My husband said he doesn't trust me because I asked for a break: Advice?

I apologize in advance for the really long post. I’m lost. My husband accused me of abusing my kids yesterday when he wasn’t even home. My MIL was visiting, and I can confirm that nothing even happened. I told my husband that I needed a break for the first time in 2 years because I was being stretched thin and felt like I could be a better, more present mama. He told me no because he was going to be home. The problem is, when he’s home, he’s not present and doesn’t do anything for the kids or me. He doesn’t lift a finger around the house whatsoever; he’s on his phone constantly, plays video games until the crack of dawn, and sleeps till mid-afternoon. I feel like after being accused of abuse; I’ve had enough. He says he can’t trust me to take care of my two boys while he’s out of town - all because I told him I needed a break. He says he will quit his job to “help,” but if he can’t help take care of his two kids now, what will quitting his job done. His family and mine are on my side in regards to raising our kids, but he doesn’t see the hard work I put into making our family be what it is. I guess all I’m looking for is support and encouragement if you’ve been in my position before.

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That’s not okay. I am sorry he did that to you. Everyone deserves a break and do not feel bad for that. Sit him down and tell him to listen to you and what you have to say. Time to have a seriously conversation.

He sounds like a jerk. Let him quit his job and stay home and get a job yourself. Then you can use that as an excuse to not help and play video games all day. You get a break and he can see what its like to take care of a home and family 24/7.

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I’m sorry about the whole situation but I would almost encourage you to report or record to who I don’t know maybe someone else would know but report that your husband is making false accusations that you are abusing the children that could escalate into a very serious matter.

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He trusts you to take care of his kids but he doesn’t acknowledge you are worn out and need a break. He needs a wake up.

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I was in your position before. I was less stressed when he was out of my house. He didnt work and we were never married. He didnt help with the kids and went out all the time. We seperated 9 years ago and hes still an uninvolved parent. Sees the kids on average once a year and has only been consistently paying some child support the last year.

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Falsely being accused of abuse needs to be reported

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First- being a mom and wife can be such a thankless job, but also really a beautiful thing. So I’m a bit sassy and hella stubborn and I would give him a taste of his own medicine. Stop doing his laundry, stop cooking him food. There is not a DARN thing wrong with needing a break!!! He sounds petty and childish so be prepared for backlash if you stop doing things for him. Praying for you

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I would’ve left his lying ass after he accused you of abuse towards your children if it’s not true. If he’s willing to do that n it’s not true he’ll accuse you of more things that are worse than that.

Scale down on what you do, leave some things undone, try a different approach !

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You need a girls trip! I try doing it once a year! We have a bucket list and go to a concert of someone we want to see and go for the weekend! Pink in Alabama, Fleetwood Mac in Nashville, Elton John in Nashville and Lady Gaga in Las Vegas! 3 days tops! Went with my girlfriend and the others with my girlfriend and my cousin and her girlfriend! Left kids husbands and dogs and had a very relaxing time worrying only about me! Or stay local go to nice hotel for the weekend and that has room service! We all need a down time moment! Let your husband see what you don’t do! Lol

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His family is on your side? Yet your mil told him something to alarm him ???

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Here is what you do. Wake up before him and the kids. And go! Take the day for yourself, let him wake up with the kids, let him deal the with day! Seriously!! I had to do this to show my husband it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. You need a damn break every now and then!

Get yourself ready when he is home and sleeping until noon and when he wakes up let him know you’ve got things to do outside the house and the kids are staying with him. Let him see what it really takes to be a parent since he obviously has no clue. Also, tread lightly around your MIL- doesn’t sound like she’s much on your side if she’s telling him things that lead him to feeling like his kids are being abused. I personally wouldn’t have her visit unless your husband is around, but that’s just me :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Wait for his day off and leave the kids with him for a day. Then simple return and ask how things went :blush:. Simply stop doing things to make his life easier.

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Well he’s a manipulative asshole, for starters. Saying he will quit his job and all that shit is manipulative. See it for what it is. There is no reason why you can’t take a break a weekend every once in a while. If it helps you, it’ll help your relationships. Self care matters.

You’re crying out for help and he isn’t listening. I’m sorry mama! Can your mother in law help some? Maybe friends or other family? When you get right mentally you should consider divorce!

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Screw a break. File for divorce.

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Plan a hotel stay for a night and don’t let him know till you’re on your way out. Text him after you leave and tell him that you’ve already told him you needed a break and he didn’t listen so you’re taking a well need break. And to not contact you unless it’s an emergency. :woman_shrugging: obviously he thinks he can take care of your kids fine so he shouldn’t have a problem.

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I’d leave his ass. How pathetic and disgusting. He sounds like a horrible and selfish person. You’re basically a single parent as is.

… if you’re going to be a married single parent, then you might as well be an unmarried single parent. Red flags every where. Time for therapy… or divorce

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Sounds like emotional abuse to keep you in your place. Everyone needs a break now and then, he can take a week or two annual leave to care for his children while you have a holiday or stay with family/friends. That’s a reasonable solution.

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This is manipulation and abuse and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re not alone, you’re not crazy. He’s gaslighting you, and pushing things against you to get you to stay, because he knows he’s not good enough. Please get out of the situation :purple_heart: The sooner the better.

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Take the kids and leave if he isn’t helping anyway. He’s contributing to the stress. Probably not the kids at all. Although kids are hard and we do at times need a break. But if he’s not physically being a parent then no reason to stay,

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Tell his lazy ass his mom knows you aren’t abusing the kids and maybe it’s not just a break you need, it’s marriage counseling. With him fully committed to attending or you are gone with the kids.

You plan your break and you let him know when you’re leaving so he can prepare to handle the kids. Have a family member for backup when he tries to not be there for them, and then you go take your break. Then, when you return you two need to Jane a long heart to heart and tell him how you need things to be from now on. But, if he goes MIA and that family member has to step in for the kids so you can take your break, when you return you need to go ahead and file for a divorce. Someone is who doesn’t give a damn about your mental well being, doesn’t deserve a seat at your table. Period.

To many women put up with these lazy ass men for way to long, I was one of them :woman_facepalming: best advice I ever got was take your son & just worry About u & your boy!

Let him look after it all see how he goes :joy: mama go have a nice holiday enjoy yourself.

Tell him if he quits his job he can stay home and go to work watch him change his mind

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Give him a kick in the balls and take the kids and leave.

Sounds like a jerk he needs to step up to the plate do his job as a father and be more supportive towards your feelings

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DO NOT LET HIM MANIPULATE YOU. This is a mind game so you do more and are afraid to ask for space.
He should be glad hes not my husband I would have went in on him

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Don’t ask him for a break. Tell him you’re going to the grocery store. And really go take a break. Pre-order your stuff from Walmart or wherever to pick it up.

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My husband Shipped me off to a hotel alone…for HIS birthday cause he knew I wouldn’t go willingly and saw how mentally and physically drained i was being a sahm to our 4 kids…good men still exist!!

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Just went through this with my husband tell him point blank what you need and give him altimatems. I went and got a job which forced him to be a father after three months he was begging me to quit and telling me how sorry he had been. Because of this he now has a understanding on how hard a mother has it.

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That’s gaslighting and abuse. Went through it in my first marriage, never again.

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I would get away for the weekend. Go book a massage, just leave him with the kids for the weekend. He will figure it out.

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Being a mom is hard. You wanting a break is normal. However you would have to make sure your kids are provided for. Do you have family that might be able to have the kids once in awhile? If not taking a break might have to be a warm bath when kids are sleeping. Sit your husband down and explain to him your feelings. If he cares he will get off his ass. If he doesnt help you well you need to decide if this is something you can accept for your lives (kids too) marriage is hard work so is being a parent. If he doesnt change id spend more time being a great parent and not worry about anything else.

Trust me your be better on your own. I felt like i was drowing while in a relationship i wasnt the best parent to my kids because of this i was struggling to be all there but taking back my freedom me and my kids are much happier

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It’s easy, you get a job and let him become a stay at home parent… He can do all of the choirs raise the kids and make sure they attend all their activities and go to school, make lunch get the kids ready for school etc… Basically let him do everything you’re doing and you do what he did then give it two weeks if need be so long then he will realize what a stay at home parent does…

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Same time happened to me when I fist had my last baby girl, to the point that I left him. I got home once and asked myself “is this what I want for the rest of my life?” And no, was my answer. Packed my clothes and both of my daughters and left. I told him I wasn’t coming back until he showed me he was ready to be the dad my kids deserved. 1.5 years later we are as happy as we could be and he changed in a way I never expected. Took us 5 months to work things out and fix ourselves. Wish you all the best.

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Sounds like you are single. Why not be?

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It’s supposed to be a team, not you alone. If you are already doing everything alone, then why do you need him if he isn’t contributing to anything especially your mental health! And you don’t need his permission to do anything.

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That is not your husband, that is an adult-child you’re taking care of. No wonder you’re stretched so thin. Screw that noise. I wouldn’t be asking for a break, I’d be kicking his ass out.

What he is doing to you is gaslighting which is a part of emotional abuse. Take the kids and get the fuck outta there.

Do not ask for a break. You grab your keys and you tell him you were going to go run to Walmart or take a drive to be alone and that you will be back in like an hour. Obviously if he’s in the middle of something now but just do it. Accusing you of abusing the kids is insane. You are allowed to be a human and want to be alone

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What a BUM. Just leave.

Dump his sorry ass and go for full custody

I’d disappear for a few days.

My ex husband was the exact same way (minus accusing me of abusing our kids). We were married for eight years and I gave him chance after chance to change. He would for a few weeks and right back to not lifting a finger or being present with his family. The only thing he’d do while at home was sit in the family room and play video games. I finally left him and it was the best decision I have ever made. The kids and I are so much happier and I just remarried last month :heart: this probably isn’t what you want to hear but just want you to know that if you choose to leave, it’s hard at first but soooo worth it. Good luck!

I would leave him with the kids when he doesn’t have to work. All day long just go somewhere and turn your phone off. Stay out of the house too so he can see how much he actually has to do and with kids also.

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