I think it gives your child a sibling and you someone else to love that child did nothing wrong
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I think he probably knows it’s his child and is claiming “I didn’t know if he was mine” because he feels like it makes him look better. He could have had a court ordered paternity test done years ago if he really didn’t know for sure. It sounds more like he didn’t want to know that he was his child so that he wouldn’t have the financial responsibility. I would tell him to contact the maybe baby’s mother and ask for a paternity test.
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Maybe he wanted them so bad cause he missed him but didn’t know and wanted his life with you!!! Don’t ruin your household over thinking
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I can see where he would have a lot of shame from that…and he is probably wanting to redeem himself by a redo to prove to himself
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Don’t know the reason why there’s bitter baby mama’s makes it so difficult to be a father to there child maybe he got sick of it like 
some only wants to take them for there money not let them see there child happens all the time unfortunately my kid’s father living in Florida like he doesn’t have 3 kid’s to take care of or the other child he made behind my back they are not like us can’t leave our kids life we are not bitter baby mama’s neither
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Well your talking about a maybe child so because DNA wasn’t done why sweat it? I mean you could do dna
I’d be more worried why the mom ran off and wouldn’t let him see the kid.
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You need to quit making this about you. I understand your hormones are out of control right now, but just, for one second, put yourself in his position, where you LOOSE YOUR CHILD. You (or him) can say he should’ve faught, but let’s be honest, the courts don’t make it easy for dad’s in the slightest. Even more so 10 years ago. He’s raving about having kids because he WANTS TO BE A DAD.
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I had a child stolen from me. It’s a very difficult thing to over come. Mine will be 24 tomorrow and I hope I can at least talk to him.
If he had a kid when he was 19 and he’s now 30, wouldn’t that make the kid 11 not 13? But it’s a maby baby, and he never got to be a dad to this kid that he’s not even sure is his.
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He should’ve told you
But maybe after burying it for so long, then experiencing all these new things he never experienced that are associated with having a kid, is making him realize what he missed out on with his son. Don’t consider this a deal breaker, if anything allow him to become more involved with the raising of this child. He will cherish it all I’m sure.
Congrats on the baby 
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My kids dad had a baby with his girlfriend before I met him. She lied to him about having a room mate but it was actually her girlfriend. They wanted a child. Told him he’ll have nothing to do with their baby and it was hers and her girlfriends. tried to get him to sign parental rights away. She thought it would be easy because he was in the military and couldn’t be around much smh
I pray child support catches up to him… Even if she did run away… it seems he did nothing to see him… I bet this is coming out now… all of a sudden because the boy wants to see him… Or court contacted him… and obviously you’ll need to know now… he just told you now… because he won’t be able to hide it much longer. … just my opinion
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Its not the worst thing to happen. Now if you’re going to stay be clear that if he has more secrets nows the time to say. Let him know that you don’t accept lies and wipe the slate clean. Unless… This isn’t the first time you feel he’s lied to you. My ex husband never told me about his son. I forgave him. But he is a constant lier and I should have left because of who he was. Only you know if he should be forgiven not any of us here who don’t know him. Love is hard .
Trust you gut! If from past experience you feel he is lying then be is. Ask him details and see if he is consistent with his side of the story.
It says she got married after she took the kid. So unless he signed his rights away, how would another man be able to care for a child who has a court ordered custody arraignment? Unless she is saying the baby was married and the baby is now presumably the husband’s, it sounds like her spouse didn’t fight for custody of a child and robbed OP of the chance to a happy life. It sounds like she was a childless woman seeking a childless man. I’m sure she would have made different choices had she known he abandoned a child.
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When I was in tenth grade our science teacher confided in us that he had a kid out there and his wife didn’t know and he was never going to tell her. I thought “so why are you telling us? We don’t care?” Then we went back to science.
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Ur husband was very young when he had his son people make mistakes don’t hold him accountable for it an his son is innocent in all this…
Ur Husband has all RIGHTS TO LOVE AN TAKE CARE OF HIS FIRST SON Because HE WAS NOT APART OF HIS LIFE FOR SO MANY YEARS:broken_heart:
…
LET UR HUSBAND HAVE TIME TO BOND WITH HIS FIRST SON HE HAS TO CATCH UP ON ALL YEARS HE MISSED OUT ON…
Because HE WAS NOT APART OF THIS CHILD LIFE❤
So Embrace his son with all the Love u can give to ur Husband an his son…
UR HUSBAND WILL EVEN LOVE YOU MORE …
He never established paternity, there was never court orders with him involving the child, not on the birth certificate. He legally has zero rights unless they do a paternity test through the court to prove it’s his anyways. Like let it go lol.
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Honestly, I can see how that happens.
I wouldn’t take it personal.
Think about it
Your with a chic, she has a baby, and leaves.
Might be yours.
Might not.
And she gets married and probably said F off this is the dad now.
So much hurt there.
So much shame.
If he’s good to you.
And he’s excited about your baby, now that he’s in his 30s and not a child himself, live your life girl and enjoy your family.
Be happy.
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Wonder how many things he got out there that you don’t know about. 
Like you said a maybe child which means he doesn’t know if the child was his. So really why would he mention this. It would be alot different if he was the father for sure
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This isn’t about you.
I get being upset, but out yourself in his shoes? Men get screwed in court. All the time. Maybe he was too broke? Maybe he was scared? Maybe he didn’t think he was able to be a father/dad?
Maybe try understanding why he was scared to tell you… Could it be the reaction you have now?
Talk. To. Him.
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I know exactly how your feeling right now about this. And it sucks. It hurts, big time. I don’t have any advice I’m sorry, but I do wish you all the best in any decision making you.
I went through something similar. The special moments I thought we shared were all a lie. All those times I thought were first time moments were fake. I was betrayed!
He took that special moment away from me by lying. I should’ve had the chance to decide if I wanted to have a child with someone who had a child or not. I’ll never get those moments back to be able to share with anyone.
The only reason I found out was because I left him for other reasons. I felt disgusted with myself. Yes it wasn’t my fault, but he took those special moments from me. I should’ve had the choice to make that decision for myself. So hard to express how it feels. The person I confided in about my upbringing, took something so special away from me. I can go on and on about the scars it left behind, but I am pretty sure you get the gist.
I wish I had an answer as to why they hid it, but I don’t.
I hope you and the baby are healthy and well! Good luck 
That’s shitty. That was one of the first things my husband told me. It’s possible he had a kid but the mom moved to another state and never confirmed if she was pregnant. I would be pissed.
He should have told you - period! I would be really upset too!
Try not to let it take away from your joy right now of having a baby! That is the most amazing blessing in the world! So, be happy right now, and talk about it well after you have your precious baby! Congratulations 
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It sounds like he didn’t think he would ever get to see him again. You kept saying maybe, so the kid maybe his, maybe not his. At least you know you are having HIS kid. And he knows for a fact it’s his. So I don’t get how that’s taking away from yalls experience. He has already missed out on so much because she cut all ties. And being 19 didn’t have money for a legal battle to take it to court, arrange to pay to take a paternity test, etc. so at that point, he didn’t have rights to the baby. Because the baby may not even be his. And since she was so eager to cut ties with him, I don’t think he is.
But at least he told you. Whether you asked first, or he told you first. He did let you know. Some things take time. Like yea y’all may have been together 3 years, but it takes someone a minute to tell people their secrets. Especially their deepest secrets. He shouldn’t be made the bad guy for that. There isn’t a time table on it. Someone shouldn’t be forced to tell ALL their secrets by a certain time. Like my gf and I have been together 3 yrs, and there is just some things we aren’t ready to talk about yet. It doesn’t mean we love each other any less. We both have just been through hell in our past, that we are more cautious going forward. But we love each other and give each other the time and space to confide in one another. Some new things I just found out this year, that I never knew the first 2. And that’s okay. Because I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and that means learning something new about her all the time! And that’s pretty cool to me. So take some deep breathes and enjoy this experience with your husband, and Remember you will both continue learning new things about each other as the years go on. And that’s okay. But if it’s important to him, be there by his side and encourage him to take the paternity test. His being ashamed to tell you, is also probably because he figured you would react like this. So stay calm, and let him know it’s okay to confide in you. That whatever his heart wants to tell you, you won’t lash out on him because you don’t like the thought of it. Put that out there, and I promise he will start being more open. Because then he will be able to trust you with a deep secret like that. And then who knows, he may take the paternity test and the baby may not even be his and you worried for nothing.
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Wow why you calling it a maybe baby?
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If he doesnt even know for sure the child is his why would he mention it? I think you are probably overreacting 
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Wait, did you say a maybe baby? So you don’t even know for sure? You’re hurting your own feelings…
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I don’t see why this ruins anything. As one lady already said it takes time to become comfortable to tell people things. Guys take a lot more time to open up then women do. We expect perfection way to much. Since you are so upset ask yourself if it would have made a difference in you being with him? I really wish people would stop thinking life is perfect and it doesn’t take time for some to tell secrets. You reacting like that is probably why he didn’t tell you.
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You’re making this about you. He’s probably extra emotional right now with a new baby on the way and is missing his child. This happened before you, and although he didn’t tell you before, he told you now. He needs support for whatever he wants to do. He’s still the person you married, and I do think it’s a little ridiculous you’re allowing it to ‘take anything away’ from the new baby. That’s not what this is about. He’s missing his child. I understand that you’re upset; I would be too. But you need to look at the bigger picture and be there for your husband.
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I’m definitely not trying to be mean …. BUT this happened before you and he probably didn’t tell you because it hurts him bc he knows he will never see that boy again.
Hell, my ex fiancé told me he may have twins after being together 2 years. I told him to get the dna test and let’s find out. He did and he wasn’t the father. I didn’t get mad once.
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Girl, it’s the pregnancy hormones… if it’s a “maybe” and it’s been 10 years… you’re stressing over nothing.
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Quit hurting your own feelings. He’s not even sure it’s his kid.
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Embrace yourself. Being 19 is a very young age to be a maybe parent. Not everyone is ready to be a parent at that age. And it could be a possibility that he was also unsure about being the biological father. Sounds like she took the baby and moved on which was probably the best choice for them, at that time. So she married a Marine. Sounds like he is a great man to step forward to make a family out of the situation. Maybe your a little hormononal right now with the pregnancy. Just wait til you see him holding the baby then, you will have the true answers to your questions. I think it’s all going to work out. There’s enough love to get everyone through this. Good luck to having a new family.
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The poor child,13yrs old not knowing his real daddy??? What you and him have , has nothing to do with a child that’s already born and very much exist . Your child may very well have a big brother! You need to think of that child through his eyes and not your own.Each child is a blessing from God above.They were put here for a reason.Every child needs a daddy.And a big brother this day and time is a plus.Be accepting of this 13yr old boy if you come in contact with him.Its not taking from you,it’s only giving too you,and you didn’t have too labor for him.I was blessed with 3 step kids and had 2 of my own.They are all grown and I have grandkids now.I love them all the same! I wish they didn’t have too grow up.I miss them all something awful now that they all have their own families and lives.Look at it as a blessing instead of him not being honest so much.Let it go,your blessing is coming soon!!!
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These are his past traumas try healing together. Let the past go. This is his chance to do it for real now. You got some issues to work on that he opens up to you and it’s upsetting you.
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Absolutely it has taken away from your experience, and so very sad that he would do it during this time, he could have done it prior or he could have even waited till later but instead he chose to spoil this now, I went through the exact same thing once I think it’s a deliberate action that they do at that time I’m not very sad, very cruel and hurtful, why else bring it up then since they never had before and they had had no contact with the child and probably never will, it just ruins the pleasure of what you were experiencing
Had same thing kinda happen with my husband. A girl he was with when was 16 had a baby and she named the kid after him. However…he doesnt know if the kid is actually his bc the mom refused to do a DNA test and got with another guy and claimed the boy was this guy’s she got with during early pregnancy. Strange situation. He never pursued rights or testing as was so young and already working to provide for his family bc his dad had split from his mom at the time. Now…the kid is with her relatives as signed over custody as he has gotten out of control behavior wise. Supposedly destroying the house in fits of rage and such. With such a crappy mom…i hate the kid goes through that but she still not agreeing to meet up for DNA testing.
When i found out…me and husband were dating. I told him to reach out and try to talk to her some more to get her agree to at least let us see him. Nada. She would never contact us back. I hate he may have missed out on raising the kid if is his,but it is a stuck situation. And now the kid would probably resent a dad that has been gone so long stepping into his life would act out badly and we now have two kids,girls…of our own.
I would tell him to get a DNA test to find out. If he is his kid and you want to be with him,then better treat that kid like your own and open arms and heart. Part of your family and should be able to see half siblings…Isnt just about you. Think of the kid and him needing to know and have a relationship with his bio dad
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Some statements confuse me. ”He is taking away an experience from me” did he knock you out and u woke up about to give birth? You have gone through it all. Give the guy a break at 19 he was just starting his life, plus he said the kid maybe his or not. He clearly isn’t a deadbeat and even if he had a maybe child already what if he had never experienced the bond u two have. The experience is different Everytime,weather with the same person or 20 other people.so don’t take it to heart enjoy your moment. You are about to be a mum congratulations 
enjoy that.
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That was way before you and the child is not in his life , he’s with you that part of his life is past the child has a father if he can dill with it you need to let it go. Don’t make trouble you don’t have
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Wow. He may be a dad. He may not. He was told about a child once and then the mom skipped out of town with child and he was childless again, while barely being more than a child himself. Apparently there is still no guarantee that the child was his. Not one thing was stolen from you. NOTHING. Maybe think how you would feel if your child was stolen from you and you had no idea what to do and felt like a failure. You may be pregnant but you are not the only one with feelings. If you had a child at 19 you would know 100% if you gave birth or not, he doesn’t even know for sure, probably had no idea how to handle it and no idea how to bring it up. Did you ask what kind of support he had when this happened? What kind of trauma did it cause him. How many fears has he had about losing another child? How many times has others brushed it off in the past?
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How does him MAYBE having another child take away from your child? He wasn’t 100% sure and by your dramatic reaction he was probably right not to.
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Seriously? You two are about to be parents for the first time and you are feeling lied to? If the kid is possibly not even his, and he didn’t even bond with him, then he is not the boy’s dad. He’s not taking anything away from you, quit being so paranoid and annoying. Enjoy the fact that you will be a mom soon and that he will finally get to be there for the baby he is sure of and he always wanted. Sounds like you are trying to take that away from him with your irrational doubts.
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Stop being silly and putting wedges between you…make the most of becoming new parents together…
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I’m thinking he doesn’t feel like he’s a father since baby mama whisked son away and eliminated all contact for close to a decade. It’s
probably a painful memory for him too, which may be why he never mentioned this before. Also might be afraid of how you’d judge him & leave him, and he would like to have a “forever” child to fill the hole in his heart.
Or not! Talk to him more. Ask him what his expectations are for fatherhood, what he knows/learned about parenting and himself for those two years, why she fell for the Marine over him—older & more stable? Money? More mature and responsible? What caused them to split and why does he think she cut off all contact? To make it easier to have one dad? She doesn’t have to share custody? She thought he was abusive to her Rx hi
Ask what has changed about your guy since he was 19, what he learned from the experience. Is he now pretty responsible from what you’ve seen?
Seek a couples counselor together if you can’t talk about it without getting upset. Or just see a therapist on your own to help you sort out your feelings and any pith
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Don’t let this spoil the joy of having your first baby. Enjoy every moment together bringing a new person into your lives.
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MAYBE baby. He doesnt even know if he’s the father. Stop being selfish and look at the situation from his perspective. The mother split and step dad essentially stole his role.
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Its a maybe, most likely not even his thats why she ran
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You also don’t know the whole situation…so try not judge him so quickly.
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He was 19 and didn’t know how to fight maybe not make this about you?
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Do your husband and child a favor… give birth to your boy and leave him with his dad, or get abortion…
then go take your over dramatic self and dissappear from their life forever…
you sound toxic as hell… and if you get worse, you are just gonna make their life misserable.
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You said it yourself, the baby mama ran away with the child. His statement is true. Forgive him and understand him. Yes u feel concerned but him sticking around this long, he wants a life with u. No doubt. Heal together from this and have a happy life.
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Why are there so many mean comments here? I don’t quite understand how such a big bombshell like that being kept from her has resulted in so many mean comments! Of course it’s not grounds for splitting up but I can understand why she feels this way because that’s quite a big thing to keep from somebody you’re married to, whether it’s a maybe baby or not. He could have mentioned right at the beginning that he might be the father to this child but doesn’t know. It’s the lie/keeping such a big thing from her that’s the issue. It’s more the principal of the lying I think that’s the issue. I’m shocked at the comments from people calling her over dramatic and to get an abortion! Disgusting thing to say to someone who is obviously hurting!
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I feel for the poor teenager in all this! Sounds like he had a rough time. As a mum myself I’d be happy to stand by my guy (If I had one) to connect with this child himself and try and build some type of relationship! Obviously the DNA test needs doing and everyone move on from there, with the child’s best interests at heart not yours or dads.
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I understand why you’d be upset and I also understand why he’d keep quiet if he was ashamed. People who have more than one kid don’t love one less though and if he’s had no involvement this this is still his first time too.
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He was 19 and she split. I’m sure he felt so much guilt and shame he didn’t want to tell you. Emotions can make the best of us make decisions that seem good at the time. Also that doesn’t take away anything from your experience unless you let it.
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Hmm what els could he be hiding if he was hiding a human? 
sus
If he hasn’t had any contract with him in over 10 yrs, & you haven’t been with him that long, Then why is that upsetting you,??? I don’t think he was a shame, He just might have been hurt about the whole situation, This was way before you, Now if you say you guys were together & he had a affair with someone that resulted with this baby, then be upset, then be pissed over everything…but this was way before you. So you need to get over this,
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It’s a broken judicial system. He would have just been financially and emotionally drained in that fight. 
I’m sure this has caused him lots of trauma and the new baby is triggering suppressed feelings, maybe feelings he didn’t even know he has until now along with guilt and regret. He was so young, was in this babies life for two years and then it was taken from him without ever knowing the truth. I highly suggest your husband sees a therapist. I understand you might be hurting but please understand and respect that he is too. This isn’t taking anything away from your experience and it’s going to be amazing for the two of you but it could certainly damage him more as he watches this new baby grow and realizes all he’s missed out on.
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thinking I’m his perspective for a moment… he wasn’t sure it was his when the kid was 2 which would of made him 21 she took off and gave the role away. at 21 we don’t think about DNA testing, he didn’t fight, he probably lives with this daily wondering if it is his and at this point does he want a relationship with a child who was ripped from him. it has nothing to do with you hes fighting mental demons on his and her actions. support him let him vent and talk without getting upset. he never actually lied to you since he doesn’t even know if it is his.
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Grow up if he got someone pregnant while you together then that’s a problem he could be hurt and embarrassed for not fighting so what he didn’t tell you get over it
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Very sad. What could he be hiding??
You said it she ran he may have been ashamed support him
It is mean to call this poor kid a “maybe child”
That is a bit harsh
Get over it….you were not his first and you both have a past!
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You are married to the man in front of you, not the 19 YO from a decade ago. He was young and so was the baby mama. I would tell you to forgive him, but you have nothing to forgive. His past and your past belong in the past. Because you are pregnant, I can only imagine how this must impact you emotionally, which is terrible for YOUR baby. SO, take a deep breath and love your husband. Help him to forgive himself for being young and making the choices he did. Shame has NO place in a healthy relationship. What he did so many years ago, is not a reason to ruin what you have now. Let It Go.
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IMO it sounds like this is going to add more to your experience rather than take away. Think about it, he has ranted and raved about becoming a father to a child with you. He was deprived of being a father and doesn’t want to miss out on that with you. He carries shame and guilt and doesn’t want a repeat to happen again. You and your child are the common denominator. Hang in there mama
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Maybe the fact is it destroyed him loosing his child .always wondering what if .he’s shut it out too heartbreaking to tell you enjoy what you have now .don’t throw your future together away it happened b4 we all have little secrets we don’t tell anyone ever .your feeling hurt .that I understand but it was the past .as the yrs go by it’s harder and harder to sudden enly say to your loved one oh by the way I have a child
I can think of a big reason, judgements. Maybe when you first started dating you made a comment that you cannot remember about single dads with kids dating or maybe a friend told him you would never be with him seriously if he had a child. Maybe he wasn’t there for that child and was embarrassed that he wasn’t exactly the best man in the past and was afraid you would judge him and not want a child with him. People change, and if this child does not have a paternity test that ensures it is 100% his then maybe he felt it better to not feel judgements until he for sure knew? He decided to tell you and you judged him, he felt safe enough to express what has been bothering him for so many years and you are upset? Sometimes people fear judgement so it takes a while for them to trust that you won’t fold on them, and you kind of did just that.
Now the kid is half yours, so take care of business and the kid.
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Some of you are just heartless.
Id be supportive in trying to find the boy now and help his dad bond with him. Never to late.
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He hasn’t seen or had contact with the child for 11 years then don’t worry about it. If by chance the kids wants contact later in life then welcome him. The kid probably doesn’t even know about him. It was long before he met you. Not everyone brings up every hurtful detail of their past.
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I’m guessing it’s probably a pretty sore subject for him, and he didn’t take get to be a father to that child, hence why he raved about having kids " when he already had one." I get that you are feeling emotional about it,but imagine how he feels and I’m not trying to be rude,but it would be wise not to upset him even more about it and make him feel like you wouldn’t accept this child of he were to enter your lives. He hasn’t had contact in over a decade…again,it’s probably something painful that he just didn’t want to talk about,and considering you are so upset, maybe that is one reason why, because he knew how you would react, maybe?
Doesn’t sound to me like he lied; just withheld info. This is his to deal with. Maybe he needed to tell you because it is bothering him. What is important is the kind of father he will be to your child. Don’t make the past; which I might add has nothing to do with you, tarnish your present and future.
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I wouldn’t believe another word 
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That right there will let me know what type of person and father he is!!!
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It shldnt bother you . It was before you guys met . Yes it sucks but going thru almost same situation on both ends . Being the kid that the father didn’t come find untill it was too late and having a man that has a kid but when he was younger before me . Ppl make mistakes and then get ashamed of them . It can hurt deep down but you have to do the right thing
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My honey told.me he might have had a kid from when he went to off to a different school. Asked me if the mom ever came back what would we do.
You can’t shame a child for being born. You can’t Shame the dad in it either. Just accept it and love your man.
Stop trying to be jealous of a child. He obviously wasn’t ready then so it takes NOTHING from you. He told you the truth. More than what most women get.
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So for the people saying “STOP MAKING THIS ABOUT YOU”
Ignore it, i dont think people get that dishonesty hurts like hell, it wouldn’t have been an issue if he told you this when you started dating or when he saw your relationship was getting serious… Its okay for you to feel hurt but i can tell you that it isn’t a reason to leave, speak to him rationally about it and find out how he feels and what was the cause of baby momma running off with his kid, you have every right to feel LIED TO… But you guys need to sit and talk and consider each others feelings around the situation
I hope you find clarity💖
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The only way my step mother accepted me was cause I was older than my bro and sisters…
Watch out he’ll abandon this child too.
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So if he KNEW about the kid and didn’t tell you that’s f*cked up sorry 
If you’re married and he’s keeping those kinda secrets what else is he hiding???.. that’s so dishonest. BUT if he DIDN’T know then how can you be mad?? He didn’t know the mom didn’t tell him that’s not his fault and it happened before you were married things happen when we’re young. Get a DNA test either way and then decide on where to go from there.
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It’s really not about you at all. There is a child that may possibly be his. It’s not a sure thinf but nevertheless it was prior to your relationship and his ex made her own decision.
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My husbands blood father didn’t see him since he was about 3 years old when my husbands mother up and left the state he was born in. She married and the only dad he knew was his stepdad. She didn’t keep from him though that he had a different father. His blood dad did try to make contact only to be shunned away to the point where he moved on got married and had children of his own I’m not sure if his wife new about it him but his half sibling would eventually be told that they had a half brother yes they were hurt of this secret but the reason he didn’t talk about it was because it hurt. He had an envelope of pictures he kept till he lost contact and kept the pictures of his son put away from the world. My husband got to finally as an adult meet his bio dad and half siblings one still stays in contact. I’m sure it’s a hard situation. He is finally opening up about it, and that probably also hurts. It’s not suspicious at all, things that cause pain take time to vent out or talk about. It’s possible that he may want to reach out and meet his child. His excitement to have children was probably because he gets to hold those babies you two make and he feels secure you won’t rip those babies away. Your hurt right now, he kept that bottled up for years I can’t imagine what your both going through.
He went through an awful experience and didn’t want it to dampen your relationship with it, I think you need to look at it with a positive light he obviously cares so much about you he didn’t want anything to fuck it up even not divulge which was probably one of the most hurtful things that has ever happened to him… he’s excited to be having this bay with you and you are the ones that are married so if I was you I’d put it down to hormones and just think how amazing he is going to be as a daddy he’s probably been waiting for this for a long time and you are the one who has given him this wonderful experience… god knows what will happen down the line but once you have children in your life I’m sure you will see things ever so slightly different good luck xx
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Sounds to me like he told you the truth… he was ashamed. Maybe he feared you would reject him if you knew.
That is all in the past. I would want to help find this child if possible to know if my child had a sibling.
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y’all saying it’s not about her are just silly. If you found out your husband has been hiding the fact he has a whole half grown child with someone else that he doesn’t have anything to do with plus found it all out while very pregnant with what you thought was both of yours first child, bet me you wouldn’t feel some type of way! Dishonesty and deception are still betrayals regardless of what form they come in.
Definitely take time and intent to sort they these feelings because you can’t move forward with resentment in your heart and an inability to trust him going forward. That’s a big secret to keep but guilt and shame make us do stupid things so maybe show him a little compassion at the same time.
Then if he wants to reach out to the kid and be a dad he should get a dna test and be the dad that kid deserves. If he wants to just leave it alone and let him continue being raised by his mom and her SO then he should do that. Either way you need to be able to understand and support his journey. If you can’t do that, I guess you have some tough decisions to make. Keep in mind that your hormones are insane right now so no rash decisions should be made based purely on heightened emotion.
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Ugh just leave it be .
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That’s a pretty big detail to just not mention. I’d be very hurt too. I agree that you should definitely aid in helping him find this child and fight for them but I don’t think you should over look this. Get some therapy together so this can be worked through constructively before it causes a larger rift between you two. It’s ok to have problems; it’s not healthy to ignore them.
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Maybe he didn’t want to hurt. You
That’s a huge thing to hide from someone and I would be upset too.
Dude, he was 19. A very young immature adult. If he’s not on the birth certificate, nor even a DNA test. There was nothing he could have done especially if she moved out of state.
Now let’s replay this. He was young and was having a kid himself. Yes that does put a lot of stress on a young ones mind. Stress that shouldn’t even happen at that age.
But it happens all the time and people expect a boy to man up. Some do and some don’t. They don’t know how to feel or how to react. Especially if their parents weren’t good parents. Most likely they don’t know how to parent themselves. Most people at 19 don’t know how to fight for their kids in court cuz they know nothing about court, Birth certificates, DNA tests. I mean that’s alot of money for a young person to come up with. DNA tests aren’t cheap. But if she was running around and avoiding him. You can’t be mad at him for giving up. He was young. If he’s feeling ashamed for years about it. And then opened up about it to you.
It means he finally wanted to talk about it and your over here posting negative about him.
A lot of people go through this and your bashing him and saying it’s suspicious.
Girl you must be living under a rock cuz this stuff happens all the time.
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Maybe he was raving about having kids because he didn’t actually get a chance to raise one. Have a little more empathy to his situation than being angry about it.
This was way before you so just leave it in the past. I’m sure there are things in your past that you have not shared with him. It would be different if he was or wanted to be in the child’s life, but that seems like that decision was made for him. So let sleeping dogs lie as they say. Why be jealous of a stranger to you both. And look forward to your child who will be able to call him Daddy. Good luck.