My husband refuses to be a dad: Advice?

I seriously cannot get my husband to do ANYTHING when it comes to the kids? He won’t play with them and go anywhere like the park etc. if it ain’t fun for him! It’s a constant fight, and Idk what to do anymore I have told him it’s NOT ABOUT us anymore, but he doesn’t care.

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Throw that whole man away girl.

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get a lawyer and leave

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How old are the kids? How many? Is this a new change or has he always been kinda distant

you’re his parent. That’s pretty much all their is to it, you have a man child.

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Divorce his selfish ass

Do you have any mom friends who could recruit their husbands to help out? Like a daddy play date at Scandia or something.

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Give him back to his mom lol

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Tell him to shape up or ship out

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Bye… because if wont be about you when you are 50 and there aren’t kids in the house either. You will have a lonely life that could be spent with someone so much better!

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My ex was the same.
That’s part of the reason why he’s an ex. If you’re going to be a single parent then you may aswel be a single parent with your own space.

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You can’t make him want to be a dad. I’m sorry. But can’t force him

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Bye . Bye then…a good single parent family is better than the children knowing that one parent does not care about them…

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You may have chosen the wrong man. My great grandma left her husband because he ignored their children. If she could do that in the 40’s so can you.

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Y’all have great advice to leave. Single much? Marriage and parenting is SO MUCH WORK! Holy shit girl. I’m sorry you have to deal with such a hardship. I would recommend seeing a counselor, if you dont have time, there is live counseling online. Its imperative. Sometimes people dont understand where you are coming from until you put it point blank and there is someone there interpreting the frustration…

He is immature and selfish. Unfortunately you can’t make him be a dad. Just spend time with your kids and theyh will know mama is always there.

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For sure don’t have any more kids!

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Did he want the kids? Just wonder if maybe he never wanted to be a dad and thats why he’s not wanting to do anything with them.

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People are always quick to say leave. My fiancé was like that but after finally telling him a thousand times he has learned. Leave for the day and make him take care of the kids and you go have fun. Maybe find something that interests all of you. I get it that parks can get boring for you. Also take time for y’all so y’all aren’t losing yourself.

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Is this something that just started? How old are the kids? Some men have trouble adjusting to new dad life but some others are just plain not interested in their little ones.

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Leave girl…run…like forest!

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Give an ultimatum, either he starts acting like a father or he loses his family.

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Do everything with your kids. He can fuck off. Don’t damage your kids bc he’s damaged.

Wtf leave him . Your kids deserve both parents

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Maybe talk to a therapist instead of Facebook? I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if your husband was complaining about you on social media. Not trying to be rude, just saying.

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How old are you guys and kids? You have two???

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Divorce him. Sue him for child support & alimony. You’re better off being a single mom to your children than parenting him too. When it comes to visitation request supervised visits on the grounds that he never did anything for the kids with you, you’re concerned he’ll be able to provide safety for them alone.

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Ugh… kids? So he failed as a parent with the first kid and you had another with him??? Leave.

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Different view: my husband works a lot in a physical job. Barely gets a day off. Yes, sometimes I ask for him to take our kids out BUT I do understand that he is tired. I think that he doesn’t care BUT he also lets me sleep in on my day off and tries to upkeep the house.

Sometimes a relationship is picking & choosing your battles. No argument will be exactly what you thought your significant other would be.

I love my husband through the universe and back. But, that does not mean he doesn’t upset me because he doesn’t have the same sights as me.

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Dump his ass… you’re already a single parent from the sounds of it

I would leave sorry but I would

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sounds like he deserves the title ex husband more an pay child support an not be able to see them since he takes no interest in them at all

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So because he doesn’t want to play with the kids …people are saying leave him? So he can be half ass co parent? Maybe hes depressed. Maybe he is being selfish. Doesn’t mean hes a bad person. You’re looking to the wrong place for marriage advice though. And seriously ladies? Leave him because he isn’t into playing with the kids? …and it is about the couple…kids should be a great addition to your relationship but your relationship should be a priority . too many moms put kids over everything and for one that gives kids wrong idea about where they should stand in decision making in the home and it also takes away from the relationship with your partner.

I would leave and take him for support.and custody. I’m assuming that he wont fight you for it. However there comes a point in time when you need to.grow up. He chose to lay down with you and have sex knowing the consequences he should man up. Even play with them.in the yard for god sakes…

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I’d just leave the house, he has no choice but to deal w them. I also wouldn’t be giving up anymore ass… You know, cause kids are exhausting, especially w no help.

If you’re going to be a single parent then be one!!!

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So why is he around? Is he a house decoration?

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Your not alone! I feel for you

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Er…all these folks like “divorce him”
:roll_eyes:

My husband is too TIRED after work to be doing all that stuff except on weekends and I want to let him rest on his “weekend” cause he usually only gets 1 day off. BUT our son(3) ADORES him.

He plays a racing game on xbox1, it’s his form of relaxing and our son is in there with him almost every second, playing and laughing with his dad.

Like y’all getting judgy quick on here. Maybe he IS spending time with them but not in the way she wants or how she spends time with them, so maybe she’s complaining.

Like you can’t take one side of the story and run with it. :sweat_smile::woman_shrugging:t2:

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Throw the whole guy away. Get him paying child support and move forward with your & your kids lives!

Could he possibly have mental health issues that he hasn’t discussed with you? I know from experience that depression can have you not wanting to participate in life. Have a chat with him and rule this out before packing your bags and leaving…

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Does he have any underlying mental health issues. Has there been any red flags In The way he emotionally treats his children. If he gives his children love and treats you with respect around them I’d say maybe seek a professional advice as a lot of people struggle with physical activity when it’s outside there own comfort zones even with there own kids.

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You deserve happiness and your kids deserve seeing their parents happy :woman_shrugging:t2:

Don’t ask, don’t force it, just let it go.

Not all people are hands on parent.

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Let it go, fighting is not the answer.

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He may participate more as they get older

Funny, I just went through that same thing. Turns out when you leave and find someone willing to be a father type figure to kids that aren’t his the bio dad steps up (at least in my case) turns out everyone is happier and healthier. At least for now.

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So when he did nothing to help or interact with the first kid, you sat down with him and said, “Honey… you’ve done nothing to be a father to this child, and I’ve been thinking…
It’s time we had another one.”
Smart. :+1:
Bit of advice to carry through life:
People are more willing to help people who are willing to help themselves.

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Its so much more fun without him right. Be without him

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Been there Done ThT!!

This was one of the reasons I got divorced. I was doing it on my own anyway… so I decided I didn’t want to put up with the constant fights about what he should be doing as a father. To this day, he only plays board games etc when he has a gf around. Other than that, his mom has them the majority of the time on his days, so that he can go to concerts, ride his motorcycle, etc. And now I have a husband who shows interest in the things THEY enjoy.

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First, do what you know to do is best for you in taking care of and providing for your kids. I went through something similar and felt like I was doing everything by myself and said as much. Well, after my divorce I really had to do everything by myself.
Second, make sure your assessment is accurate and not based on your own frustration and tiredness.
Third, your marriage is about you and your husband. Your family is about how you work together in the best interests of each child and your family as a whole unit.

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This sounds familiar :disappointed:

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I’m in the same boat. We are working on things. It’s slow, but we’re trying.

I separated from mine who didn’t help or do anything either so now he tries a lot more when he has them

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He is either on or out! If he does want to be a Dad you can not make him. Your child deserves a good Dad. Your #1 job is to take care of and protect your child! Walk away, never look back and take your child with you.

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Sucks. Some men don’t know how to grow up or act like men or good fathers. Some are just selfish and no matter what it’ll always be your fault and he won’t see how he is. Sad.

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Find more interesting things to do together

Do shit without him and live for your kids without him. I’m not saying leave but fuck it. If he wants to miss out then that’s his loss. Your kids will see your strength and what not to do as a father

Geez. The answer isn’t always to leave. That’s her husband. The 1st answer to problems isn’t divorce, leave, go after child support & alimony. No wonder the divorce rates are so high :roll_eyes:
Talk to him. Maybe he’s depressed. Unhappy. Maybe he works constantly & he’s exhausted & wants to rest.
Just because he doesn’t want to play with the kids doesn’t mean he’s automatically a horrible dad that doesn’t care about his children.
I wonder if this a man posting this saying his wife never plays with the kids, if the first response would be leave your wife! Get custody!

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Therapy. Couple and family.

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I was married to that! It never changed even now after I tried for 13 years (15 of marriage). And even after divorce he still isn’t a dad unless they come to him and watch what he wants on tv when there. They can’t see their old neighbor friends, go anywhere or have anyone over while they are at his house. They resent him. My oldest is a senior and he’s never seen anything she has done in high school or even set foot in her high school. Hope you have better luck

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Stop asking. Just make plans with you and the kids don’t include or invite him. Then when you go to leave and he asks where your going just say "I’m going to have fun with the kids, something you dont want to be a part of "and leave. And continue to do it as if he’s not there. If he realizes he wants to step up and be a part then great. But if not then decide whether or not your okay with that support in your marriage. Sometimes the biggest realizations involve the least amount of talking.

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You can’t force him to parent actively unfortunately all you can do is be their mom

Maybe his ideas of a father’s role are different than yours. I would seek some kind of counseling To get a better understanding of his behaviors. Maybe he doesn’t know how to be a father. If you truly care take the time to learn first before you make any crazy decisions.

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What DOES he do?
Does he work long hours?
Is he the sole provider?
Could he just be too tired?
Could he be depressed?

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Soooooo the alternative is to advises woman to raise her children in a broken home? Oh…ok :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

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Unfortunately, some dad’s did not have great examples of being a daddy. Often the mom’s did everything & this still continues today.
Plan family things for you all to do together. Include stuff you know he likes. Plan a weekend away at an indoor water park.
If your interested, join a church that has many families, your husband may find some positive role models & learn a few daddy orientated things.
Good luck.

Just because you’re married doesn’t make having kids the solution to stay together. Did he want kids? Were they happy "accidents "? Like others have said… his way of being a father might not fall under your expectations :woman_shrugging:

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Y’all must be single since your resolution is to leave him. You have to have everything picture perfect or you divorce the bastard?! Relationships are hard work, parenting is harder work and we have to meet in the middle, compromise and communicate.

Parenting classes maybe?

My husband struggles with this as well. When the kids go to him, one is 7 and one is 2.5, it hits home. The 7 year old is just now able to express how he is feeling twords his dad and some times it breaks my heart. Sometimes dad gets it and steps up. I am present every chance I get. I figure it makes up for dads slacking. Sometimes father’s have to be taught how to be a dad, sometimes the kids have to be the teachers. Support and all of them help them to communicate to each other.

Just let it go. If he doesn’t want to spend time with his kids then he doesn’t. And one day the kids will know that. Also he might be able to spend more time when they get older. And unfortunately people are selfish beings.

My husband was the same don’t force it cause it won’t work. Just take up Daddy role that is all you can do unless you want to leave. Good marriage stay and do for your kids. My Dad never was either so was easy for me to ignore and carry on.

What a fucking looser

Not all dads do the little kid things. Sad truth. Deal with it or move on

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Perhaps he has the mind set of father’s are the bread winners and moms are solely responsible for raising kids, it sucks but some men think like that. Gotta be both mother and father to your kids now and perhaps look I to therapy for family counseling.

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He is of no use if you get unwell, what a wanker. He helped create these beautiful wee souls so he has an obligation.

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I think you very seriously need to consider if you actually want to make it work. If you don’t care, if you’re sick of fighting, then leave. That’s the easy choice.

But, if you married this man im imagining there was a reason behind such and typically that reason is there to help you fight to keep the relationship going. Have you asked him why he’s behaving in such a way and actually listened to his answer? Again, it’s easy to say “I’m going to make this fit my needs or I’m going to leave”. But actually hearing why (which I don’t see listed here) is a huge first step. Once you know that you can start looking at solutions. Don’t forget that solutions should fit both your needs- get the alone you time you deserve but help him with what he needs to be more involved is equally as important.

Keep doing what you’re doing. Make plans with the kids, invite dad, and let him decide if he wants to go. If he goes, great. If he doesn’t, just leave it at that. I know firsthand that it’s a losing battle. It’s not about depression, it’s not about long hours, it’s about him not wanting to do something he doesn’t want to do. I would say to stop battling with him about it though; it’s wasted energy and it’s only causing you stress. I know it’s heartbreaking especially when the kids want to do stuff with him and he refuses but in the long run, they will remember who was there for them all the time. When I was going through this with my then-husband, I cried countless tears to my therapist about the possible damage his behavior was doing to our kid. She told me, “A child only needs one person in his/her life who is always there.” My son is close to his dad, but his bond with me is unbreakable.

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What is his relationship like with his dad? Sometimes we are how we were raised…and sometimes we need help breaking the chains… You need to find a way to communicate how important the time he spends with the kids truly is… I always loved being with the kids cuz I could be very immature but I had an excuse… Kids don’t want to do adult things. He needs to get into their world… We put underwear (clean) on our heads and threw socks at each other. This is the time for him to put his imprint on his kids. These are the days that will make memories that will stay with them. He had to decide whether or not he wants to be a part of those memories.my kids are 40, 33 and 30… When we get together a memory from when they were younger comes up in conversation… I hope he will take hold of the privilege he’s been given. The time goes faster then you can imagine…