My husband has been living a double life: Advice?

He made his choice when he started cheating on you with her and you wasn’t it. He’s right you didn’t do anything wrong HE DID! Had he loved you she wouldn’t have ever came into the picture. Ask yourself would you want your daughter to go through this thinking it’s ok bc her dad did it? what would you tell her if you don’t? No one deserves it.

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Only you can decide if you are OK with an open marriage or not. He clearly did not discuss this with you in advance so have the discussion with him.
But before that, Ask yourself, Are you interested in an open marriage? See a counselor to help you organize your thoughts.
If :100: not, this marriage is not the right one for you. If you are or might be, then perhaps let him know that you will start dating other men and see if this is what you want. You don’t have to decide right now.
He may or may not be OK with this. Only you know if he may or may not be OK with you having another partner. If you know he would be furious, don’t bother telling him and start planning for a divorce.
Secure yourself a good paying job if you don’t already have one, save money and decide what you want to do - stay or divorce.
Open marriages go both ways.
Best of luck.

He’s been with this girl for two years! You say you don’t want to lose your husband but you already have. Move on and don’t allow your daughter to grow up thinking this is normal.

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Your husband lied to you, cheated on you, broke your wedding vowels, potentially got his girlfriend pregnant and is moving her to the states. He has already told you that he won’t leave her.

WHY would you want to stay with him?! Let him and her have one another, take your daughter and move on. You deserve so much better than him! So does your daughter!

You can’t do anything. If he’s been sleeping with both of you and lying to you both then he really doesn’t care about you as individuals. He wants the fun good time but without the actual relationship and partner part. I know you have a child and think that means something but he knew that all along and it didn’t stop him from proceeding with a new separate relationship situation. I know you feel that you are going to fight for him but is he fighting for you? All the drama of two women fighting for HIM is fueling his ego not making him think oh I may lose someone I care about- that’s not a concern. He’s chosen someone else. He’s going to be happy to keep sleeping with you AND her but he’s told you it’s not you. I would talk to a lawyer and find a therapist to help you resolve things and prepare to move on without him. He is a selfish ahole to do this to you and your child but he’s moved on and he’s not wanting to be who you need him to be so let him go. Only you can decide for yourself but this could go on forever and what will you tell your child? You waited forever for someone who is going to treat you the right way? This is an awful situation but it’s not something you can fix by yourself. He has to chose you . So you need to choose you. Maybe after time away he will realize he was an idiot but when will that be? Good luck and take care of yourself.

DIVORCE him! Doesn’t seem like he takes his wedding vows to you seriously. And for him to say “you did nothing wrong” is absurd. Put yourself and your daughter first.

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Girl, walk away. Teach your child what it means to have self Respect. It would be different if he was remorseful and cut off all ties, but he’s not. This girl is crazy and isn’t going anywhere.

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This happened to my friend. Her husband travelled for work and he lived a double life.Another child and everything. He was going to end the affair and magically the mistress was pregnant with number 2. My friend divorced him. Now he has 3 younger kids by his mistress and that’s now his wife. My friend and her sons have nothing to do with him.

He has been with her for 2 years. So I’m guessing he didn’t volunteer the information to you. Im sure you caught him. He will most likely continue seeing her. And if he travels for work who’s to say there won’t be another girl somewhere down the road. I get you want to jeep your family together but I doubt he changes.

Please tell me why you’d want to still be married to him after this… you can’t trust him. By keeping him, you are accepting his relationship with this woman.
What self-respect are you teaching your daughter by staying with him?
If it’s because you’re worried about money, then divorce him and sue him

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Oh hun…
He needs to be worried about loosing you not the other way around. He’s been betraying you for 2 years. He’s right you did nothing wrong, he DID. Your never going to have trust in him again. Especially with him traveling for work. If I was you I would focus on yourself and your child and get in a healthier situation

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Leave him. Don’t look it as your losing him to another woman. He is losing you. Don’t do this to yourself. It’s not beneficial to anyone to stay in that situation.

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You deserve better and your daughter deserves a mom who will set an example and teach her how a woman should be treated. Be that mom… .get a lawyer and divorce him. How are u confused on this?

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Why are you trying to keep it together while he’s actively tearing it apart? That’s not your job.
Do the healthy thing and live a better life, esp for your kids, without him.

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You deserve better than this…… if he loved you he wouldn’t have cheated …… he won’t change take your beautiful
Daughter and move on so you both can be happy and show your daughter that this behavior isn’t acceptable because you don’t want to show her that this “behavior” is acceptable and won’t allow something to happen to her (hopefully won’t be an issue but just in case) you will much happier

You need to stop trying to reason it for exceptance in you’re head,if it wasn’t her it would be someone else, he’s obviously not a man with integrity, you need to put aside the sad emotions and go into proactive mode,lawyer up

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You already have lost him to the girl. Do you want your child to grow up thinking that it is ok for a man to cheat or are you old hispanic school that thinks men cheating is acceptable.He is not more valuable than you. Leave, find someone that will love you and be respectful of your relationship

Soon as I found my husband cheating… Filed for a divorce next day… Your life will b miserable staying with this man
… Regardless if u have children or not… . He would have to go!!

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Even if he leaves her now, there will be more in the future. Save your happiness :purple_heart:

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I would end it. He has no respect for you and he’s not trustworthy especially since he claims he loves you and still cheated on you,…you have a daughter to think about

Honey, u done lost ur husband!! He’s having his cake and eating it to this point. I’m sure she’s not the first nor the last. Know ur worth and divorce him. Ur child will grow to think this is ok, and it’s not! If ur daughter calls u 1 day and tells u that her husband is doing the exact same thing ur husband is doing, would u tell her to " find a way to resolve it"? I highly doubt it. Keep that same energy and find someone who values u and ur feelings.

You’re not the one who should be fighting to keep your family together. He’s already made his choice; even if he did leave her and stayed with you, in the back of you’ll always remember and not be able to trust him.
You need to choose yourself and your child/ren over this man.

Unless you want to be a sister wife, there is nothing to save.

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2 years invested he not leaving her. And why would you still want him😷 your not winning any prize and he doesn’t love you if he cheated and kept it going

If he knows your gonna stay and claims you and yalls kid on taxes of course he wouldn’t wanna leave you too :skull:get a lawyer and get a divorce.

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Have some respect for yourself. He will continue to to this! You deserve better. Run, girl, run and don’t look back :heart:

You ALREADY lost him when he cheated.
Get the hell away from him.

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You will never know for sure which one of you he will stay with unless you force his hand. Kick him out. When he finds out you mean business he may change his tune & get rid of her. If he doesn’t you have nothing to hold onto

Leave and show you’re daughter you know your value so she will know hers one day!!

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He’s not interested in changing anything. If that’s not ok with you then leave. Those are your options, he doesn’t seem to care either way.

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Loose your husband? You already lost him lol. Why would you want to keep him? Leave! You & your daughter deserve better!

Oh girl lose him fast!!! That’s a nightmare. Let her have the scumbag.

Leave him because no matter how much he says he loves you he doesn’t. He’s telling u that so u will stay and he can continue to treat u like shit.

While he’s in Mexico, clear everything of his out and file for divorce. When he comes home, tell him he voluntarily left and his shit is in storage.

Sorry but most guys marry women over here to fix papers then bring their wives from Mexico or other countries,then drop you like a hot potato,true facts seen it to many times

Ask yourself if u would be okay if that was your daughter and she was in that situation…

Respect yourself and leave!

Find a lawyer asap . Get your finances together too and your own account if you don’t have one already

Omg… this is so heartbreaking :broken_heart:

How could you not want to leave him?

Normally I say something funny but not today. He has broken his vows, taken large amounts of money and time from your family, and has probably told you a thousand lies. The other woman is not totally innocent, but I’m sure he fed her a tons of lies and manipulated her. How could you live w him, have her nearby, keep your sanity, and self worth. He will now take MORE money from your family forever. Get a GREAT lawyer, divorce him and charge him w adultery. Get SOLE CUSTODY of your children. SCREW him out of EVERY DIME, you can, including house, cars, investments, and possibly his pension. This is for you and your children’s future. I wish you well, God Bless.

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He wants the other one so he don’t care about you or he would . Better yet he wouldn’t have started with another woman he’s not worth your time

He 100% does not love you. If he loved you, he wouldn’t have cheated in the first place. He is telling you he loves you in hopes you will stay. Know your worth and find someone who will treat you how you should be treated!

Ship him to Mexico. This is gross.

You have prof take his ass to court get alimony an everything he got girl. House car everything plus child support. That traveling job won’t be able to support both family’s. He done hurt you an he was fine with that so leave him their is plenty of other men that will show you respect an honesty. Your baby girl does not need to see you hurting like this. She does not need to see it’s OK for a man to treat you any kind of way. Remember your her remodel, her leader. She her the right way.

You’ve not lost anything he took his own trashy self out and now you can focus on a healthy life for you and your daughter. He doesn’t love you or he’d have never cheated once much less years.

Wow! First off I am so sorry your husband is a jerk like that. But as already been stated above in comments, he’s clearly made his decision 2 years ago and still having an on going relationship with this women and your still there, baffles me but as alot of women such as myself try to work things out with the man we love, but when he’s already told you he won’t leave her, it’s now up to you to leave him and move on… get a lawyer and get him for adultery and let him have the women he clearly loves more! Prayers for you and your daughter!

Have some self respect have yourself and find someone who actually loves you.

So he’s been with her for 2 years; she’s 22 so it started when she was 20 and she has a 4 year old from a previous marriage. Says a lot about her.

Once a cheater always a cheater. Not fair for you or your daughter. You need to be happy, and your daughter seeyou not happy and struggling. There your daughter is not happy. Not good for either of you. I know I’ve been through this before. You need to let this piece of shit go, and make a happy life for you and your daughter.

Bye bye to your husband. I would not ever allow this.

He has it made. You need to move on from that . Would you want your daughter to stay in a situation like that?

Drop him off in Mexico without his wallet.

Leave him because you and your daughter deserve better

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Leave him. He said he’s not leaving her so unless you want this to be a sister wives life, leave his ass

Either you want to share him or you don’t lol he told you his intentions.

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Don’t hold on to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

You already did lose him to her. Move on

What would you say if this was your best friend?

It’s not your mess to fix. Don’t be gaslighted. This narcissist loves himself. Get a lawyer to help you provide for yourself and that baby.,Take all of the money and property you can get and find yourself a new man before all of your good years are gone and he gives you a nervous breakdown. He is a cheater.

You need to teach your Daughter self respect by leaving this guy . Lawyer up , take him to the cleaners for everything get full custody and walk away! F both of them

Girl gross. Set a better example for your daughter and leave that fool. He’s cheating so divorce him and take him for everything he’s worth .

I see three choices here

  1. Pack up and quickly remove yourself far away from the situation.
  2. Forgive and forget. Get in individual and group therapy. Regain all your trusted back oi into the relationship.
  3. Join in

Why would you want to stay with someone who has been disloyal, dishonest, lied, put you in danger of a STD, cheated on you and your family? How could you ever trust him again, not to mention the financial burden he’s now put on your family taking care of a child with another women and probably her 4 yr old from another man. He’s told you outright he won’t leave her. Wait till he wants to move her in with your family and sponsor her for citizenship.
He wants his cake and eat it too.
You need to pack him up and send him to Mexico. The side chick ( or are you the side chick in his mind, now) sounds like a piece of work too, they deserve each other.

Immediately no, make him move out.