My husband gets drunk and says mean things to me: Advice?

I’m a stay at home mom of 2 girls (2-4), I’ve been married for five years, and my husband has gotten drunk and left to make me worry numerous times, and then just says horrible things about me to me and anyone around, it’s so hurtful and seems so very true especially that it’s happened after the birth of our second child and so many more, I just don’t know what to do.

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Run! It only escalates from there

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Leave before it gets worse!

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Get on birth control. Get away from him. It will only get worse…way worse.

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Why are you putting up with this?

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Leave it’s not worth it

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Please take those babes and leave.

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Uh…fucking leave!!! How is that even a question to ask?? Yes you can do it on your own…no it won’t be easy, but it’s better then allowing your girls to grow up thinking that type of treatment is ok! Think of your girls being treated like that…how does that make you feel?

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Please leave…it will only escalate. It’s already abuse. Please trust us…

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If he wont stay sober for his family totally not worth staying put ur kids first and run

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RUNNNN!!! As fast as you can!!!

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You got 2 choices, kill his ass or leave.

Run!
Don’t walk away.
Run!

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Please believe us RUN!!! I grew up watching my mom get her ass beat all the time… I will NEVER put up with any of it from any man

I would talk to him when sober and let him know how your feeling and that it’s effecting your relationship, the kids, family, friends etc. (Go into details). Give him the ultimatum to go for help, aa, counselling etc. Or you have to do what’s best for yourself and your kids, leave. If he doesn’t get help or conunites to relapse I agree with the above, leave.

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Leave him. It only gets worse

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Leave him or go to counseling.

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If he can’t get help for his drinking then leave. You need to show your daughters that you love them and yourself more than to have to deal with that situation. All three of you are worth more than that kind of treatment. God bless you :pray:t4:

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Leave.
It doesn’t get better, it gets worse. And you have 2 very young, impressionable girls watching. Do NOT let them grow up thinking that this is how men ate supposed to treat women!!

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Get the hell away from him he’s a monster have you ever heard sober man’s thoughts are a drunk man’s words he has no respect for you and it’ll only get worse I know I went through the same thing don’t wait 30 years get gone soon as you can get rid of him you’ll be okay in time

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Ask him to get counseling and/ or help for his drinking if he won’t get divorced and move on to possibly the love of your life who treats you better. Its a choice to be mean…

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Listen to your self, and ask your self OUT LOUD, DO I DESERVE THIS??

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Take your girls and get out. They don’t need to grow up thinking that’s how women (someday them) should be treated.

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That’s not the type of man to be around you and the kids you may have to find a new place sorry

Speaking from experience my exhusband was mentally abusive to me I stayed with him for fourteen years because he told me if I left he would take our daughter away. He always said that his family had money to fight me which was true and that I wouldn’t stand a chance against him in court which was probably true too because he was a Correctional officer. As soon as she turned 14 and was able to choose who she wanted to live with I left. However the years of abuse she witnessed me go through took it’s tole on her she hasn’t ever been in a good relationship and her mental state isn’t good either. She has no self esteem and thinks it’s okay to be abused by a man.

Leave that loser. I left mine

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A husband is supposed to be uplifting and loving! Not talking badly about his wife and mother of his children. That’s ABUSE!!!

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Get the hell out! That’s what u do!

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Pack your shit and leave!! Tell him to get clean and sober!! If he loves you and wants you back he will get help and stop drinking.

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Toss the entire man away…

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Before or after you beat his ass​:woman_shrugging:t4::woman_shrugging:t4:

Why do you need advise about this bullshit! Tell him to fuck off.

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Throw the whole man out sis. There’s somebody out there who wouldn’t dare treat you that way. :heart:

What’s wrong with you? Leave!

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Find an Alanon meeting and go for yourself. The meetings help the loved ones of alcoholics

Pack up you & your girls & get the hell out of there! I promise you it will never get better & it will never change! Please please please for the sake of your girls do not stay in that situation!

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Tell him it’s the booze or you

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Get rid of him hes toxic

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When he leaves change them locks and pack his sh&t and leave it on porch for him!

Time to leave… Before things get worse

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People are most honest when drinking or drunk, maybe that’s how he really feels as hard and sad as it is.

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Maybe reach out to your closest woman shelter. They have counseling and ways to help you.

Start by getting a job, it will help you financially to get out of there and leave.

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Take his drinking money an lock him out next time

They only do what you allow! Leave!

You are teaching your girls that it’s alright for a man to abuse you. For the sake of your girls get out! Leave!

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Lay the expectations down (communicate) then hope he comprehends. Follow your goals with or without his ass!

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No one deserves to be treated like that…tell him your worries and see if he takes it in and change his ways…if not Leave him…its not your fault its his own problem…he will be teaching your girls men are allowed to treat them like that and you’ll be teaching them that its OK.

If you are not in a position to leave or are not ready to take that step Al-Anon is a great support group.
You can’t argue with someone who is drunk. Get some support… Keep in mind this is abuse of the worst kind. And if you are not careful you will normalize this behavior for your children. You are the example little girls will think this is how a woman should be treated and she will seek a partner who does the same. Boys believe this is how you treat women and he will follow his dads example.
You didn’t cause it
You can’t cure it
Don’t contribute to it.
Detatch yourself emotionally, think smart, ask for help. You were not put here to live in hell everyday of your life.

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Leave. Pack up when he is not there and protect yourself and the kids. Create neutral territory where he knows that you are dead ass serious and decide for yourself if your going to work this out BUT not if he doesn’t agree to stop drinking and get help. You are showing your babies what you will tolerate. They are actively watching this. Protect them and yourself. :sparkling_heart::sparkling_heart:

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By felicia leave his sorry hind end… before it starts turning into physical abuse. I know 1st hand. Lived it, 1st is was verbally then physical abuse. Don’t stay because of the kids. I pray to Jesus that he watches over yours until you can leave

Time to pack up! If you allow it now your girls will allow it later! Lead by example! Good luck

Make yourself independent first.

Throat punch the cunt and then run for the hills and never look back

I would leave his drunk ass :weary: hopefully he don’t get worst. A nasty drunk is the worst

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People show true colours and say true things when they are drunk

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Don’t over value him and under value yourself. Get yourself ready to be able to make it without him. Start moving in that direction today. Give him an ultimatum…cut the crap…stop the booze or you and the girls are out…and then stick to your guns. If he values you at all, he will clean up his act…if not, move forward with your children and without him.

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My ex did this for 13 years because I allowed him to. I finally had to pack me and my daughter up and just leave in the middle of the night. My ex was physically abusive as well that’s why we left in the middle of the night. Best decision I ever made. They will never change no matter what. I’m sorry your going through this but you have your little girls to put first and they need to see you be strong and seeing you accept his behavior is not ok. I am now married to an amazing man. You just have to focus on getting you and your girls out and safe away him.

Leave his [email protected]@ you and your children deserve so much better/more …I’m not saying it has to be permanent but maybe a wake up call is do.

You are teaching your daughters what to accept and what not to accept. Only you can decide if you stay or leave but for your sake and theirs you need to not allow anything other than what you deserve. Good luck to you. You are stronger than you know!

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Girl next time he starts drinking or u know he will be drinking get someone to watch them kids get you some PEPPER SPRAY and when he calls you out of your name you USE PEPPER SPRAY ON HIM USE the whole container on him AND WHOOP HIS @$$ AND PACK UP YOUR STUFF AND THE KIDS STUFF GET YOUR CHILD SUPPORT AND GET SOME STATE HELP UNTIL U GET ON YOUR FEET AND DON’T LOOK BACK.GET THEM GIRL OUT OF THAT SITUATION THEY WILL GROW UP THINKING THAT IS HOW THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO LIVE .

My husband used to get very mean when he drank hard liquor. I finally had enough and threatened to leave him. He quit drinking hard liquor and our problem was solved.

Report him to the police and kick him out. Get rid of him before he hurts you and your kids.

thats abuse leave the fucker

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Protect the mentally and emotional health and you AND your children. They shouldnt have to endure seeing/hearing/experiencing a drunk and neither should you. It will only get worse if you talk to him and he refuses help. Thats step one. Talk to him about how you feel and if he refuses to get help, doesn’t listen, and/or gets worse then either kick him out or leave. Stay with friends or family and make sure you take the children with you. If leaving doesn’t make him change then nothing will. The next step is getting a job and filing for divorce and custody BEFORE he does. You will have to prove financial stability so get a job ASAP. Look into women and childrens shelter if you have to. Best of luck. I’ve been there done that and the best thing I ever did was get us away from him. :heart:

I have been there. Trust me it gets worse. Leave…

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I spent 15 years with this. Especially after the second birth ( twins) I talked to him numerous times about it… the physical abuse was way easier than the mental abuse. Fast forward. My children have therapy because of it. It hurts them so much more than you realize…

Leave!!! I know you have to make your own mind up about this, but you really should leave. It’s verbal abuse. Grounds for divorce. So is alcoholism. Especially if he’s doing the verbal abuse in front of the kids. I went down this road with my ex-husband and stayed way too long. I still have issues because of all the years of abuse and my oldest daughter does too. Not just from hearing him abuse me, but because it didn’t stop with me. When she got a little older he started in on her too. I could go on and on, but my best advice would be to get out.

Let him know he needs to stop drinking because you can’t stand the way he treats you when he’s drunk. Honestly it might not even be worth it. But don’t put your kids through that they don’t deserve to see their father hammered all the time.

Emotional n verbal abuse isn’t any better than mental or physical abuse !! Control manipulation of stay at home moms is not a good thing either:”/ , I’d go stay at family r safe place n tell him please get help then I’d come back when he’s changed!!!

Sometimes men use being drunk just to say what’t on their mind, then will say sorry when sober but believe me, what he told you was really what’s in his heart and just don’t have the chance to voice it out.

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Save some money and get out!!!

Get out or it will get worst and you will have no other choice if this man was a man at all he wouldn’t treat you like this. He will destroy you mentally and physically Prepare to leave .

Leave. Truth comes out when they are drunk… my ex is currently in rehab… 2nd time… trust me it gets worse

Verbal abuse is the first step in the domestic violence continuum. Verbal abuse is emotional abuse and is likely to escalate. He is testing to see how much you are willing to put up with and slowly gaining control of your life. Call your local domestic violence organization. They will offer safe shelter, advocacy, education, and counseling. All services should be free of charge.

Gotta talk to him when he’s sober.
Perhaps even play him a recording of his behaviour (if he’s receptive) - DO NOT GET CAUGHT recording him.

Try to find out why he drinks / if he means what he says / if he’s got a drinking problem / if he can just have a few and stop drinking b4 getting drunk.

No man wants to be told to stop something. It has to be his choice. If he’s a good husband otherwise, try to be suppprtive and not nag or try to force him to stop drinking.

And finally alcohol is NOT a truth serum. I have friends who say nasty shit when drunk. They have learnt to watch themselves and mind how much they drink and only drink in a good mood

Contact a local Al-Anon family group. They will support you while you are dealing with this. It would be great if he was willing to attend Alcoholic Anonymous. It saves lives, and there is no cost. The people there are welcoming and will not judge. Saved my life.

Pack you & the kids up & go or lock him out.It’s not going to get better & they don’t see it as a problem & will realize it is when you & your kids have left.Threaten a divorce or separation.

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Don’t live with it… your girls will think that’s what a normal relationship looks like. My daughter saw my sister’s husband talk so ugly to her. We had to tell her, that is not how someone who loves you treats you! Also little idea… video him. He may get an idea of his behavior towards you if he sees himself acting like a fool. Maybe he’ll realize. Maybe he won’t.

Ask Him to seek help if he want to keep his family, otherwise leave him…I grow up with an alcoholic parent, don’t do this to your kids.

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You should go to Al-anon and make sure that you have some emotional support outside of just your husband and don’t give up the emotional support either.
Also if it gets bad leave, because you won’t be able to fix him and raising ids around that sucks for everyone especially the kids. And if you have no support try to get in to see a church pastor or minister or priest just don’t isolate yourself from the world.

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Leave!! You are teaching your daughters it’s ok to be treated like this! You deserve better and so do they. Not sure why you have put up with this but for whatever reason end it now? It will only get worse. And don’t believe for a minute that what he says when he’s drunk he doesn’t mean . His guard is down then and he does mean the horrible things he says!

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Leave him. Hes not worth your time.

That’s how hew really feels. Now toy need to make a move. But you can’t change people so don’t try to be his therapist.

time to tell him his drinking is out of hand and hurtful. He should treat you the way he wants a man to treat his daughters. They learn what kind of man to pick by example (dads) and if you tolerate that. Staying says it’s ok for men to treat women that way. Get a job and leave, time to show him you mean business, stop drinking or you are out of there.

Time to go. He’s abusing you.

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Leave him it wont stop. Life of pain for u. If he can control his mouth when he drinks than he should not drink. Leave the fucking mouth it wont get better. U will get sick of it

By staying you are showing your daughters that it’s okay for someone to behave that way (it’s not) and that enabling someone is good (it’s not). I think you already know the difficult answers on this one. Take your self-esteem and your daughters out of that equation. Him leaving drunk or to go out drinking is just a time bomb waiting to happen. When he leaves the house drunk the police need to be called. He and you are putting everyone’s lives at risk of his DUI.

Leave him. He will ruin your kids and you will be stuck with the aftermath. My worst mistake

Dont take sorry off him when hes sober they say the truth comes out when ur drunk, so his sorry means nthing pack his bags and tell him to get on his bike.

He’s nvr gna stop. Unless he gets sober. It’s a fact. Now look at how it affects ur kids. U might have to leave him or demand rehab. It won’t stop. I’m so sorry

Let him know, his daughters see how he treats their beautiful mother. One day they will let their alcoholic husband treat them like shit because they will never know a man isn’t supposed to treat his wife that way. If that doesnt shrival his balls - walk the fuck out. Your mother did not bring you into this world so that anyone can treat you badly.

Kick his sorry ass to the curb.