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QUESTION:
"Whenever his friends, family, etc. talks crap about me or says something bad about me, he never defends me. Even to people that have done me wrong, he doesn’t defend me. He just kind of cowers in the corner. It’s not a one time only occurrence. It’s been this way since we’ve been together. He’s a very confrontational person, so it’s not that he’s too shy or timid to do it. It’s very wrong in my eyes. He’s betrayed me in more ways than one, and this is only one of them. Am I wrong for being upset?"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"No, I would be upset too. Your spouse needs to realize that the family he makes is more important then the family he came from."
"Why are you allowing people who don’t like both of you in your lives? It sounds like you both need to work on healthy boundaries with family and friends. Not everyone should have an open invitation to your peace. And if you’re constantly surrounded in drama, you may need to not only look at your circle but inwardly too. Decide what you’re willing to tolerate and what you’re not. Personally I wouldn’t put up with my husband not sticking up for me, and the fact that people are comfortable disrespecting you in front of him."
"Mine did the same thing. We are not married anymore"
"You even look at me sideways and my boyfriend is ready to throw hands. If he doesn’t defend you, I don’t see him putting in the effort to work on healthy boundaries. In the end it has to be your decision to make but in my personal opinion, I’d leave. Love is blind, but it’s not the only thing that makes a relationship work."
"Time to leave. He clearly doesn’t care enough about you to have your back in a situation. Also, if that many people talk smack about you on a regular basis, I would think he’s talking smack to them about you also…"
"I deal with the same thing and it’s been 14 years. I’ve learned to defend myself."
"I would definitely sit and communicate with him about this. My husband and I had this issue for a good solid year when we first got married. I always defended myself but his idea of defending me if just to avoid the issue. After so long of seeing I wasn’t the issue he finally out a foot down and now definitely does"
"That’s probably because he talks about you to them. If he speaks up they’ll call him out on it"
"He must be guilty of talking crap too then. I’d call him out right in front of them. I’d even be like oh really? He says the same about all of y’all. See what they say then. You have all the answers you need"
"It could be because he’s talked badly about you to them. It's time to stand up for yourself."
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