Is there a bus system or uber in your town? I would start saving up and get a license and then work on getting a car. He is doing that as a way to control you. Thats really messed up.
I feel like I wrote this or you’re my friend writing in FOR me. I’m so sorry. Try to leave. It’s what I’m doing.
I’d dump the manchild and find real man. Work my ass off to accomplish my goals myself and learn to not need someone else to handle my stuff.
Plan your own transportation without him. He wants you to be solely dependent on him. Show him how a Mom & Woman handles her business.
Why do you need his help getting your license? You’re an adult. Just go get it yourself
Sounds like he wants you to have to rely on him for everything so you can’t leave
Unfortunately, you might have to walk or take a bus to get your license once your lil one is born. Don’t understand how he’s going to get your older daughter to school once she’s at that age. If you’re bored being home, do outside activities w/your daughter, don’t just stay inside take a walk, teach her stuff make time go by; talk to people. Talk to your partner on a serious level if there’s more to this then maybe you should think of the best interest of your children and start situating yourself to leaving by finding out about assistance and the process of child support from him. That’ll be a wake up call, if you held on this long you might as well search information for your well being! And rethink about having any more children with this person.
Run. You can do this. It’s away for him to control you. I have been in the exact situation, the only difference was I was the bread winner and he didn’t want to be without a car even tho there was no reason for him to be on the roads.
You need to friend find. You need support. Go to the park go to the gas station to meet friends.
It sounds like he doesn’t want you becoming that independent woman again. By threatening to not drive you to work it seems like he wants you to lose your job or quit so you would be entirely dependant on him. Maybe ask a coworker if you could carpool together for work and offer a little bit for gas every time. And for everyone saying “just go get your license yourself your an adult” there may be more than just going to the DMV. My license was suspended for unpaid tickets and I had to save up what little I could at a time in order to pay off the tickets plus the reinstatement fee. It took me 2 years to pay it off because of all the late fees the tickets had gotten over the years.
It ain’t easy being a woman, even harder a single parent, but that’s what makes us amazing…we make shit happen!
Take your next paycheck and get your licenses. It’s not that expensive and since you had them before you will just have to take the driving part
It doesn’t sound like he’s a person whose integrity you can trust. I’d be finding a ride to a new apartment.
This is beyond controlling and probably only get worse, leave now! Do everything on your own so you know you can and prove to him you don’t need him. Uber bus cab or move with family or friends start over. Good luck
This is mental abuse. Is there a place you can stay to get away from this situation? Family or a friend. This is not a healthy environment for you or you child.
OP. Feel free to PM me.
I think you need to step back and look at the big picture here. Would you rather be independent and happy or complacent and unhappy? Do you feel that staying , and being completely honest about the relationship and feelings that there is room for change and growth? Or is it a dead end street . I feel like this goes way deeper than a drive to work and a license.
can i file for divorce on someone else’s behalf
Good grief, you’re an adult!! Grow up, and start acting like one!!
Load your daughter and your clothes up and go to a church and ask for help.
You’re on a dead end street and dealing with a control freak. Get the hell out of there and leave his ass behind for good.
Use one of YOUR paychecks to get your license
And yet 5 months ago you were happy enough to have a 2nd child with him knowing all this same shit…
I don’t get any sense of you being independent.
Well I mean, you feel stuck and depressed cuz of your own fault for not having a license. I haven’t had a license since 2011 cuz I was a fucking dumbass n deserved to lose it. Still haven’t gotten around to getting mine back your husband sounds like my ex husband tho. Would promise to do this and that and when it came to it, bailed on his promises n treated me like shit. I didn’t have the option to walk where i needed to go. Everything was too far. Couldn’t take a bus or Uber, that requires money, n he refused to give me even a penny. Even if we needed food for our kids while he was at work. Never got better. One of many reasons I’m glad I left him
I’d threaten that if he isn’t going to help me help myself then I will be moving back home with the parents and taking our children. I would never allow a man to control me or my actions. Is there Uber, a taxi, or a bus to get to work ?
Apply for an exemption and go get your license! Tell him when it is and ask him to please leave his card/cash on the counter for you so you can do it. If he doesn’t, then you have your answer. If he does, then it was simply a matter of not knowing WHEN he would actually need to help you.
You’ll probably find that once you have your license, you’ll feel a lot less dependent on him. Maybe he is resentful for having to drive you everywhere? Who knows. Either way, a license would help you a lot right now so focus on that first so you can get to work.
I have a few ideas…find a job that’s closer to your house so you can drive and be back before he has to leave, see if you can carpool with another coworker at your current job, and/or ask yours or his family for help and pay them back.
See if you can hop a ride from a co worker, see if there’s a bus or get yourself a bicycle. It’s good exercise and you dont have to bother him to get up and drive you. Find out how much its gonna cost you to get back your license and start putting your pennies away.
Maybe if you star getting a little more independent like ride the bus to work, to take you places after work, or just start a hobby at home…get a new friend from the school or gym or the playground! A friend that you can visit and do playdates with…I know your pregnant and tired sometimes…(being there) but show him that you don’t need him and he will come around! you got this!!!
Maybe look into a job transfer closer to where your family is that can help you. If not look into bus schedules and time frames for everything…find a nearby day care center close to ur job…so at lunch break u can mayb hv lunch with ur lil one, then mayb you’d be able to put in more hours! Do what is best for you that will help you get to where you want to be in life! I’m sorry to hear about ur SO! sounds like hes insecure! but theres no excuse to not support the person he loves to help build a successful future together!
Just quit the job take yur baby and leave him. U will find help somewhere.
I would take my paycheck. Drive to the dmv, get my licenses and take the car to work every day. Also, fuck him.
Don’t take this the wrong way. But you are a very dependent person. You are not at all independent from what it sounds like. You need to take your paycheck and get your license. If he has a problem with it then that just shows he’s controlling and he’s taking a vantage of the fact that you are dependent.
I know buses and taxis and Uber isn’t always an option. I live in a kind of Decent sized Towne in Tennessee and not shit comes to me. Lol I can’t even get pizza delivered.
I think that the 2 of you need to seek after Jesus. Learn of Him in His word and allow Him to teach and show you about LOVE! PRAYING
I’m going to say this from experience…LEAVE. It took me 8 years and 4 kids to finally realize that I was in an abusive relationship and needed to get out. Not all abuse is physical or obvious so it took me a while to get it. I hadn’t worked in 7 years and my youngest was 7 mos. But I did it. I moved in with my dad, got my licence and a van. Then I got a job and haven’t looked back since. In fact I’m doing better in all ways now that the dead weight is gone. I was able to relocate and remarry; even though neither was in my original plans lol. You are stronger than you think and your girls need to see that.
Leave- it’s a power play and as long as he gets to play, he has all the power
I COMPLETELY understand what ur going through I went through it with my daughters father. While I was pregnant if I ever brought up getting a job he’d get so mad. I was only allowed what he wanted to get. I was stuck at home. Had no license or car. He couldn’t keep a job for the life of him. After I had my baby I put my foot down got a job but then he thought it was my responsibility to pay EVERYTHING. I paid half and said that’s it. After a year I got my license back and a car this made ilhim even more mad cuz not only do I have my own money but own transportation so he couldn’t control where I went and when. But it was so worth it. I had to wait for tax season but it was well worth the bs before it. You can do it. Just ignore him and remind yourself you can do it. There are also THOUSANDS of Resources for single moms let him know that.
You need to do whatever you need to do to become independent. You are the only one holding you back. There’s not a shot in hell that I would be stranded anywhere, especially with a child. What if there’s an emergency? Hell to the no
Here is the thing. Especially for people being like oh Independence. She is in a relationship. She is not alone. If she where gonna be completely independent she would be single. Having a SO means they support you and help you when your down exc. Id be pissed and it would be known and he would be taking my ass to work just like I’ve done the same for him because we are a team.
Maybe you can get your daughter in a head start program for a few days a week and then you can work later and make extra money for your license and car before the baby comes and I hope you opened up a bank account in your own name to save your money
Sounds like you need to get some independence. Take control of your situation instead of letting him dictate your life. Don’t have a license? Get one. Don’t like being cooped up at home? Find activities to do. Take your kid for walks, go to the library or the park. Find a hobby. Stop letting someone else run your life and using that as an excuse. You are responsible for your own happiness. Own it. Change it. Take control.
Dont let him dictate what you can and can’t do. Take the bus if you dont have your license. Sick of sitting at home, find friends and go out. He will continue to control you, and it will only get worse. You have the option to stay or leave.
Honestly, if I worked all day. I wouldnt want to wake up 5 hours earlier than my shift to take my husband to work either. Get your license and then take the car to and from work since it wont interfere with his schedule.
Sounds like he’s insecure and wants to keep you at home alone so he knows what you are doing. Sad
Run or show his ass u don’t need him
Can you stay with family? I’d talk to someone and see if anyone would be willing to help you get out of this situation.
Wtf is wrong with all these men my gosh
Leave he sounds narcissistic run don’t walk!
Omg you need to sit him down and firmly lay it on the table either he supports you or you leave .if you are finding it hard now with 1 child trust me it’s going to be worse with 2 .look after yourself and wishing you the very best of luck with it all
He probably wants you to be a stay at home mom.
He’s worried that you will find someone else at work that will treat you better, leave his ass. He’s trying too hard to hold you back.
A license is $35 go make an appointment
Take Uber until you get your license. Doesn’t sound like you guys are a team. You should always help and do your best for each other. I think you should have a serious chat with him and have the paperwork to submit your license forms ready so when he says he does help and support you you can say ok then let’s do it
Barrow a car … and when you make enough buy your your own .
If she doesn’t have a car or doesn’t have money and is being controlled how is she supposed to “just do it?”
You need to call family or a friend. Make a plan for a pick up day. Start packing little things he won’t notice. When he’s at work have your help come, take what you can and go. Then you can slowly get your life back. Maybe your license before baby comes. Apply for assistance then as that becomes available take advantage. Get day care, a job and or schooling. You said you used to be very independent, you can be again. Best of luck to you.
Hes a control freak.an trust me it’s not gonna change. U need a out plan I’d start calling ppl an see if family or friends can help.explain the situation. An while hes at work get u an your daughter out before u have you baby
Everyone points the problem being the man why does she not have a driver license already
Why are you asking
Get out fast!!!
I stopped reading half way. Leave this man. Save yourself and save your children. He’s controlling you. He hates that you have a job because it’s freedom. Leave
The word "let’ was used way too much, because using it once is too much. Leave, leave NOW!! Call family and friends from where you used to live, before he crushes what makes you well you.
I would take an Uber or something. Take the money to get your license and consider leaving him. If he’s like this now I doubt it will get any better in the future.
What should you do?? Find a new husband, that’s what…yours is broken.
Maybe the bus? I was 4 months pregnant with my last and started working, due to my schedule and also not having someone to watch our kids I worked the swing/grave shift. I remember walking 7 months pregnant to the bus stop because I needed to become independent and make a living for my kids. Look for other options, even if it means public transportation so he doesn’t hold that over you.
Do not let someone control you. It is the hardest thing in the world to let go of toxic relationships, but you’ll be healthier and happier for it.
Red flags everywhere, that is some controlling ass behavior that will lead to abusive behavior
Get your drivers license and take yourself.
I think he doesnt want you to work. He wants to have financial control over you. You better make work happen and find other transportation.
Get out, he sounds controlling.
If he doesn’t want to see you succeed in anything, he doesn’t love you. Leave him!
You sound young. I think you should do what you need to do to become independent (get drivers license/own car) don’t wait on him to “let” you do anything. He’ll either fall in line with the way things are or he won’t. But you’ll be independent by then so it won’t matter. You take care of yourself and do what makes you feel at peace for your sake and your babies
He sounds very insecure he is keeping you isolated and not able for you to be independent that behavior never gets better …I would not put up with that
Moving you way out of town , is controlling. He figured he was insuring you would stay , with him .
i read this and i have flashbacks of my life girl. you literally wrote what i lived years ago…but u know what? leave him…i didnt learn till it was a bit too late, that an abusive controlling relationship isnt only hitting or verbally abusing, it also means this. he wants control and he wont allow you to succeed bcz he’s afraid he will lose it over you. but u already took the 1st step, unlike me to realize that its not ok…i had ppl telling me “oh he just wants u to be w ur kids, yatti yatti” but in d end this control led to more abusive behaviors and then beatings. it took me almost killing him w a bat defending myself to realize how wrong i was in staying, for my kids and for me. now im not saying he will beat u, but he doesnt want you to better ursrlf, inside he senses ur better than him and so he wants to cover this up by making u think u cant do it without him. go home to ur family, hes not worth it. people like him wont change. i was married for 16 years bn divorced for 8 years now, and still nothings changed…his exes all say d same thing, trust me its bn like 10, and so its up to u if u want to continue. prayers for wisdom
Follow your instincts on leaving. I’m seeing an abusive relationship in here and you need out of this before it gets worse.
He don’t want you to work or succeed plz leave him he will eventually hurt u u sound so sweet he probably took u to that little town to get u away from family and friends plz leave
I’d leave a relationship is 50 50 my husband dont have a license but I’ll st I e him moring noon and night
Maybe ask your Co workers if one of them could take you? Then once you get your license and care leave him. Out leave him now. Go back home to your family.
I’d have already had my license and been taking myself to work.
OMG. Start packing and move away from that control freak. You can do better than that for yourself
I’ve had to take the bus many times, is public transportation an option?
What an ass. Mine drove me to n work for 3 months cuz i didnt have a car. It went down. Then he helped me get a car by putting down payment. Sorry but he seems like a dick
This is a rerun of my old life. I literally just read my story. My ex was the same way. Every time I got a job he would complain about watching the kids so I had to quit. Kinda different but yet the same. He didn’t want me to apply for low income because then he knew I couldn’t do it alone. I finally got my own low income apartment and told him see ya later. Best decision I made!
And yet you still chose to have a baby with him knowing how unsupportive he is??!
And if you have always been independent then I suggest you carry on that way and stop giving him the power to say no! If it was me I’d go to any lengths to prove I don’t need him!
Tell him to step it up, or your moving on. This deal is 50/50 whether it’s giving rides, working, cleaning, kids, cooking, bills, etc.
Why do you have to sit inside? Go outside. Take a walk. Let your kid run around. Make the best of what you have while working for what you want
Leave and get that independence back
Def get out now
He is a selfish pr*ck
i used to drive my boyfriend an hour to work. and i worked. and my ex loved seeing me happy working. he must have some sort of issues maybe jealousy, or just control. eventually youll probably leave. we need freedom too.
You are capable of doing it yourself. Save your own money, get your license. Go from there.
Uber. Cab. Bus. Walk. Pregnant and all.
Go get a new car or a job next to where you live. Or just get rid of the pain in the ass.
It would be wise for you to end this so call relationship ASAP! This will not change! You deserve better. God has a wonderful plan for you and your child. Love your life honey
The drive to and from work sounds like the least of your worries with this man.
Get out now. This is classic abuser tactics. They’ll take you away from everyone you know, isolate you so you don’t have a job and nowhere to go and then they’ll start their abuse and then you’ll be trapped. Run.
Sounds like you live in my town lol I’m in Agua Dulce. If you’re local I can help
End it and get out it never gets better only worse I know how hard it is I had 2 kids when I left but happy mom happy kids
Get out RUN. In that city there is bound to be a women’s refuge that will help you find your own accommodation, advise on childcare, legal advice, custody advice, help to leave safely and much much more. You could probably live closer to your job, on but route until you save for your licence and car and so on… He has all the hallmarks of a man with narcissistic behaviour, moving you out of town, away from any friends and your support network, isolating you, controlling you by not supporting going to work, threatening not to bring you will cause anxiety and stress. He will slowly brake you down, and the further down you go the harder to rise yourself up again, then add another baby to the mix and it become harder again. Obviously there are other issues you choose not to divulge, so I’m guessing it well time to seek that help to get away. Women’s Aid or women’s shelter whatever they are called there. Good luck
Bus pass? Cab? Save up money from your job and get your license? Leave him and get a place closer to work? Get a job closer to home?
As some one who drives. I hate being depended on to do that especially before going to work to have to drive. More than needed.
Its exhausting.
Take a cab if you have to?
I dont see the full story but I see how it’s easy to agree to driving then when it comes down to it he doesnt want to.
I’m just stating from the driving perspective.
Theres times I’ve agreed to it then bail last minute because I just really dont want to drive.