So my husband, my 4 children, my mother & myself all moved across the country due to my husband being in the army. Is it wrong for me to want my husband to help me unpack our house? He thinks that I should do it all myself since he is providing the money. I packed our whole house, I feel like he should help me.
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What else do you have to do? Take your time and unpack the stuff. The woman is supposed to be the keeper of the home. I actually enjoy unpacking so I know where everything is
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Whenever we moved I did all the packing and unpacking because my husband worked
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My husband works and he still helps me with whatever I ask. 
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Yes he should helpā¦ You and your family gave up your life to support him. My husband retired from the Army with 33 years. He always helped with the unpacking. However we always had the military pack and move our stuff. Than you for all the sacrifices you have made, so your husband can serve our country .
Being a family , husband, father he should want to do what is best for his family. He should always support you
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My husband would never leave me to do that! BUT if he ever did that would be the day I unpacked mine and my kids stuff and he could live out of boxes 
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Thatās unfair of him to think that way. I did choose to do the inside stuff by myself, just so I would know where itās at
I did move to another state because my man works out there I did all the packing and unpacking lol ! Only because I know what I packed and where I put it lol he did say the same thing and he was right he does pay all the bills and rent 
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He should always help you. In a relationship it has to be more than just providing a paycheck. He lives there too and he needs to show up and participate in your family.
I wouldnāt want his help unpacking my stuff 
He 100% should be helping you. Coming from someone whoās husband has been in the service the last 13 years, he ALWAYS helps me unpack each move. Being the āproviderā is not a reason to hold that over your head. Thatās totally unfair for him to do that to you.
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Depends, is it just dishes and personal stuff? Did you have movers put all the big stuff in its place? If your hubby is already back to work, then yes you should unpack. If he is still on leave, then he should help get settled.
I just donāt understand relationships like thisā¦.your called partners for a reason.
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I packed and unpacked when we moved but Iām very particular of how I want things packed/unpacked. Husband and my dad did the heavy lifting of furniture.
I had a 6yr old at the time
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You need help as a wife, your husband should help no matter what.
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If heās home, he should helpā¦ I had to pack on my own because my now ex was working, thankfully when we got to our new place, a bunch of teenagers in the neighborhood introduced themselves and helped unpack the truck and even asked where things went, we were able to take the truck back A day early so we tipped them, it was great.
If heās home, he should be helping. You work a 24-7 job raising his children. I have never worked the army but I have worked a full time job and came home to do everything including housework and childrenā¦ in my experienceā¦ being a full time mother is much more exhausting so when your partner contributes even just in the slightest wayā¦ it makes a huge difference!
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I also went through this, the 2 times, we have movedā¦I moved everything with outside help, and put it all away!! I snapped!! I put my foot down!! This isnāt fair!! I work also and I bring in the money also, I wonāt do the house chores alone. My husband thinks, he only has to sleep and work and that doesnāt happen here!! Put your foot down!! We all need help at times with things!!
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Yes of course he should help. Itās his house also. His contribution to the relationship and household shouldnāt only be providing money.
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Donāt pack his stuffā¦ he will help quick.
He can help in his free time
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He wouldnāt be my husband if that tells you how I feel
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He should have helped at least a little. yes he works so you should do what you can but the heavy stuff no he should help.
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Its up to you and kids and mom.he works saving our country. Put it where you want it. Make it a home. Help him out
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If he is working n ur nt then u should do the unpackingā¦ bt he shouldnāt hv to throw the he providing money in ur faceā¦ dats why itās better to hv ur own incomeā¦
Yes he should have helped.
He is working so I guess you can do it on your own pace with kids and with your moms help we shouldnāt make everything like a big deal he brings money in the home and you turn it into a house !!!
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Unpack at your on speed. If the kids can unpack there things let them. Donāt rush, you will only get more frustrated.
I have mixed feelings about this. If your mom and kids can help, then have them help you. If he works and you donāt, than you should be doing most of the unpacking. When I was a SAHM, I painted the whole house by myself, while he worked, pulled the carpet up by myself while he worked, and all this with two kids and being pregnant, but thatās how I pulled my weight. But he did help with the moving part. Just get in there and get it done. And he āthinksā or āsaidā that you should be doing it by yourself because he earns the money.
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Very wrong. Itās his stuff too. Iād put his stuff in the corner & tell him to put it where he wants it. Just because a man earns the money doesnāt get him out of doing anything else.
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He sounds like a keeper 
I mean if heās busy working then I wouldnāt expect him to help but I also wouldnāt expect it to get done super fast
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As a veteran and Army wife of almost 20 years, I am confident in my statement that your husbandās expectation is completely unreasonable. I pack our home every time we move (because Im very neurotic about how things are packed) and our transportation payment specifically pays me for that service. Unless your husband is okay with you keeping all the money for a PPM to do with as you please, donāt agree to his demand. We just moved across the country ourselves and we BOTH are doing the unpacking. He usually gets 10 days permissive TDY just for that purpose. Then we share the monetary reimbursement equally.
You should probably just do it anyways cuz youāre probably not going to like where he put stuff
My husband would never throw the fact that he earns the money in my face. We both contribute to the household in different ways. Until recently, I did do most of the stuff in the house, but he never told me he wouldnāt do something if I asked him to. I say until recently, but it was actually 9 months ago when I suffered an injury that has left me with tendinitis in my right shoulder and 3 herniated discs in my cervical spine. I now can no longer lift, push, or pull anything more than 5 lbs per doctors orders. I do everything I can and do occasionally push myself harder than I should because I want to be able to help him out the way I used to, but I wind up paying for it with increased pain and stiffness. He understands and never asks for me to do more or gets upset that I canāt.
My point being, you are both a team and should both be putting in 100% into your marriage and family. If you werenāt staying home with the kids, then daycare would be an added expense that most people canāt afford. If he thinks that what you contribute to the household is nothing, then tell him to look up prices for mediators, nurses, chefs, chauffeurs, nannies, maids, decorators, personal shoppers, and everything else that he expects you to do.
Ah men. āI make the money so I donāt have to do anything elseā also same man ādonāt look at me like just a paycheckā or the famous " your a gold digger because you only want me for money" Like sir, are you alright? Pick a lane bro. Are you a partner in this house or is money the only thing that matters?
He sounds toxic. He should help, being a Mom is a an all day job we just donāt get paid.
i use to be with a man who had this attitude , how i stayed so long with someone who clearly didnāt care about me emmotionally is beyond me.
my now fiancĆ© wouldnāt even expect me to do anything alone.
not unpack a house . nothingā¦ ur partner is meant to be your best friend. there meant to be kind , understanding and loving , anything less is just settling ā¦
Thatās ridiculous it donāt matter whoās bringing in the money everyone should help unpack the house together
I feel this! I packed up our whole house with three kidsā¦ one was 3 months old. He did what he could bc he did work BUT at some point you do have to put your foot down. After we moved I started working and NEVER got a moment alone. I snapped. We agreed I get one weekend morning to sleep in and he gets the other. If kids have activities we divide and conquer. And I no longer shop with the baby bc it takes 10āxs longer. Speak to him. I honestly never thought Iād ever be able to sleep in again but if I never voiced my thoughts nothing wouldāve changed. He also loads the dishwasher and maintains the cars and yard and cooks 2 nights out of the week. Ya gotta talk to him
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I bet that relationship is toxic if thatās how he reasons.
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I usually donāt comment but some of these comments are absurd! What else does she have to do? Did you not read her post she takes care of her mother and children. Not to mention you do not know if she works from home, what ages her children or various other factors. Marriage is a partnership we are not in the den days where the wife does everything while the man goes to work. I am sure she does plenty and deserves help as well!
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While he should help, you also donāt include info on him being back at work or the list of things Iām sure he has to take care of if this is the first place heās been sent. From the sounds of this post I will assume it is and that youāre new to it all. Youāre going to have to get used to doing a lot more on your own. Be thankful your mother moved with you.
Are you angry because he expects it? Or angry that you have to do it?
I understand that being a SAHM is a full time non payment job. I also know that I would have given anything to have had that opportunity.
I also DO not like to be told what to do and the expectation would make me mad, even if I had planned on it anyways.
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Since he āpaysā for it all, Iād make him pay for this part too and hire someone to do it.
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Unpack yours and the kids stuff and tell him it called team work. Happy Wife Happy Life!!! Being a stay at home Mom is a full time job on top of it moving packing g and unpacking he should help. He is not being very nice. I was a stay at home Mom tooo with 2 little ones. When my husband came home from work. He entertained the kids while I was going dinner. He clean up dinner, and got the kids ready for bed while I was relaxing in tub or shower. He come home and take the kids to soccer games and win lessons while I went out shopping or get my hair or nails done. He always helped me around the house and with the kids after work. You need to put your foot down and tell him straight up Girl. Itās Team work!!!
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Iām petty af. Put his shit in random places and when he complains tell him he shouldāve helped. When he asks āwhereās such n suchā tell him heād know if he helped and he can look for it himself.
I would just unpack my things and leave his. The children will do theirs, with your help if theyāre young. I would just leave his things in boxes and tell him itās there when heās ready to do it. Heāll soon do it when he canāt find what he wants. Youāre his partner, not his slave, not his maid, not his mother.
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Hire someone to unpack everything and organize ā¦ā¦ and let him take the billā¦ simple w/o problem
I would not be married to someone who throws it in my face that they earn the money
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Girl if your a stay at home mom and he brings home the only paycheck ā¦ whatās the problem??
If you both work, then you both should. I WISH my family could afford just one income. I have lists for days the things I want to do but canāt because I work full time
Iād be greatful to unpack everything and set it up how I want itā¦.
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He should obviously help. Heās a grown ass man 
Why wouldnāt he be expected to help unpack his own shit when he moves? Unless he uses that money he earns to rent you some movers, he should be helping.
yeah they think all they gotta do is go to work, come home & go to sleep as if they didnāt help create them kids as well. you work too whether you have a job or youāre a stay at home mom! itās called teamwork, leave his stuff packed up since he think he donāt have to do anything lol.
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He make them money u unpack sounds fair he never said he wouldnāt help with the heavy stuff. So it kind of seems like ur making it a bigger deal then it needs to be
Unpack you and the kids things and leave his boxes for him
I just canāt believe this is a question. Youāre relationship sounds toxic . Does he think this is 1956? Gross
It sounds like heās expecting you to do it because you stay at home. I would just leave his shit packed and make him do it.
If you have to tell them to help carry the bricksā¦heāa not the one to build with. So lame!!
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Why didnāt you hire help with the money?
Just unpack yours and kids stuff and leave his. When he wants something and canāt find it, Iām sure heāll change his tune. Who cares if he earns money, money is not the sole factor of life and does not make the cogs turn in a family/household. Just because you raise the family and donāt get paid, doesnāt mean itās any less worthy of being called a full time job. Iād argue you put in far more hours than he does to any paid work.
Youāre not raising another child and heās a grown man! Let him unpack his own shit
He sounds like a d* uche ā¦ sorryā¦ and clearly the comment section didnāt read correctlyā¦ he didnāt say because heās working he said because he provides moneyā¦ 
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I am a former army wifeā¦ā¦why in the world did u pack yourself? Also if you got movers like the army offers you would only be unpacking boxes and putting stuff away the movers would have put all furniture together and where u want it to be. My ex did nothing ever however when we moved he was in charge of his army crap the garage and hanging all the things in the house I took care of everything else. I think u both have unrealistic expectations of the situation and should communicate before hand next time bout who expects what.
If he thinks thats your ājobā then charge him to unpackā¦
My hubby definitely helped unpack and move stuff around anything he didnāt unpack was bc I was putting stuff away and he didnāt know where I wanted everything but he put the boxes in the room and helped unpack it all!!! Teamwork!!! Whether you are bringing in money or not, you both live there
Helping you is how you feel loved, yes he works, however I believe you work in the house right! 
. Working a little together boosts both your joy & excitement as opposed to separation example: he goes to work you stay home & work in the house. Sad to say you both become distanced & wonder why your relationship is not workingā¦good luck! 
When me and my husband moved(and weāve moved a lot to about 5 years ago) I always packed and unpacked because he was the one working and i was homeā¦
I agree with your husband
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Keep it packed and move somewhere else
If he loves you he would help you, it goes both ways, you donāt let someone you love struggle.
If heās working and your job is managing the house, I think that is totally fair. If you are also working outside the home, he needs to step up.
Did he help or actually move furniture etc. because when we move I usually pack up everything he hauls it sets ups the beds etc and then I unpack the boxes. Itās just a mutual thing we never argue about it. I donāt mind doing it. Certain things of his Iāll leave for him to do if idk where he wants it. But if he has mentality I pay for everything Iām not doing anything then Iād have a problem
You already know the answer to this and thatās why youāre asking. SMH yes, he absolutely needs to help.
I ask my husband if he can help with stuff every day of the week, heās gone 12 hours a day 5 days a week and still helps. Thatās weird he thinks heās entitled to do nothing?
Id say to him, if he is only willing to put in money then your paying someone to help.
Iād reconsider that marriage, a man that devalues you already will definitely cheat once deployed.
Tell him next time you want the government to move you then.
Iām an army wife. My husband helps. However if you do it on the governmentās dime they pack for you and they will unpack. They wonāt set up your house the way you want it but they will take everything out of the boxes and get the boxes out of your hair. If your husband doesnāt want to help then he shouldnāt complain
I personally LOVE unpacking I love setting up my home and I love organising. We are moving this summer and we are only moving a few states away so we are going to do a Ditty (Do It Yourself) I told him I donāt mind us loading and unloading the truck and I donāt mind unpacking but we are going to look into hiring a company to pack because I just canāt hahaha I hate packing.
Do you have anyone in your family with disabilities? Because you can get on EFMP and get respite care which is someone who can watch the person or kids so you can unpack.
If youād like more information or just another army wife/āmom to talk to feel free to PM! Itās ruff hang In there girl!
Whatās wrong with mom and kids helping?
Stupid leading question. Go bash your husband somewhere else
Why isnāt your mother helping you? Just asking.
The military didnāt pack you up and move you? I forgot to take my garbage out of the trash can and they neatly packed it up and shipped it with the rest of our stuff. I donāt think unpacking boxes is really all that big of a deal. That way I know where everything is and where everything goes. I think the thought process behind why he isnāt helping you is complete BS and just because he provides the funds, doesnāt mean that excuses him from being a father or husband.
I moved into my home right before the pandemic hit. I unpacked 95% of the boxes, organized and put ways our items away. My husband provides for me, our children and the extra family members that Iāve/lived in our home. That and he works longer hours than I do. I wasnāt annoyed nor did I ask him because I respect and value what he does just like he does for me. Our opinion doesnāt matter, talk to him. Does he tell you to do it or are you assuming just say he expects it. Is your mom unable to help you while heās at work? I would assume he thinks that would be your help given sheās with you. If you donāt like how the ārollsā are in your home now that you movedā¦. Maybe you can get a job to help with said bills. Your momās there, is it possible for her to watch the kids while you bring in some money?
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Bunch of weak ass women on here lately complaining about crap. If your man works and provides stop bitching !