My husband is babying our kids

My husband is a GREAT dad. He loves his kids unconditionally without a doubt. However, we do not align on some ideas around parenting. It sucks to argue over things having to do with your kids- or to argue at all..but it’s life. He does not think kids should have chores, while I want to teach them responsibility and don’t want them to grow up to be entitled brats (the entitlement is already becoming an issue). They each have one SMALL chore a day. If they don’t do it, no problem- their dad says nothing and often just does it for them, probably so I don’t bitch. He covers often so I am ALWAYS the “bad guy” I tell him how unfair this is to me, he agrees at the time but a day or so later, he’s in the basement scooping cat litter. Our kids have no screen time limitations or restrictions. This is INSANE to me. I tell him his head is in the sand, our teens could be on their phones 10-14 hours a DAY on a non-school day, it’s all they care about like most teens. Most recently, there was bathroom trash on the floor, I told our 13 year old to pick it up. Her response was that “it was not her trash and the dog got it out”. We had a small yelling match, she went to her dad and he agreed the dog got it out of the can, she sat on the couch and he picked up the trash later. I was telling her to hand me her phone, she did not and she won…like always. He babies our kids to a level that blows my mind and treats me like I’m “too hard” on them and robbing them of their childhood. He would NEVER expect them to dish their own food or get their own silverware or drink. It goes as far as if the drink is not on the table one of the kids might say something like “where’s my drink?” And he will APOLOGIZE! Where is my instinct is, we do everything- get up and get a drink!

For context our kids are 5, 11, 13, 15 and 19. Only the youngest 4 are still in the house. The 11,13,15 and 19 year olds are my step kids. After he divorced their mother, she moved more than 700 miles away by choice. They see her once a year and this creates a lot of the reason for the excess babying. He always feels like he has to “make up” for her poor choices.

When we talk about it he says he sees he’s hurting not helping them but nothing ever changes.

I love my husband like crazy. Again, great father and amazing to me as well. However, I feel like I’m going crazy with the lack of help in discipline, feeling disrespected by the kids and him not having my back.

How can I make changes? How can I help us to better align on parenting ideas and reduce our arguing around the kid’s laziness?

Help! And thanks in advance. PS- keep your bashing bs to yourself. He doesn’t have a woman on the side or do drugs like some people so easily offer up as a response on this page. Lol. Thanks and Happy New Year!