My husband feels I do not try for him anymore

All these people saying he’s bad for saying this, wtf? Communication is key to a healthy marriage and he is doing the right thing by talking to her about it. Is it not a better option than him having an affair or getting a divorce? If this was the other way around and it was a woman saying her husband had let himself go, didn’t make effort anymore etc. Oh how different the comments would be.
OP - buy some sexy lengerie, get a baby sitter and cook him his favorite meal. Do your hair and makeup and don’t forget to shave and put on some nice perfume :heart_eyes:

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My priorities are else where the way I look is not the most important thing in the world if he cant understand kick rocks…theres a time and a place…besides nothing and no one ever stays the same people things change evolve for u it’s less makeup no biggie find a way to love the natural u and feel sexy without makeup and he will notice attitude is everything in that area

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If those 4 kids are under 8 years of age and you do ALL the housework, bill payments, chauffering, cleaning, cooking etc you may feel tired a lot and un/under appreciated. If you don’t get 15 minutes to yourself in peace to shower/ bathe daily etc, hard to imagine time to do whole beauty cleansing routine etc & make up. Does he look after himself, facial grooming etc, exercise, watching his dietary intake also? Nothing sexier than a man with a vaccum cleaner and washing dishes etc without having to be asked to.

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Does he try for you? It’s a two way street.

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Ask yourself if your try is gone or if he is not trying hard enough as well. Is he taking on stuff with the kids so you have time to try? If not maybe tell him you would love to try harder but you need him to try harder to so that you have some time.

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This needs to be open conversation with your husband. You both need to sit down or in bed after the kids are asleep and have a very honest open convo, no sugar coating honest convo about how you both are feeling and work together to come up with solutions or compromises to help fix or lessen this issue. It’s not a matter of “well does he try with you” or if you’re not trying enough. It is a give and take and you both need to talk about what’s happening or not happening and see where you’re both at.

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I dont understand why men think women should have to get all “dolled up” to be attractive to them. My husband hates when i wear makeup because its not natural. He loves the natural me

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Try date nights. Sounds like you spend so much time being a mom of 4 and wife you may sometimes forget to take time for each other and for yourself. I would also suggest looking into a boudoir session not necessarily for photos for husband but the experience to help you feel empowered, stong, sexy, beautiful even after 4 kids and all life throws at you.

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Always take time for yourself. Get a sitter and have a date night.

What does he mean by “try” ? :face_with_monocle:
1.Looks?
2.Weight?
3. Time ?
4.Being flirty?
It could mean so many things… ask him… 
Here’s some tips maybe they will help.

  1. Makeup? Self tanning cream on face… lol :slightly_smiling_face: it’s like u have foundation on all the time, make sure you blend it into your neck.
  2. Drink more water…
  3. Every day after he gets home and he is sitting down on the couch relaxing… sit down next to him for 30 mins… everything stops everything… tell the kids it’s daddy time for the next 30 mins. Then get back to what u need to do.
  4. every time u walk by him, smack his butt… even if ur in the middle of yelling at one of the kids, stop and tap his butt… :upside_down_face::wink:

Find each other’s love languages. His may be words of affirmation or touch. If you want to try, I know you’re tired, don’t make it a chore. Get some lingerie and have a date night if you can. If not then just surprise him. Many relationships are like this and they slow down. This is normal. Put a little bit of mascara or lipstick on, do some tlc for YOU. Take a long shower. Relax and you’ll feel better. Shave if you want and lotion up. Spray some body mist. You can’t pour from an empty cup. With 4 kids it will fizzle out sometimes but make time for each other.

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Never stop dating your partner. I agree. I’m burnt the fuck out. 3 kids under 8, in a stay at home mom and hubby works out of town 3 weeks of the month. I’m completely burnt out but it’s a priority to me to make an effort as I expect the same from him.

Don’t feel like you are letting him down that’s not fair , if your husband doesn’t pull his weight in the parental side of things and thinks it’s your responsibility for the house and kids is very unfair of him. He could encourage you to feel better within yourself by helping more together… remember your wedding vows in sickness and in health, he is your husband, and father to his kids as well. My point is if he wants you change on how you used to be he needs to do the same …

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Wait try for him???if he can’t love you on a bad day he don’t love you on a good day… live life for you if he is not accepting for you he not the one… you have four of his kids how much me time do you get to even love on you pamper you ??? Have more me time….he need to love your soul and your spirit cause the outside fades… unconditional love

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I stopped wearing makeup and took all my piercings out when my son was born. I used to wear makeup daily. 19 years together and he still tells me I’m sexy or beautiful daily. Even when I don’t clean the house or cook food for some days. He doesn’t come at me about any of it.

You do what is best for you mentally, I can’t even imagine 4 kids and trying to keep it all together. Kudos to you!

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Maybe you should ask husband to take the kids out to the park or something and give you some alone time to take a bubble bath with candles and a good book, or glass of wine. You need to take care of yourself to relax, All moms need to have some alone time to recharge their batteries.

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Shortly after having children the meaning of for play changed to my hubby doing the dishes.

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Looks shouldn’t be all that matters. Help out with the 4 kids dad and maybe she’ll have time to look how you want her. This sounds dumb to say. Get over it dude. We all change and grow

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We need more insight on how much he “parents”… what exactly does “not try for him anymore” mean?:flushed: Not wearing make up, dress clothes, lingerie, attention? How old are your 4 kids? Does he “try for you” it’s a 2 way street and if he doesn’t make you feel beautiful :purple_heart:inside and out then he needs to check himself! Tell him he needs to remember his wedding vows​:bangbang:

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Leave and get ya a man. If we as women have to “try” appearance wise after we birth there children shit they ain’t worth my" try" honey. I never once had to try for my partner. I’m admired at my very worst looking I’m blessed we have been married 8 years and counting. We have to put our foot down quit letting theese little boys dictate us strong women. :muscle:

Start with the hair dresser

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Looks change. He can deal or leave. That’s what I say.

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Pick a date night and make yourself look beautiful.just for him and you…make sure u have sitter and a nice place to go …you l both feel great again…Sat. night good time…

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Does he still look like he did before. He should love you for your heart and mind first. We all age and looks change. After almost 20 years together my boyfriend tells me that I am beautiful and loves me. Tell him to watch the kids so you can have some me time. Just because you are a woman doesn’t mean you are to always to take care of the kids. They are his too!

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Lots of non constructive comments and frankly man hating / non equal comments. At the same end of the day looks and daily priorities change. But both parties need to make a real effort- better yet make an effort in each others love languages.

Id need some follow up: does he take care of the children allowing you to go to the gym, get a hair cut, shower, put on makeup shop??
Does he do any of those things and look nice for you? Has he gained a bit of weight sense you first met??
You literally can not be expected with 4 kids to look the way you used to and if he expects you to look a certain way( in my opinion is usually one sided and wrong- after 4 kids your body has changed forever. I have 2 kids and my hips will never fit in a size 2.)

Just because you have 4 kids doesn’t mean you stop taking care of yourself. You need to make sure your cup is filled, you count too! If your husband can watch the kids take some time for yourself. Go get your hair done, go get your nails done. Buy a new dress and then find a baby sitter and go on a much needed date night. Have a few glasses of wine and have fun with your hunny! I would totally recommend a book its called The Adventure challenge it has different date night ideas that use can enjoy together. Me and my fiance enjoy it when we run out of ideas for dates.

Well hun one night send kids to grandma’s for the night or two have nice dinner waiting for just you too and just come out of the kitchen with your hair and make up done and nothing but your aprin on .shock the he’ll outta him there’s a start .

He wants a Kodak moment give him one lol the rest should fall in to place