My husband pays so much in child support that our kids go without: Advice?

Does anyone else have a significant other who screwed up being there for his kids and still doesn't offer to have them more when he can, but pay a generous amount to their mom on an agreement between them so "they don't go without" or because he "doesn't want to be a POS"? You see, the kids' clothes Don't fit, but they have a new house, new cars, and dirt bikes, 4wheelers, and obviously living great while again their dang clothes don't fit. She asks for more money for school clothes, yet they installed a trampoline. My husband tells my kid, "keep your room clean; I go to work so we can have nice things," yet my kid gets told he can't afford this and that for her while he's paying her for two kids over a grand and sees them like four days of the month. She's married, and her husband works. Why is it she goes after my husband for money? He claims we live comfortably, but we scrape by every month. If I bring something up (like their clothes don't fit), I get yelled at by him, but he continues to pay this ridiculous amount and not go to court because she's sent him this chart of how much he'd have to pay, which isn't actually accurate unless they go to court. He holds insurance on the kids while she doesn't because she and her husband make too much for the state to hold them. How can I not be a jerk but let him know I'm sick of how he treats us when we've been there? We live with him. We love him, and he can't even see that she's taking full advantage of the situation and him.
91 Likes

If he’s not willing to modify it tho the percentage she’s supposed to get then it’s on him. He’s choosing to live like that. If she’s getting the percentage that she’s supposed to get then it shouldn’t be your business on what she spends it on. The clothes don’t fit? The dad needs to bring up that issue with mom. The amount he gives her doesn’t matter as long as it’s the state’s percentage unless they agreed for something higher. As for seeing the kids, has he asked to see the kids more? If the answer is no then it’s also on him. I do feel bad that you’re going through it but those are his choices and clearly if he’s yelling at you then obviously it’s not going to change so either suck it up or move on especially if the children are young. Can you put up with more years of that with him? Is he worth it? Is getting yelled at and disrespected really love? You might love him but a man who truly loves a woman would never do that constantly simply because he disagrees. Pointing out the obvious that you should’ve known what you got into by dating a father. I truly wish you the best but too many red flags on his end, don’t waste your youth on a man who doesn’t see an error in his way because those never change.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband pays so much in child support that our kids go without: Advice?

I would get a lawyer & go back into court & prove this.
Yes he needs to pay child support. But he also needs enough money to support his other children, too

26 Likes

You cannot fix this. He has to, and he doesn’t want to.

34 Likes

So my dads ex wife did this and we went without because of her. He even got a “new to him truck” so we could have something bigger for us kids, she took a picture and somehow put him in jail he was a day late and they took him. We was hungry a lot because of her and she didn’t give a rats a** about us. Still doesn’t. My sister hit 18 and she was seriously crying and mad her child support ended.

6 Likes

Actually they’ll reduce his CS because he has another child. They did this with my ex and I. They also took my income into consideration. They dropped it over 800 a month.

It sounds like he misses his old life tho and prioritizes his other kids over y’all.

13 Likes

You cant help those that wont help themselves.

4 Likes

Id have him put himself on child support. I’m assuming he wouldn’t pay as much. Dont let mom walk all over you guys

3 Likes

He really needs to go to court. I also hope he has proof over everything he has paid because if he doesn’t this could back fire one him. If he hasn’t documented it or showing money transfers she could say a different amount was paid or nothing was paid and the courts will make him back pay. So sorry your daughter is having to suffer. Make this legal so you are all protected

Leave and have him add you to the payroll :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

11 Likes

Child support is based on income…if he goes back to court there’s a chance that he vould actually end up paying more than what he’s paying now…

7 Likes

He should put his kids first.

8 Likes

You want to know why he has to pay to take care of his other kids? You need to get a grip. You obviously knew he paid child support before you had kids with him.

40 Likes

They’ll also reduce it even more bc he has them on his insurance so he’s legally responsible for their medical bills

7 Likes

It’s not that she’s going after “your husband” for money…it’s that she’s going after her “baby daddy” for the support to pay for his child. Just because they’re living well due to her current husband job, or whatever reason, doesn’t mean your husband doesnt have to pay support for HIS kids.

39 Likes

don’t matter what he pays…he needs to take care of ALL HIS OBLIGATIONS. The kids at home should get the same level of care. If they don’t it’s ON HIM

6 Likes

U had kids it’s ur job to take care off em no matter what it sucks but he doing what needs to be done

3 Likes

Those are his kids… 1000.00 for 2 kids… sounds about right… there’s nothing you can do if he’s not doing anything…

5 Likes

Depends on the state. Nevada for two kids is 25% of gross income. Minus half for insurance that the mom would pay and a deduction for another child.

So for example if he makes 4,000 gross.

CS would be 1,000

But if health insurance costs are 200 a child (400 total) he would get a 200 deduction.

So now CS would be 800.

Then a deduction for another kid which can very.

1 Like

Tell him. Or leave him. He shouldn’t be putting his kids ahead of his other’s that’s not being a good father.

2 Likes

He should be paying for his kids and you should have thought about this before you got involved

24 Likes

Depending on how much he makes annually he could end up paying a whole lot more then he is paying now most courts go off of how much time is spent with the kids and how much income he brings home and if he makes more then his Ex regardless of her marital status he will have to cover the difference so going to court might actually bit you in the rear!

6 Likes

Then tell hubby your about to take him to court for child support and alimony since he’s a jerk.

1 Like

You married him knowing he had kids he is financially responsibility for, now you crying about it? I don’t think you have a say about what he want to give his kids.

27 Likes

So he shouldn’t take care of his kids bc she has a husband? They are still half his. As long as you have a house, food, clothes, etc too then I dont understand what your saying. If he doesn’t want more parenting time thats his choice, he’s making up for it with money. :woman_shrugging:t3:

20 Likes

Well considering those are his children and your child isn’t his….

7 Likes

Its not fair- i get it- but here in Ny the judges are asshats and say the guy has to take care of the previous family- ive been thru it - its a shitty situation

Maybe file for child support from him? Maybe then when it’s documented the amounts might go down? Cause sometimes if you have documented expenses that are compulsory that then it sometimes is based off what’s remaining if you can prove to them that you’re (your husband) is struggling after the child support payments. Don’t know amount America but certainly in Australia they can be reasonably with the child support payments.

4 Likes

That is why you don’t get into a relationship with a man with young children…well at least that is why I didn’t you have put yourself into a bad situation and you kids are suffering over it but at least they have both parents :woman_shrugging:t3:that should make you feel better ❤‍🩹

2 Likes

He’s taking care of the kids he made, as he should.

7 Likes

She’s not “going after your husband”. Those are HIS KIDS.
You married a man knowing he had other children. If you can’t handle him helping take care of HIS children, leave.

Shes going after whats hers. Not yours. You chose to lay with a man that had prior obligations and this is the result. Their children, aka your kids siblings, don’t deserve less just because you have kids aswell. Thats where you come in just like BM likely pays a good portion for their littles

14 Likes

I would just have him go to court to set a actual amount and that way she cant keep asking for more and also maybe he can get more visitation. Whatever the amount the court sets would be accurate and its his kids so he has to contribute.

1 Like

I am all about what’s fair when it comes to family life but you to ask yourself a question you knew you’re husband had kid previously to you dating and marrying him so instead of bombarding him with stress and guilt for doing hie fatherly obligations how about figuring out a way to help him supplement the income in your own household not saying he’s right! But some help go’s along way might motivate him to make changes!

6 Likes

You keep saying “my kid”, which makes it seem like he’s not the father. If that’s the case, you can’t expect him to put your kid over his own kids. $500 per child/month isn’t ridiculous. You knew he had kids when you married him. Stop complaining about him trying to be a good dad.

9 Likes

Don’t want this kind of headache? Marry a man without children. That was the #1 requirement I had when I decide to marry.

8 Likes

Do you work? If not, get a job and help out. He’s helping support his children. He has to do that.

8 Likes

If he got joint custody he wouldn’t have to pay her any child support

I mean, he owes money to support his children. The fact that the kids’ basic needs aren’t being met in favor of family toys, especially in a dual income house, may suggest there is some neglect happening toward his kids. If he doesn’t care to see them maybe he’s not such a great guy, either. You don’t get to have any input on how much he pays in child support, that is a totally separate part of his life that has nothing to do with you and her taking the child support that the court has awarded to her is not ‘taking advantage’.

2 Likes

Well my husband pays about a grand a month for two kids and only works a minimum wage jobs. Plus we have one together and 3 step kids well he took her back to court and they dropped it from 2,000 to 1,000 he’s supposed to have his son every other weekend and one over night the off week. The mom totally refuses to allow my husband to even see his kid and the courts won’t do anything about it. It all depends on your state. Sadly my state fails fathers who try to be a good dad to there kids.

1 Like

She goes after your husband for money because…they are HIS kids. That’s how it works. You breed em, you gotta feed em.

11 Likes

Maybe get a job & help with the household expenses instead of relying on his income solely :woman_shrugging:

12 Likes

I thought when a mom remarried then child support was adjusted or stopped?
Either way, there should be a court deciding on an amount.
Also… why aren’t you working?

3 Likes

Have your tried to use the calculator toll yourself because that’s exactly how a huddle does it in my state .

3 Likes

mine sees his kids way more than most dad’s and still gets raped in child support through the courts. it is what it is and you learn to live with it. but if it’s not court ordered then I’d recommend talking to an attorney seeing if there would be a difference a child support and if so have it done through the courts. if it won’t be less then not worth it
child support is flawed in my opinion. but also nothing you can do if he doesn’t want to change it either. you literally have no say.

You honestly can’t tell her what child support can and can’t be used for. It isn’t always the right way that he just continues to give and give anytime she asks because he doesn’t have court ordered and you struggle but once he gives it to her she is free to use it however she sees fit. I’m supposed to grt court ordered child support every month but my ex husband never pays it. I tend to get his income tax refund every year because he gets so far behind and I use it to cover my kids expenses but also some of what may need to be done towards me since I spend my money all throughout the year on them with nothing from him. And there is nothing he can do about it.

2 Likes

As a mom on the other side of this, I NEED every penny I can get. I work my butt off and come up short. The child support I receive allows my daughter to do activities she wouldn’t otherwise be able to do. I often go without so i can save for our future. I would be beyond frustrated if my ex’s wife wanted to reduce my child’s support for children they decided they could afford knowing full and well they had commitments to her already

2 Likes

Kinda sounds like he doesn’t care and will pay whatever she asks just to avoid court. Child support is based on income AND how much he has the kids for visits.

4 Likes

You said, “My child.” Is this not his child? Does this child have a different father? I’m confused. My child wouldn’t go without for anyone, no matter how much I loved him. How do you marry someone and not know these things beforehand?

6 Likes

First is your kid his kid?

1 Like

Id thank God for a decent man who knows he is responsible for his children. His children should come first, they didnt ask to be born.you seem a bit jealous.dont be jealous over children. All children deserve to be taken care of.

11 Likes

Sounds like he needs to go back for modification

1 Like

I once loved a man so much I helped him in every area. Including bills from his past. Not something ppl will praise but love is priceless! Very priceless after the results unfold everyday

Dang i get like $300 a month for 2 kids

I have so many unanswered questions …do you guys share child together? If so, why aren’t you working to help give your family nice things as well? Just bc you shot a kid out of your vagina doesn’t mean his other children suffer. Do you really want to be “that asshole” that doesn’t want her husband NOT supporting his kids?! Seriously ?! $500/kid isn’t much. Why does she go after your husband for money?! Are you serious right now?! He’s the father. I wish I could draw you a picture bc you have got to be a whole sack of French fries short of a Happy Meal if you can’t figure that out.
If you don’t have kids together, then this kid uou keep talking about that he doesn’t spend enough on, isn’t his responsibility, cupcake. He/She is YOURS and whatever sorry soul you laid with to make it.

1 Like

I feel your pain . However , there is a very good chance if he went back to court she could get more money .

3 Likes

I went thru this for 11yrs. He pd more to her ea mo (court appointed) than the amt of our mortgage. Def go thru the court. It was SUPER HARD at times, but if you go thru the court there will be an end in sight. In his case it was 21y/o for 1st child, 18y/o for 2nd & he carries their ins, dental, vision til 21y/o. I cldnt imagine a life w/o my husband even when it was hard & I cldnt imagine being a single mom not getting child support as well. But I also know women can manipulate & milk things too, bc she def did (wanting him to pay for their braces when 1 was 18 & the other was 21):roll_eyes:so GO THRU THE COURTS.

I’m assuming your daughter is not his, so maybe you should be on top of her dad to pay his child support or more. He obviously is fine with paying the amount to make up for the fact that he doesn’t have to raise his kids. You said it yourself he screwed up and still doesn’t want to be there when he can.

8 Likes

Just because she’s married doesn’t mean the dad should stop paying. He’s responsible for those kids. Maybe he feels guilty for not giving them them time a day :woman_shrugging:t4:. Regardless child support will be around that price. I honestly think you should mind your business about what happens at someone else’s home. If you aren’t happy tell your husband to start being a better father to his children.

11 Likes

I don’t think she’s jealous I think she’s tired of going without and his other kids have a better life with luxury things and hers/theirs don’t. I totally understand her.

15 Likes

Lawyers are your friend find 1, file a custody suit go for joint custody even if you lose they will still do some math prolly to the tune of 200 a month or less depending on income from all parties, stop paying get a lame excuse save the payment for a down on the lawyer “freedom is worth any price” look it up

4 Likes

Tough s#!$ . you should have thought about this before you married him. When you married him you did so knowing he had these other kids to support. If he is too dumb to go to court and have it figured out and rather listen to her that is his problem. You have nothing to bitch about.

Anyone who gets any amount for child support should be grateful. I’ve been single mom for the full 14 years & counting and my ex paid absolutely nothing. I just hussle and sacrifice things to have the life we have & it’s pretty fricken awesome :heart_eyes::smiling_face_with_three_hearts: Kids deserve both parents love & support and some don’t get that.

5 Likes

Leave… Then he can pay you rediculous amounts of money to. Seems he doesn’t really care about y’all.

8 Likes

That’s wild. Definitely go to court.

Why are uou upset that he takes care of his kids. Your kid is there, but he is not your baby daddy. So ask your baby daddy for childsupport. Don’t worry anout what he does for his. Be happy for him and his kids. You sound a little jealous. You are with a great man, don’t allow bitterness get into your heart and maybe ruin a great thing

3 Likes

Just FYI - the insurance that he carries on them would be subtracted from what he has to pay in child support. I’d go to court

4 Likes

So because his ex wife is doing well and doesn’t need the money he shouldn’t have to financially take care of his kids? I’m so confused by this. Don’t get me wrong no kid should have to go without clothes that don’t fit but get another job! If I had a man that didn’t take care of his other kids financially somehow no matter what he wouldn’t be a man to me. Who cares what the other family is doing. You got with him knowing he had other children he was taking care of and you still wanted a kid with him. What happened to that? I cannot with this well if I don’t need it I shouldn’t ask no by all means no matter what he should financially and physically try and be apart of their lives more.

7 Likes

Go to court get 50 /50 no one pays just provided when child is with them

1 Like

You do realize that it’s numbers in the courts right? No one can do anything really due to the number system that they use. The courts told my ex that he can get a second job. Maybe you can get a job maybe as well yourself. File for child support for your kids that are not biologically his. I mean I don’t know what to say that they was there first and by law she’s required to get child support. You knew he had kids stop the whining about it and go get a job as well. Learn to save your income tax etc to stretch it out. I mean I can’t believe it. If he’s not court ordered to pay the support and he’s paying $1000 , if they ever go he’ll probably end up paying more or the same amount. I would let it go and get a job. Apply for welfare food stamps maybe. There’s tons of resources.

5 Likes

There are child support calculator sites on Google. There may be one for your own state. Fill out the information, make sure to input how much he pays for insurance and see if it’s cheaper to go to court.

3 Likes

You chose to be in a relationship–and have children with–a man with children that he paid child support for.

12 Likes

Her husband is not responsible for those kids. Sounds like you don’t understand how parenting works. Her husband is not obligated to insure those kids or fund their lifestyle.

10 Likes

Your lucky qite complaining

3 Likes

If he’s making enough income to pay her THAT much plus pay your homes expenses, if you go to court he will end up paying even more! Be grateful he hasn’t had to go to court. Maybe you can pick up a part time job if you want some extra income? Just a thought…and is your child his biological child? If not I’d go to court for your own child support for your child.

2 Likes

Take her ass to court!!

These comments are so rude! I get exactly what she is saying she don’t have a problem with it the problem is the ex is using the kids to get money and using threats to get it and he thinks it’s true so he does what he has to keep her happy to stay out the system. I’ve been there and Ik exactly how she feels but sometimes u have to put ur foot down and go to court 50/50 and no one has to pay support only provide when they are with you

He needs to take it to court. However it may not get lowered. He has been paying it without being ordered. If she can prove that, the courts will see him able to pay it. Even if it does get lowered his attitude isn’t going to change. The older children, first child’s mother will always be more important. I learned from expirence. She’ll call him saying they need money for this or that & he’ll give it to her.

1 Like

That happens way too much

I have grown children. Last year I moved in with my boyfriend, he has 2 teen daughters. The youngest stays with us all week,dads nightshift and is available to take her to her ballgames/ practice. The older one drives and goes back and forth more. We have them 1 weekend a month mandated, they stay two, usually. I wouldn’t have it any other way!! He let me know early on that his kids would always come first. That’s part of the reason I fell in love with him. Because, he understands that my kids will always come first. Besides, if he can’t love his children beyond anyone, how can he love me? I also work and both have good incomes and a shared bank account. He pays ALOT of CS, provides insurance and bought out the marital home. Be thankful you met someone who’s love matches yours, you will/should always remain 2nd. He is my 2nd after my kids.

3 Likes

It seems that she is getting enough money but is spending it more on extravagances instead of the children’s actual needs such as clothing. She should have used the money for uniform before a new trampoline. I would say that your husband needs to say to her I’m giving you this amount a month to cover XYZ and nothing more. If you choose to allocate it to non-necessities then you need to find the money to cover the gaps. A grand a month is a crazy amount of money for child support in the UK… My friend gets £3 a month per child from her ex and that’s through a court!
Also if your child is biologically his as well then you need to highlight that your child should be getting exactly the same as the others.
It’s hard and I am glad he is financially supporting his children but I understand your frustration if it’s always an argument for him to financially support the children under his roof too.

7 Likes

I get what you’re saying. I haven’t been in that situation. Im on the receiving side. So I can kind of understand her side… It doesn’t matter what my husband and I have or what we do with our money. He should pay and it’s nobody’s business. I was receiving 120 a week for my son. But he lost his job and I haven’t gotten anything since April 16. So now im in the process of filing child support paperwork/court through my tribe. (We got into it over his constant neglect of my son) so now I don’t want to deal with him. Maybe he (your husband) should just go through the courts and pay the child support. They will go by both incomes to calculate . I really hope you get it figured it.
.It breaks my heart for the kids in the middle of adult issues.

Whew chile… you must be confused as to how this works. He’s supposed to take care of his children financially and why would any woman wanna be with a man who didn’t? He sounds like a stand up dad & man to me. Plus he’s paying bills in y’alls household too?! I just cannot even 🥸

10 Likes

If he hasn’t been paying through child support enforcement then I hope he saved proof that he’s been actually paying it to her as child support or of he does go to court the mother could deny it and then he’d owe back support. If he wants to change things best to get a good lawyer.

My ex is court ordered to pay in Florida he didn’t consistently for awhile and has a lot of back owed some I let them take off because I never planned to see it so not worth making it worse. Long story short when we agreed about 3 years ago they based it off what he said he income was which was less than he actually made ( not complaining my kids are fine without it we keep it in savings for them ) but he could have to pay more but not worth the drama but yes if you’re providing and he’s not court ordered paying then you need to get that figured out , if it’s not on paper it means nothing .

1 Like

Sounds like theres a reason he got divorced the first time.

1 Like

Those kids were there first. My ex tried pulling that in court saying he needed to lower his child support so he can support his new family. The judge made it very clear that my kids were here first. Sorry but maybe something can be worked out getting it lowered some.

8 Likes

Sounds like they have there own thing and it is for his kids . Not my business not my money

2 Likes

Those are his kids he has to pay for them! You knew when you married him he had prior obligations! Your children are they his or are they someone else’s? If he feels he’s paying too much then he can go to court with it.

4 Likes

Why are you angry at her for securing what her kids need or deserve ? Shouldn’t you secure the same for your child? He pays bc he’s an absent father. Stop being envious of what the other mother has and worry about your own family.

14 Likes

If this is accurate then he’s definitely being taken advantage of. But he’s a dead beat for not seeing them. He may need to go to court to get a set amount instead of just this and that. He absolutely should be paying for them now but yes his kids with you should not be screwed up in the process

3 Likes

Um… I get 850 a month for 1 child… that was ordered when he was paying 3 other child support cases (2 of them same mom she got about $960 for 2 teenage boys) and also while he had 9 over nights a month… And its about to get raised since that was 2 years ago… he now only has 1 other child support, has gotten a very large raise… o and 4 months ago he 100% abandoned our kid for a… um… pos chick… I once was that chick that wondered why his baby mamas got so much money… especially when one was married to a very rich man… but honestly now being a single mother myself in the situation. $500 a month per kid ($125 a week) is NOT a lot to ask for… my 2 boys eat that much in food a month… not to mention all the extra necessities, like clothes, sports, roof over their heads ect… NEITHER YOURS OR HER HUSBANDS FINANCES should be added to the equation and the state (at least in michigan) does not use their income in calculating the support. They do however take in to account his/her other children in to account… if your kid is not biologically his, they do not care, thats your responsibility and you should be getting your own child support from their fathers. If it is his biological child that’s different.
If you end up separated from him and you have his biological children… then you will totally understand why $1000 a month for 2 children is nothing but chump change

2 Likes

Idk how many kids there are but I’m guessing 2 or more because you said kids. So for multiple kids that amount isn’t actually a whole lot IMO

So you married this guy knowing he screwed up being there for his kids and doesn’t see them like he should and had your own kid with him and you’re now surprised he’s not providing for that kid very well? This whole thing existed before you got there why would you think it would change? If he took his kids for more than a few days every month like an actual joint custody scenario he probably wouldn’t have to pay as much child support. It sounds like he’s paying so he doesn’t have to be bothered with being a parent. :woman_shrugging:

7 Likes

Lmao I get a whole whopping 86.00 a month :woman_facepalming:t3: 1000,00 my kids would have name brand clothes a savings account for college ect that’s insane

1 Like

Sounds like you want a lavish life maby you should look around for a better paying job ?

6 Likes

They were there first

7 Likes

Sounds like the problem isn’t support …

“His kids” “my kid” … the problem is you. They are all your kids. A grand a month isn’t much when raising 2 kids full time. Step up and parent more than 4 days a month

Shouldn’t be so worried about him stepping up financially when the mom is carrying the emotional load of raising kids 90% of the time.

Seriously concerned about how he can do less for his kids🙄

27 Likes

Get a lawyer and see what ur options are…some states lessen CS if he gets more time with them…I feel ur pain but we have gotten creative with increasing our income…investments etc