ok so this really bothers me my husband won’t do ANYTHING with me and our 3kids unless it’s something he wants to do! His reason they don’t listen! Which is some times true… I recently asked him to go bowling with the kids he said no bc all they will do is fight… But anytime his family invites us to go do something he is all for it… I guess my question is wat should I do?
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I would go spend time with your kids! Don’t expect him to come along— in the end your kids will remember what you did with them than what you didnt do! Trust me when your husband sees everything he is missing out on because “his own kids are not listening” he will regret it. Kids have seasons and moments but the memories you create with them… they will forever remember. Wether it was with just mom, or dad or as a family . Eventually he will come around 
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Sounds like he is a kid himself,let him take the kids to his family stuff alone so he can deal with the kids,do a spa day for yourself.Maybe then he will get the hint.
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Just enjoy the good times with your kids. They will grow and remember the good times you spent with them. Don’t allow his negative vibes and action a great moment. Your kids will grow and treasure these times.
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You should take your kids out to do stuff yourself, it’s his loss that he will miss out on there life, they will appreciate that had you to do stuff with them
My husband hates going places. So I go with the kids. He occasionally comes along. He will go without argument if it’s something for a birthday.
Me personally my husband has been like that for years. Finally we separated he worked of course that was his excuse.
I learned tho to ignore that. His lose 3 children n I was making memories he wasn’t. Were back together now n he does more with us. But not everything I still see it as making memories with them.
Maybe u should say no on his family things. Just no he can go u n the kids have plans. Even if u don’t make plans for you n kids. Maybe a few of that he will see how it feels. If that don’t work Maybe consider separate or Divorce.
This is going to be a VERY unpopular opinion because I did it for 4 years with 5 kids (only had 2 of them every other weekend) but the youngest is special needs and required ALOT more than the others at that point, I finally looked at him and told him if “im going to do this alone, I might as well be alone!” He didn’t take me seriously. He now doesn’t have anything to do with any of his kids since I left. Now I have an amazing husband that helps me every day with any and everything
Oh this sounds like someone I know
You reap what you sow. If you and your husband don’t teach your children how to behave in public the problem is not them but you and your husbands. Teach them be consistent with it. Consequences when they don’t behave. It’s called parenting. It’s not easy but it is possible
Enjoy life with your kids, he’s the one missing out. And start telling him no when it’s on his terms.
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Tell him you are going without the kids! Leave them home with him!!
You’re dealing with a man baby. Divorce him.
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I don’t get dad’s like this…that how you know they haven’t learned how important time really is…
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Don’t invite him and live your life w your kids. He’ll be more of a roomate.
My husband and I are complete opposites. I take the kids to all the things, camping, birthdays, everything. The only thing he attends is family vacations also… or things he really wants to do… I’ve just accepted it. Does it suck sometimes? Yeah… but if that’s our only holdback… I don’t see reason for divorce. I just have learned to not let that hold me back from doing the things I love and teaching our kids those things.
Next time his family invites you out tell him the kids will fight too much if you go.
My husband is a big homebody too and I’m spontaneous, he just misses out a lot! I hate staying at home because when they’re home & bored, the kids do tend to fight more. They’re really great in public though!
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Just keep having fun with your kids the kids see and know he the one digging his grave with them so let him
When HIS Family wants to get together LET Him take the Kids & You GO DO Something for YOURSELF for a CHANGE !!
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Call him out for being the biggest child in your family? Jeez…
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You and the kids just go without him and have fun! When he sees everyone having fun maybe he will want to be part of it.
Not really anything you can do, unfortunately. But can’t you compromise on something that he wants to do? Or is what he wants to do not involve the kids going?
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Honestly, I’d stop inviting him and just enjoy myself with the kids and learn how to adjust. It’s his fault for missing out and his not having those memories will be on him. I’d also not do his ish. I’d let him go off and just do our stuff on our own. I’d also work on teaching the kids and helping them to listen for myself/them. If he doesn’t want to parent, he shouldn’t have had them.
(this is of course if leaving isn’t something you can or want to do right now).
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Mom of six here and grandma of 4. My first question is do you both agree on discipline? Does he see you as the pushover and doesn’t matter what he says? When you go with his family, are the children better behaved? This is not a reason to question your marriage. My kids were taught from a very young age how to behave in public. Do you have regular date nights with just him? Have you tried going out with just one child? I was a stay at home mom and before we had kids, my husband and I agreed I would be the main disciplinarian of the kids. My kids very seldom misbehaved in public. They got one chance to change their behavior. If they didn’t I would take the offender out to the car with me and they would have to sit in the car with me while the others had fun with dad. Honestly who does want to go out and listen to kids fight?
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Is he willing to do the house things and shopping whilst LW goes out with the kids! Probably not meaning LW has to do all. If this is the case work towards divorce!
You’re a single mother in a relationship.
Are you ok to settle for that?
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Divorce him and find a man who understands and engages.
It always blows my mind how quick people are to tell strangers they should end their marriage.
He’s obviously wrong. This is a tough one. Maybe try sitting down for a discussion. Explain that while you understand misbehavior can be frustrating, it’s apart of growing up and is apart of parenting. Ignoring them won’t solve the problem, won’t build bonds, and they will resent him later for it when they’ve outgrown this stage. Then come up with a plan together, for when they do act out in public. I don’t know … three counts we leave. No counts, we get ice cream after. Something he can get behind and feel confident about. If that doesn’t work, family council? Regardless, don’t allow this to stop you from doing things without him. Rather he changes, doesn’t, you divorce, don’t. Your kids will remember the effort you gave and appreciate you for it later. Good luck.
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Decide what you’re willing to settle for and then act accordingly
They are hos children and also his responsibility to parent. Why is it your job to do everything? If he doesn’t like how they act then he shouls be disciplining them! Wth
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You and the kids go out and do something
… Don’t wait for him to go…
Idk if I’m the best person to ask…. I divorced mine and that was one of many reasons. Didn’t want to be a part of the family except on his term doing it his way. The kids got to where they’d be disappointed if he decided to join us because it would go from all of us having a say to only what he wanted to do.
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Pffft! They’re his kids too. He sounds like a child himself.
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Well whose the kid here? I’d leave that kid at home. Sounds like he needs a lot of him time with the kids . Just give him a day with his kids. Bet he won’t do that either. As for you. Do you.I agree with Sally Dufrene
Then it’s a no the next time his family has something going on
He needs to learn patience and understanding. No one’s kids are well behaved all the time. Maybe he should be more attentive to the kids and make it priority to teach them the proper way to behave in public places. They will never learn control if dad doesn’t step up to his responsibilities to teach his children. I don’t see a point of really keeping him around to teach negativity and that he doesn’t enjoy time with his family.
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Theyre kids… kids dont listen all the time.thats life with kids… How are they suposed to learn how to behave if they arent put in those situations
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Why do people say divorce him and find someone else? Like I can understand the divorce part some, but why is it always rush rush to find someone else to bring into their lives?
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I just watched a TitTok yesterday
Say you 3 kids, 2 are listening but not the 3rd. So you give one warning, if behavior continues, REWARD the 2 listening but not the 3rd. It’s called situation control. Yes at first the one not getting reward will throw fit. But next time will be more likely to listen(they want the reward) and the reward could be gum or pick the song we listen to etc.
and before ever leaving the house SET THE EXPECTATIONS. Tell them very detailed of where we going, what we buying/doing etc. kids like to know things too, instead of get in car and behave. If that makes sense.
If going bowling and they start whining about loosing. Give a 1 time remainder we don’t all win and this is just for fun. If behavior continues take them outside to car for time out. And then go back and try again.
But you first must lay down the ground rules and consequences for not following rules.
Now for dad, he needs to be a team player with you. Both of you must always be a unit front. But if dad never partake in family time, of course kids won’t listen to him. They don’t see him as authoritative (WHICH IS HIS FAULT) but it’s never to late to change the situation.
Good luck. Remember kids do best with structure and details of what their day will be like.
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Who wants to go out with kids that don’t know how to behave ?
You have two options
1: stop inviting him and just go alone with your kids
2: You both have to teach your kids how to behave when they are in places and start discipline the one who doesn’t.
For example. You take them bowling the one who starts fighting doesn’t play not more , and stay the next time you go somewhere
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Keep doing things with your children if husband doesn’t want to do anything let him sit at home by himself
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Have fun without him. His loss, make your own memories!
I’m sorry… if what he wants to do does involve the kids, it doesn’t make sense, because he doesn’t want to do those things because they don’t listen… If that’s the case, wouldn’t they not listen on the outing that he wants to do? Just sounds like he is being selfish, or what he wants to do may be something where he can separate and do his own thing leaving you with the kids. Believe me, I know how that is all too well
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I mean going to a bowling alley with unruly children. and going to family’s are 2 completely different scenarios. I’m sorry I’m not taking kids out in public to do fun things if they’re just gonna fight and act fools and not only ruin the experience for the family but also the other families around.
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Maybe a new man who wants to share your life?
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Honestly, I only half agree. Don’t end your relationship, that’s immature. Just notify him when you are going to do something,enjoy your kids. Still go to his stuff when he wants. And learn to just let it go, if your relationship is important to you. I learned the term ‘Weaponized incompetence’ which I’m not saying your husband is doing this, but the shoe fits in my relationship 
Weaponized incompetence is also known as manipulative incompetence, strategic incompetence, toxic incompetence, or deceptive incompetence. A person uses this to avoid having to do an action again in the future. It also puts the responsibility of the task on another person to complete
No help here I’m in same situation. I have started making plans now I tell him this is what me and kids are doing. If he goes he goes if not oh well. I’m done begging for him to come.
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When it comes to.him.doing stuff with his family.tell him to take the kidd and you have time.to yourself to relax and reset… he is the one missing out spending time with you and kids building memories the kids will grow to resent him.and believe me they will remember he was never around and never there and he will be asked one day why… you enjoy your memories with your kids and that special time together…
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Ask him to take one child with him and just the two of them go somewhere. Then do that For each child. And you could do the same with each one on a different day. See if they behave better without their siblings along. Try giving them their own individual time with one of you Siblings get sick of each other. The time doesn’t have to be long, just a chance for them to have their parents undivided attention for a change
Seems like he is content teaching you and the kids to live without his presence. Act accordingly. Discuss potential couples counseling with him and if his answer is a refusal to address or change at all then you will have your answer. If he loved you he would see that making memories together as a family is super important to you and compromise. The fact he’ll only do things if his family invites him says a lot as well. Either he’s trying to portray he’s a good Dad to his family so they don’t understand why you would want to leave such an amazing father he always shows up or he’s truly acting like a petulant child himself. My ex was the petulant child himself. Notice I said ex husband. It doesn’t work if both partners aren’t making a substantial effort to be present active parents and also partners to their spouse. In either case if this issue is bothering you enough to post on social media it will end up a deal breaker if not addressed. The resentments this will build over time will boil over and end things anyway.
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Offer & when he says no, just do it yourself.
Also I would communicate with him that when your the only one parenting, interacting & teaching these kids he doesn’t get to be upset that you’ve lost respect for him.
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You have to keep talking to him about it. Keep having the difficult conversations. You don’t stop. This is your husband, you don’t give up on him you keep trying. It could take a long time for him to come around but he can. I’m not saying that you were planning on giving up. But I see a lot of comments on here telling you that you should and it’s not right. In a marriage there are going to be so many times that you guys disagree on something. You’re gonna have to talk about it. 1 time or 50 times. You’re gonna have to just do it even if it’s hard. Even if it seems like they aren’t ever going to change. Maybe they will or maybe you will see something differently. Obviously if you try to talk to him and he becomes abusive that’s a whole different story. But if it’s just a matter of him not seeing it your way you guys can continue to talk through that. There are also things you can try. If he feels overwhelmed going to a busy place with kids who don’t listen that is a valid feeling. Validate that in your next conversation and offer to start small. Go somewhere more secluded and quiet at first. A park you know people don’t go to much, a nice hiking spot. Work together there at those places on teaching the kids how to listen better while you’re out. Once that gets better then you can talk about trying somewhere busier with more people. He may feel better going with family because there are many more hands around to help or entertain the children so it feels less overwhelming for him. I’m speaking from experience that people can change. There are some things in my marriage that are just recently getting better after 8 years of talking and working on them. There are some things that still need work. Because neither of us are perfect. We never will be and you will never find a person that is.
Stop asking him all together.
And when he asks for some bedtime exercise I would inform him, that you feel it’s too much of a hassle. It is just easier not to.
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He’s putting on a show for his family and doesn’t care do do anything with them outside of that. Sounds like a great dad.
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Sounds like he doesn’t wanna be a contributing husband or a father. This is honestly grounds for divorce imo since you’re already basically a single mother, his refusing to not do things with the kids can really affect them mentally. Tell him to be a dad or to leave cause you and those kids deserve to have someone in yalls life who acts like they actually want to be there.
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Agree divorce him. He sounds like he doesn’t even like his kids and has no want to even try to be involved with them or even make them mind.
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Teach your kids how to behave. Evidently you have lacked much in that area. Nobody wants to go places with any kid that they have to contantly correct.
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I’m the same. If it’s just me and the kids. “No”. And if his family says something. He is up and Adam. Pick and choose your battles. It’s you and the kids. If he doesn’t want to go. Oh well. Still go. The memories they’ll have is of mommy. Doing stuff with just us. Paying attention to US. Not in a group gathering. Cause chances are. It’s not a family think for the kids. It’s more of. Ok. I see ppl. It’s not one on one. So MY advice do it. Have adventures with your kids. They will grow up and remember you not “family” gatherings. They’ll remember momma was there.don’t get me wrong. Family time is amazing. The kids don’t need that. They don’t care. They are seeking you. As a parent. Even daddy.
Teach them kids some manners 
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You and your kids do it invite other people shame on him he’s missing out
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Your job as parents is to teach them how to act in public. Sounds like he doesn’t want to parent but at his families house I’m guessing they watch the kids
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How do the kids behave in public when it’s just you and them?
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Do something he wants to do
Teach kids to get along
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Stop inviting him 
If the kids won’t listen…hubby is one of their 2 parents. Implement a plan.
I am now a grandparent. Grandkids behave at my house, but at home not so much. At my house no means no, and they don’t have as much input or choices on food, activities. What I say goes! Old school works best, not always, but most of the time
Find a happy medium.
Law the law down join his family or move out he sounds like fool who wants only what’s good for him dosrnt he know how to discipline his own kids ??? Sounds like a real.loser…
I’d go myself with my kids if it was something i wanted to do . I can’t say I do not agree with him but I understand your side too. I wouldn’t be taking unruly children that fight out to do fun activities either. Maybe try the movie theater or something that they have to be quiet and calm at. If you want him to do things with you and the kids I think you’re going to have to compromise for quieter events.
I wouldn’t ask him, just go and have fun with your kids!! Kids will know as they get older who was there and who wasn’t. Make great memories with your children
Find another husband. That’s his responsibility to keep his kids in order to, if he refuse to do anything about it and that’s why he won’t go in where with you and yall kids together, what does that say about him as their father. Let him go over his family house next time and you don’t go and let him take the kids by his self, you take a break from them. Let’s see how it likes it
That is the problem daddy needs to step up and be daddy!!!
Find a new husband 
That man lacks support where it’s just needed.
Ain’t then his kids too? TF?!