My husband has to have surgery at the end of the month and now we are stressed about Christmas: Advice?

It sucks having no family what so ever. I never got the chance to meet most of my family growing up as my parents never had a good relationship with any of them on either side. My dad passed away two and a half years ago, and my mom basically just got up and left to be around my sister whos ten years older. I was married to my ex-husband for seven years and had two beautiful babies with him who are now three and 8. my ex-husband doesn’t pay a dime and refuses to pay a dime to support them. Even court-ordered, he still doesn’t pay. I have remarried, and he’s just amazing. He’s our main supporter. I work as a sub driver for our local school, and we just found out he has to have surgery at the end of the month and will be out of work for 3 to 4 weeks. So now, I sit here and stress and want to cry as I have no clue how Christmas is going to be possible for my babies or my two step kids. I have tried to contact my mom, and she doesn’t care, not one bit. prayers, please

29 Likes

Omg, you had 11 other months to prepare for holidays.

6 Likes

Its not about gifts. Its about who you’re with, cook a nice dinner and arrange something for your immediate family to do together, like movie watch or play family games. Hard times call for strength. Just pay ur bills and have food that’s all that matters for your family, everything is temporary remember that. Change that cycle that xmas is for gifts only and teach that gift is family. That man deserves for you to understand and not complain about gift giving, he is your family’s gift.

19 Likes

Do the 4 gift rule. Make it simple and fun. Do more experinces and see how it goes.

2 Likes

If you’re worried about gifts take out a personal loan for a SMALL amount of money. Gifts don’t need to be expensive. I never have money for Xmas cuz bills and rent. Got 5 kids here.

At that age they don’t need a big Christmas, none of us do really. The focus is on your hubby and his recovery and this is a perfect reason to step back from what others expect and remember what the season is all about. Thank God for his Son and praise God that your hubby will get though surgery ok. You got this.

3 Likes

Christmas isn’t about money and presents. Explain it to the kids and teach them some valuable lessons.

As hard as it is to not be able to buy your children what you want for Christmas… it is far more important that you guys are together. I would say you sit down and tell your kids the situation… “Daddy is hurt and has to have surgery so we won’t have much money for Christmas… but the important thing is that we have each other.” I have taught my son since he was small that Christmas is a time for family not presents.

Don’t sweat it. I’m broke as all getout. Make dinner, watch movies, make memories. The new thing is going giftless, unless it’s homemade. :purple_heart:

5 Likes

Check with charities around your area like toys for tots. Also apply for food stamps and WIC. Best of luck

Contact local churches and charities. Many help with food and some gifts for the kids. Now is the time they start sign ups. And don’t listen to the negative nellies, things happen that we do not plan for.

5 Likes

Is your husband entitled to FMLA? Does he have short term disability through his job? Also if so he would be entitled to up to 6 months depending on amount of time on job . I had a Total Hip Replacement and I was with a company for 7 years and I had through my employer insurance short term disability which is not that expensive and can be paid weekly out of one’s paycheck weekly or bi-weekly but it comes in handy when there is an illness or surgery. As for the holidays you should take care your family health FIRST! Celebrate next year .

Make sure his THOSE TEMP.disability papers from his employer are done by day of surgery. ,…? Is it workers comp.? 💁💁

2 Likes

Remember what Christmas is about. It doesn’t matter how much stuff you get them, what matters is the love and the family time. That is what kids remember as they grow up, not stuff, but love and family time. I am sure tho there’s prob local charities and churches that could help you with some things.

1 Like

It’ll be hard no doubt about it. But it can be done. Explain to the children that Christmas will be a little bit smaller this year because “Daddy” has been unwell and had to have an operation. Have your children write down 10 items that they would like for Christmas and explain to them that Santa will only pick FIVE from their lists (make it exciting “oh, I wonder which you will get!”)
Look at the lists, pick the cheapest items and get bargain hunting. Ebay is great, second hand stores often have “nearly new”. Children of that age won’t know the difference, and even if they did - does it matter?. As for food, every time you go grocery shopping between now and Christmas pick up 1 item extra and lock it in a cupboard for the big day. You will be surprised how fast your stockpile grows.
If you dont have an artificial tree to set up, wait until 23/24 December when they start to do trees (real and fake) at half price. Budget, bargain hunt and plan. Also remember this REALLY is about family time and the love of Christ. Do your best in the material celebration department but dont stress about it. Enjoy your happy healthy family!

2 Likes

Join the croud. No x mas for me this year either. Happens every year. Work all summer to cover so every one else can go have fun winter comes income gone. Talk about stress. Try life with no husnand and no family no help of any kind. Any thing i dont bring in is not here. Life is one big struggle every day. I havent been able to enjoy my life in 19 years. Be glad u have a husband if he is so great. Some of us dont even have that

Christmas is what you decide a great breakfast helping kids that are sick taking pictures
You are alive and together that is the most important
Celebrating every day

2 Likes

There are so many other options than buying gifts. You could do soooooo many family activities ie making cookies, ornaments, even diy gifts, use your imagination and bonus teach the kids, holidays aren’t about money and who has the most of it.

I would have your ex’s wages guaransheed for non payment. Christmas is what you make it. Just keep it simple this year. Maybe baking with the kids.There are many places that will help out. Start early. Just one or two small gifts are all it takes. Perhaps your husbands work has sick pay he can collect while off ??? The older children a few dollars or a gift card.

2 Likes

Did you know that hokey Norman Rockwell pic of a holiday dinner was staged by strangers? This stupid commercials when the wife or husband give each other cars - stupid. Start planning on holiday baking and crafts. Count your blessings. Sounds like your current partner is a winner! I wasted 23 years married to a narc and would have given anything to be with a decent person. Start looking for organizations that will help with food and gifts. Don’t be ashamed - use them and payback to someone else when you can. God Bless you on your journey /life is full of bumps but you do survive.

1 Like

Make it a homemade Christmas all gifts are craft projects/ a beautiful letter etc… We’ve done this before in lean times…30 some year’s later that letter from my son means everything to me :heart:

Who cares about Christmas your husbands health comes first

2 Likes

Any way u can get a job even for 4 weeks working opposite shift of ur husbands? I totally understand hardship. Bf has muscular dystrophy. Oldest daughter has a disease that can cause tumors. I have 3 kiddos. It’s mainly all on me financially. I work 65 hrs week on average. Worry about Christmas too. Reach out to toy drives and churches and even ur local social services department. Good luck sweetie!! Things will be alright.

Wow, the comments here. These are children she’s worried for!

Have you checked into Toys for Tots?

1 Like

Homemade Gifts, baked goodies, Christmas movies. The options are endless❤️ tell the kids it is important to spend a couple of Christmas holidays giving instead of Receiving😁Clean closest and donate the clothes, anything the kiddos don’t use anymore. Drop off Christmas cards at homeless shelters🤷🏻‍♀️

3 Likes

Please keep believing…make sure Santa has your right address…

… your three year old probably wouldn’t need much explaining to maybe you could explain things to your eight-year-old that you’re going to do Christmas a little differently this year… however there are always other options I don’t know what state you live in but in Wisconsin we have adoptive families that you can sign up for other families to adopt you over the holidays that help out with Christmas presents Christmas trees and a meal you can always contact your American Red Cross I know they help with stuff like that and so do food pantries

fire departments and churches help out for christmas a lot. check your local ones. they do it for my sister every year. and even take them clothes shopping and toy shopping at walmart. toys for tots or angel trees usually have to be registered for in early october so its too late for that. even thrift store toys, who cares. they are new to your kids.

Being together for Christmas is what matters, not material things, sure its nice to get presents but explain to the kids an get something small for each child, in the end it will all be ok, an later when the kids get older they will realize their mother loved them an will value the meaning of christmas

It’s not about the gifts. There’s organizations that can help you out, including churches. Ours get 3 cheap things, if that. Explain to them what christmas really is. Not some fat man breaking into your home to leave gifts. Why feed them lies…

3 Likes

Christmas about christ.Not gifts.But use santa claus girls.get your name in now.

Just to be honest Christmas is a pagan holiday anyway believe it or not. If you would like details or scripture to back up what I am saying I would be happy to provide for all the people who will be offended by what I am saying. If you look in scripture you will find several things people were lied to about. 1st: that Jesus bday is December 25th. That’s not true as he was born when the Shepard’s were tending their flock at night. This would be impossible during the winter. Also that the wise men came to celebrate his birth in a manger by bring him presents. There are many lies in that as well. I can break it down for you but if you really wanna know for yourself you can go to scripture to back up all I say. The wise men came to WORSHIP him. Not celebrate his birth. They arrived when he was a small child not when he was born and they were not in a manger they came into a home and fell on their knees to worship him. They didn’t bring gifts to celebrate his birth but brought gifts as it was and still is custom to bring gifts when in the presence of a king. There are many lies that the enemy has created and slapped Jesus name on it. When Christian’s take our messiah’s name and use it to practice these rituals and holidays of the enemy it is idolatry. I understand I really do because I was that misinformed person that felt like I was failing as a mom and a good Christian when I couldn’t give my kids a “good Christmas” but the truth is the only accounts in the word where people celebrated their “birth day” they were very arrogant and it always ended badly. Matter if fact there are only three accounts. We should ask ourselves why we feel so tied down to these holidays and rituals and why it is so hard to see or hear the truth. This tradition is not from God and we as Christian’s should not tie ourselves to Such things. Now the nitty gritty… Are you going to go to hell for celebrating? No. There is no condemnation in Christ. The Lord covers you in all your weakness. But we should be consecrated to the Lord and set apart just as the children of Israel was. Well anyways I didn’t give you this history lesson to shame you or make you feel bad about celebrating. Just wanted to show sometimes we get so caught up in the world and how they do things we forget who we are. Children if God. That holiday isn’t that important to put you in stress and worry and therefore bind you up. Take a break this year. Try celebrating hannakuh then you can do small gifts like chocolate or fruit. Just a suggestion. In all things you do just do it for the glory of our Lord God. Maybe the Lord is pulling you into a season where all of your focus can be on him. Christmas is overrated.

Praying for your family.

1 Like

Kids don’t need expensive toys it’s the thought when husband recovers get some things later for them

2 Likes

You didn’t make those babies alone time to let him step up and get Christmas to those kids that carries his name …your now husband needs your strength its not time to be stressed.

1 Like

I taught my kids early on as I was going through a divorce that Christmas is about presence not presents

You can do this u can still.have a Christmas.and not go.to a whole lot of fuss you.have to.explain to your kids who r old enough xmas is not about toys it’s about giving thier daddy.is going to be recooperating from surgery.so money will be tight but Santa wont forget them it will all work out u.have a month n a half.go for sales bargains if u see.one.good luck

For a start, “prayers” are not going to help you.
This is a perfect teaching opportunity for your children to learn what the true meaning of Christmas is supposed to be.
Its not about the presents, its about your loved ones and rallying together in tough times. Take advantage of this blessing.

6 Likes

Contact local fire dept, or children’s school, or food stamp office & ask them about how to get signed up for Toys for Kids, or a Holiday Help program & contact your Community Action Agency to get signed up on LIHEAP. LIHEAP is a federal program. If nothing else, contact local power company & ask them how to get signed up on it. I can’t imagine any agency that is offering assistance would turn you down.

4 Likes

Most elementary schools have Angel tree’s. Maybe go in and talk with the principal and explain your situation. I did this yrs ago when my son was 10 and i was a single mom going thru chemo and radiation for breast cancer. My son didn’t care about Christmas but i cared. The school made sure he had a Christmas and they helped us with food. A friend told me about it and i was thankful for all they did. The school also can provide you with resources available in your area. Good luck to you and your family.

You need to do something about this child support thing. If you report him and follow it through he could go to jail for non-payment. Please don’t let him get away with this, it is against the law to not pay child support!

Most 8 year olds believe in santa just maybe that she don’t want to take that magic from her children just yet hello :thinking::thinking::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:

3 Likes

Tey your local food pantry churches,etc. Where I live they are awesome. Dont lose hope.

2 Likes

Try seeing if there are any programs in your community that can help you with Christmas, I know where I live we have several programs plus the community steps up hugely so many kind & generous people, & I honestly can’t believe some of the comments she has every right to be worried & concerned about Christmas for her children, It is also the Season of Giving people need to learn to be more kind

3 Likes

Wow! Your mind must be terrible master! Christmas is just a day, has no significance. Actually it’s a pagan holiday. What is most important to you? Why do you insist on carrying such a mental burden? Your amazing husband needs your strength and your support. Your mother has made it crystal clear, shame on her for not supporting you. Reality check, whose there for you? Those are the ones that have your back.

Your not alone .god says not too worry .your father an mother is in him.pray i promise he will make a way .the family you do have now is the childten his given you.read scripture spend quite time with the lord .dont give up .pray .mirclues do happen .

Sometimes you can start with new traditions. Like making gifts, baking or making food gift baskets. I would also sign up around where you live. Try local churches, food banks. There are also programs that will have ppl sponsor you & your family. You could also have each child make something for another child. I know how much it hurts. Maybe this page could set up a place/info on how to help you. I would help.

I live in NE Ohio and we have many services that provide at Christmas. Usually you need to sign up in November. You might also call a nearby church and explain your situation.

I think most communities have a Christmas for kids program and sometimes churches, schools, etc. can help alot when they know of a family in need w/kids that otherwise may not have a traditional Christmas like other kids. I wish you alot of luck.

Try Toys for got a a local church n Salvation army they do you drives n churches sometimes provide Turkey’s n boxes of food also visit a food bank

Call churches in your area . Toys for Tots

Angel trees are a blessing for things like this
Also your hubs should have some sort of medical leave pay associated with his work. If you’re subbing. Why not ask for more hours or see if they can use you elsewhere within the bus company–maybe cleaning busses or something similar to that effect. If hes gonna be home maybe pick up a temp part time.
I know its rough right now but dont dwell on the negatives.
And yes, those posting that christmas isnt about gifts are right but. What would they be saying if it was their family unable to provide anything for the holidays? Stories would be different then.

Why are you so focused on Christmas? Try to save every penny or get a next part time job if possible. Stop running down people and begging them for attention. Why are you playing with the ex. Husband? Is either you are telling the truth or not. Once the court orders him to make payments and he is employed, those funds can be deducted from his check and you get the assistance that you and the children deserve. Step up and stop and use that backbone!

Could you not get a job and help out? That would help take some of the stress off

When i was young my mom left my dad just before Christmas… that year all i got gift wise was a pair of pale green leaf earrings… but i have fond memories of that year because she made it special in other ways… tobogganing, making cookies etc… all may sound corny but kids love it

We never do Christmas with gifts, some food and relax. Everyday is Christmas with us, and if my husband was having surgery that would be the greatest gift, that he’s healthy and spending it with me! During the year if we want something we get it then, so no reason to buy gifts at one time of the year. We don’t need gifts per say to show our love and happiness with other. Wish more people spent time with loved ones and less on gifts…stress free is the name of the game.

I had surgery and was out of work for 6 weeks. I went on state disability. It’s not anywhere close to what I was making working but it’s better than nothing

1 Like

You will see god will bring forth a way and many blessings for you n family…pray n trust

Yep I grew up in the same circumstances contact support services like smith family they will bring Xmas hampers for the children and a food hamper ring them all put your name down at them all do it now maybe your neighbours or school mums might help xx