Does he not love his baby ? Apparently not if he doesn’t want to help take care of it !!!
2 Likes
yes he should be helping put he played ands now time to pay
So here is my issue. I like the idea that the ladies on here are saying just leave and let him deal with it for a while to see. That is a great idea. However if he couldn’t even feed the baby when you went to the store then I would be terrified to even leave him with the baby long term. Sounds like you need to move on or something. I hate that people allow this behavior. My husband isna SAHD plus a full time student and as soon as I come home, I dive right in to caring for our 3 kids and helping around the house as much as possible. Because this is my household too. Your partner doesn’t seem to respect or appreciate you and if you are constantly having this argument it is obvious it won’t change. So you should probably start planning an exit strategy. You are clearly already a single mom.
9 Likes
Soooo I work… Im a school bus driver. I can bring kids to work with me and I have the middle of the day at home and weekends off.
We have a 16,13 and 8 yr old and I’m 27 weeks pregnant with #4.
The brunt of the housework does fall to me because I am home more. And husband works more hours than I do. I work about 30 and he works 40+
But he does smaller things when he is home… loads the dishwasher… Does laundry. Clears off the counters which are magnets for clutter around here!
He also does bed time with the younger 2 because they share a room and they can be pains in the butt about it. I go to work before him and my job requires me to be very well rested. So I go to bed well before him most days!
He doesn’t do nothing but he doesn’t do what I do around the house… schedule appts… school projects etc etc. Which is honestly owing to the fact I have more “free” time. I wouldn’t have this time with my kids if my husband didn’t work so much. I try to look at it this way.
But fact of the matter is: anyone who lives in this house can clean this house. That’s just what adults do. Nobody is EXEMPT doing what needs to be done (except of course illness, injury etc etc)
My biggest concern is he didn’t feed the baby. I’d have kicked him to the curb.
2 Likes
Do people not communicate? Shouldn’t this have been something you discussed before having a baby together? Before getting married? If you had known he was a man child before you married him then you could have run a mile and found a real man. I’d rather do it alone than put up with a self centred prick like that. Also, was his mother a SAHM? Do you get along with her? If so, she will understand how you feel… so dob on him to his mother 
1 Like
A real relationship isn’t a competition. Forcing someone to participate in their child’s life shouldn’t happen. They should want to. You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to, and you shouldn’t force them. Do what you need to do for you and the baby. Keep up with the house. It’s a reflection of you. There will come a day when the s/o will see things differently. It takes maturity and men are known to be late on that. After 36 years married our relationship is a whole different relationship.
1 Like
He should be helping you out reguardless of you being a SAHM and fot not to pick up after himself is ridiculous the year is 2022 not 1940 
4 Likes
he can at least clean after himself and feed the kid a bottle it’s not that much of a difficult task geez you’re not wrong here
Mmmm some good advice here for you…but I’m more of the throw his limp ass out the friggen door and catch someone who cares about you, the kids and the house more than the fact he brings home the paycheck!!!
If your at home not working and he is some religious cultures make the woman clean and cook and take care of the baby. Now if you marry a nice man that doesn’t demand things from you and helps clean cook and take care of the baby it’s different. So the moral is as long as your married to him you will do everything he says and when he says it. But there are people out there that love you and will share everything with you
My husband is also like this. He thinks because he works he doesn’t have to lift a finger while at the house. I got tired of the I work excuse. So I start my own house keeping business. Posted on fb bought all my supplies with OUR tax money and boom now I work 5 days a week and bring home $500 at the minimum. I also take ALL 3 of my kids with me! Funny thing is I still do EVERYTHING at our home but now I get to show him that I can also work, with my 3 kids with me, take care of the kids, and keep EVERYTHING done at the house!! He is capable of doing it. He just CHOOSES not to!!
My husband had to take me to my first job interview for my house cleaning and he kept all 3 kids in the car with him, it took maybe 25 minutes. While inside he texted me several times saying “how many scoops of formula?” “Are you almost done”? “I’m hungry”?
When I returned to the vehicle he was Ina pissy mood and he said and I quote “I can’t handle all this” “this is the moms job” !
All I have to say is good luck girl. I’ve been dealing with this man for 9 years. 5 of them we’ve had children and it’s never changed. If he does help around this house he huffy and puffs and it’s literally never.
He’s 100% wrong and I wouldn’t deal with that 1920s shit from him
I never understand men like this he needs to wake up yes he works great but he also lives in the house if something needs doing he should do it we aren’t in the 1920’s
No, he needs to be helping you…I’ve dealt with one of those boys…it’s time for you to leave, it will NOT get better. Good luck
1 Like
I think you need to get a new husband, the one you have is defective.
6 Likes
I am also a stay at home mom.
My husband gets up every morning at 4. And usually I get up with him. He also works 40 hours a week.
When he comes home he goes straight to our baby. We have a preemie. Who’s a year now but my husband got up with him every night so I could sleep.
Still gets up when our son cries.
He never once pulled the “I work so I can’t help with the baby” card.
We take turns complaining to each other because it helps.
It doesn’t mean we don’t do the work.
We usually take turns. I hang out with the baby then he does.
My husband puts the baby to sleep at night.
Last night I tried putting him down at it failed epically.
You need to find yourself a real man because you arent going to win this battle.
You are going to burn yourself out until there is nothing of you left
3 Likes
These posts are crazy to see and sad. I wouldn’t say I’m a full time SAHM but iv been out of work for a bit. My boyfriend (not kids dad) works full time. He also helps cook and clean do laundry and is very good at giving MY kids and I plenty of love, affection and attention DAILY. The house isn’t clean everyday and he never once makes me feel bad for it. And if I only did one small task that day he notices and hypes it up. I honestly feel like I don’t do enough. Not because my man makes me feel that way by talking down to me but because he does do so much and is so great. Makes me wanna do more. Get you a MAN 
3 Likes
Quentin what i’m afraid of
First off ! He isn’t a father! 2nd he isn’t worth destroying your mental health over .3rd …He is toxic!
2 Likes
Take one day and do NOTHING except care for your baby.
1 Like
Sometimes I wonder if these letters are for real 
1 Like
I guess I lucked out and got one of the good ones! And no ma’am this is not how it works! Good luck momma!
Red flag!!! Working mothers come home and do all the cleaning and child care. He absolutely can too. Working is not his only responsibility
3 Likes
Ugh that’s such a crock of sh*t! He lives in that household too. He helped make that baby too… it’s a relationship, you’re not his servant. Everything should be shared 50/50. If you’re running on fumes and your cup is empty then how can you be the best mommy/ wife. That’s when your other half is supposed to come in, take the reins let you rest and let you do you whether it’s getting your nails done or sitting in a parking lot eating your favorite snacks alone and in peace. You can’t pour from an empty cup momma. Y’all should be doing that for eachother… IMO that’s what it means to be in a partnership. You have eachothers backs. If that’s not happening then maybe y’all need to reevaluate your relationship or seek counseling to better understand eachother. Your hubby could also be going through silent struggles that you’re not aware of. You just never know, sometimes the strong ones need to be checked on too. Prayers 
and hugs momma. You got this. Follow your intuition.
4 Likes
Don’t have any more kids by this man!!!
7 Likes
Stop cleaning , cooking for him and let him take care of everything on his days off whilst you go out and enjoy yourself …he will soon realise
3 Likes
you are right, caring for a baby also builds bonds. Doesn’t he want that bond
1 Like
No you’re husband is not right. Yeah sure he goes to work full time but you work full time too. It’s not easy getting household chores done fully when you have a baby that requires a lot of your attention. Not to mention, you dont get any breaks so of course when he’s home on weekends you would like some help because you need downtime to yourself also. Don’t clean the house for a day and let your husband see how messy it gets…
2 Likes
If your man’s like this dump his ass.
I went through exact same thing on I had 4 kids. Well I decided one day to let him have the kids and didn’t do anything in the house and me and a friend spent the entire day doing stuff together. When I came home I gave him the exact treatment said he didn’t do anything. Some days I just didn’t do anything but take care of kids and when he said stuff wasn’t done I told him if he wants it done so bad to do it himself. It is very concerning though about him not feeding the baby. The baby cannot take care of itself. I would take care of kids first the house can be taken care of later they are only little once
6 Likes
When my kids were younger I was a sahm most of the time. My husband was a railroader and worked long hours. I never asked him to help with the house because I always just had it done. But. He always took over with our girls. Every evening even if he had to get up early and had worked long hours. On his days off he helped. He picked up after himself every day. Years later, I’m sick. He is retired. He does most everything for me. It sucks 
. He reminds me of all the years I was a sahm and did for him. I tell him that’s different because I did all that because I love him and my girls. I said all of that to say we are a team.
4 Likes
I can’t stand men who have this mentality! Like dude wake up and realize that we are in 2022 not the 1940s. I currently work full time and my husband part time. And we share all the chores even though I work about 20 or more hours a week than he does. We have 3 kids and none are babies anymore. But even when they were babies he helped with everything. I had to have a csection with all 3 kids and he made sure I never over did it. He needs to go. Let him do it all by himself except the baby bc he would probably let the baby starve since he couldn’t be bothered to make him a bottle while you went to the store.
4 Likes
I stopped reading when I read he said “I bring money into the house” OK great so just because u bring in money, that means u can forget being a father? Cause that’s how that statement sounded to me. Ridiculous. He better shape up, that child, when older, will realize who was there for him and who helped him…
7 Likes
U should let him read this entire post and comments lol
2 Likes
Well I would’ve waited until he made the bottle then went
It’s a team effort. You do what you can during the day and he does what else needs done when he gets home. I was a SAHM for about 2 years and I never once had to ask for help because my husband noticed if I was overwhelmed or if he saw something wasn’t done he would pick up the slack. Or if we were both exhausted we took a break from all that stuff for a few days. He may be depressed or maybe stressed from work. I work night shift, my husband works day shift and sometimes when I get home from work in the morning our house looks like a tornado ran through it and it can be a little stressful to walk into but I would never blame him or the other way around. Try to have a date night or a few hours without kids and just try to talk about what you both need from eachother
2 Likes
Find a new husband because as someone who’s been dealing with the same thing the last 7 years it’s not worth it it’s nothing about it its miserable
4 Likes
Stop doing everything. Just take care of the baby. Don’t cook, no laundry. Dont pay the bills. No grocery shopping. No cleaning.
1 Like
Your husband is acting like a neanderthal. Hire a cleaning lady. You’re a sahMOM not a sahCLEANINGPERSON.
2 Likes
He should help, he help brought the baby into this world, and he needs too have consideration for you, mom’s always cleaning, cooking, taking care of the baby, you shouldn’t half too pick up after him or clean his stuff, you are taking care of 2 babies, not one, he needs to step up be and adult and help you more around the house , Good Luck , hope he wise up and help you more
1 Like
You’re in good company, this is a common problem.
It that Y chromosome working in them lol , I know it’s not funny but I literally just had this conversation with someone yesterday.
YES HE NEEDS TO HELP AROUND THE HOUSE !
He’s a grown man , you’re not his mama .
Maybe you should give him a bill for your services ( what they would cost if he paid someone else to do it )
Then see who’s contributing the most to the household
3 Likes
Throw away the whole man! He’s trash!!
I’d walk out on a m*n that won’t even feed their own baby. Disgusting.
2 Likes
Does he not bond with his child? He doesn’t wanna hold him? What a jerk
2 Likes
Fuck that bastard, leave him. What a disgusting man.
Won’t even feed his own baby? Are you effing kidding me?!
Girl wtf are you doing?
Absolutely not, it’s 50/50, just because he works outside house doesn’t mean he stops being a parent, when his work day ends, does yours, or do you still have to take care of baby and home , don’t know his age, but sounds very immature, tell him he needs a second job to pay for housekeeper, lol, good luck
3 Likes
Depends in his hours his type of work. You can simplify and keepna schedule that will keep a house clean. You shouldn’t have to cleanup after him. He should be able to put clothes in hamper his dishes in sink etc… he should want to bond with his child. He definitely has some kind if resentment. Need some counseling or ditch him.
1 Like
If his point is, He works 8 hrs a day for money. You work how many hours a day for free? Why is your labor not compensated… With help at least. It’s his home and family too.
You should know your worth. He’s mentally abusive. Sadly, what you accept will be your future.
Hugs mama, you’re doing great.
5 Likes
I hate this mentality. Is a daycare considered a job? People don’t mind paying a complete stranger to watch their kids, but if the mother stays home all of a sudden it isn’t work? It’s A LOT of work… mentally and physically. I can’t tell you how much I’d like “me time” or a night out away from kids just to get my sanity back.
Your man needs a reality check. Bills will ALWAYS be there with or without you and a child. His argument isn’t even valid.
You don’t get to clock out for the day, you don’t get paid for being a maid, nanny, etc.
I’m sure if you stopped doing everything you usually do (clothes, cleaning, etc)…. He’ll notice how much you actually do.
5 Likes
No, a man should help in the house and he is also a parent of the baby and should help take care of the baby!!! 
I know a couple that started like this, two kids later they’re divorced.
2 Likes
Red flag on that money part…don’t get trapped sis
4 Likes
You should both clean and take care of your child. Smh sounds like he’s not much of a parent
2 Likes
And this is why I stay single
1 Like
No, your husband is “old school”
My bf knows to never say he works more or that I don’t do anything, etc. he won’t. I had surgery and was down for about a week, the house became destroyed. From that, he realized just how much work goes into keeping the house clean. And he will help me clean it on weekends if I ask for it, sometimes I like to do it myself other times he will help. Your hubby sounds like he won’t be a dad to the baby either.
1 Like
In my house, yes, I do literally everything. He pays for the house and cars n stuff. He works. I work. The bonus to him never doing anything is he doesn’t get to say ANYTHING about the house or dishes or clothes. I told him once if he doesn’t help, he has no opinion. So he doesn’t help. I don’t hear any bitching.
Yes he should clean up after himself and help with the baby. So sad how some people are
1 Like
Nope and I’d be documenting his unwillingness to care for the child when the baby is left with him. Start researching how to do it on your own bc this man was willing to let a baby go hungry bc “he works”.
4 Likes
Tell him if he was single he would have to work and still come home and clean up his mess. Cook his own meals. Do his own laundry. You’re a stay at home mom. ThT means the hours he’s at work your job is the baby. If cleaning and cooking get done then great! But you’re not a maid or a cook. You all live in the house, you all make messes, you all can help clean. He can help cook. And it’s also his kid so guess what, when he gets home, he can also be a dad and give the baby a bottle and change a diaper. My husband is gone 12 hours every day for work and he still cleans up and spends time with our 3 kids and helps parent them. It’s called being a responsible adult. Your husband needs to grow up.
8 Likes
His own baby…he’s being an asshole! I work 13 hours days & still come home & play basketball with my son or hang out with my teenager. It doesn’t matter how tired we are they are our kids & they deserve time with mom & dad. He is being selfish & if he doesn’t get his shit together I say hit the road. It sounds like your doing it by yourself anyway. You got this mama!! Good luck 
He needs help more with the baby to
1 Like
Working or not he should help out!
I’m so sorry your going through this !! You deserve better
Maybe be thankful he is supporting you and the baby so you don’t have to work. Maybe his job and commute takes a lot out of him. I agree he should help out. But coming from someone who raised a little guy with little help working full time and going to college. It’s hard as shit.
Lmao, has one 9-5 job and thinks hes god. Small dick energy.
He should
Want to help with his family. Shame on him apparently wasn’t taught right. I was a sahm for years but my husband still pitched in to help also gave me alone time away from home for mental peace.
2 Likes
I am a SAHM my husband helps me. Looks like your MIL raised a jerk! I am sorry he doesn’t help. SAHM is a 24 /7 job. He gets to leave his job everyday.
3 Likes
I would take care of yourself and the baby, do what you need to do for yourself and the baby only. Do laundry for yourself and the baby, cook for yourself and the baby only. Leave him to do his own washing and cooking! He’ll soon get the message.
5 Likes
Hold up
He wouldn’t make the baby a bottle??? Was said baby hungry? He sounds like a complete dou**e!
5 Likes
If you were working too, he would still expect that you do all of those things. He needs to help out more. There’s no excuse.
My ex was like this. I dipped. My husband and I are signing adoption papers for 2 tomorrow
1 Like
My thoughts are he’s a piece of 
YES MEN NEED TO HELP, they made the baby too, I HATE men who are like this… I could never be with someone like that…
My husband worked 5-7 days a week and the moment he got home he would take the baby. He did so much for her and my other kids. He got up during the night, he’d cook, clean, do it all as well. My dad was the same and this is why I didn’t settle for a lazy piece of BOY, because I saw how real men are suppose to be like.
5 Likes
Oh HELL NO sis - he better change his mentality or else I would be walking on that on that dude. You are Basically already doing it all by yourself anyway. Yeah the job and not having anywhere to go, but there is assistance for single mothers. My fiancé always helps, and if it’s his baby why wouldn’t he want to help with the baby? It’s his baby. Sounds to me like he doesn’t even want to be a dad he just needs a maid in his house every day
3 Likes
Go get a job, bring some money in too that was he doesn’t have any arguments about cookin n cleaning while working. Take off during the weekend (his days off) tell him to keep the house clean and take care of the baby at the same time. Go to a spa and treat yoself. He’ll finally know it’s not easy, any man can get a job and provide financially, but a real man can take care of his kids.
3 Likes
I work 6-7 days a week and 12-16 hours a day and I still help around the house. If I notice our son needs a diaper change I do it, if there’s dishes in the sink I do it. It’s a team work thing you’re supposed to work together no excuses.
12 Likes
Girl left him. You can do better
2 Likes
Run. & don’t look back. When they start out like this, they don’t change. I’m currently dealing with it. Difference is, I have 3 kids. He doesn’t do anything, especially with the baby. It only gets worse! Run as fast as you can.
5 Likes
He should, but also maybe feels taken for granted. Try role swapping for a day to experience each other’s stress levels. I’m pretty old fashioned so other than helping with the yard etc, my husband works I don’t need him to clean my house. You can also try making sure you are “working” at home the same number of hours he’s actually working, that helps me.
3 Likes
I’m very sorry. Stay at home moms probably do more work than we would ever do. Trust me. I have been on both sides and men don’t always understand how hard it really is. Stay strong queen !!!
3 Likes
Leave, obviously he doesn’t care enough for you and the baby. If you are treated less than a queen he doesn’t deserve you.
2 Likes
This was a huge bone of contention between me and my ex husband. Notice ex. When I was in school or working and when I was staying home with our girls. Like huge issue. If he came home and I hadn’t finished the dishes yet it was a huge thing like im changing diapers and taking care of two kids 3 and under…… screw you.
Not even remotely sorry our marriage dissolved.
You’re doing just fine. He needs to knock his crap off.
3 Likes
Sounds like my ex husband. Cleaning is for anyone who lives in the home. And making a baby is a two person thing. He needs to step up. Offer to let him stay home and you work. See his reaction. Leave the baby with him for an entire day so he can see what it’s like.
6 Likes
When I was a SAHM my husband didn’t need to cook or clean, I was home all day and took care of everything. Every family is different.
2 Likes
My question for him would be! Do you not realize it takes 2 to make a BABY? Well it also means it takes2 to keep up with things! If he doesn’t realize that taking care of a baby is a job the same as him going to work, then I’d do one job!!! Take care of the baby, let him cook his own meals, do his laundry, go to the store! That baby is a gift from God it’s a shame he doesn’t feel the need to a father and help out. The house chores, he’s a man that doesn’t realize just because your a sahm doesn’t mean your day is spent on you doing nothing!!! Last I’d be way to tired to give him any satisfaction, it would be not tonight I’m tired!! Good luck
3 Likes
My bf works 16 hour days 6 days a week on his days off he will help clean, cook, laundry, yard work ect…. I am a stay at home mom and my kid is 17 but i clean as much as i can- he always tells me i can do things on my day off or when i get done with work i am not incapable of doing things to help we all live here together
Men that have this mindset never change. I can promise that. Not being negative but it’s true. You will be constantly doing everything and it will never be enough. Never. Save yourself now.
9 Likes
Hold up! Wtf?
He wouldn’t make the baby a bottle? While you went to the store for him? First off why did he not make the baby a bottle? Or want to have anything to do with it? Are you and baby beneath him? Sounds like you are a slave who just happens to have a baby.
Even if you did work he would still be like this. I’m sorry but if it were me I’d be taking baby and checking out. There is no respect or -dare I say love-
5 Likes
What you’re doing is enough. SAHM aren’t given enough credit for what they do when they are home. I was a SAHM the first year of my daughters life and for the last 3 I have been a single working mom. Both are hard. Both are work. But require help from other people/parent/partner. I am seeing someone now who will wake up in the middle of the night or get up before me so I can sleep in a little bit longer and take care of my daughter because “I had a long week working” even though my daughter isn’t biologically his. Half way through the week will come help me clean house even though he just got off work that morning because “it’s a lot to do with a child running around”.
Your husband should be helping with the baby as a bare minimum. That’s his child too, his responsibility too. Parenting is a 25/8 kinda job from the day they are born till minimum 18yrs. No sick days, no vacation days. Your husband needs to step up and help. Even if it’s holding and caring for baby so you can get things done. I don’t think he understands the mental and emotional work that it is to care for a baby let alone that work plus house work.
3 Likes
The way I explained to my husband is , why do I need you? I take care of the house? Kids and everything and all you do is bring in a paycheck. I said I could leave with the kids and still get your paycheck and I would get 2 weekends month with no children. Now he “tries” to help. I still do must of the housework but now he will take the kids outside or occupie them. He also does bath time.
8 Likes
My Husband works 12 hour swing shift. Alot of overtime resulting in 7 days a week sometimes. And he still helps me if I need it. And half the time I dont even need to ask. I feel sorry for you having to live with such an arrogant asshole. Mine and my baby’s bags would be packed cause I’ve dealt with this type before and I vowed never again
Your husband sounds ungrateful. He obviously had no problem making that baby. He can help take care of it. Men like this don’t change.
2 Likes
Next time marry someone who respects women
2 Likes
Forget that I would tell him he helps or I’m gone.
2 Likes
Take care of your baby , nothing else ,see how he likes that. You are a mother and that’s a full time job, he should help.
6 Likes
Send him a bill. Calculate the expenses of child care and maid services. Being a mom is a full time job. Period. Keeping a tiny human alive is work
7 Likes
No, when you worked a full time job did that mean you then didn’t have to take care of the house? Taking care of the house is a full time job even without a baby! Your a stay at home mom not a a stay at home maid. Your main and first job is to that baby, if you don’t get a dish washed all day. This makes me so mad, I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I will give you the advice of what I would actually do, I would pray and just ask for the words to show him how all this is making me feel. I would give it to God because you are dealing with a very foolish man. He should want to hold his son, just because he is his son! Also, you can start leaving his junk where he lays it. Do just “your part”! He will notice when his clothes run out that maybe he should pick them up and put them in the hamper.
5 Likes
He absolutely 100% needs to get off his ass and help.
I got a divorce bc my ex husband was the same thing. He went as far as saying he wouldn’t change his daughters diapers bc he was afraid what others would think. I left his lazy ass and became a single mother. It was the smartest choice made.
He definitely needs to help regardless if you are a sahm. He’s just being lazy you both are a team.
2 Likes
I didn’t even read all of it.
It’s his fucking child too. He’s a father. Not just some random guy. He needs to care for his God damn child.