Marriage Looking for a biblical Christian perspective please be respectful I’m really struggling. My husband isn’t financially responsible, I am we’re in a lot of debt and I’m trying to pay it down but he’s spending money and playing table top games. We’ve been married awhile and have kids. He’s an unhealthy weight and I want him to take care of himself. I love him but I’m so stressed out trying to take care of the kids and worried about finances. We are a Christian family I’m trying to stay biblically correct I really don’t want a divorce but if things don’t change I fear that’s where we’re headed. I just want him to be healthy and financially responsible. I guess I’m looking for prayers as well as advice on how to deal with moving forward. How do I help my husband care about himself physically and financially? We’ve already hit bottom financially a few times.
The marriage course is a good course to do. It covers a few things and is really helpful. You need to be on the same page about things. 
Sit down with him and a financial person ; bring all of your income /bank statements ,bills,budget,and expenses with you both.
Put all the cards on the table and let the expert go through everything and set y’all up with a budget that works where you aren’t stressed and maybe he gets an allowance each pay period for his whatever’s and when it’s gone ,he has to wait until next allowance day.
Take away the credit cards and his access to the household bill/ groceries/kids stuff debit cards.
I know it sounds crazy, but it will save you a lot of issues with financial matters and he still gets to feel like he can enjoy some of the fruits of his labor too.
Marriage counseling with your Pastor?
Pray about it and try counceling.
There’s programs to help with gambling and other vices. Perhaps an intervention, counseling, and a program to get him back on track
He needs prayer , deliverance from games and food,
Plus other spirits .
God has given you free will… use it & take your kids & leave
Pray about it! Stay in prayer… Lay it at the Lords feet and walk away. (from the issue not your husband)
God has a plan and will revel it in his timing.
I’m sorry your struggling with this. Try communicating with him. Tell him your concerns, maybe offer to help him get help. Obviously he’s struggling as well.
Prayers sent up for you both!
Mark Gungor has written and spoken a lot on marriage and it’s always very thought provoking. Look into some of his insights.
time for some honest communication
If you have not watched the movie Fireproof (2008), watch it with your spouse. Best advice that I can give.
God has blessed you with the intelligence to make healthy decisions for yourself but especially for your children, who are the most vulnerable. If you are trying to save the family financially & he keeps spending, it is an easy answer, block his access to the money - tough love isn’t easy, but putting your children first is important. Unless he is willing to help change the family finances & his health nothing is going to change. I pray for the strength you need to make healthy decions for your children & yourself.
So is he gambling? Is that a "christian " thing to do?
He’s not going to change unless he wants to. You can’t do it for him.
Get a separate bank account
Have a sit down with him and your pastor or a church leader. Put all the cards on the table. If he refuses to make changes, then talk to your pastor/church counselor on how to proceed.
Is he depressed? Part of it sounds like he is. You can try as much as you can to help him, he has to do for himself as well. Maybe try and get him to talk to someone about what is going on with him, even if it’s just someone from the church.
Is your husband religious as well? Perhaps a meeting with your pastor (or a counselor) to talk about your concerns and let your husband know how serious you are about said concerns and feared next steps.
Christian or not (and I was married to a pastor) he will never change and be more responsible and take better care of himself unless HE wants to…probably the more you ask/beg the more he will go the opposite direction…good luck! Been there unfortunately…
You can’t change him… It sounds like he’s maybe having gambling addiction issue … and that needs to be addressed.
Go through every bill and debt you have
Show him how much he needs to start paying
Ask him what’s more important
Putting food on the table or his pass time
Some times you have to take a firm hand
It honestly doesn’t sound like he values your faith as much as you do
Is it possible your pasted, a priest or minister can make him see sence
You don’t want a divorce even though you know that’s what’s best for you and your kids? Make it make sense. You can be religious and still do what you need to do for your family. If HE won’t do what’s best for y’all then it’s up to you to put your kid first and kick the problem out of the house.
Hello- have you spoke when counselors at your local church. I would recommend it, they can sit down with both of you and help facilitate a conversation
You cant help those those wont help themselves. He has to want it. Time for some tough love. Get you a separate bank account, put money it in and then walk out.
Sounds like he’s an addict or alcoholic OR both. Tough love is the best kind…it will ONLY GET WORSE.
Was he physically healthy when you met? Healthy when dating? Did he play table top games when met/dating? Was he financially responsible when met/dating?
I will prayer for you. If your having trouble reaching him, maybe talk to your pastor. Many offer counseling.
You can’t, he has to want it for himself. Their is nothing you can say or do to change the issue. It’s also nothing your doing causing these issues. Your going to have to set some pretty serious boundaries and stick to them. I know its not the answer you want.
Have you thought about marriage counselling together?
I think the best thing would be to let your husband know how your feeling about it, what’s worrying you and ask him if he has any idea on what might help him with these things. When you say not financially stable, do you mean he’s unable to hold down a job or he over spends etc? If he is bad with budgeting then you need to be in charge of the money/ the budgeting/ watching where it goes. Is your husband a believer also? I really think you need to give it to God. Pray and let him know, let him know your worries, give it to the Lord and let him handle it. Pray for your husband to have and seek wisdom and to lead his family instead of pull them down. I don’t think a divorce right now is the right thing to do - I think if eventually needed you could seperate and tell him that he needs to work on his health. I think he probably needs some support with the money issue. We all fall short. The best thing for you do for yourself and for him is to pray and to not worry. Bring God into the mess He wants to hear all about it and He wants to help.
You could even write your husband a letter with all these thoughts and feelings, some ideas on possible solutions, write a scripture in it, some love, but some hard truth too of what could happen if it keeps going… You need to feel safe and him leading you into debt isn’t safety for you and the children.
Time for you to lay your cards on the table with your biblical Christian hubby!
Explain what is expected, what you are willing to deal with.
The bible outlines discipline (he will understand that concept).
He either does the right thing by family, or he moves out.
It’s his choice. Offer councilling (family, marriage and gambling). If he decides no, he has made his choice to walk away.
Being a Christian doesn’t mean killing yourself with stress whilst he flitters away your money.
Tell him in no uncertain terms that you won’t stand for it any longer, and if he doesn’t want to lose you and the kids, then he has to change. You’ll help him and be there with him, but he HAS to change.
At the moment he might be continuing to be this way because he knows you’d never actually go through with it.
Your vows are important, but so if the life you have made for your children, which he has put in jeopardy
He’s a grown man and he shouldn’t burden you like that tell him shape up or ship out
A financial advisor and marriage counseling
You don’t have to get a divorce but a separation may be necessary. Talk to your pastor or a Christian counselor. Get a separate bank account to pay the bills. Let him sink or swim.
Tough love is best stop enabling him take the kids and leave and don’t come back till he has a job.
Not saying this to be mean at all but you need some reality b/c praying isn’t gonna cut it right now. He has to want to stop not just for himself but for you his wife & your children. Have you sat down & spoken with him? Laid your cards on the table?
Nows the time to evaluate unless you want your biblical husband to put you & your children on the street. This sounds like your husband needs to hit rock bottom alone. You need to stand up for yourself & your children so you all aren’t hitting rock bottom with him again.
You can’t help him care about himself or you and you can’t fix him. I notice you keep paying the bills down while he spends. He does this because you allow it. Sorry to say quite doubtful he will change.
I understand you’re a Christian, but everyone has a limit and I think you have reached yours. You’re going to have to be tough with him you guys have children who sees this. No need to let him drag you down further. You can do a trial separation to let him know you are serious but also to build yourself financially. You gotta look out for you and them children
So do what biblically christian people do and talk to your pastor and listen to only what the pastor says.
Ask your pastor about some marriage counseling through your church. There are many passages in the Bible about how a husband needs to take care of his family in every way and overspending or spending frivolously is in there too. Your pastor may be able to help point him in the right direction.
While I believe that it’s commendable that you want to stay true to your faith, God does not want us to suffer. Keep that in mind.
If he wanted to, he would. He’s obviously proving that he doesn’t care, so he needs a reality check. I don’t believe you should stay married just because of a religion, or for the kids. I’m not sure how old the kids are, but they’re going to see the way he lives, and think that’s ok. Maybe it’s time to leave, and start a new life with your kids. You seem to be doing it alone, anyway!
First thing: take a Dave Ramsey course together!
I took over paying the bills several years ago. I’m just better at it. I told my husband how much I needed from each paycheck, and he deposits that into my account (which I use for the household bills, groceries, gas).
He also has his own cards that he is responsible for himself, and I have my cards I pay myself out of my income. Though we have recently paid off all of our debt aside from mortgage and car payment.
Honestly, it is SO FREEING. I highly recommend you seek out a Ramsey course and counsel with your pastor on your finances. You are to be your husband’s helpmate. If that means taking over finances because you’re better at it, then do it!!
Don’t spend your money on things for him. Take care of you and kids. Honestly I’d get divorce. Saddle him with his own debt and move on
Can you talk to your church leader? Some churches do religious counselling or you can ask him to attend actual counselling. Being a Christian woman and wife doesn’t mean that you have to tolerate poor decisions…you absolutely can talk with him and ask him if you can make some decisions together regarding finances and lifestyle because this stress is too much for you. If he respects you as his wife he will either work on it with you or he will be a man and take the necessary steps to get on top of things and be a better provider. No where in the bible does it say a wife must tolerate gambling and financial debt through ridiculous spending.
I am not one who believes you can pray everything away… you are responsible for the life you live and the choices you make. God didn’t tell your husband to go play cards so it isn’t God duty to make him stop, it’s your husbands.
You cannot change him. Your choice “as a person seeking biblical options” is to live with it and that is not a good choice in 2023. You can test his willingness to change by moving out, letting him get his finances in order and hopefully choosing a healthy lifestyle. You can reconcile if he does. I would think the financial situation would supercede your considerations regarding his health…because you can purchase life insurance. jmho
He isn’t behaving very “Christian” towards you !!! What you allow, will continue.
His duty as a Christian is to love you as Christ loves the church. Don’t forget that part of the Wives be submissive to your husband narrative.
I know you say you are Christian, but that is your first and biggest mistake staying in a relationship for the sake of your religion. He is not practicing Christianity with his gambling and putting his family last. That is ridiculous. Give him an ultimatum. Straighten your ass up or you are gone!!
Biblical Christian yet yet he gambles. Mkay
Just let him get fatter and have a heart attack…. Problem solved.
You need to see a therapist. Ideally, you two would do therapy together, but if he won’t go, then that’s your answer. He may be addicted to gambling or shopping or something. You could try seeing a financial advisor to discuss getting out of debt and longer term financial goals, but if he’s any type of addict, he’ll continue spending.
Biblical reason for a devorce: addiction. Sorry but as a Christian you still have a right to be happy and not worry about finances. Speak to your pastor about this issue. If your hubby is not taking care of himself and his family he isn’t a godly man.
Not sure why you tossed his weight in with finances, I’m sure you’d be mad if he did that to you, but being a Christian doesn’t mean suffering through life at the hands of another. Talk to him. Set boundaries. You are better off leaving a marriage than suffering endlessly, especially if he is unwilling to act responsibly.
honestly sounds like he’s on drug$ and maybe has a gambling problem. The losing weight, spending the money, etc etc are sometimes indicators of that, but idk
You can be Christian and still do what is best for kids which is to leave him
Your a adult. Put make belive storied aside and take care of yourself and kids.
Leave.
God isn’t gonna judge you over it 
You are unequally yolked. He is in violation of his responsibilities as a husband and a father here, hiding behind the veneer of his Christianity.
The bible instructs discernment in these matters and there is no command to remain in marriage under these circumstances. Divorce is permitted and we are encouraged to separate from unequally yolked spouses, as he has broken the consecrated marriage Vows he made…not to you …but to God when he made them when he wed you.
If you are being told divorce is a sin in all circumstances, you have been spiritually manipulated and Gods word, as its written, gaslit, adulterated and weaponized to induce mans motives of control and false guilt.
You are free to release yourself from this marriage bondage in these circumstances, as the bible states you are.
You need to have a serious talk with him about not wasting money and getting your finances caught up and if it doesn’t comply you need to walk away with your children because you can’t continue to live like that
Speak to the ministry team at your church or the pastor and you both should go through marriage counseling through the church. He needs to be held accountable for his actions and neglect. As much as you want to be biblically correct, that only works if he’s also an obedient believer. He apparently isnt. Instead, he’s using the Word to control you to enable him further. He’s not going to change unless you make changes to your life and priorities too. Stop letting him abuse you and your kids financially! We don’t live in the biblical days girl! Our lives depend on finances TODAY. Wake up and put action to what you desire and deserve. 
Oh how I wish you could message me personally so I can help you and give you real advice that it backed by the scriptures. I do not know your name but I will definitely say a prayer for you and your family.
You’re a Christian family but he’s gambling away your grocery money? Christian or not if he’s not financially responsible, he doesn’t manage the finances.
Move on, this is not healthy for you and it’s especially not healthy for your children.
Time to dump the bum for yourself and the kids.
Idk tell him to go talk to the preacher about it ig or maybe couples counseling🤷🏾♂️
Vows are in sickness and in health and in good and bad times. Please stick it out have faith, prayers for his heart to soften and see his ways. I’m not saying this if things are abusive or to sound judgmental, alit of people throw in the towel before the magic happens.
If you were truly Biblically correct you wouldn’t be working. He’d be supporting you, your kids & home. You’d be his pocession. Just saying. That’s what the Bible says.
You’re literally enabling him to keep YOU and your children in financial debt. Keep him if you want, but you will never get out of the hole with him in your life. You will never change him. You will never bend him. Same with your kids; they will never change him or bend him either. I speak from experience on this. My parents are the single most financially irresponsible people I know. So much so, when they finally moved away I saw the absolute gravity of what they had done because their debts were coming to me. They literally had to run to another state so that they could get away from their ever mounting debt. You need to take your kids and leave. Show him that him destroying your family is not something you will tolerate. Though, I’m sure you will not listen to anything anyone has said because you want a Christian way out of this. Even your pastor would tell you leave. Keep that in mind.
Reasons I will never step foot in a church again #584
If your husband isn’t following a biblical marriage then you don’t have one. Your husband has an addiction and he’s financially abusing the household with it. The Bible also tells you that your supposed to to take care of and protect your children. So take care of the people who need adult protection over the adult doing the harm. You can love him and help him from afar while protecting the kids and yourself legally and financially. And put blocks on yours and the kids information. Run credit checks on everyone. Make sure you know the full picture as much as possible.
Also unless you’re translating each book of the Bible yourself there are inconsistencies in the modern day Bible due to sinful
Man.
Well christian values wouldn’t support divorce in this situation so take it off the table.
Either meet with a financial advisor to make a budget, take over money control. As far as his weight, he’s going to have to choose that but you chose him in sickness and health. To leave because of it breaks this vow.
Run grab ur kids and run screw this Christianity crap God doesn’t want u to deal with ppl abusing u
You need marriage counseling and make him understand that you cannot carry the whole load by yourself
We go to a really good remote therapist I swear it helps both people understand the other so much better when there’s a middle man
I am so sorry you are going thru this, but maybe it is time to separate because this isn’t going to end. Breath and you can do this
Counseling? With a pastor or marriage counselor? To help everyone see both people’s perspectives and move forward with better knowledge. I hope peace finds you
He needs a good talking to and a wake up call. You can literally stress your self out trying to help him. Can you minister do counseling for you and him and see if that helps or professional help to see if that can help. Maybe not divorce a separation if things don’t get better
He has already left the marriage if he is not working with you to have a healthy family. It was in his viws too. Now if you want to stay with him, give HIM an allowance. Ban him from the checking/savings accounts (change password, get new account). Ask him for his credit cards until he can prove himself financially stable. If he can’t or won’t, separate. Your health is important. You can’t have healthy kids without a healthy parent. Divorce is not a sin. Jesus suffered on the cross so we don’t have to. Good luck 
You husband isn’t financially unstable. YOUR FAMILY is financially unstable. Get a job. Contribute to the family. How can you just watch? Take the bills away. Take access to money away. Be an adult and make decisions for the betterment of yourself and your children while the manchild you are enabling (because he knows you won’t leave) feeds his own addictions. If divorce is a sin …. So is gluttony.