Maybe you both just need time apart give yourselves both the break
As much as you think it’s a habit it could be side effects from the medication. Pain meds can cause someone to be mean and impact their behavior and emotions. It sounds like he has been through the ringer. While I’m sure you have been through it he has been it. A man needs to be the income and head alpha. Save it’s been 1.5 years I say have a discussion. Express how it has negatively impacted you and the kids in a loving and mature way without any threats or mental abuse. Tell him
Everything you need him to improve on and work on. Also address your attitude and the people are negative in your life including your self consciousness and your attitude. The more react and give him
Something to be angry at the longer it will
Continue . Communicate and work towards a better, safer and more suitable home life. Work on yourself also!
It’s just gonna get worse… I’d leave asap.
pain meds will cause those attitudes too
I am so sorry that you are enduring this. It’s not healthy for you and your children to live like this. You need to reach out and hopefully get help. I’m sure that you’ve already tried, but keep trying. I am praying for your family. Do not endure this alone and in silence. Find a way to temporarily remove yourselves from him, if that is best. I pray that help will find you and that each of you is Blessed
It sounds like he possibly also has a TBI, traumatic brain injury. I’m sorry good luck to you and your family
Be a wife and get him some professional help! Force him if u have too -yet tough love and encouragement to do what he beeds too because there wont be a family just u and ur children! You seem to have endured enough and nearly lost him. So tell him to get help or you’re leaving!!!
A life change is horrible but can be emotionally hard and damaging for us looking in im only saying this because i went thru it with my mom and her amplified leg
Major trauma has no time frame unfortunately. And any kind of head trauma can leave permanent chemical imbalances in the head. Even without a head injury, It’s literally a grieving process as you lose the healthy you and adapt to the disabled/less-abled you.
Therapy. May be PTSD
He needs to grow up. And consider others feelings
I believe it’s his pain meds.
Consider a pain medication clinic/ let his Dr. Know.
Does he acknowledge the “mood swings?”
Never. His accident has nothing to do with his attitude and everything to do with him.
Sounds like y’all could us some professional counseling. That’s some major trauma…not just physical. I’m so sorry y’all are going through this.
Once again I see so many saying leave…Does anyone know what for better or for worse,and in sickness and in health means…You can’t just leave like that without trying to help them
Chronic pain sucks but he does not get to make other people suffer. Antidepressants can help with the mood swings but he needs to admit it is a pattern and want to change
Sounds like opioid addiction which happens VERY often with major accidents that cause a lot of pain.
I think it’s the meds causing it
Have you tried talking to him? Maybe he needs counseling after such a fall.
My husband was in a motorcycle accident last year that shattered his elbow. He had to get surgery and is in constant pain still from it. He has had to be off work from it and will possibly have to change careers because of he has very little strength in that arm now. It’s awful. And even though I have been there for him every step of the way, I am not the one going through it personally and I allow him to feel any way he needs to because of it. It’s a hard hit having your entire life turned upside down like that and your entire future being up in the air. I understand how this must be awful for you to endure but I assure you that he needs you now more than ever. Do not leave him like some of these other woman are suggesting. That is just insane to me. People are so quick to throw others away these days. You need to have an open honest talk with him. Have your kids do the same so he can grasp just how badly this has affected all of you. See if therapy is an option or at least someone he can talk to outside of the family. I know you can figure this out together. Just make sure he knows that he is loved, cherished and valued no matter what his physical condition is. Good luck
Tell him that the time has come to stop felling sorry for himself and get back with the family. I know he may have some pain but, stop taking it out on you and your daughter.
Pain medicine…that he once had…but know longer can get…may be the issue… aggregated at world I’m sure he is…
Don’t ask Facebook. Call a mental health clinic
I had traumatic c section and I’m still upset and throw tantrums when it comes to things related. And it was back in 2018. I’m not justifying his actions but you’re his family. The least you can do is talk with him and try to understand his side of the story. And believe me it’s hard to get words out of a man’s mouth about feelings but you know him better than the rest of us. Communication is key. Day by day I’m seeing people giving up so easily just because it’s getting hard, it’s not comfortable, it’s this, it’s that. Try your best to fix it, if it won’t, you can leave with no regrets. Hope you get what I mean.
Walk out the door and see how he likes living alone for awhile.
He quite possibly has PTSD and needs counselling or therapy. Look into EMDR. It’s a specialised treatment for trauma. It pulls the bad stuff to the front processes it and puts it into the subconscious. Very effective treatment. Did he bang his head or have concussion?
The mind is not set up to expect the unexpected, so a massive accident like he has had will be life changing. I mean literally life changing. His injuries alone, the pain, not knowing what the future will be, painkillers… its a massive massive shock to the body and the mind.
He needs patience and understanding. He’s crabby and moody because he’s struggling to cope. He wants to be normal again so he’s working full time. He’s trying and it’s too much.
Just reassure him hes loved. But definitely get him some help. He might refuse it to start with, his pride as a man won’t let him admit hes struggling. But be calm, explain how it is for everyone when he’s throwing things. How it’s not nice for the kids or you.
He probably things it’s all ok for you because it didn’t happen to you. He will say how can you possibly know what it’s like, but that’s just part of trauma.
He desperately needs trauma therapy. Also a pain clinic referral too.
Above all just be his wife, he will appreciate it one day when he’s better. Honestly 2 years is very early days in a trauma time scale
He’s mad at the world and probably still has alot of pain. No matter what tho, he shouldn’t have such an ugly attitude w his family!
Tell him he should see a therapist, I agree he probably has PTSD from his accident, something obviously is wrong, you didn’t say he always been this way, does he know you and your daughters are scared to be around him? Have you confronted him on these serious issues? What’s going on is not ok. If he refuses to seek help, then give him an ultimatum you and your daughters will leave. Life is to short to live like this.
It could be that he’s having a hard time accepting the fact that he might not be able to have the same abilities as before the fall. That he needs to accept the new physical restrictions
enough is enough when he starts throwing things … what happens if something he throws hits you or your kids !?
The longer you stay , the more your showing your kids it’s ok to be treated badly … protect yourself and your kids and leave
And do not under any circumstances leave the kids alone with him … if he has any visits with the kids they should be supervised visits only
Is he on narcotics for the pain ? That can be the cause
Sounds like he might have ptsd. Get him some mental health help
I can not believe so many females and saying leave… that’s fucced up. He needs u more then ever. I think u should have a talk to him as a family all together. Let him know that u all love him and tell him everything will b ok. And it’s ok to have a rest when he needs one bc of pain. Let him know who his moody times scares u and the kids… and I would use the word scares u guys. Maybe that will help him get it a little more. Then talk to him doctors about it. And he needs to talk to someone about PTSD. And u also should talk to someone about PTSD to know how to help him.
Sounds like he may be addicted to
His pain meds
Also given the road that he has had to travel
It would be normal for him to have some mental health issues
At the end of the day
Only you can decide what’s best for you and your child
He needs a therapist to help with his emotions and anger. It’s easy for him to take it out on you guys but it’s unhealthy. He may also need to speak with his Dr about the anger as well. His Dr knows more about his history so they can send a referral over to anyone that he needs to see asap
Attitude is a mind set. He’s mean because has guilt. Tell him either shape up or ship out. I can’t stand someone always making others feel miserable because they’re miserable.
Firstly, I’m sorry for your loss and everything you’re going through.
How was your husbands temperament before the accident?
Are they sure he didn’t suffer tbi? That would obviously effect his personality.
Is he constantly in pain? Living with chronic pain would turn anyone bitter. Trust me.
Does he have a pain med management issue/ addiction?
These are all imperative factors to take into consideration.
You need to sit down with him and talk.
And you have to go to whomever his gp is, and tell them what’s going on
Did he get pain meds? Is he still taking them?
- Does he have chronic pain. If so… pain will wear your body, emotions, mental health etc down. It’s NOT an excuse for bad behavior. I suffer about a 4-5 daily. When my pain shots up to 7 I am noticeably crankier and I have to keep myself in check. Maybe his pain medication isn’t working well.
- If he’s on pain meds… make sure he’s not abusing them, taking them properly ie 4 per day…stretched out and not all at once, mixing with alcohol, too much, too little.
- Have his head checked. I know this sounds rude or silly but MANY people have had wild mood songs, personalities altered, etc due to a brain trauma. (Look up how many serial killers have had brain injuries)
Best of luck
He might need counseling to work through the anger issues if he won’t go then you need to think about going far away for the safety of your children
From the sounds of it and the information you provided, you need to talk to him first and then decide what to do and if he’s willing to change
Talk with him and if you see he doesn’t change just leave. I get he has gone through a lot but that doesn’t justify how he behaves. What about you ?? You need some peace as well and sorry but you can’t continue like this. Could get worse.
He may have suffered brain damage in the fall. I wouldn’t put up with the abuse though!
Is he on pain medication? I was on some years ago and boy was i agro
If he’s on pain pills then that can cause him to be someone he wasn’t b4…
Just a thought n speaking from experience (I had with my late Sister)
You would be amazed at how many people have had mood issues after major surgery.
Not sure what it is but apparently all the meds and antibiotics wreak havoc with our gut biome which is a big part of mood, hormones… ect. The gut brain axis. Adequate serotonin and good mental health rely on a healthy abundance of good bacteria, they also make vitamins like b vitamins. Depression and leaky gut are strongly linked as an eg. There is also a type of bacteria that is commonly picked up post operative in hospitals linked to mood issues. Morganella morganii. Also in TCM anger is linked to the liver and guess which organ suffers the most from trying to detox all the anesthetiser and meds?? All these things most drs will deny is significant but many have dealt with this, myself included.
You should definitely stick by his side and be supportive, but to the extent of being abused. Has he done any kind of counseling or anything? His life was turned upside down but that does not warrant being abusive.
Sounds like possible TBI if it’s a all of a sudden change in mood and behavior or depression you need to communicate how your feeling with him only he can change his own behavior
Never… No need to take anything out on anyone. Hopefully he hasn’t been physical. Get out while you can. He will get worse. This coming from a survivor.
Addicted to pain meds and depressed
U need to let him know how it’s effecting u . Therapy would be good .
Was your husband checked for brain injuries or infection spreading to his brain? He could also be in chronic pain and may need his meds readjusted
It could be the bone marrow getting into his system, because he’s had a good few broken bones the bone marrow gets into your system and can make your moods/attitude very very harsh!! It will pass give it time maybe go to your drs
Very true Cheyenne that’s so possible
I had 3 surgeries on my arm in 5 years. I lost everything normal in my life. I am just now starting to get back to being ME and we are 6 years out from surgery number 1. I understand how hard it is for him. Pain meds may be a part of it. I refuse to take them for any longer than 1 week post op because they make me completely miserable. If he’s not taking meds or if they aren’t helping pain changes who you are as well and it’s HARD learning how to be in pain every minute of every day and not snap at the people around you. When so much of your focus and energy is directed at just coping with the pain, other interactions seem like so much effort and it’s easier to snap and rage out at the things you CAN control because there is nothing you can do to make the pain go away. I will probably never have a singe pain free day again in my life and I was only 29 when my injury happened. That’s a tough pill to swallow for anyone.
He must still be in pain, however that is not an excuse for abuse. Give bum an ultimatum to go seek the help he needs or he is gone. If he still is being abusive, pack his things and go dump them and him to his moms house.
It’s the constant pain he is in that leaves him miserable and angry he needs to go to therapy for the pain and well as how to deal with it a d or take it out on anyone.
Pain and depression? Seek pro help
It’s not a habit. He has to be in Extreme pain￼ with everything he’s been through ￼
I lost my younger brother in 2020 also and it absolutely destroyed me… you being there for your husband through everything as well as going through heartache and trauma of your own shows how willing you were to be there and make sure you were by his side through it all & love him but now, the way he is acting is uncalled for! You and your daughters don’t deserve to be treated this way… either he changes his attitude or call it quits it’s not fair to be making you all feel this way!!
He’s probably still in pain, not to mention there’s got to be some level of ptsd after surviving a fall like that.
My husband was hit by a truck on the highway in September.
Broken shoulder, multiple pelvic fractures, and his right leg and foot were destroyed.
He’s moody and angers easily. He yells at the dogs for just being dogs, yelled at our grandson (4 yo) for having his foot on the couch, and the list goes on.
But he’s in trauma counseling, and he’s making good progress.
I’ve been his nurse, I’ve been there every step of the way, and I’m working, taking care of the house, the finances, dealing with Workers Comp, and I work from home on days he’s got appointments.
He has multiple doctors, and they’ve all been great.
He’s a law enforcement officer, and he’s very angry because he’s not able to work.
He feels useless at times. He feels bad that I’m having to do everything, and he’s depressed- rightfully so. Also, if he’s not taking anything for depression, he may need something to help him deal with his traumatic life changes, and his loss of total independence.
It may be beneficial for you to see a counselor as well. You’ve been through the trauma- from the spouses side of this.
Stay strong, mama. It’s not your fault, it’s not his fault, but working together through this process can make your marriage stronger- it just takes time, patience, and prayer.
I wish you both all of the best.
From one mama to another- stay strong, for yourself, your husband, and your children.
You need to talk to him… maybe speak to a dr. He may need to get checked for delayed brain injury or PTSD…
Communication is essential…
Talk to him. Pain can really take a tole on someone. He might need some therapy or something.
Talk to him. Talk to Dr. Be BRUTALLY honest. Change is needed NOW. NO COMPROMISE.
Talk to him. Get a therapist. If that doesn’t work. Think about what’s best for your family
Speaking as someone who has been through similar injuries, let me tell you physically he’s going through hell. He’s in a world of pain, his mental health is probably shot, ptsd is probably heavily present. That being said it’s not an excuse to take it out of you and your kids. Be honest with him about what you are seeing and feeling and encourage him to get some help. I was an incredibly angry person while I was recovering from my own experience and I lashed out at anyone and anything. Trauma does nasty things to a person. But keep in mind you are not obligated to remain patient if he refuses to acknowledge his mental health with this.
It’s awful to live in fear. Both for you and your children. Is there anyone you know who can talk to him? Someone he respects? I’m sure the fall traumatized him. I’m sure he still hurts. He probably still needs medical help, but he could probably use mental health care as well. If you can, suggest it to him when he’s in a decent mood. Tell him it can help with his mood swings. If he lashes out at you and refuses, then you’ll know that maybe it’s time to start making some plans. Get a job, put some money back. Find a place to go. An apartment. Get some household stuff together. Start doing some packing. Then when he’s not home one day, you and the girls load up and go to your new place and don’t go back. I always dislike advising someone to give up on a relationship, but I was abused and I don’t like it happening to anyone else. Good luck and God bless.
- Diagnosed with a brain tumor. 7 days later it was removed. Less than a year after in 2020 i lost my career over it. Amongst a lot of things… im still not okay im still not over it.
Some days are better than others.
You can try and understand all you want but until youve been through it, you mever will.
You can try and offer up couples therapy and individual therapy.
Just know it can day sone people a few months to a few years. Its just just the physical issues going on im will to say theres a lot more mentally and emotionally.
If its that bad give the ultimatum of therapy or leave.
But idk… for me, i was an absolute wreck and i wasnt the best person in those times but i am so blessed that all those who stood by me stil are standing by me.
Be grateful he survived! My uncle didn’t! I can guarantee he’s in extreme pain ALL the time! Have you tried talking to him? Maybe see if he’ll talk to a therapist.
He could very well have PTSD from such life threatening events. I know before I was diagnosed and treated, I was just like this. If I was in pain too, forget about my logic lol. Please give him some gentle advice to seek a psychologist or therapist for the diagnosis.
Send to therapist or leave, you and your kids can’t live afraid
You owe him nothing tell him to go to therapy or pack his bags. He’s working file for child support. Nobody should live like that in their own home
He is probably in pain and not saying anything or feels less then a man because he can’t do what he used to before his injury! Men show their emotions differently! He most likely is trying to act like he is ok and he is not! I would sit down and talk with him! It’s hard for a man to have an injury that ina led them to go back 100% like before the injury it makes them feel less of a man!
He’s in pain literally. He’s gonna be grouchy.
Get him checked for a TBI
I can almost bet that he may have suffered a closed head injury also! I went through that with my ex.the trauma center paid attention to all his skeletal injuries and never checked for a brain injury. And 8 can also bet that he has PTSD from it also .get him in therapy and have a neurologist consult, even though it’s a little late to see brain swelling . They can usually give you answers.
Chronic pain will make you depressed. Perhaps an doctor might evaluate his mental health?
If he is I’m pain or on pain meds this is to be expected.
Maybe suggest counseling, or whatever you think you all may need in order to work, IF you both want it to. All of your lives have changed, but remember HIS has changed the most. "…in sickness and in health…"
As someone who has been through a major health crisis and lives in constant pain, it doesn’t give you permission to abuse those around you. And also as someone who still struggles with trauma from a childhood with a dad who didn’t control his anger, you need to step in right now and make it clear to him that this is damaging to your children, and that he needs to start going to therapy and working through his shit, because things can’t stay like this. If he’s unwilling to put in the effort to change, you will have a hard decision to make.
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In 2021 my my fiancé fell down a flight of stairs and broke his neck. It’s a miracle he can even walk again. He still deals with horrible nerve damage and pain but he works his butt off every single day. Those experiences are definitely traumatic for them and that pain just doesn’t go away. He is probably in constant pain, especially reoccurring infections. Maybe therapy wouldn’t be bad for him. Would also recommend physical therapy too if he’s not doing that. With all said I’d probably be crabby all the time too but none of it should be taken out on you. Wish you the best!
Consider the fact that he is in an unimaginable amount of pain and discomfort, and probably on some gnarly meds with most of them being pretty mood altering. Talk with his doctors.
A mental evaluation is in order. Your family shouldn’t be treated like that.
There is NO EXCUSE to make anyone, let alone your child, live in fear! Have a chat with him. Maybe counseling would help.
He needs to see a psychiatrist and psychologist.
He’s more than likely suffering from PTSD and severe depression.
He needs meds to calm him and lift his mood. He’ll be a different person then.
Be VERY BLESSED he is still alive! I lost my son in a tree accident, he was 24 yrs old. 6 years ago. Your husband could have PTSD, or maybe even head trauma that was undetected, or if he is taking pain medication, that could be the root to anger issues. You and your family need to intervention with him on how he is scaring you and the children, and get some help. Ratner it be family counseling or marriage counseling. Talk to his Dr about his behavior. Also look up the side effects to the medication he is taking. If the have him on any steroids, such as Prediasone, that would be my #1 guess with the behavior problems.
Did he sustain a head injury from his fall?
So for going on 2 years you and your children have been living in hell because of him…he needs a therapist and I’d be packing. You can be in pain and moody with out yelling cussing and throwing things.