These are things to talk about before having a kid together. Tons of men think this way and it’s disgusting.
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My sons dad was JUST EXACTLY like this… he’d punish me if id ask for help. He made me feel worthless. I finally had enough and kicked his ass to the curb … best decision ever
A huge part of a relationship is to support each other. You both should be willing and able to help each other out when it starts to lack then anger will start to creep in. Keep it real sit down and talk about it and make a work list that shows who does what. It sad when a man doesn’t want to help with his owe child that should be a shared bonding time and is very important to the childs well being physically and mentally.
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Without telling him your plans… I would leave and head for a friend’s on his next 2 days off. Write down every thing that you do. And at what time. Make sure you keep a copy for yourself. 3 things might happen. He will do nothing with anything to also include baby. 2. He’ll get his head out of his rear. 3.get really mad, claim you abandoned him and the bady seek a divorce.
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He should help with the baby. You shouldn’t even need ask that of him, it’s his child also. The house he should pick up after himself definately, he’s not a child. He has responsibilities and needs figure that.
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Run he doesn’t respect or appreciate your place in the home and it may not get better. Take a trial run go away for a weekend and let him be responsible then maybe he will get his head out of his but
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Dudes not a dad or a husband! He only wants you as a maid… get rid of him quickly ! If he can’t parent his child then he’s no good to you if he causes messes but won’t help clean he’s no good to you. Your not a door mat it’s time to stand up and take control otherwise he’s gonna control you!
Birth Control for you, let him go to the store his self, you take care of your own baby, or child support.
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My fiancee works full time five days a week sometimes more and I do as well. But when I was home with the baby he still came home and helped me clean whatever i didnt get to no complaints. And still he will come home and clean what i don’t get to first and vice versa. Marriage or just relationships in general tho should be a 50/50 when one slacks the other should pick up. And frankly just because you are a stay at home mom doesn’t mean you aren’t valuable nor that you should have to clean up after a grown man.
I must be old school but I had 4 kids almost back to back. Husband worked I was a stay at home mom. Raising baby’s and house work is not hard. I don’t understand why so many act like it’s a full time job. It’s simple get a job and put your kid in childcare if you can’t handle the full responsibility of of what motherhood is. I think you should but a little more greatful that you can stay at home with your because he works.
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in my days, and i,am now 82. i gott no help around the house, never help with any of my kids 2… it was naturall because jou stayd home and he works 5 or sometimes even 6 days. i know its different today. my husband also thought housework is no work.
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Tell him the average salary of a babysitter/daycare, house cleaner, and a chef. Then tell him that’s how much he must pay you if he doesn’t wanna help
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Definitely don’t have any babies for him for your own sanity …. I agree with the other comments you can stay or leave. If you stay then go out for a day when he is off and let him stay with baby or get you a job and he funds the daycare bill. If you leave you would still need to get a job to be financially able to care for yourself and the baby also. If you want to be a SAHM until baby is old enough then just leave him with baby for a whole day and see if he changes his mindset.
Get a job working opposite shifts. Let him figure out how it is. Make your own money and eventually he will be very thankful. He is just as capable at raising the baby as you if he actually wanted to do it is the thing.
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This is emotional abuse hun, and I’m sorry, but it will only get worse.
My exhusband said the same to me, and then started hitting me. I’m really sorry.
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He made the baby–he helps. If he wants you to do everything simply do yours and the baby’s stuff and not his–why because that isn’t your job until he helps out.
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Disgraceful behaviour I always carry hoover upstairs for the mrs
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You should work out of the home too, then cut all chores down the middle. That’s fair. Bring 50% of the cleaning, child care and income. Right down to the last grain of rice. Half.
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I would be beyond angry. We’re barely in this (first baby and he’s only 3 weeks old) but I stay home and he works. We have found ways to work together. I mostly take care of the baby during the week. He takes him for a bit in the evenings so I can cook or get a few things done that I really can’t with him during the day and then it’s about 50/50 on the weekends. I take the baby Friday night and let him sleep as long as he wants Saturday morning. He does about half of the night shift Saturday night and takes over sometime around 6am so I can sleep in uninterrupted and he still mostly stays on his sleep schedule. He’s not the greatest at cleaning up after himself either but tries when I say something. I have always done pretty much all of the housework but he has trash and yard duty and we do projects around the house together. I have only went grocery shopping once since the baby was born and he was with me. I use Walmart pickup A LOT. He picks it up on his way home from work, carries it all in the house, and I put it away. Since the baby, I get done what I get done during the day. It’s not made into a big deal. If I can’t get anything done, he’s fine with watching the baby while I do dishes or whatever I need to do. I make his lunch almost every day, dinner most nights, and breakfast on the weekends. Occasionally if it’s been a rough day for me, he’ll throw some sandwiches or something quick together for dinner and he works 60+ hours and 5 to 6 days a week. There is no excuse for not helping with the baby and, really, he should want to at least spend some time with his baby anyway.
I’m 75 years old and I have never had a husband who helped clean.
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Yes he should help more.
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Your husband…is a bitch
I might be old-fashioned, but I believe if he pays 100% of the bills then you should take care of 100% of the house. I bet if you did more in the house he would eventually help more with the baby. He isn’t helping because he feels like he does too much already.
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It’s a partnership he should help whether he works or not . Gaslighting narc
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He should help, he is the Father and you didn’t bring your baby into this world alone. It’s teamwork.
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Am frustrated on your behalf reading this! Arg! So maybe try leaving him for a full day with the baby. And he has to keep the house clean too. 
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You must be married to my Ex…wait til you stop giving AFF
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I don’t understand how there are single mothers working multiple jobs 7 days a week and they’re still a bad mother but a father can replace child care with working normal hours and not have anything to do with a child he lives with and made and he’s an A1 dad
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I’m a SAHM too, of three children (ages 4, 2, and 7.5 months). We also have two dogs. My husband is an RN in the ER, works three 12+hr shifts. The shift time he works is 10:30-11 with a 45 minute commute to and from. On his days off I expect help with the kids and certain things around the house; for example if I cook dinner, he cleans up and puts stuff away. If he were to cook, then I clean up and put stuff away. If I want his help I ask for it, otherwise it’s a headache because he doesn’t think the same way I do.
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Him working literally isn’t anything to pat him on the back over. What’s he gonna do if you leave? Not work? Nah he’s doing literally the bare minimum required for HIM to survive.
He lives there too. He makes messes too. Those are his kids too. You should leave the kid with him and leave for the day.
Ask him when you get a day off. Ask him when you are able to just pretend you’re a single dude who only has to work.
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Sounds to me like he’s living in the 1950’s! Did his mum do absolutely everything for his dad and him? My husband is working 72hr weeks and he still helps out around the house, takes our children to their activities and as I’ve been feeling unwell (pregnant and struggling with sickness) he’s been doing so much cooking before he goes to work so it’s ready for all of us when needed. Asking your husband to feed his child is not a task it’s something your child needs, stop doing things for him only do for you and the baby and hopefully he’ll start to pull his wait
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You’re not wrong he’s not a child he needs to in the very least clean up after himself and be parent there is no “helping with the baby” it’s his kid too and he needs to be an active parent like wtf
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I really think thats hella stupid and ignorant to think men do enough by just bringing home money what the actual fuck?? And if (god forbid) the mom died or became disabled in a blink of an eye wtf the dad gonna do!!! Cant cook anything, cant clean…like tf yall please wake up…AND if the woman worked she would still be expected to do it all cook, clean, work, take care of babies…i hate this thinking thats why men are such basura and think the bare minimum cuts it…
I would say fine i will get a job
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If I was you I would stop doing the cleaning and washing his clothes obviously do what you have to for yourself and your baby but he might actually see that you do work hard trying to keep the house tidy and do do enough. Being a stay at home mum is hard stand your ground and hopefully he may finally understand x
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That’s an excuse to get out of doing stuff he just doesn’t want to do. I have a family member that has 5 kids and husband works long hours but he doesn’t complain about taking care of the kids when he’s home, he actually rejoices in the time he gets to spend with his boys because they grow up so fast and he’s missing that when he works long hours. My brother works 3 jobs and cannot wait to get home to his kids and take care of them. The sun and moon rise and sets on his kids and there isn’t anything he wouldnt do for them even after a long day at work.
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I think you should leave him then he’ll soon see what you all did for him. He needs to help end of it’s his house and baby to and if he can’t see that then girl it’s time to go
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Tell him to hit the road jack and don’t come back🤦🏻♀️
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Ship him back to his mum’s if he wants someone to cater to his every want and need
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Momma send this douche packing he helped create help can sure as shit help raise if he refuses to then send him packing
You have a child and are adjusting to your new schedule and yeah he works and then comes home but a moms work day never stops
Get him gone you got this on your own already xxx
Then tell his ass he can stay at home all day with a baby make sure everything he is expecting from you is done and you can go to work. My hubby never said anything like that to me but when tables were turned he didnt last a week with half of what I did for our kiddos🤣. He tells me he appreciates me all the time. It’s a partnership and no longer the 19 fuckin 40s. My grandmother was around then and even she would have told you that he needs to help too lol.
Take a week off and just look after baby, see if he is still complaining when he doesn’t have clean underwear for his ass!
You’re not his mother, he is a grown man
Explain to him that he only does 40 hours a week? (Assuming) so you’ll work 9-5 5 days a week, at home anything else you do together including taking care of the baby, cooking tea ect. I’d be fuming, you’re absolutely right your not a maid.
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So he only works 5 days a week and you work 24/7… sounds fair. You might as well leave him, he is probably always going to think like that. When I had a newborn my husband would sometimes work 6-7 days a week come home after and help me with OUR baby while I went to the store, or cooked ect. He should want to spend time with his child. Your husband is a dick.
My husband used to be the same way, then the roles were reversed. Now he works again and I stay at home with the kids and he comes home and helps with the kids and helps before he goes to work. He also helps clean the house. Maybe, you should switch up the roles. Let him see for himself how hard being a stay at home parent is. And when he doesn’t do the daily duties at home, treat him the way he does you. He will under really quick. My husband did. He is sitting here saying the same thing bc I read your post to him 
he apologizes still to this day for how he was about 5 years ago, we only had 2 kids then, we now have 3 and basically a whole farm of animals.
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time to take the bull by the horns…plenty of couples go through that and it still takes years to get any changes. You need to decide if he wasnt there would you miss him?? …l doubt it. Would you be able to do better,get more done…and you have nobody criticizing you all the time.You wont be feeling bad about yourself…youre doing everything anyway!..so make a decision based on YOUR life and child. NOT based on things like “a child should have a loving home and father” its a myth now. He will still visit the child or take him for weekends when you feel right about that.And maybe then he will shit his pants about how easy it was to be out of the family home because he wouldnt get his act and attitude together. WHO said your marriage was only based on HIS rules,his mixed up belief and his male ego.
So he doesn’t think he should have to help with HIS house, and he also doesn’t think he should have to help with HIS child? If he thinks work should be his only responsibility he should not have become a home owner (or renter) or a parent. Those things are huge responsibilities that he chose to take on and bringing in an income doesn’t get him off the hook for everything else
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Wow, it’s a sad situation. Ironically some men do not appreciate and are oblivious to the fact SAHM’s wear many hats in a household. In the end we work 24/7 while they work 8hrs per day. We are cooks, housekeepers, babysitters, personal assistants, laundromat, accountants, taxi, nurse, bookkeepers, and also a wife, who if she wants satisfies her husbands personal needs🙄
There isn’t a dollar amount sufficient to cover everything we do.
One day without a SAHM could be the end of his world.
A marriage is a partnership working together towards a same goal. Which it should be the well being of your family, children. Arguing will only cause resentment and eventually anger. Get help while you still can, get counseling.
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I feel like as a stay at home mum, the house would be clean seens your home all day anyway? Baby’s nap all the time and in that time surely the house work will be getting done. If he’s out working and providing them yes he should be coming home to a clean house? On his days off yes he should be helping you but as for working days let him come home and relax! Why do women think taking care of a baby and cleaning is hard? Lmao
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As a stay at home mum I can definitely say he should b do more to help my husband (he was a wagon driver) always helps with cooking cleaning an taking care off kids like he says it a partnership an all thing get done equally x
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Hunny ,being a couple is taking on the world together as a team. I dont think his mindset is correct. Just do the best you can do. As a mom of 5 kids i get it. And i have also been accused of being unproductive at times. I just stood my geound with my man and really told him how he made me feel. I mean if he isnt wven cleaning up after himself then he needs to show more respect for the things that u do get done instead pf everything u dont. Prayers up and i hope yall come to a resolution.
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Nope nope nope!! Raising a child takes 2 why should it be the womans job! Id be telling him he can stay home and your going to work see how hard it really is!!!
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I would leave him alone with the baby for the day and see if he likes it. Tell him to do everything that you do for 24 hours, tell him your going to get self care. Your needs aren’t getting met, that he needs to do his share. Leave a list of things he needs to do and say see you. And he can’t call anyone. See how far he gets.
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Give him a hard slap across face how rude he needs to understand looking after a baby and trying to maintain a house hold is damn hard. Yeah he works but still should be helping with the kids as well and on days off try to help with some of the cleaning or looking after the baby so you are able to get things done
Sounds like you are dealing with two babies at this point, and the big man baby doesn’t respect everything that you do around there. He doesn’t need to “help” you with the baby, he just needs to stop being a couch potato dad and actually start doing his share of the responsibility when he is around. If he refuses to clean anything on his days off I would ask him when YOUR days off are, and then offer to switch roles for even one day so he can see that you actually work too.
Study says sahm is equivalent to 2.5 jobs:
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Atleast he should change his messy habits and pick up after himself as basic etiquette’s .rest he should help out on the weekends bec i’m sure its stressful at work
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Its simple, go to work for a while and let him stay home for just a few weeks even. he will crumble and it will be good for the baby and him to actually bond too
I would be telling him we not in the 60s no more if u want a maid go back to ya mums so she can as i am not looking after 2 kids as that is what ya acting like
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You both chose to be a couple, chose to live together and chose to have a baby. Just because you are staying at home and he’s working doesn’t mean you should be any less of a team than if you were both working. You deserve some you time too and when your parter is at home he should want to spend time with his baby if he’s working all the time. He’s not living with his mum he’s a grown ass man who needs to be a partner and a dad
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Get a job put the baby in daycare and let him go. He is not mature enough to be in a healthy thriving relationship because he doesn’t care to reciprocate.
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Put it like this…if he was single. He would have no choice but to clean Even if he works. I doubt he would pay someone to do it.
It’s…simple… help yr wife dude…n take part in raising yr child. 
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Babies are different hey,just because some of you here had perfect little angels that sleep all day and are not fussy at all doesn’t mean that every mum has it good like you .Some babies can be very difficult in so many ways ,so before you throw your nasty comments ,how about you get off your high horse ,have some compassion for other women because truth to be told there are mums out here who are genuinely struggling really badly.Some are even going through postnatal depression because of the hardships they are facing.How about fixing another woman’s crown that totally destroying her.She asked for advice ,not a crucifixion to make her feel worse about her self.There are better ways to answer .#JustSaying
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As a stay at home mum myself I have always done the housework, laundry and cooking while my husband works 10 hour days. Obviously there has been times when I’ve struggled with the baby/kids and the house hasn’t been cleaned but usually I do the majority. When my husband comes home he plays with the kids, helps with bed time.
My opinion may be a little old fashioned but I don’t think my husband who works a full time job should have to come home and clean or do laundry. He should pick up after himself because that’s just common courtesy.
I’m studying and just recently I’ve been struggling. My husband and I worked together on Saturday morning to clean the house. I don’t see it as a competition as to who does the most or who gets away with doing the least. I see us as a team who work together to get it done.
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Oh hun…u married a lil boy unfortunately. I’m a single mom who works full time and still does all the house work soooo he needs to grow the fuck up!!!
Ohhhh id have fun with him 
thats absolutely ridiculous. ones like that i love to give a good talking to
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Let him stay home with the baby for a day and see if he would cope.
He definitely needs to help you it’s hard looking after the house and a baby
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I’m a stay at home mom, my house is a wreck, dishes aren’t always done. When I need something done my fiance takes care of the kids so I can do it or he does what needs to be done without me asking. He works full time 10 hour days 5 days a week. He still makes time for the kiddos and I. It’s all about compromise in a relationship and if he isn’t willing to help with his child and compromise then he can do what he wants you to do and try to be a mother, housemaid, wife, daughter etc. It’s not easy being a sahm making him do it all once.
If he wanted his mum to wipe his ass he should have stayed home, unless he’s doing physical manual work he should be helping especially on weekends at least, he shouldn’t see spending time with his kid as doing your job he’s the dad he needs to pull his weight as a parent, some woman are happy to do all the cooking/cleaning/child rearing alone and that’s fine but if your not like me it will only build resentment towards your partner if he’s not willing to change.
Roche Barlow lees hier
Parenting doesn’t take a day off! Working is NOT an excuse to not be active in a child’s life.
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My ex did that, now he’s single and has to clean, work, take care of the kids on his weeks, he said idk how I do it- because I’ve always done it, and I was working at the time. Pregnant now with a amazing new man, I work part time, and he still helps with my kids on my weeks, cleans, cooks, etc. Your husband should help, he gets breaks, days off, and gets to clock out at the end of the day- you don’t
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When the tables got turned on my sister and brother in law he felt differently. Turn the tables on him and see how he likes it and how much he is able to get done.
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Even if he was the easiest baby in the world. His father is a full grown man. Your responsibility is not dropped as an adult or father because you have a job. What a childish mindset 
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It’s easy to bring home the bacon.
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I had a VERY similar issue only make it 3 kids 
1 kid with ADHD and 2 toddlers. To cut the story short, I’m no longer with him. I now have the kids 100% of the time (not really any different) by myself, but girl… the amount of RELIEF I felt getting rid of him! Omg. Not being put down all the time, no disappointment from the lack of expected help, no frustration from watching him go to a job that DOESN’T have children under his feet stopping him from getting his job done and then coming home and doing literally nothing to help because he’s “tired from working all day” while I’m literally working 24/7 with 0 breaks and 0 physical help… I’m stressed from normal stuff now but it’s not BAD stress. I’m WAY happier and so are the kids. You deserve better. I really hope he realizes how wrong he is and fixes the problem or that you are able to resolve/remove the problem yourself. I’m sorry he’s not being a good partner. Best of luck 
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Do your bit an man up
All relationships are naturally different … & finding & agreeing on roles & responsibilities can be as natural & easygoing a matter OR as controversial & daunting a situation. I personally would not be happy with a man & husband & father of my children acting as you have described . I believe he should be participating in body & spirit in these situations with you as much as possible. Praying 
a path become lit for you to make your situation, your relationship, your life easier.
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He’s trash and you can do better lol. A husband that doesn’t value your contribution and treat you as his equal now, never will.
Lol he made the baby with you he needs to help out too. Same with the house just because he works doesn’t mean he can’t get off his lazy ass and help around the house. Atm I currently work my oh helps clean when I’m not here and I help clean on my days off and when he goes back to work we will both be helping each other. It’s both your house he needs to stop living In the 50’s everyone else has grown up
Hope the rest come out ok. Kidney problems are bad. Did Heather tell you my current status with Acute leukemia
It’s 2022 not 1950.
He’s a parent and should act like one. As a single mom I wish all I had to do was go to work and housework would magically get done 
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Working is not a cop out to being a good partner in life. I would let him stay with the kid and i would stop doing stuff and give him a reality check…but from the sounds of it that wouldnt change his opinion. He is just another spoiled child NOT a man.
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What an absolute man child! Sorry you’re having to deal with him on rope of the big workload you already have to take care of everyday! 
Parenting is a job for BOTH parents, regardless if one is a SAHM and the partner works. A child needs to bond and get love and attention from both parties. As for he house chores he can also help with that too cause he also lives in that home too👌🏻
In my house my hubby works 12 hour shifts, he just finished working 7 12hr days straight and he STILL comes home and got up with our son, helped me with some cleaning cause I’m 9 months pregnant, and the odd time he’s even helped make dinners for me. Parenting and marriage is supposed to be a supportive team effort. It’s unfair to make the wife do everything at home simply because it doesn’t bring in money!
If we got paid for everything we did there’s no way our husbands could match our wages:wink: after all we are a chef, a teacher, a daycare, a maid, a dentist(for the really little ones), a doctor at times, a laundromat, and so much more!
if your jobs are sooooo easy then he should have no problem helping you out:wink:
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F that he wants a mommy not a wife I work from home and home school and handle house work, dinner. My husband works 12-13 hours and still comes home helps around the house and with our kids. It’s a group effort. Your not his mommy or his maid he needs to nut up and do his share. And this crap about well he pays the bills so? When women work and pay bills they are still expected to do cleaning and caring for the children because they are mom. You do more then enough he’s a man child.
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If you had to do it all alone you should be single
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Leave go to your moms then he will see what you do.
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My exhusband was this way at one time… but i had 3 kids at the time… plus i also did all his paperwork for his work… but you could not tell we had kids cause im ocd with cleaning…well he made a comment one day, i wasnt feeling well and ordered take out instead of making dinner. So i said the next day (his off day) that i had stuff to do and was leaving him with the kids and told him what needed done so they stayed on their schedule…needless to say he said sorry so many times and found out what i actually do to keep the house put together that way…
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Put him in the spare room for a few nights till he finds out it takes two to tango.
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Write down EVERYTHING you do in a days time! Show him exactly what you do. Just bringing gone a check is not all there is to being a good husband and dad. It’s his baby, too.
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Switch roles and then see what he thinks. Oh wait he won’t do that because then he might actually have to work. 
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Every household runs a little differently. I’m a sahm too, we have two children, one in middle school and a one year old. I do the childrens appountments, all the house cleaning, cook most of the meals, I do the grocery shopping. My husband works, works hard, usually 6 days a week. I don’t expect him to clean, even when I worked (before our daughter was born) I did the cleaning and most of the cooking. He does the yard work. BUT he helps with our children. SAHM is full time job, no holidays, no lunch breaks, no days off. Sounds like your husband doesn’t respect you enough. He should absolutly help with his child when he’s home.
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I can’t stand this attitude some men have that being a SAHM isn’t “real work”. I’ve seen it from both sides as I worked full time when my older 2 were babies and was a SAHM with my youngest. Believe me going out of the house to work was easier than being at home 24/7 with a baby. He should absolutely still help out with the baby. Not just to help you but to help build a bond with the baby. He should also help out at home and not expect you to pick up after him like you’re some kind of personal maid. I think you need to set some better ground rules where he respects and appreciates what you do. And as a father doing things with the baby should be something he wants to do.
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No you shouldn’t be the only one. I work 5 days a week. Anywhere from 8-10 hour days. I still come home and help with house work. But I will say it makes it a lot less stressful for me if the basic housework is already done. I put in 10 hours and I really don’t want to come home and spend 2 hours to clean. I also cook dinner and do the grocery shopping, manage the bill money. I’ve been in both your positions and each one is hard for different reasons. You both need to be empathetic of each other and a little more selfless.
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Well according to my mother, yes it’s your job. I remember as a young married woman saying the exact same thing you’re saying and my mother said well that’s your job. That was in the 1970s though. I also know that raising a child is a 7-Day 24-hour proposition and you do need a little help and a little rest from that now and then. Especially if you go back to work then I definitely feel like the work needs to be divided up equally.
The biggest concern is he did not feed the baby while you were at the store for him. That is a huge issue for me. The rest is bad enough, but that is miles beyond ok
…
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My dad once said to me years ago “ A man that just works 40 hours a week is a lazy man.” I never really knew what he meant by that until years later. Most males aren’t ready to be a man, they are grown boys in an adult body. If only working full time is all he does, then he’s lazy. The household will always need repaired, the vehicles, lawn, yard, maintaining a home is also the responsibility of who lives there. Taking on the role of parenting is also his job. Being a man is a lot of hard work and responsibilities. Unfortunately, a lot of males won’t, can’t or refuse to step into the role of what a true man really does.
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Ask him is he in a relationship with his mother? Your his partner not his maid.
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So I wrote everything down from when I woke up in the morning until my ex came home from work…. Total schedule… one day on a Saturday night I said “here you should probably go over this to know what you need to do tomorrow” grabbed my bag and stayed at my friends for the night so he could see what it’s like for a day to do what I did as a stay at home mom. Yeah he didn’t say crap to me anymore after that
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He is going to continue with that attitude and most likely you are going to pop out one or two more children for him. I suggest you save your energy for all of the constant housework and parenting you have to do. Unfortunately.
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I feel like this is common for men. That sounds terrible I know. I go through the same thing. I was working up until March but got diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes and the appointments are just too much to try to work too. My former boss fired me for absenteeism because of my appointments. He does the same to me. Comes home asks why supper isn’t on the table and why the house isn’t perfect. I have 4 boys plus I’m 31 weeks. Constantly nauseous. I can’t wait until my baby is born. I swear I’m going to leave for the weekend and he can see what it’s like!! It’s so sickening to get treated this way. Our mental health struggles being home 24/7 & they act like it’s some sort of awesome privilege. Don’t get me wrong it’s great to be home with kids but it’s not great to never have money or not go anywhere.
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