So, when my son was about three months old, my husband and I filled out paperwork so he could be on his birth certificate (there was no father listed). Well apparently that paperwork never went through, and we were JUST told that we have to go to court so he could adopt him since he isn’t biologically his. Well, we were talking to a caseworker, and they said that they would have to serve his bio dad papers stating that they have to do a DNA test to prove he’s the bio dad (obviously) and then he signs paperwork stating that he wants to terminate his parental rights. Which he was COMPLETELY willing to do when my son was a baby. Well, I’ve been thinking more and more about it, and I’ve pushed myself into this state of panic because what if he gets served these papers and gets pissed off enough to fight me for like partial custody or want to see my son or something. I don’t want anything from him at all, no money, no support or anything, my husband has been his dad from the very beginning (one-month-old). All I want is his signature so I can get out of his life and I know I’ve already disrupted him enough, I don’t want to piss him off or anything.
I made the decision to let it go. I will eventually write a will stating if anything happens to be for him to go to my husband we did our own little thing I let my son decide if he wants my husband to be his dad. I have to attempt to locate him I don’t wanna risk him deciding he wants to be a parent but legally my son won’t be adopted by my husband
Just tell them u were a slut and dont know
I don’t think he would want to fight it because if he refuses to sign then you can file child support on him and he will have to pay back child support and the state will garnish his wages not too many men want that .
I say you have two routes to take. 1. Talk to the buo dad in person dont just serve him papers. He less likely to get angry that way. 2. Just let it go. And keep living the way you are. It’s just a peice of paper he is already the father role.
Depending the state if you haven’t had contact in so many months you can get them for abandonment.
Just tell them you don’t know who the boo dad is.
Sounds like the courts messed up from the get go. Unfortunately, that’s all you can do. Just contact him before hand and give him some warning that this is what you’d like to do. State again what you’ve said here. I know in the state of Georgia, after 13 months of no contact and no support paid, they notify the other party who has 30-60 days to respond, then they take away parental rights and Grant adoption. I think contacting him first will go a long way rather than surprising him with paperwork.
In New York if you don’t have the fathers name listed, you haven’t had contact with him in over a year and you get married your husband can adopt him.
I would just let it be, not worth the risk.
Maybe try to talk to bio dad first before he’s served so he knows it’s coming… I’m sure it will go fine if he wants to be part of his life he’ll have pay and all that stuff and even if he wants to fight you ha may not want the long term commitment… So just talk to him first maybe.
Tell them you don’t know who the bio dad is!!!
He may do what mine did and just refuse to deal with it — I only asked politely we do one and have him sign rights away before we moved across the country — he got ugly and told me he wasn’t her bio dad and I was a nut case for even thinking that.
(He lies and said he had a vasectomy yet told me the truth that he didn’t when I was going through other paternity tests)
Still no name on her birth certificate, just gonna wait it out a few more years and use the “I was young and don’t know” (which. Is legit. I’ve had 5 paternity tests come back negative)
With no dad listed, if you don’t provide a name then couldn’t that solve the issue?
I meant to say sign the papers
You should be happy if he steps up and wants to be there for your guys’ son together. More people to love him.
The people saying it’s “just a piece of paper” have no idea. If you died, your son could/should go to his biological father. If anything were to happen, your husband wouldn’t have many legal rights.
Talk to a lawyer, that’s really where you’ll get the best information.
Is the ex on the birth certificate? If not he has no rights to anything
You should talk to an attorney or paralegal in your state. In FL if no father is listed I’m pretty sure your husband should be able to adopt without having to have your ex prove paternity and then sign away rights.
I believe you can go to the county registrar and just have the birth certificate updated. Look into that avenue to do it instead of going through a caseworker.
Best advice I ever got from a lawyer was “let sleeping dogs lie”. If it’s just a matter of a piece of paper and bio dad isn’t disrupting your life you may be better served to leave well enough alone. His family dynamic may have changed during these years and he may decide to assert his parental rights which would cause confusion for your son. JMO
My mom & bio father had a rocky divorce, and she married my step dad when I was 2. The paperwork for my step dad to adopt me was finalized when I was 4. The main difference is my bio dad was military and was on my birth certificate, but since he didn’t see me very often due to work (& didn’t get along with my mom very well, now 30-ish years later they can at least be civil to one another), he did sign over his rights. He may fight you on it, but if he’s not going to see your child and won’t pay child support, then remind him that this is his out.
In Arizona, you have to stand in front of the courts and say why you don’t know who the bio dad is (pretty much either say you had a one night stand or make yourself sound like a whore) is how an attorney made it sound. Better off going with abandament and filing thru the newspaper to prove he isn’t around
You can file for an abandoned father so they can legally terminate his rights without notifying him. I’ve gone though this with my daughter but idk what state ur in. Part of the process is putting an ad in the newspaper of the last known area the father was in as an “attempt” to find him. Courts will usually only do this if there’s a husband willing to adopt. Consult a family attorney on this one for your local laws concerning this. My daughters dad abandoned when she was 8 mo old but anytime I tried to reach out over the first few years to get him to sign or do anything he would freak out on me, refuse, threaten all kinds of things, and if he had the money I think he would’ve done it out of pure spite. I wouldn’t gamble on reaching out to an abandoned father like this especially if you have a feeling about it. I would go the route I just mentioned. I hate to put this out as public info because some moms are nasty and will use it wrong and it only hurts the child but if it’s for sure in the best interest of the child I would do that. Whoever you consulted with, I would consult someone else, specifically a couple family attorneys, and not take the word of some caseworker because they don’t practice law. Also if he’s on the birth certificate, in the state I was from it granted him legal rights as her father. I would look further into first getting him on the birth certificate and if that doesn’t work because of the time passed I would look into terminating the abandoned fathers rights.
Can you talk to your ex about it
In az you can file that he abandoned your son, 6 months will have to pass with no contact from bio dad, and then your husband can adopt. They dont notify bio parent, they just do it. If bio dad does contact during that 6 months though the abandonment will be dismissed.
I feel u. Its a risk. How much is it worth to you and husband? I will be doing it myself soon.
Nancy Sauber above comment is right!! I forgot about that!!
Look up step parent adoption groups on Facebook. You will be able to get questions about this subject answered better there since they are going through it. Definitely talk to a lawyer though. Depending on your state bio may not be able to do anything anyway. After so long (time varies by state), abandonment is some times the best way to go. Talk to a lawyer, or even file for the adoption. Once paperwork is filed, any attempt made by bio to see the child usually doesn’t count.
If there is no dad on the birth cert. Just say you dont know who the father was
Say you don’t know who your child’s father is because you had a one night stand at a party, you never exchanged numbers and didn’t go home together.
If the baby is 2 or under, just have your husband fill out an acknowledgement of paternity and file it.
So why not talk to him and tell him what’s going on, that to do the process you have to go to court and he’s going to have to go as well just to confirm he is terminating his rights. As long as you communicate it shouldn’t be an issue. Let him know the process, papers are going to be served and why, he honestly shouldn’t get mad since he’s not going to be blindsided.
My 1st husband left when I was 4 months pregnant. I met my 2nd husband before my daughter was born, and he was there when she was born. We married soon after and he adopted her. We had to pay to serve my ex in a different state, and then he didn’t respond and we had to send a registered letter to his address announcing the court date, and saying he was able to respond up and until the court date, even by showing up. His rights were terminated because he didn’t respond or show up, and his parental rights were terminated and 5 minutes later my husband was her legal father. I didn’t put my ex’s name on the birth certificate so she has three: one listing me as mom and no father, with her having my maiden name. The 2nd was after we married when she was 5 months old, we changed her last name to my new married name with still no father listed, and her final birth certificate and the one she uses, lists my 2nd husband as her legal father. I wasn’t really worried about my ex deciding he wanted to be involved. Our divorce papers stated he had to return to the state, take parenting classes and pay back child support before he could even see her (this was before the adoption). He had settled in another state across the country and knew there was zero chance of him wanting her. We even told him if he picked up the registered mail and signed the papers and returned them, we would forgive the past due child support from birth to when the adoption was final. He couldn’t even do that. So, we went after him for the child support and collected every last cent. We used that money for fertility treatments to help conceive our 2nd daughter. (Had to use treatment for #1, also). I hate my ex and so glad I disentangled my daughter from him physically and legally. And later through family and friends we realized why he didn’t pick up the papers. He told his parents I did the adoption behind his back, and he was the injured party in all this. That’s all fine and good, but we have the proof he was served in person, and the proof the registered letter went unclaimed even after 3 notices. It’s at my lawyer’s office in our file. But he’s a pathological liar and couldn’t tell the truth on anything.
Even if he does decide to fight you on it what judge in their right mind would just hand your child over to him? I’m currently dealing with the EXACT same situation with my daughters biological father. The judge told me since he hasn’t paid a dime in child support isn’t listed on the birth certificate and has basically been MIA since day one he has zero chance of ever getting rights to my daughter.
I’m in Ohio. Have to go through the same thing. He can’t just sign. Needs the donors approval. Which isn’t around. No clue where he’s at. So I have to put an ad in the paper to find him. If he doesn’t then my husband can file for adoption
He will never be his bio dad ever you can change his name go to court but it won’t change …He can be a step dad and have that relationship but that’s it
If there are people who are not married but have a significant other, I hope you take notice of this post. I’m not trying to bash this lady and pray She gets this sorted out. Ladies please take a good look at the guy you are in a relationship with. Is he good to you, show you respect, do you REALLY love each other? If not it’s time to leave. Children do not fix a relationship. They have demands that must be met. They can stress the parents to the max. Think about it, will your partner jump in and help or find other things to bide his time with? Don’t lay down with dogs thinking you can change them. You will just get fleas and ticks. I guess sometimes it’s the guy who should wake up.
Some States allow courts to terminate rights if biological father is absent from their kids lives some times its 6 months to a year or 2
If not father was ever listed then they don’t knwo your husdand isn’t the dad correct? Here if baby was born while married husband is automatically the father. I would just speak to ex VERY nicely and see what he says. I would approach him in a VERY neutral friendly way to just get it all done.
Tell the ex if he don’t sign over his rights he will have to pay back child support- for the whole time the babys been born. Good luck.
We just went through a step parent adoption and me and my fiance are not married yet but my lawyer told me as long as he hasnt financially helped or seen my child in so long then that why she was able to get adopted and I didnt know where he lived so they listed it in the paper for 3 weeks then the adoption was granted.
Why not just say you don’t know who it is?
Weird bc in my state the husband is automatically the father if you are married at the time of birth
You’re over thinking this. Don’t create problems that doesn’t exist. Just send him the papers and hope for the best.
I would have told the courts I don’t know who the father is An it would have been a done deal one of my friends did that years ago an it worked that baby had been with him senseless was 8 weeks old
Your husband will never be his biological father. He will either be his step father or adopted father.
You don’t list how old your child is now but most likely if the guy didn’t want him before he won’t want him now. You can either leave it alone or continue with it and serve him the papers. Worst case scenario he says no but most likely he is not going to seek custody.
In Colorado if there is no dna test already listing the natural father, there is a form any man can sign called an “acknowledgement of paternity” which is intended for unmarried parents who don’t need a dna test, but it will suffice to put your husband on the birth certificate and give him full legal rights as the biological father.
The biological father does have rights to see his child. I’m a step mom but I call my step kids my babies or my kids. People screw up, hopefully grow and change for the better. My opinion, but a supportive mom, don’t speak negatively about your child’s father. Let your husband be a great example of a man, dad, and husband. When your son is old enough, he’ll form his own opinion of his father himself. Put yourself in your child’s shoes, how would you feel? It’s not about the mom and dad, it’s about everyone contributing to raising great kids.
Check the state laws where you live bc where I live the laws are if the parent had not had contact with the child or financially done anything in a year they have to rights to the child so they can’t fight you for anything. If he was to try to be difficult I’d tell him either sign the papers or I’ll go file for child support and you can take financial responsibility for the child you helped create. I’ve been in a very similar situation before so good luck.
My state (Oregon) allows a paternity affidavit to be signed by a non biological parent but only if there is no father on the birth certificate. I never named my daughters father on her bc so when she was 4 and I got married my husband signed the PA and was awarded custody and her name to be changed. He is now financially responsible for my daughter till she turns 18 years old, which isn’t far off.
You can’t live your life based on “what ifs”… He isn’t interested in his child or he would have been there from day one… Besides there is the issue of back child support that you could threaten!
I did not put my BS27’s (then 3) BD on the birth certificate. My ex and I retained an attorney to put him as the father on the birth certificate. We put a notice in the newspaper for several weeks since I didn’t know where he was. Then went in front of the judge and the adoption was granted. My ex who raised him turned out to be a narcissistic abuser and we suffered for 20 years. We divorced in 2011 and my son hasn’t spoken to him in years. He had asked about his BD over the years and we never spoke badly about him. We were very young and made bad choices. My son asked me to try to find him and I finally did last July. We are now married and our son is getting a chance to get to know his dad and 5 siblings. We had to forgive the past and realize that there is a reason things went the way they did.
You cant just put anyone on a birth certificate. And you cant just revoke parental responsibility.
They are however right when they say your ex would be served papers and would need to sign them.
Why would you want to rock the boat if he has nothing to do with your child.
My husband isnt my childrens bio dad but we havent pushed for adoption etc as it makes no difference.
My kids have my exs name taken off their birth certificate which i done dna tests for and took it to court to have him removed so technically they dont have a name on their birth certificate.
I wouldnt rock the boat personally x
We did that with my oldest. It’s totally an easy process although it will cost you. You have to put something in the paper directly at the bio dad after 30 days adoption can go forward. There a few other things but since my husband and I had already been married 5 years we didn’t have to wait for those time limits to come. It’s worth it for you and your son and his Dad. The only father he has ever known.
Personally I would say wait until your child is old enough to make the decision on their own whether they want their step father’s last name or they don’t want it. I wasn’t given the choice as it was done when I was very young and I’m 50 now and am still extremely upset and Angry at my mother for making such a huge decision without my knowledge and permission. I had to wait until I was 18 to change my name back to my birth name which I understand your child’s biological father’s name is not on the birth certificate my father died 10 days before my first birthday it’s a bit of a different circumstance but still I would wait till your child was old enough to make the decision on their own.
My husband adopted our oldest son…biological father had only seen him twice when he was 2…so I could have gotten his rights taken through court for abandonment but I reached out and he agreed to sign the papers…it’s easier if they agree to sign but if not and baby daddy hasn’t been around at all…no calls, no cards, no letters, no money, nothing for a certain amount of time then you can go to court to have his rights terminated and include the adoption at the same time…the time limit for it to be considered abandonment can be different in every state but you can look it up.
Chances are he will gladly sign his rights away when he finds out he will owe you back child support as well as present n future payments. You say you don’t want anything from him so use this to your advantage. Tell him you won’t peruse child support from the past if he signs his rights away. Its all about bluffing him since he hasn’t cared enough to want to see your son in the the first place
Well, if he wants rights, fight for back child support!
In my opinion since I was the child my step dad raised me since I was 4 years old As a child I wanted a father since I was old enough to understand my mom told me my step dad wasn’t my biological father, but I learned to Love Him like my own. But there was always that piece in my life I wanted so bad to belong to someone, I wanted to know who was my real dad. So I search for Him until I did, I saw for myself that I didn’t miss out a thing I wouldn’t change for the world my Dad my step dad. My so called sperm donor is what I call him didn’t fit my dads shoes. So I ask my dad (step dad) why didnt he adopted me, and he told me, that he was wanted me to make that decision for myself. He told me he loved me like his own. Even before he had his own biological children I was his first baby girl. My point is , if your husband is willing to do that please do it. It will make a huge difference in your baby life. I wish my dad would of done that… but like I told my dad a paper or a last name doesn’t make you my dad is the bond that we had with each other that nobody could break. My dad is in heaven and I’m missing him so much, so take every opportunity you have to make your baby feel love and accepted. Congratulations on your husband for stepping up when the real biological father step down…
Those men are so hard so find. Blessings 
I wouldn’t rock that boat. I’m in the same situation and don’t want to deal with ex and what he may do. Not stirring that pot! I’d just leave it alone.
Chances are if the bio dad hasn’t reached out to you by now he’ll be more than happy to sign those papers.
If He is your husband now and loves you and your son why shouldn’t he adopt him. You say you Don’t want anything from him. He isn’t part of your sons life. Your husband now has,raised him like his,own. Only fair to him.
Or just leave it be. A piece of paper doesn’t make you a dad or not a dad
If he was willing to do it then, then why wouldn’t he want to now?
How old is your child, and how old is your ex?
As a person who doesn’t know her biological father, don’t take away all form of contact in case he wants to learn about his other half. My father, the man who raised me from day 1 is my father no matter what and when I got older I respected him more so for doing what he did for me. However I’d still like to know who I get my other half of my DNA from. For medical reasons alone…so yes your going to have to take him to court.