I’ve been married for 13 years and I have 3 kids from a previous marriage. And my oldest daughter who is 18 just told us she’s pregnant. My husband not her bio dad is thinking he failed her. How do I explain to him it’s not his fault?
Honestly no matter how much we try to teach them, when the heat of the moment comes what we say goes out the window. Remind she is an adult, even though to him she is still his little girl. All the other thoughts and fears will go away once he sees her with his grandchild.
She’s basically an adult, just because she didn’t get pregnant after HIS designated age he had set doesn’t mean he has done anything wrong,and neither has she, it was her body and her choice.
You can’t always control them.
As long as you guys stand behind her and support her then no one failed her!
Is she graduated? Technically she’s an adult at 18 you have done your job! Even at 15 if she got pregnant as long as SHE takes care, owns up then you did your job.
There is no designated age to have a baby. As long as she takes care of her child, you’ve both done well.
He didnt fail her at all. Failing her would be not supporting her and being their for her.
Better than me had my first at 14.
She’s 18 that’s a huge proud moment in today’s society… I had my first child at 14 (product of rape) married at 15 by 18 I had 4 kids (including twins)
He is clearly a very loving father if he feels that way. Sometimes things just happen no matter how much we try and guide them other ways. The fact that he clearly loves her means he never failed her. He is a great dad.
He sounds like an awesome father. He shouldn’t beat himself up, its ultimately her decision. All kids end up doing whatever they want .
She’s 18. And tbh at the end of the day a baby is a blessing! Just love your daughter accept what has happened and love the baby.
Keep supporting her with love and advice where needed. This is her life and now he will have a beautiful grandchild. Look to the positives.
She’s an adult. Yes, she may be young, but that doesn’t mean you’ve failed her. You can’t prevent her from having sex. The best thing you can do at this point is to just be there for her.
Sadly. Some children will defy their parents regardless. Statistically speaking having a baby at 18 is a disaster Try to communicate that to her, and try to get her looking towards a future. College. success. That’s the parents job to mold and hold these expectations.
I got pregnant at 16 had my daughter at 17 and my parents couldn’t have done anything different. Kids will be kids but my daughter made the woman I am today. I was young but I quickly had to learn responsibilty. I was a single mom. My parents helped but I had to pay them to watch her while I finished school and worked and I had to pay rent. I thank my parents for that because I didn’t have any more kids until I was on my own and they showed me what it was too be an adult. They didn’t just jump in and do everything for me. My advice is just be there for her and support her through the journey because it’s a rough one.
Its not his fault or your fault. She is 18 and old enough to know better. Maybe she has made a life befire she has made her life but she will learn the hard way. But you and your husband can dtand tall eith her now. Dhe will need the 2 of you to be thete for her and the baby. Help her decide if dhe is kerping the baby or adopting the baby out. Lots of good if not great moms grow up with thier babies. I was 20 when I had my first and I grew up with her.
We can only do the best we can. Our kids are going to still make their own choices at times. She felt comfortable enough to tell you guys right ? Just let him know he didn’t fail her and the best thing he can do is stand by her now with you throughout this whole thing. He should feel proud to be such a caring father . Kids don’t always have that.
How is it his fault? Did HE get her pregnant? Seriously unless he had sex with her he has no reason to blame himself. Shes 18. You can’t lock her in her room or watch her every move. You can’t force her bf to wrap it up or make her use bc. I’m sure you both did your best to teach her about safe sex & gave her support. What counts now is that you’re supportive of her now.
Speaking from experience I got pregnant at 15 and by no way did my parents fail at being parents!!! I will say that again, it’s nothing y’all did wrong! I made the choice to have sex and knew the consequences and so did she! I raised my son with the help of my parents and still graduated with honors and still had a life my parents are proud of! They did nothing wrong so please don’t think y’all failed her bc you didn’t! Be there for her through it all and let her show you how much you did do for her bc it will show through her child!
You can only guide them so much. Don’t beat yourself up. Just keep guiding her
Continue to support her and try not to scold her for not going to college or anything. Having a baby at 18 is not a disaster whatsoever it’s a blessing. I got pregnant at 19 now 20 with my first there was nothing my parents could’ve done to prevent because my daughter was planned 100%. I couldn’t tell my parents she was planned and I haven’t really had any support from my parents and has made this time very difficult as I cant go to the when I’m scared also I find it overwhelming when everyone talked about going back to school or getting a job. Help her. Your husband sounds like an amazing father. He didn’t fail her. I found I was lost on what to do and where to go once I got pregnant that’s when I knew I wasn’t meant to follow societies “designated” path that after high school you go straight to college, get a job, marry, then have my daughter. It doesn’t matter what order you go in as long as you get to there. There’s nothing wrong with having a baby young.
How’s it his fault that she’s being an adult and doing what she wants to do?
I got pregnant at 17 had her when I was 18. It’s not the end of the world. And no one failed her. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the support my mom had for me. Don’t leave her hanging and let her know you are there for her.
I got pregnant at 16 (had her at 17). It was not my parents fault at all. There is nothing they could have done differently for me to have not got pregnant.
He will come around, just takes time. As long as he supports her and not make decisions for her. Which I’m sure she has beat herself up enough over it
She is essentially an adult, you can raise your children one way there entire lives and that doesn’t mean they will stay on that path. Me and my brother (especially my brother hes made more than his fair share of terrible choices) have told my mom that shes not a bad mom she raised us right we made bad choices. As long as yall support her, live her and are there for her no one has failed as a parent
He did not fail her. Things happen. As long as he continues to love her and support her through the pregnancy and beyond, he did not fail
She made it to 18 which alone makes it amazing. Plus, a baby will keep her out of trouble in the future.
Well he’s not her baby’s dad so what’s the problem?
It’s not a fault at all babies are beautiful whenever however they enter this world. Young mums are amazing and between 18 and 24 is your prime for healthy babies. I wish her well and congrats on becoming grandparents. Embrace it it’s a blessing
You didnt fail her she failed you.
The girl made the choice to have sex. Did hubby force her to do it? No? Then how is it his fault? That’s where I would start
I got pregnant at 19. My son was the best thing to happen to me. He helped me grow up and find purpose. My family worried at first but now 4 years later he is such a beloved little boy by everyone. It doesn’t mean anyone failed her. It means you failed her if you don’t support her. Love that girl and her baby. Every child is a blessing
My sister got pregnant when she was 19. She told my mom and my mom flipped out. Thought her life was wrecked. Now that baby is 12 and has a little sister and the joy they they have brought to our family is so indescribable. My sister is married to the dad of both the girls and they are happy. So just remind him that yes she is young, but she is strong and that baby will be such a blessing to your family.
Talk him through it. Show her support by helping move in the right direction. By getting her on her own by helping her be self efficient.
I mean it shows he cares as a dad, but she’s 18… legally an adult & able to make decisions for herself. All you guys can do now is just be there for her & guide her to be the best mom she can be.
Some kids need to make mistakes and learn on their own. It’s a hard pill to swallow as a parent but some children learn that way. They think they know it all. And when they realize they don’t can make drastic changes. It was the month I turned 17 when I found out I was pregnant. It was a hard hit. The advice I can can give as a grandparent is to help but not all the time. She needs to adjust and be a mom on her own. Nothing is wrong with babysitting for work or if it’s a need but don’t let her be too dependant on you. It’s no one’s fault. She’s 18. The legal age to do what she wants. Be there for her. She does have to realize life won’t be the same. Her child comes first. Which means someone that should be her child’s father or her has to provide. Establish this early or this will be a problem later. She’s still young and needs boundaries.
It’s not his fault. It’s the boyfriend and hers. She should have known that sex is for baby making.
I fell pregnant at 18 and yes it shook everyone up but it’s not a disaster at all wasn’t ideal not how I saw my life pan out but no disaster. My dad just couldn’t believe that someone had been with his little girl in that way that was the main reason he was upset I don’t think any dad wants to know that his daughter does it. But , I now have a 3 year old girl who from the moment she was born is so loved so cared for and I think as long as she knows her options and you guys stand by her no matter what the choice is that she knows you have her back and will be there through every step of the way it will be okay. Once I had made my choice the best response was excitement for me even though I wasn’t excited to begin with but it helped me accept that okay my life is going to be different now and it’s a huge step but I have never regretted it. She gave me a new beautiful life and if anything this experience has helped myself and my dad grow a better relationship with eachother and he’s a wonderful pa and now he feels like it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He figured out that travelling and making a career and going out with friends every weekend and doing what the general amount of 18 year old kids do just wasn’t for me and my little girl was meant to come to into my life
The only way he could fail her is if he abandoned her during this hard time. Be an awesome step daddy and grandpa
I had my son at 18. I was fresh out of high school, I graduated and got my diploma while pregnant. Just be there for her and tell your hubby to relax and enjoy it. A new baby brings so much joy. You didn’t fail her at all. It’s all part if growing up she’s an adult now and is old enough to make her own choices/decisions. Just support her through it.
That life my daughter did the same thing and i love the baby so much it change once the baby come that is just love
I mean i can see how he would feel that way. If I was in his shoes I would feel the exact same way.
I got pregnant in April, 2months before I graduated high school . I was 17 and when my dad was told it broke his heart and he went through the same emotion as your husband. I think it’s a normal thing with fathers and even mothers of children that get pregnant at a young age because it’s not want you wanted for them so early into their adult life. I think that talking to him and reassuring him that at 18 she is adult , and that even though this may not have been what he hoped for her that this is going to be a experience for the both of y’all because y’all will get to see her grow into a mother .
It’s not like he got her pregnant. And she hasn’t failed at life just because she’s pregnant at 18.
I got pregnant at 16, I was on the pill, and we used other protective measures. My parents, mom and “step”dad had no idea I was even sexually active. They were great, they helped me, I finished school, and they have been amazing grandparents since. 24 yrs later, I am far along in life, married, with an 8yo, and I couldn’t be any happier at my adventures and misadventures. Be there for her!! She will appreciate you!!
Just saying no one has failed anyone in this scenario.
At least with the information that I gathered.
What my husband thought would be the least of my worries in that situation.
As long as he stands by her side. He didn’t fail her. I was pregnant at 18! My dad stood by my side.
A year ago I fell pregnant I was 18 and I had no idea what to do, I was in a situation where I was out every night with my child’s father partying and barely ever going home, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, all of that stopped. I was so scared to tell my family and they were scared and felt like if they’d kept me in better check it wouldn’t have happened but at the same time being pregnant and having my son saved me- and my family. A child is not a mistake in any way, they may come at an undesired time but having family around who will love that child is the thing that keeps it from being a mistake. Your husband obviously cares enough about your daughter to think he failed her ( which he didn’t I might add ) but it just shows how much he will be there to support her in her new journey and most likely he’ll be obsessed with your new little person
Shes a big girl now and.makes her.own decisions.parents raise their kids to be good people.it isnt the parents fault as to what decisions the.kids.make once they are grown.yall done.good.parenting.so dont blame.yourself.
He didnt get her pregnant, she isnt a child so just tell him its her choice & her life.
I got pregnant at 17. My mom was supportive, and my dad was pissed for weeks. I made my own choice to do it and I love my son so much and so does everyone else! Try to think of it as more time to spend and get to know your grandchild. He didn’t fail. He will only fail if he doesn’t show love and support during this hard time for her, in my opinion.
Best of luck
She’s 18, she’s legally an adult. May not be the best time and you both might want more for her but it happens. Maybe explain to him that you’ve raised your daughter as her own person, she makes her own decisions and especially when it comes to teenagers and sex you don’t have control. Maybe when he sees your daughter being a good mother he’ll realize that he did not fail her as a parent after all, and that’s the most important thing either of you could have done for her, is to show her how to be a good, loving parent.
I mean, 18 is an adult. At least she waited until adult age. Be thankful she didn’t get pregnant in her teenage years. I got pregnant at 18 (got married a few months before) & gave birth to my son at 19. I’m 24 now & doing just fine.
The best thing to do is to know and tell yourself that as a parent there isn’t but so much that you can do. Your daughter is at an age where she knows what she is doing and she made the choice to have sex and now she has a little one on the way who she is going to have to prepare herself to take care of. The best thing to do is continue to love as much as you can and let her know that y’all are there to help her when she needs it. Mom and dad you did the best you can to teach and guide her. The choices she makes on her own is something she has to face. Love and support is all you can do once they become young adults.
She is 18, technically an adult and not even considered a teen pregnancy (even though she is eighTEEN) no one failed anyone here, he did not fail her, she did not fail him or you. Life happens.
I have the best kids who managed to get through their teen years doing everything mostly “right”
And YES i could pretend it’s because we were amazing parents who brought them up right… guess what i tell other parents…
That as much as we did soooooo much right as parents we also did soooooo much wrong, soooo much wrong and so our children turned out amazing both BECAUSE of us and DESPITE us.
Because sometimes things just are what they are and our children are going to turn out exactly who they are.
Your daughter may have gotten pregnant at 18 (not the worst thing in the world) but i BET your husband a thousand dollars she is going to be an amazing mum BECAUSE of him
And because of you.
I’m a step parent so we do have different parental guilt compared to the guilt we feel as a “natural” parent but ALL parents feel guilty if they genuinely love and want the best for their child because we arent and can’t be perfect.
Time for your hubby to start to feel proud of the parent he has been and tell him from me, he is going to LOVE watching his daughter become an amazing mother and he will see for himself that he HAS done a great job
Parent of 30 yrs, My heart goes out to you and dad ma’am. The hard truth of the matter is with so many comments on ITS OK to have a BABY while you STILL live at home and completely dependent on Mom and Dad, She’s an Adult , There’s No Designated age to have a baby, I UNDERSTAND how Dad feels , You NOR dad failed you’re daughter. She engaged in ADULT behavior and now will have to face Adult Consequences. And This is HER CONSEQUENCE to face. As a parent I more than understand the impulse to swoop in and HELP, I URGE you to THINK before you jump into help. Being supportive parents DOSEN’T MEAN lowering your standards NOR dose it mean YOU are Responsible for the CONSEQUENCES and all that it Intel’s to provide for this child. She made the CHOICE, it needs to be HER responsibility. Stay strong .
No he hasn’t. But he’ll fail that baby if he holds it against her.
My mom was unmarried when she got pregnant with my twin sister and I. Our grandparents were supportive and helped her. In turn, my sister and I helped care for our grandparents as they aged and were blessed to care for our mother in home through several amputations and illnesses. We were also the first in our family to go to college (1PhD, 1 MSN). By thinking he failed her, he’s really saying she failed. Really though, it might be that she adds immeasurable love and value to your family. Plus she might have the chance to know her future grandkids longer.
I wouldn’t say he failed, she is 18 and an adult. Atleast she is still not technically a child
No one failed anyone!
People have sex.
She got a baby out of the deal.
Team work to help her finish school and college
I had my first at 16 my now husband and I had 3 more and adopted one.
We are gonna be grandparents
And we are so excited!
It’s better than coming home three years ago and saying then she was pregnant , nothing against young mums but 18 is a lot better than maybe 14/15 years old
Maybe ask him to try to remember being young and making his own decisions and choices .
Unless hes the baby’s dad, he has no blame at all. She’s an adult. She made her choices
I had my first child at 18. That doesn’t make him, or her a failure. My oldest is 17 now and graduating next may. She is the light of my life and helped me become who I am. Support her.
It’s best to keep your mouth shut and offer her support and love her!
i had my first when i was 19 no one “failed” me i was sexually active and birth control method failed simple as that its not a horrible thing my daughter is the best thing on the earth to me idk why its a failure to have a child at this age? not everyone wants to do things the traditional way its a bullshit social construct thats complete nonsense. NO ONE FAILED its a new life not a damn death sentence
People have sex it’s normal. It doesn’t make anyone a failure
18 is an adult
This is my two year old I was pregnant at 17 had him at 18 and he’ll be 3 this month he goes to a fancy preschool and every morning when he sees me he yells momma and sometimes points at me like et my whole family thought my life was over and in reality I gained a best friend for life! I hope you and your husband cherish it bc it went by so fast! Your husband wont feel this way when he holds them for the first time she is young but so was I I’m grateful I had him young we most likely wont have any more children and hes the greatest he told me I was a cutie today for no reason
I got pregnant at 18 as well.
I also got a full ride academic scholarship to go to a Big 10 school. Graduated with my bachelor’s degree never missing a semester, same for her dad. I am now married to the man I got pregnant by with our third child on the way.
My little girl that made me a teen mom just turned 8 and she is such a smart, kind hearted little girl.
It wasn’t always pretty but we had our families’ support which helped us both be successful!
Teens have sex. “Surprise” pregnancies can happen at any age. Don’t let him beat himself up over it. Just support her and help her still reach her goals even as a young parent
I was a teen mom… it has nothing to do with falling anyting. She’s her own person and you will hopefully choose to support her so she never feels as if she failed. Babies happen. Sex happens.
I got prego in 2018 at 19 and had my son last year at 20. Best thing ever
I got pregnant at 18 and gave birth at 19. There’s no ‘failure’ on parents behalf biological or not. Support her and show her your there for her. It’s exciting. Be excited. Congratulations on your soon to be grandbaby.
Children grow up to make their own decisions. Her getting pregnant at 18 is not a reflection of y’alls parenting. Besides that, a lot of people get pregnant at her age. It is what it is. What would be failure of parenting is if yall punished/shunned her for being pregnant. Congratulations on your grandbaby❤
Did he impregnate her?
Then its not his fault.
He’s not the champion of her uterus
She’s an adult
He hasn’t failed her. However, he can fail her in his response to this pregnancy. All he has to do is be loving and supportive to be a success to her.
I was young when I had my son and I would never change a thing. He would have been 26 yesterday but we lost him on 12/22/19. My father, who told me my life was ruined when I told him I was pregnant, is devastated that we lost him. Believe me your husband will thank his lucky stars soon enough after that little miracle is born.
Well if he’s feeling like he failed because he raised her with ideals like to wait until marriage for example or something similar, that can be hard to process but like everyone has said she is an adult and she made her decision so 🤷
My parents had me young, so I think all they wanted was for me to enjoy that time they never really got to experience. I got pregnant with my son at 18, and i’d be lying if I said they weren’t upset. But obviously, that has nothing to do with them- actually I was on bc when it happened… so it’s just one of those things… being intimate with someone has repercussions no matter how safe you think you’re being. Anyways, I think now is the time to show love and support; and have faith that you raised her right, didn’t fail her- and because of all this she will be an amazing mother! I may have been young (and a little dumb) but my parents taught me all foundations needed to be the best mother I can be. All babies are blessings, and the second your husband meets his grandson/daughter- he’ll be gushing with pride, not doubt! Congrats🥰
I disagree with most of these comments. She’s eighTEEN… she’s not an adult yet. There is one thing she’s still missing… life experience! … and she sure as hell didn’t acquire that in just 18 years. I’m sure it’s not a matter of not wanting her to have a baby, but rather letting her get to truly experience life a bit, before she makes such a huge commitment… yeah, I could see why dad feels that way… I would too. I would probably just give him time to really process it all, before you try to explain anything.
You can’t put all that blame on yourself their so many good parents who did everything possibly right to raise their children and then ended up getting pregnant or much worse if you know you could have done more to prevent the situation yeah have a little guilt but if you tried and did everything you though was right then don’t blame yourself we aren’t given a hand book on how to raise children and 18 shoot it would be so much worse! She is young that true but she will be just fine with parents to help and a family to support her as long as you help her she will be an amazing mom and she will just grow up a little faster part of life live and learn just make sure to tell her your very very fertual after having a baby !! Possibly give some advice their and best of luck congratulations
Let’s hope it’s not his fault!! Has anyone thought of that???
He hasnt failed he guided her best he could but she made a choice,but it’s how he acts now that’s important and the only way he can fail is not supporting her and doing what he can now
I had my first at 16. But I wanted him and was ready. Today I’m 20 and pregnant with my 3rd and they all have the same dad too:smirk:
You gave your daughter advices and guidance as she grow up. Now that she is an adult, the last decisions and actions are hers. If you did your best as a parent, you don’t have to worry nor blame yourself for her actions. Her having a baby earlier than what you wanted doesn’t make her a bad person. It will make her wiser and stronger now. Still…guide her and support her with her motherhood. CONGRATS ON YOUR SOON TO BE GRAND BABY!!!
I left when I found out I was pregnant, because I felt like I failed my parents. He didn’t fail her, but now is what matters the response. Show her you both love her and want to help and be there for her. That’s how you don’t fail her. Congratulations on the newest addition!
He’s not responsible for her actions!
My family would feel the same in my day. Whether your actual parents or not. Mine were my parents, My sister did get pregnant, not married, not living at home. My Mom was ‘you aren’t keeping it right?’ I was shocked. Does not have anything to do how your daughter was raised, it can happen. She isn’t on drugs, shooting up and all. A baby and support her through this.
That’s what parents do. We blame ourselves. Doesn’t mean we’re right. It means we’re parents. Best thing you can do now is encourage her to make the best decision for herself and the potential child moving forward.
Could of would of should of dont matter no more… Shes pregnant already!! And by his response sounds like he really loves her and they are close. He should.embrace this bby and all grandfatherhood has to offer (my dad passed when my daughter was only 2:pensive:/my only child/my dad and I are really close) we only get 1 life to live…enjoy it with yr fam. Be present. Take pictures. This all comes with being a father too! It’s not a bad thing even tho she is 18…yes. I know…but shes obviously keeping this bby so.enjoy this blessing coming. U wont regret it. I promise. And shes gonna need her mommy and daddy at this time more than ever. Good luck and God bless:heart: