I have been married for 36 years to a wonderful man and have two kids and four awesome grandchildren. My problem is my husband is diabetic, and he doesn’t take care of himself, and he has a cataract and can’t see very good, but he can sit on his phone for hours and look at his Facebook. What I want to know is he is always taking his anger out on me about not having health insurance, and I’m trying to find some we can afford, and also when I try and do stuff to help him out he tells me I make him feel less of a man cause I’m helping him like this weekend are grandson came over he is 11 and mowed the yard, and he help me take out a little tree in our yard, and he got so mad at me cause we did it and said I made him feel worthless man and so we helped him my husband clean and moved stuff in the back yard and again but this time he was calling me names like stupid and ingnorant stuff like that I love this man with all my heart, but I’m tired of him always making me feel bad. What should I do
Tell him he needs to respect you since you’re busting your ass for him and he’s being completely ungrateful. He wants to be lazy and unhelpful but also scolds you for getting things done. If he feels like he’s less of a man than that’s his own personal issue and should do something to change that. Also, he needs to start making better health choices. Tell him to get off his ass and do something without being asked and MAYBE he will feel like a man again. 
He’s tearing you down to build himself up and that’s not okay.
My father didnt take care of himself either. Ended up with kidney failure and on dialysis for 15 years because he didnt keep his sugar in check. He also battled debilitating gout in his feet.
He feels that way, you dont make him feel that way. He is manipulating and gaslighting you. He needs to deal with his issues. They belong to him alone.
If you continue to put up with this it will only get worse.
Emotional black= mail…
In your first sentence you said he was a wonderful man… this is not how you described him. Just saying
Wish this would let me share a pic of what diabetes does to you. I bet it would change alot of ppl minds on how to take care of urself .
This is on him, not you. You said he is on FB all day. He is the one making himself feel less as a man. He does not sound like Mr Wonderful to me.
He sounds like a crybaby. The only person making him feel like less of a man is HIM. Put your foot down and stop letting him guilt you for his problem!!!
Time to love yourself more. Focus on you and let his disrespectful ass focus on him and his own problems. You still got milage left on you, do you. Fall in love with yourself and don’t worry about the rest.
Maybe counseling? Sounds like he’s having a hard time and taking out on his love ones.
My husband is also diabetic but he doesn’t take his medications. Ever since he was diagnosed he’s always in a foul mood. He’s quick to point out what I did wrong and he’s been swearing a lot even infront of our toddler. I’m trying to be more patient because I know high blood sugar does make you get irritated fast but boy do i want to just pack up and leave sometimes. Lol
Manipulation and gaslighting at its finest!
You are NOT responsible for the way he feels about himself!! Sounds like he’s depressed , it’s very common in older men when they can’t do certain tasks anymore. He needs to talk to a counselor and get to off Facebook…
Has he always been like this? You say wonderful man but if this has always been his behavior then I’m not sure your definition of wonderful is the same as most. If this is a new behavior that started over the last year or two, perhaps there is a reason for his actions as in, you may need to find the root of the problem to his behavior. If he has diabetes and isnt taking careful himself, I’m betting he feels like crap often which will lead to crap behavior.
Get sugar free or low sugar foods ketchup syrup ice cream keep only low sugar r sugar free drinks n foods in house n limit potatoes pasta cereals breads, my hubby went into diabetic coma 3 days n hospital 2 times ketosis !! DANGEROUS PLEASE WATCH HIS FOODS ;”(
get rid of his lazy blind unhealthy ass. u dont deserve to be treated like shit just because he is dying
Tell him to go get himself insurance then. Reach out to local clinics that will see him on a sliding scale. Has he really been counseled on the risk of not managing his diabetes? He is digging his grave by ignoring this. There are two completely different issues here. A grown man choosing not to manage his health. And a grown man abusing his wife. There is nothing wrong with you. Love shouldn’t hurt you. He is playing victim to his situation that he can help manage.
If he feels like less of a man its because he is! Don’t do a damn thing for him anymore! He is using you! He is being lazy just so he can treat you like crap! Stop putting up with his crap! He’s a Narcissistic misogynist! And hes abusing you for his failures!
OMG, I THINK WE ARE MARRIED TO THE SAME MAN. No for real.You are describing my situation and husband to a tee.Also a diabetic and he stays on his tablet a lot.I rarely get a kind word from him or do anything right.
Hope you have life insurance. If someone doesn’t take care enough of ones self…it is THEIR CHOICE. You are not his Mum, or nurse…you are wife that he does not care to listen to. OH Well
If he does not take care of himself, he won’t be around too much longer. Diabetes is something you don’t play around with.
You need to tell him youre not the one making him look weak but its his mouth that makes him less of a man.
You can’t control anyone’s happiness all you can do is control your own and tell him to go get some help for his anger issues or it’s not going to work out you can love somebody and not be with them because it’s unhealthy .
He is saying you are causing his insecurities. You have to love yourself though and stand up to him. He is depressed and there are herbs you can infuse in his foods that will help him without him even knowing. It may be a good time to take a vacation with some other women. You are overwhelmed and deserve a break. This will also give him time to see how much you do for him so he can appreciate you.
He is angry about his illness and getting older. He will die an early death if he ignores his diabetes. Reach out to the American Diabetes Association. They might be able to help him get proper care even without insurance. And you need to stop letting him treat you the way he is. He is the one with the problems and taking it out on you even though you are trying to help. If he cannot do the yard work, he needs to suck it up and let someone else do it. If he took care of himself…he very well might be able to do it himself.
Your husband is feeling less of a man because of his illness. It’s not your fault and I understand how you feel. His diabetes can be controlled but he has to do it. Diabetes can cause behavior problems. His blood sugar is probably through the roof and that can cause irritability. He needs to see a doctor and some counseling wouldn’t hurt either. He also needs to have his cataract removed. He will see so much better. I had both eyes done.
How to get a man to shut up…agree with him. Whatever comes out of his mouth, no matter how vile, just agree. Men are big babies that blame other people just because they feel like shit.
It sounds like he is depressed. And he is taking out his passive-aggressive anger out on u. U don’t deserve it. Any chance u can see a therapist for an ear and suggestions?
I know someone that was exactly like this to his partner… he feels like this cause of his illness it’s not you at all his taking out his anger on you for his problems, you can’t help someone that doesn’t want the help… I know your just trying to help him but don’t let him do it if that’s what he wants his a big boy…
He sounds like a egotistical, narcissistic pig. If he wants to feel more like a man how about he sorts out his health and gets shit done instead of gas lighting you to make himself feel more superior! I know a bloke who had diabetes, didn’t bother taking care of himself. He had both legs amputated and then a few years later he died. If that’s what he wants fine that’s his choice and you can’t change that but what you can do is make sure he doesn’t completely kill off your self worth on his way to the grave. That’s something you are in charge of, you can continue to put up with how he treats you or you can tell him to go fuck himself and make him take care of himself until he treats you with more respect.
Depression an anger come with diabetes especially when its not controlled.
For every “journey of a woman”, there’s a “journey of A MAN”!
It sounds like he is very depressed. When my husband first got sick with kidney failure he took it out on everyone, but mainly me. He didn’t know how to go from being a perfectly healthy man to being in this bidy he didn’t recognize anymore.
First step he needs to take care of his diabetes… Everything else will follow… Do a little research diabetes causes many more problems than you think… It can make you go mad…
Its gonna catch up. A friend 44 years old did not take care of it lost both legs from knee down 2 years after that he died. So your hubby must have a death wish cause its gonna happen
My husband dont let me get anything done he cant do.It is how they were raised.Its not you.I sneak and do when he not home if important to me.otherwise let him live.
I was going to comment but after reading these I liked to died laughing so now I will keep my comment to myself and just read through everyone else’s and laugh … Thanks all
He doesn’t sound “wonderful” at all. What he’s doing is called verbal, mental, emotional ABUSE. Tell him to get healthy, get counseling for his behaviors, or get out.
The Sickness is mind altering so you need to get him some help try to get Counseling is he on different medications maybe the need to be changed.Sorry for you.
My husband wont take care of himself. Wont take his meds right or doctor his toe that is half rotten. I have to set up his meds and get after him like he is a toddler. I am tired.
Please don’t take it so much personal, it is just a cause of his illness. They usually easily angered with no apparent reason just let it enter your right ear out on your left ear. Have a time out yourself it really hard to be blamed all the time when all your intention was to help him out. Get some help from specialists to manage his Diabetes and have his eyes checked or cataract removed. I hope you got a good insurance to have all this done. Take care of your self and take it easy. Good luck!
Having diabetes and not caring for it can trigger extreme mood swings, and anger. It can also cause blindness, kidney failure, and heart attacks, just to name a few. My father went through this. We literally had to force him to see a doctor. Get your husband to a doctor ASAP!!! The longer you wait, the worse it will be.
I have diabetes myself and there is kind of stages you go through in waves, one where you feel like you wanna get healthy and do right and the other when everything just goes to the left because you tell yourself “it’s not that bad”, which it is.
You need to talk to him about it, get him checked out and see what meds he’s on and see if he needs to have it changed somehow.
And third, many diabetics suggest a low carb diet, I have tried it myself and it works very well for the sugar.
You can look into keto recipes if you want to make desserts or “sweets”.
And remember, it’s not your fault.
Good luck!
Stop doing anything for him. Let him get a good taste of doing for himself. He will stop acting like a jerk. They come into the world as babies and get old and leave that way. I do not baby mine.
This is a very unhealthy way for him to deal with his depression and self-loathing.
Put him on the keto diet and his blood sugars will go back to normal. Quit being his doormat. Why doesnt he have health insurance on himself. Why is it up to you. I think my blood pressure just went up a notch or two. Tell him to get on the keto fb pages while he has his nose in his phone and see how people are reversing their diabetes. Either that or start baking him cakes to hurry up the ending faster so you can move on.
All u can do is fix healthy meals n tell him to stay away from carbs. My hubby has been a diabetic for a yr n 3 mons. It’s a daily struggle. I keep telling him if doesn’t watch it they will increase his meds.
Tell him off for being a meanie
I went through this…
His numbers can be to high and cause anger…
Or it could be he is just miserable at his situation…
If you have tried to help and he won’t find ways himself or with you then unfortunately nothing you can do…
You probably do all or most of the meals…he should be eating at least 4 times a day…and I don’t mean burger and fries…healthy choices… sometimes a salad and a walk will help regulate his numbers…you didn’t say type 1 or 2…
My ex had multiple issues but that wasn’t my issue…it was how he always talked to me…I was the only one working… instead of helping he waited for me…no matter how many times I asked pleaded then finally broke and yelled nothing changed…I left…but it took a lot…I thought I was sick and asked myself if test comes out worse case do I want to spend what time I have left listening to this…the only times I needed his support he wasn’t there…I chose to walk…it wasn’t easy…but lot better for me…
No matter what you decide…try and get info… do what you can…only he can make the choice to help himself…
Good luck
Leave you are teaching your grandson that this is an acceptable way for a man to treat a woman
Smh.I am.diabetic and I have to disagree I have never had anger or verbal abuse issues.
Tell it’s better to feel like less of a man alive than a dead one! Insurance isn’t the issue, it’s his excuse. First off find recipes that you can swap for meals that he won’t notice…go small and work toward diabetic friendly meals. that is first. Then find things you can do together for exercise (even walking around his fav store just for the exercise! No insurance = go to your local social services and see if you are eligible for medicaid or see if they know of any service that would help with his getting surgery. Also find him a doctor, he is either depressed or in the early stages of Dementia…this anger doesn’t come on over night like this unless there is an illness involved. He needs some help and he needs to deal with it…you need to get it for him for your own sanity. I’d say he has Dementia coming on and nothing you do will please him, his brain is dying and he’s angry with not being able to do the things he used to with is diabetes, assure him he is no less a man in your eyes except when he takes his anger out on you. NO man treats his wife like that…only those who are less than a man. Grow some thick skin in the meantime, I’m sure he doesn’t mean it but frustration can make people lash out …just get out there and get some resources to help you. Maybe your kids can help with paying for some help for him if all else fails. Don’t give up, get him help.
Sound like you’re married to a child. His lack of care for himself and lack of trying to do his chores in turn making him feel ball less is not your fault. I’d leave
Stand up for yourself, yes, but realize he is sick. Did he behave like this before he was diagnosed? Is he also over emotional? Are his sleep patterns irratic? Is he able to “complete the job” or have erectile dysfunction? All are problems of diabetes. Depression is a major problem for diabtics. Given that Dr doesn’t take care of himself, does he even go to the doctor? He needs to be seeing an endocrinologist, regularly. So much will change if he takes regular medicine. I speak from experience. 53 years married and both of us are diabetic.
Diabetes can be debilitating. You didn’t mention which type. It’s easy to judge someone on how they handle their illness if you have no clue what it may be like to struggle with it. Depression can accompany both types of diabetes. Sounds like you all struggle with insurance. Sounds like the burden of his health issue probably adds to the stress of it. It’s a VERY hard thing to manage. If he has type two. The best you can do to help is only keep diabetic friendly type foods in your home and cook diabetic meals for the entire family. I would suggest counseling for him. But it sounds like it may not be affordable.
Vitamins help.B12 for sure.
He should man up and do what needs doing, instead of complaining when someone else does his job. Weakness and sickness are not the same disease
some diabetics have mood swings that they cannot control. my suggestion is to let him know what a great man he is and always has been for you. and also take all bread and sugar products out of the house if you can. they cause diabetes. bread is actually worse than sugar. get sugar free snacks and gluten free . i know its expensive, but you know i used to take a full loaf of bread and put 3 slices in ziploc bags and freeze them. no waste, and its there when you need it. as for snacks when he craves sugar give him sugar free in a small portion if he gets upset tell him there won’t be any left for later if i give it all to you now. good luck and Father God I come before You now and ask for help for this woman with her husband. God, have mercy on her as she works with him, and give her husband peace when she is around him, and i ask that you give her strength Lord and bring them both close to you i pray amen
its the fact that his blood sugars are prrobably low, it is hard not to take it personal, but dont… ask him to check his blood when he is like that., if low, give him orange juice, than wait a bit, have him check again… been there where u are. good luck.
I think he needs to be all alone for some weeks ( 2 or 3 ) he needs to feel how is to be alone and that way he will appreciate and respect you for everything you do for him and for how much you love him. Please love your self more each day, you deserve respect and to be appreciated. God Bless you. Be diabetic does not give him the right to NO respect you.
I have been a diabetic for 45 years I’ve had a stroke and bypass surgery. I move a little more slowly than I used to but I’m still Kickin just not as high he needs to get up get moving and not let you take the brunt of his anger. He is probably like that because he doesn’t feel well. It’s a vicious cycle you act out because you don’t feel well you don’t take care of yourself because you don’t feel well… Call his doctor talk to his doctor and if you need to go get therapy for yourself to try to help you cope with his moodiness. Maybe he needs to be on an antidepressant
If he’s not taking care of himself properly, this can be a major cause of attitude and short/snippy/aggressive behavior. If your A1C is high, it can make you a completely different person. It makes you make poor decisions, and feels like you are in a brain fog. Maybe he doesn’t even realize how bad this had gotten and just reacts. Definitely see if you can get him to be seen. Most towns/counties have grace clinics where if you are low income or uninsured, they will see you. Especially him being diabetic. If you can get him to care for himself properly, that will make all the difference and he will feel a lot better and most likely not be so aggressive/agitated. When I first became a T1D almost 10 years ago, I suffered through a lot of the same issues until I got on the right medication and insulin. Good luck!
Tell him!!!
I wouldn’t talk to him and leave and have a great day to myself … Then when you get get just lay all the cards in the table. There is zero reason for him to be name calling. Love him all you want is no excuse for him to not treat you right!!
I became type 2 about 4 years ago, little longer that’s just when I found out about it. I went in for a procedure and it was 702. 2 shots before procedure and only dropped to 502. Now under control but I had major attitude before that. I didn’t understand why but it was blood sugar being too high for awhile before knowing about it. He needs to see a doctor. It also affects vision.
If he’s choosing to neglect his diabetes intentionally by eating whatever he chooses, then he owns that. He’s a grown man and knows better. If he’s doing everything right and still having problems with highs/lows, contact his Dr. I know my son got T1 at age 11. Lows would physically wipe him out for the day. Highs made him moody BUT an adolescent child going through puberty goes through alot of turmoil with glucose readings. Big difference between a child and grown man. If he chooses no help and wants to neglect himself, perhaps some kind of counseling, even if only for yourself. Good luck
Tell him to shut his f ing mouth and grow up. Also do what he needs to do to improve his health if he listens great great if not his fault you can lead a horse to water but cant make him drink. Also tell the little darling mental and verbal abuse are a two way street so watch what comes out of your mouth. But thats just me. Good luck best wishes.
blood sugar fluctuations cause mood swings. my husband had medical coverage and ,was on insulin and metformin…told me as long as he took his meds he was ‘safe’ he could eat what he wnted. needless to say…that wasnt the case.
I have a man that is the same way and go to social services and see if you can get him Medicaid thru them and go from there my husband is angry all the time we have 4 grandsons we’re raising and I feel he is jealous of the boys because he doesn’t get all my attention my husband has already had to have a pacemaker and cpap and still goes to work but really don’t do much else
Blood sugars flexuate and effects there mood really bad my mom told me one time diabetics get crazy my daughter is a diabetic when she doesn’t take care of her diabetes she gets mean
Diabetes can make someone very irrational & angry. Seriously, I would have a talk with him & explain that if he doesn’t take care of himself you will leave on a trial separation. Get yourself some really good counseling and focus on taking care of you.
My late husband had diabetes too. He also didn’t take care of himself and scoffed at all my pleadings. He ended up dying at the age of 50. If I had it to do over again, I’d push harder.
By the way for the person who asked this question may I suggest there are better groups on FB that are for diabetics and their family members. They will give you better answers. Most of the fools here know nothing
I am type 2 diabetes. I am never abusive to anyone and my numbers run from 70 to 480. Yes we feel bad but we all have to have self control. I’m 60 years old and raising 5 grandchildren.
I’m sorry if he has no insurance with him being sick thats a problem. You guys can’t get any help? But sit down and talk to him to be married this long and to let this go on at all is not good but we do crazy things for the ones we love. Your husband needs a wake up call and I have lots of stories of friends I’ve lots of the year from what he has. Tall to him tell him how you feel and that you won’t stand for it no more. You also tell him that for now on if he’s not well enough to help your grandson to do something within a two day period you will be taking care of it because you don’t want your home to fall apart. 
Praying that it gets better and you have children older have a meeting get support from your children. You need that you really do.
I’m a type 2 diabetic myself and I have to really watch what I eat and drink. When my sugar decides to go up and I dont want to take more insulin I either eat a pickle or drink some of the juice or I eat some sauerkraut, sour counteracts sugar so my sugar goes down. Also I’m over weight but I dont let my weight control me. I am not a lazy person, I even work construction. LIFE IS WHAT U MAKE IT, so u either talk to him and yall work out the problem or pack ur bags and leave because if u are doing his manly chores then u could be making it on ur own.
he had a stroke…followed by heart attack…followed by 7 more strokes in 6 months …a month later he went blind and with kidney failure.and died 3 weeks later.
Do you first. Make sure you are taking care of your needs and wants.
Then tell him your suck of him trying to kill his self. If he really wants to do it he needs to leave so you dont have to watch him do it. Make him do for his self. Cooking, shopping, finding his own insurance. Please don’t let him beat you down. And put a stop to him calling you names. Even if you have to stop him in front of someone. Make sure he unserstanda your donw with his childish ways
Go visit a friend or relative for a couple weeks and let him figure out how much you do for him
I think you need to be honest with him
What kind of diabetes does he have? Type 1 or type 2? And blood fluctuations do make a person mean
Wow ! That’s harsh 
Tell his happy arse to suck it up…everybody is there to love and help him and if he can’t accept that then he needs to go elsewhere and wallow in his self pity alone,but what he IS NOT going to do is be abusive to u and your heart😒
How can he see on fb
Do not pay too much attention to him
Diabetes affects much more than blood sugar. It can lead to sudden mood changes that may place an emotional strain on relationships and personal life.
For some people, the stress of living with diabetes can contribute to both changes in mood and concerns about potential complications. The physical effects of diabetes may also lead to nervousness, anxiety, and confusion.
Sometimes, friends and family may struggle to understand these mood swings, but learning about how diabetes can affect mood and providing support can help promote a stronger, healthier relationship.
First of tell him to get off his ass!! Just because your diabetic doesn’t mean you stop living. Get up and get moving will help with his number. Sitting on his ass isn’t going to improve anything. His eyes is due to uncontrollable numbers
Leave the ungrateful man.
I’m in a similar situation. I’ve been married 36 years. My husband’s diabetes has been uncontrolled for nearly 30 years. Now he has diabetic neuropathy in both legs and arms/hands. He has also lost most of his sight in one eye. Sight in the other eye varies. He hasn’t been able to drive for the past 5 years, cannot work and has difficulty with basic chores. We hired someone for lawn care and our adult son, a single dad, moved in with us with his 6 year old child to try to help us out. Unfortunately, I’ve had physical limitations since being hit by a car in 1970 so with those issues, MS and gradual aging, I can only do so much. My husband’s moods are unpredictable. I suspect that a lot of it is contributed to his fluctuating sugar levels. In the past year, I’ve wondered if he’s developing Alzheimer’s because his behavior is much like my father’s when he was first diagnosed. I cannot complete a sentence without him interrupting me and contradicting me and sounding like I’m stupid, even though I was trying to say the same thing. What we tell ourselves about what our husband says and does is what determines our emotions. So, I find it helpful to tell myself that he’s doing the best he can, he’s not trying to attack me but trying to prove to himself that he has value. I would not want to be in his position so I can only imagine how he feels. You can’t make someone take better care of themselves if they don’t want to but you can control the thoughts you tell yourself about the situation. It’s difficult, I know, but women have an amazing strength inside them. Also, a trick that’s worked for me is to talk to my husband about something we need to get done. I tell him “You try so hard to do EVERYTHING that needs to get done around here and it breaks my heart to watch the strain on you. What do you think about hiring someone to do this or that? You know what’s best.” By stroking his ego and making it his decision, things go a lot easier around here. Men need to feel like they’re taking care of their family. Otherwise the anger you see is not so much directed at you but more an expression of their frustration over the things they can’t accomplish on their own.
Bunch if ignorant folks on here. Hope the diabetes train never hits ya all. Peace 
Make him feel bad? Call him worthless and pathetic? Tell him you’re sick of his crybaby ways and you do the work because he’s too shiftless and lazy to do it and since you get it done first, you have decided that he isnt worth your time or the effort it takes to love him because you’re too good for him? Maybe you can tell him how bad he is in bed or how your grandsons are seeing how sad a man he is by how he treats their Grandma? Maybe you can start being abusive? Or possibly you can cheat on him? I personally think that disparaging remarks about his manhood might make him change?
Maybe you could go the opposite way and you could lay down on the ground and let him kick you a few good times? Possibly let him tell you how your life was a waste? Maybe you can never speak again but to say, ‘yes sir and no sir’? Maybe you could just tell him to stop being a b**** before you smack him into next week? Take his phone and treat him like the filth he is treating you? I recommend ultimatums that are actually carried out though Like, “If you don’t shut your filthy mouth I am out of here? If you love me then stop the verbal abuse. If you say one more negative thing about how I bring YOU down, your clothes are gonna be packed?” Maybe you can go ahead and pack them and save yourself the trouble later?
Is your voice broken? Is he a king that you have to ask for permission to speak? What. The. Ever-loving crap is wrong with people that they can’t make some scumbag stop treating them like a garbage dump? If he doesn’t change or like you much you can stay or go? I vote go and be good to yourself.