I have been with my husband for 14years, married for 10. A couple years ago my husband started a new job and he made friends with a few of his work colleagues which wasn’t an issue, however one of his female work colleagues started messaging him a lot and showing up outside the house using all sorts of excuses, at that time I warned my husband to be wary of her because of the way she was acting toward him. Well scroll forward 6months later and I find out an emotional affair had started with this woman via messages, the only physical interaction they had was hugging at work, his behaviour had changed towards me and even towards our two children. He wasn’t interested in doing much apart from sitting on his phone when he was at home, so after a couple of months of this behaviour I ended up checking his phone one night and this is how I found out. I woke him up and we talked all night and I told him if he didn’t want to be with me anymore then he should leave, he told me he just enjoyed the attention he was getting but he loved me and wanted to be with me. So we stuck it out and made it work. Scroll forward to a few weeks ago and his behaviour had been the same as last time so again I checked his phone… this time he had been messaging multiple people from a fb group sending dirty pics to each other etc so again I confront him this time though he broke down in tears and told me he hadn’t been feeling himself for months n he had been hearing voices telling him he wasn’t good enough and no one cared about him and that was his way of feeling better. So I called the mental health team and they are helping him through it, he is still here at home and I love him so much. It hasn’t been the best year for anyone I know and most of my attention has been on our children so I am partly to blame. I gave him an ultimatum and told him if he wasn’t happy with me then he should leave because it isn’t good for either of us or our kids i have given him time to decided what he wants and he has said it’s me. I have also told him though one more thing and there will be no going back.
I’m trying so hard to keep my family together and when he is good he’s a great husband and father. I just don’t know if I’ll get through it if it happens again. Am I an idiot for wanting my family together?