You married him for better or worse .You have to compromise
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Itās his mom not yours, you need to talk to him
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first and foremost you need to sit him down and tell him what you said hereā¦marriage is a compromise and he works alot I get that but you have more than just one job you are a cook, a parent in every sense, a caretaker of his mom you are doing the most he needs to figure out a balance that honors you and the vows he spoke to you. I get he needs a break but what about you you also need a break or a equal partner especially when it comes to his momā¦keep your chin up Queenā¦
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Talk to him. Tell him this.
Sit him down and talk.
How is it taking a toll? Do you miss him? Do you want his entire weekend or just a few hours? You need to be specific with men. Set a realistic goal that is a win for both of you.
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- If its an option look into him getting a new job
- If he has weekends off one of those days needs to be dedicated to his family. Working those hours he deserves a day to blow off steam as well.
- Talk to him. Especially if you love him
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Best thing to do is talk to him.
Go back to work. He knows he is doing this. Take care of yourself and childrenā¦donāt be trapped by his demandsā¦he obviously isnāt missing you. And you are probably exhaustedā¦ your work hours are 24/7
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Since he is not a mind reader you have to tell how you are feeling!!
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You need to have a serious conversation with him about his priorities. Iām not bashing him at all - and I can understand the heavy work schedule. But when he is choosing to spend his free time away from his family (you, his kids, and his mother) that is a problem. You got married and agreed to do this as a partnership - he is not upholding his end of the bargain. You need to have a conversation about expectations, boundaries, and consequences.
Honestly and communication . Tell him how you feel .
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The best advice youāll ever receive is to go develop yourself some boundaries, learn to effectively communicate them, and effectively enforce them. You matter, and itās time for you to believe it. Honor thyself.
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Send that boy back to his mommaaa.
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Yes you need a serious talk with your husband and communicate how you feelā¦ Good luckā¦ P.S no yelling talk like friends like you must beā¦
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Tell him the same way you told us.
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Heās not working 14 hours (1 hr for lunch). Iāve been there just leave and apologize to his mom but Iām sure sheās in on it. Not bitter but REALLY have been there. Pray 
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You need to sit quietly and tell him exactly what is on your heart. No raised voices or accusations, donāt make him feel defensive, just a heart to heart like you used to do when you were dating and best friends. Honesty. Good luck Sweetheart, Iāve got you in my prayers!
Being a SAHM is a full time job, so many āmenā seem to think their job is more important and harder so the weekends are their free time. Which would be great if they were single and without kids. He deserves no more ātime offā at weekends than you do.
And his mum should be quite well enough to look after herself now.
Never let a man think you donāt deserve more than this or that this is your lot in life.
First of all you need to talk with him, if heās rubbish at communication then do it through a marriage counsellor. Boundaries and an equal share of family duties.
Iād also advise you to start a little āme fundā - just put aside a little money every month that he doesnāt know about, that was if he decides family life is no longer for him, or if you decide you want out of the marriage then youāre not starting from scratch. X
Hire a babysitter/ caretaker and go to a hotel and pamper yourselfā¦
Sit down with you and kids as family fun night
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Communication is key. Heās your teammate. Try not to be resentful. Compromise.
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He needs to help you with HIS mom. She is NOT your responsibility. Weekends need to be his to spend with his mom so you have time to relax and unwind. Does he have siblings??? If so they all need to pitch in!!!
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Talk to him. Ask him if he canāt take time to help you out more, see if you can hire a part time caregiver for MIL or even see if some family members can come and help out. He seems to be close with his family. You canāt do everything. Tell him youāre burnt out. Itās hard taking care of 2 kids and his mother. Or if it was your mother it would also be a lot. Do in a non confrontational way. No blame. Iād use a lot of āMe and Iā statements. Like āI need helpā and āAt first I thought I could do it all and Iām realizing I canāt.ā If you arenāt really mad at him but need help thatās what Iād say. If you donāt say it how is someone going to know. Communicate. He might not even realize itās too much for you.
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You need to talk to him. If he doesnāt care or seem to get where youāre coming from, then itās sad to say, but leaving may have to be an option.
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One thing I learned is men dont take any illness with any love ones very wellā¦just love on him, they feel helpless and scared in these circumstancesā¦
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15 hours a day , he must be making overtime , tell him you need time to take care of yourself , and his overtime can pay for some part time domestic help , much needed and long over due .
If he refuses , tell him to hire full time help because youāre going to return to work
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How long has this been going on?
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Is he providing for you?
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If he has other siblings they should take turns of taking care of their mother if they are near by. My husband & I took care of her on summertime because we are snowbirds in AZ. It works out fine.
Sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him everything you are feeling let him know that you miss him and would like more time with him. Working is one thing but always chilling with his friends could be free time for you in the kiddos but nothing beats a failure but a try good luck
If your husband is overwhelmed . . . If he feels guilty . . . If he doesnt seem to care . . . If he is confused . . . If he feels like he is doing what is expected of him . . . If he imagines you have things easier . . . HE WILL BECOME DEFENSIVE.
You wonāt be able to open a conversation. He is ready with excuses, reasons, distractions.
He has talked with his friends in the same way you have spoken here.
You have expectations of him. He has the same of you.
Time for courage!!
Hire help. If he questions the expense, tell him quietly, but with assertiveness, that you are trying. Let it go then unless he wants to talk.
Only have that executive conversation when HE brings it up.
Meantime be prudent with your resources. Have a yard sale. Learn to bake. Teach yourself to can. Become a ninja shopper. Do everything you can to cover your household costs.
In a word:
Make yourself indespensible. To him and to yourself. He will come to your feet.
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You need to tell him things need to change. He should not be drinking with his buddies during his free time instead of spending time with you and the kids. If he fails to make changes, I would leave him.
Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart conversation. Taking care of 2 little kids is not an easy job but its still a job that has to be done. After the kids and your husband, that leaves very little time for you to do what you need to do for you. He can hire someone to take care of his mom or instead of drinking beer with his friends, they can help him figure out what to do with his mother.
Love yourself first.
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Get a home attendant and get back to work. Take care of you too. You are important and you matter too.
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Nope Iād care for her while he is at work but once he is home itās his responsibility cuz u have the kids. Ir he can take care of the kids while u take care of his mother. Also weekend he should be home doing one or the other. Itās his mother and they are both ur kids not just yours. You need to stand up for yourself and shut that crap down now. If he donāt man up and help then you need to just leave. It would be easier to work and care for your kids in your own home. Then he would have no choice but to care for his mother. Iām all for helping but he is taking full advantage of you
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Copy Cut and paste this and attach to the beer in the refrigerator
He will see it
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Heās out drinking with his buddies while youāre taking care of his mom? Help me understand that
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I have 3 kids , I hope they donāt plan on taking care of me, taking care of old people is hard work, taking care of sick old people is too much, get a qualified CNA, pop in when you can, sit have coffee and cake , or a vodka if you enjoy a drink of vodka, spend a little time , and get on with your life, if you donāt, you will be burnt out , it takes a toll on you, take care of you, sounds selfish, but it is the only thing you can do .
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The best thing I every did was go back to work. If thatās not financially possible try having a real heart to heart with him. The truth is, youāre not his motherās nurse. And itās unfair to expect that from u.
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He cares, that I know, he probably lost in his thoughts.Get a babysitter, go back to work even if is part time. Get something different to do . Have a conversation with him.
Get divorced and go back to work and put your kids in daycare and let him deal w/ his mom.
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You my sister need some ME time or no will be taking care of anyone. Is ha an only child?
Tell him he needs to spend time with his mother.
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You need to confront him. People put the effort in to what they love. May be time he and his mother move along so you can find someone who shows you effort, appreciates all you do. And please if his first response is āI have a job, I work a lot of hours for youā blah blah blah tell him to read this
Pleaseeeee having a job is way easier than being home with children all day 7 days a week 24 hours a day . On top of that, caring for YOUR mother alone. Iāve done both worked full time and stayed home full time and there is no comparison-- having a job is cake!! . Wake up or you will lose your family to a MAN who will step up. 
I hope you do show him my note. If no one has told you ā¦ YOU ARE AMAZING!
Happy (early) Motherās Day 
Have you expressed any of this to him? Make sure your communicating with him so he knows how you feel and where your heads at. Closed mouths donāt get fed hun. But if you have and itās still continuing, weāll then thatās a whole nother problem and level of disrespect. Definitely needs to start with communication thou.
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One thing for sure.it sounds like he is throwing all.or most of the burdens on you.and if he can make time to hang out after working.he can make some time to help you outā¦a man can only do.what you allow him to do.a guy like this will have me thinking he cheating.
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Of communication is always key. If you expresses your concerns and are left feeling invalidated and no willing compromise happens, than you may want to start thinking about alternative ways to deal with these challenges without his okay. In the end you arr responsible for your well being and happiness. Even for a man that willingly took on the responsibility of being the bread winnerā¦ He should be also thinking about how this is effecting you and come up with a solution. I know this cannot be easy at all. I have been through something similiar, grantedā¦my situation did not turn out so well and became very abusive when I tried to be vulnerable and express my feeling. Prayers to you.
If he is really working that many hours, he can afford some in home care for his mother. You may not be the only one in your household that is having a problem with this. His mom was probably hoping to spend some time with him. He needs to step up. The kids might be needing some Daddy time. You are being expected to do too much without any support from your partner. I hope you are able to discuss this with him with mutual respect. If thatās not possible, I hope you can figure out an exit plan.
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Tell him unfairā¦make the changes you want for yourself despite him.
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Itās called respect and he is not doing it nor are you because you need to respect yourself. Only you KNOW what to do bless you you and good luck !!
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Heās being selfish. You need to be talking to him. If all else fails, go back to work. Tell him to make arrangements for his mom and start working outside the home again so you can get adult interaction.
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Grounds for dismissal. My advice, stop putting up with it. Iāve learned in my marriage and all relationships, we teach people how to treat us.
Heās being selfish and irresponsible. Nobody has time to drink beer with friends with a new baby, 3 year old, and an ill Mother. He needs a priority check 
STAT.
Hell NO! Know your worth sweetheart! And donāt ever be a doormat. Sounds like he needs some ultimatumsā¦
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When he comes home this weekend grab your purse, leave, rent a hotel room, give him a call and tell him youāll be home late Sunday, to have fun with the kids, and if he canāt cook, suggest he order take outā¦ and Relax! Give him a dose of his own medicine, if it causes a divorce, what did you lose?.. heāll leave his mother with ya if sheāll stay or you lose them both. 
Counselling, and give him a bill for childcare and also fnursing care for his mo
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He needs to grow up, He needs to give the care, can you get away for a weekend and let him handle it?
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When he is not at work he absolutely should be taking care of HIS mother. Leisurely drinking with his friends away from wife and kids is obviously not something he has time for right now and him still doing so is neglectful to his marriage and duties as a father. He can only continue if heās allowed and you are the only one who can stop it.
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So many things wrong here I donāt know where to begin! What do YOU want? Figure that out then do it.
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Serious discussion needed explain to him the Situation since he seems to have no clue also your Family come first you are not responsible for your Mother in law.Be Strong if you have close Family and Friends bring them in .
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You definitely need to have a chat with this manā¦
Write down every little thing you do from time you get up till bed and times you get up in nightā¦
Dishes, laundry, meals, feedingsā¦picking up, vacuumā¦ everythingā¦show himā¦ sometimes guys need a visualā¦
Talk donāt get angry
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Sometimes insurance will help with in home care, check it out
When did this become a negotiation? Tell him that you need help taking cars of HIS mother. Tell him that drinking beer with the buds does not replace that. Tell him that in the priority of things, taking care of the children trumps taking care of his mother. This is a partnership, not a sole proprietorship. If he is unwilling to help take care of his mother, then, you are, too. Ask when do you get some free time? If work is a priority over taking care of his mother for him, then it is for you, too.
I understand working long hours and feeling that you are doing what needs to be done to support your family. But when I am doing that I also understand that family time is more important than me time. If you work long hours then your next priority is family and the friends or hobbies. Why canāt the whole family go out together to the farm, etcā¦
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Could be harder on youā¦you could have to work full time at WAY LESS pay as guys, have to pay child care, deal with your kids abused behind your back, come home to spend every second explaining why, what they learned with the sitter isnāt being nice, doing your fare share, that itās time to TRY to find a new sitter, that we canāt go on vacation because I used all my vacation to be home when looking for new sitters, and to top it off the dead beat dad not paying support and not visitingā¦not bad mouthing them so as to let kids make up their own mindsā¦what broke nowā¦well crap, got to go get repairs I donāt have money for AGAINā¦
Put your foot down! This is unacceptable thatās his mom not yours he can spend his time off with her and them his kids too he can help with them donāt let him walk all over u making u do everything
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Waitā¦āhisā farm??? Iām a country girl to the boneā¦take those kids and his mom out to that farm and you will learn Real livingā¦itās GREAT!!!
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Sorry, sounds like he put his friends and drinking before his family. You need to talk to him. Iām surprised his mom hasnāt.
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Spent most my marriage to an oil field worker/ long haul trucker. You are either committed to one another and building together or not. Communicate your needsā¦ We will be celebrating our 9th year of marriage next week and Sept 1 will make 15 years together. Marriages have seasons, waves, ups and downs thatās why we said those vows to one another. Growth isnāt easy alone. It is even tougher as a couple. 
First,try sitting down and talking with him when itās quiet and you can be alone with him. Is living together on the farm an option? It could help.Too much time apart is never a good idea.Good luck.
Firstly, marriage certainly has its ups and downs. Seems there is a lot going on with you taking care of the kids and his mother. Kudos to you for all that you do. You should definitely bring it to his attention that youād like to spend more time with him and/or have him help from time to time. Make sure you approach him in a loving manner. He may be stressed already about work and his mom, the reason he is being distant
Talk to him about seeing a counselor with you. I really donāt think Facebook is giving you any professional answers.
I think thereās a deeper problem going on, he may not know how to deal with his mum being ill and is using work and weekends away as a getaway. Hope you get it resolved best thing is to have a conversation away from the mil and ask his when do you get a break?
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It sounds like He does not value you, nor respect you. Sit him down ,tell him He needs to contribute some time that it wasnāt your choice to stay home. Taking care of your kids and His mother is a job in itself. He needs to start seeing you as his equal. Not act like He is entitled to weekend getaways.
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Working is one thing but taking time away from the kids to drink w his friends is wrong. Talk
Just here to say Iām sorry women even have to write āno bashing, please.ā
FFS, itās hard enough to be a woman without having to worry about this.
Hang in there, mama. You are doing the best you can with what youāve got.
Either tell him to help you or pay someone to help you, or better yet if he refuses to acknowledge the issue, you and your children should take a small getaway to your families house and see how he can handle his mother and keeping up with the house. Thatās not right that he feels that instead of his wife heās got a live in nurse and nanny, heās not treating you as a wife and you need to remind him about that.
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Thatās HIS MOM ! put your foot down!
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Tell him how you feel, and tell him you need help around the house. Also take time for yourself while he holds the fort down! You must have a healthy balance, or your marriage will not survive!
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Maybe, heās lost, too. A sit-down chat is definitely in order, tho.
Learning how to use āI statementsā helped me a lot.
(Copiedā¦) āAn āIā message or āIā statement is a style of communication that focuses on the feelings or beliefs of the speaker rather than thoughts and characteristics that the speaker attributes to the listenerā.
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Sounds like heās avoiding those responsibilities. As strong as you are for doing all that you are. Be as strong to speak up. Because you LOVE him donāt mean he can run. IF he runs, what makes you Stay? You need help, you just need time together. He needs to bring home the $$ BUT you holding it downā¦ SO find middle ground or Iām afraid you will be right.
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A very difficult predicament! First you should be commended for taking care of your mother in law in addition to taking care of your own family. Kudos! Is your husband aware of how you are feeling and appreciative of your selflessness? Is he aware that a marriage takes 2 people to work together to make it work? Understandably he is working long hours, perhaps to make up for lost wages on your part. Are you showing your appreciation for his hard work? Is there a way that you could have a date night worked into the weekend? Very important for each of you to feel valued and appreciated and it is equally important to have quality ātogetherā time.
Get home health.
I can help if needed.
Take time for your self.
Make an effort to get alone time w him
And if it doesnt work trade up. Ijs
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People only treat you how you let them.
Have you spoken up? Have you had the conversation with him about the situation? Maybe he is oblivious to how you are feeling. With two small children and the added responsibility of taking care of the mother in law, you may easily be feeling overwhelmed and sometimes things feel worse than what they really are, therefore he may not see that there is an issue.
My advice isā¦ communication is key.
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Eventually youāll get so tired of being alone that a plan will begin to form. It will all fall into placeā¦ .when you are ready.
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Unreal! If you donāt stop this now, itās only going to get worse. Itās HIS mother and his children. Time for him to show up for them and most of all you.
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He is clearly a narcissist and you are his supply to look after his mother. Tell him to get someone else to look after her and watch his rage 
. He is probably having an affair and claiming he is out with his friends on weekends.
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Pray about it. Itās easy for people to hop on here and give advice about a situation that theyāre not in and even if they have been in it, each situation is different.
I self love take a break and tell him your going away for a weekend he will have to hold it down maybe he will understand. Maybe eye opener
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Iāve done a lot of home care, so cudos to you! However I donāt know any Drās that wouldnāt sign off on MIL taking care of herself unless she is bedridden. Otherwise make a shopping schedule so she can go with you when you go, & get her a life alert system, & home health if needed. You have babies to raise. Now donāt drop all these bombs on him all at once cuz men canāt process all this, like women can. Get MIL handled, then move on to next issue, & so forth. Remember YOU teach ppl how to treat you, YOU are also teaching your children how to be treated.
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the best thing to do is make him sit down and have a hard but caring conversation .
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You need to sit him down and explain this all to him.
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TALK TO HIM. Pour your heart out and if he does not respond or react ask him to go to counseling with you.
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Maybe your husband needs sometime with just you but you have to find a way for that to happen donāt give up
If the bypass was successful and there is no other problems there should be little looking after his mother .
Pick your time before bringing this problem up to him and I suggest you donāt do it after the Booz trip
State your feelings and thoughts on the matter donāt let him interrupt thatās bad .
He may not agree with you immediately give it a day or two for him to consider it ,if after that there is no change you may have t reconsider your life .
Get s baby sitter for children, take a break.
If he can spend money so can you.
Sit him down and talk to him about whatās going on with you donāt scream donāt raise your voice just talked to him in a calm voice tell him how much you love his love and your children and him but he going to have to help more
I think you know in your heart how you feel taken for granted. Most men keep things to themselves, so he may be staying away due to guilt. He will probably get defensive, like youāre reprimanding him. Just let him know how you see things. He may be shocked. Men donāt see the big picture. He may think because you are such a good person that you know how to care for his mom, so heās trusting you. But he doesnāt realize how stressed you are. Let him know!!
Sit him down, tell him clearly, and set some boundaries you are willing to keep. If you hold your line, heāll come around, usually.
Look into agencies that can assist with MIL (personal care, meals, cleaning & laundry) ā¦she may qualify (Medicaid, etc ?). Then sit down alone with spouse to discuss your feelings (maybe he doesnāt realize there IS a problem?) Good luck & I hope he starts to be there for you 
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