhere near a nice car too driven by a teen. The problem is that you don’t know this kid so you don’t know if he’s a good driver or not. I didn’t date guys with cars until Uni and I definitely wouldn’t have been allowed on the back of a motorbike :joy:. Explain to your daughter that unless she wants to be grounded until graduation, you are happy for her to go, but not to be driven by anyone other than you without your approval. That’s why we have cellphones now.

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Tell him to let go a little bit it’s kinda weird

We pray for a good protective father for our children…then complain! Wow, yeah dad is a guy. He knows exactly what Jr is thinking. And yes young kid nice fast car could be accident waiting to happen
Because we all know the cool guy has a epic plan! Yes she will or maybe has already been deflowered Doesn’t mean dad should support it.

Rent a limo for…“them”… you’re a good cop then. He’s not driving and can include a friend and date. They’re not alone.:wink:…too expensive… ask if the other parents want to share expense.

Offer to rent a limo? If the issue is that he’s a young driver, provide a fun alternative. If it’s that you don’t know him, invite him for dinner or a family event…

She’s a junior in high school so 16/17 when are you/her Dad going to start trusting her as a nearly adult?
Speak to him reasonably about the need to trust her and start allowing her to make age appropriate decisions then both of you speak to her about trust and expectations. Lastly tell her a condition of going is that you must at a minimum meet this young man prior to homecoming and her going with him.
From a young girl who due to life situations was sheltered to some degree (lived very rural with no one really my age close by) please tell him that if he continues to over protect her now she will struggle as an adult. She needs this time to socialize, recognize different personalities and have the age appropriate experiences of interactions with the opposite gender. Not having the ability to accomplish those put me at a slight disadvantage as a young adult female. Interactions where awkward and I ended up in a serious relationship(married) to the first man I formed an adult relationship with and it turned out bad, other than the birth of my children.
Trust her, be open with her and allow her this teen time. If not resentment will happen and she will likely close herself off to both of you.

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So meet them? Its such an important occasion. She will resent you.

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If we’re talking about a high school junior, she’s gonna do what she’s gonna do. Dad being overprotective and putting unreasonable restrictions on her will fill her full of resentment and turn her into a liar and a sneak. She’ll rebel the minute she turns 18, and start making really bad choices. Who among us, hasn’t seen this happen?

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Your husband is good dad! He has a very valid point. How about you & your husband volunteer to chaperone the dance? That way Dad can make sure this boy behaved himself.

How about he comes over and takes dad for a drive ? Maybe that will make him feel more at ease ?! But do not take homecoming away from her because you are scared. Your child can be in the car with dad and have anything happen as well.

As a parent who has lost a child and has other children it’s. Not fair to hold them back because of my fears

If you trust your child then it shouldn’t be a problem? She’s going to be a graduate next year. Let her have fun with her friends.

Why not invite the boy and his parents to a get together at your home or maybe out to eat with possibly a group of people, parents and other kids. Like a pre homecoming party. It would lessen the pressure on everyone. You get to meet the young man and his parents maybe you all could come up with a solution that everyone is happy with. Ask questions, make some rules and let her go if he has proven to be a good kid. If not she can be dropped off and picked up. I’m assuming she is about 16 or 17. You have to make some rules but you should also trust her. She is growing up Dad.

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Just tell him. If my daughter cries. You die. If she feels pain. You will feel the same. I’m a crazy veteran and she is my life. So you better make sure she is happy all the time.

Dad is controlling borderline abusive. Set the tone and put your foot down this is absolutely ridiculous

Offer to be a chaperone or help with the event. Your daughter can then attend the event

How do you get him to stop what exactly, being protective of his daughter. Wow, that’s such a bad thing. You said you have never met him, why in the world would you send your daughter with someone you have never met? I know I wouldn’t, there’s way too much that could happen. I will meet ANYONE that wants to take my daughter anywhere. It’s not that I don’t trust my daughter, I don’t trust others.

Dad has to realize if he doesn’t allow her some freedom, she will find ways to do it, behind his back. Maybe get a “check in” app. She has to show her location on her phone the whole time she’s gone… then you’ll know if she leaves the dance or goes anywhere she isn’t supposed to be. Ask for the kids drivers license, insurance and plate number. I know that sounds over the top but then you’ll have all the info you need if you can’t find her (if she turned off the app) or any other reason you may need it… I would also want to meet him and his parents before the dance lol I get dads anxieties and worries. I’m the same way. It’s not easy (I have a teenage boy that’s pretty laid back so far. But I do have 3 little girls that already make me nervous for this kind of situation lol)

He must have been one of those boys he wouldn’t have wanted to date his daughter. Just kidding. Kinda. Lol.

Lmaooooo when daughter starts being real sneaky youll know why. When she goes no contact as an adult, you’ll know why.

Listen to the dad or chaperone

As a parent u have to trust your child

Too overprotective…my parents didnt let me go to any dances because they were afraid i would have sex (like teens dont do it otherwise) if they want. Just talk to her about saftey precautions and let her go. She will be an adult very shortly.

If yall don’t already, get life360 app. Have her have it on at all time while she is at homecoming . You can see hee live location at all times and when she’s actively moving locations it will send who ever has the app with her notifications.

Y’all are waaaayyy too strict and she’s going to end up rebelling and getting hurt pregnant or something

You need to explain to your husband that within the next I’m assuming 12-18 months your daughter will be an adult and will be getting into whatever car she wants. He needsnto work on having open, honest conversations with her now before as an adult she doesn’t want to be around him at all. Sometimes you just have to trust your kids and trust that you did enough as a parent to teach them how to make good decisions.

Even the juniors/seniors without cars typically borrow cars from their parents for dances. Just about any kid she were to go with would have access to a car that night - so she just can’t go? That’s sad.

Has the daughter done anything to be not trusted? Maybe we can give the daughter a chance and talk about trust and not lose dad’s trust and put a tracker on her phone.

If this were my daughter… It’d be a no… it’s really mind blowing everyone is saying she’s so close to adulthood… so your kids are moving out and buying a house after graduation? No. These are kids… until they build a life for themselves they are kids. Treat them as such.

Dads going to have to get over it. She has a year left and she will be an adult and going into college. It’s time to let her make some decisions. If she makes poor ones, you didn’t do your job well?!? Regardless in a year or less she will legally be able to make her own decisions. And things like this will push ur daughter away

As said before,meet the boy,and his parents just makes common sense,also I would have the boy take me drive to asses driving skills

It’s a safety issue and dad is thinking 100% for her safety and 10% bcos her date is a senior and a teen boy! Mum needs to get on the same page. There’s always next year.

Every high schooler has a cell phone, I’m thinking?. So way of tracking her, and being able to contact parents if she needs help.

Meet the boy and his parents prior? Also, not trusting his daughter and being so controlling, is really unhealthy. Does he really want his daughter to resent him. Just establish rules on a curfew.

Is there a reason he doesn’t trust her? Has she taken off I’m some kids car before? Has she snuck out? If she’s no longer in trouble for this then it’s unreasonable to make her miss something important. Chaperone if that’s the case, taken them & drop them off or take them & chaperone. If she’s not been in trouble for those things before then accept if he doesn’t change his ways then that daughter won’t be going to you two for things. She will hide things from you because she knows he won’t trust her.
So meet the boy, have dinner with him & his parents so you guys can at least set some ground rules.

if she’s a junior in HS, that means she’s at least 16/17…only a year or 2 from 18. I think that’s old enough to ride in a car with peers…is it risky? Yes! But tbh, getting in a car with anyone, or even just by yourself is risky! Anything could happen to anyone at anytime regardless of age or driving experience. Yes, the odds are higher with a teen driver but there’s gotta come a time when you have let go and let them live their lives. Unfortunately, you can’t keep your kids in bubble wrap forever… you spend their entire lives protecting and watching out for and worrying about them so, yeah. Letting go is hard but you have to do it cause once she’s out of the house and out from under the thumb of her parents, she’s going to do whatever the heck she wants and won’t come to y’all for help or advice when she needs it and potentially make an even bigger life altering decision that y’all can’t help her out of once she’s an adult.

It’s only a one time thing. She won’t get to do it again. Meet the kid and his parents problem solved.

So if he had a crappy truck she could go ?

Irresponsible and responsible driving can take place in “really nice” cars and in crappy cars. Horrible accidents can happen in both, as well. If you don’t know the boy…go meet him. The fact is, there’s only a short amount of time before you have zero say in anything your daughter does. To keep her away from her homecoming will likely not get your husband the results he wants. She has ONE homecoming dance in her junior year…without making any effort to meet the boy or find some compromise, your husband just wants to forbid her from going? That’s the kind of thing that could drive a huge wedge between parents and kids.

Well how are the supposed to get there fly???

You need to explain to your husband that we have all been teenage girls before…… if you MAKE her need to sneak around because you won’t allow it or give her any trust, she’s gonna sneak around. She’s gonna start having to lie she’s almost grown… time to break the chain a little

A Junior? You guys suck lol

Good luck having an open and honest relationship when you won’t let her do the literal bare minimum

We so easily forget what we were doing on homecoming night back in the day. Don’t deny them fun memories, educate them on experiences.

Tell him he needs to let her have some freedom now, bc as soon as she’s able she’s gonna go wild. Consequences be damned. And there’s a good chance she’ll go no contact with him when she’s older. I definitely understand not wanting her to ride with him. Offer to drive both of them to the dance and pick them up after, as a compromise.

I have 14&20 year old daughters so I’m speaking with experience…

I have a feeling it has nothing to do with trusting his daughter, just maybe HE was that boy with the nice car and he remembers not having good intentions.

I guess he is sending his daughter the message that he doesn’t trust her and she is not capable of making good decisions. This will lead to her sneaking around and lying. Good plan dad. :expressionless:

If she gonna do something (sex) with the boy. It’s gonna happen or already happened.

Have him rent a limo to and from the dance for the both of them maybe the price will change his mind

Lol all these comments about phone tracker. You are aware these kids will just leave their phone in the school bushes/ locker/ friends and go or do whatever they want?? They are not stupid

It’s okay for dad to worry but in all reality he should trust in his child that she he will make the right decisions l. He should nit ever try to take something away that she can not get back. Homecoming and proms are very important in a teenage girls life. It’s onething that girls dream about as they are growing up. Don’t let dad take those memories from her.

I wouldn’t want my daughter to go with somebody I hadn’t meant and didn’t know the family. He’s being protective of his daughter.

Your husband is afraid of sex not the car the boy or the parents.

If sex is gonna happen it’s gonna happen with or without the car. He gonna keep her from all school events? Let’s just lock her up in the house forever and switch her to online school and work.

What is he going to stop her from going outside to hang out with friends or go any where by herself? Most boys I dated at that age didn’t have a car and I still got laid don’t need a car if you want to have sex

Sounds like he has no confidence in how y’all raised your daughter and sounds like he for sure doesn’t trust her decision making skills…how sad to hold a junior in high school back from experiences because your insecure about your parenting…news flash dad she’s gonna have sex and she’s gonna get into cars with people you don’t know.

Insist on meeting the kid and his family before allowing her to go. Don’t assume this is going be an irresponsible boy.

Wtf ur husband is strange

I’ve been watching too many body cam videos of traffic stops and whatnot and all I can say is that young boys are the worst when it comes to speeding. I wouldn’t let her drive with him, it may not be about him(dad) not trusting his daughter , but more so him not putting her life in the hands of someone he doesn’t know! Just my opinion. The truth is there will prob be alcohol and who knows what else, young men think it’s so cool to drive super fast and impress everyone. I just don’t think it’s smart. An adult can drive them, a limo service… idk

She’s not a baby anymore he needs to stop with the childish controlling bs and let her grow up maybe if he was a parent and taught her about life he would trust her to go :man_shrugging:

Dad knows how teen age boys are, you know how teen girls are I suggest you both sit down and talk to her about boys and how they are. Dad is just afraid she will end up being forced into sex and end up pregnant. Maybe invite the boy and his family for dinner so you can get to know them. Dad can also so the typical dad thing and offer free castration if boy touches daughter. Dad can also volunteer to chaperone the dance to keep am eye on things.

What would really happen if you told the dad to shut up and I am not listening to you and let her go anyways

Tell him he’s missing brain cells. They could leave at any time in a damn Uber lol

Kids can be stupid when driving those nice car. I’ve seen too many car accident after homecoming. I’m with dad on this

Are they dating or why would you need to met his family? Does your daughter not have an iPhone that way you can turn on her location

She could possibly be out of house in a couple years. Kids will find a way, so he needs to work with her. Invite the boy over for dinner, get to know him, and tell your husband not to intimidate him. And don’t chaperone the dance. That’s the kiss of death for a kid’s social life.